Chapter 11: Feeling Something
A week passed. The day after Dawson and Joey made up, Pacey had called Joey to see how things had went. If they had made up. She had told him yes, they did. And that was that. She didn't tell him about their second fight and that she had thought of ending her relationship with Dawson. She didn't tell him about the sex. She probably would have joked about her and Dawson having sex as a way of telling Pacey, like she had done when she had told him after her first time with Dawson. And he knew she had sex with him, but she never declared it every time. She felt no need to tell him that. As for the other part, she didn't know if she couldn't tell him. It had been on the tip of her tongue, but she had closed her mouth before she said anything. She knew it had to be because they had slept together. It was as if things had changed ever since then. Not in a big way, but there were small things here and there that were different, not quite normal. They had done something she couldn't forget and as much as she wanted things to go back as if nothing had happened, things couldn't. And the thought of telling Pacey she had thought about ending her relationship with Dawson had her scared, in a way. And she had no idea why.
So, six days after that, Joey and Pacey hadn't said a word to each other, they hadn't seen each other. Joey felt that things were improving with Dawson, if only a little. He hadn't stayed at his work overnight since they made up. They slept in the same bed. They had movie nights. The only thing wrong was that they hadn't had sex since they made up. They'd sleep in the same bed. Dawson might drape an arm around her and pull her to his chest. But neither made a move. She soon realized she didn't really feel like having sex with him. And that worried her. She knew there was more to a relationship than sex. But sex was a fairly big part of one.
But, most of the time, she didn't want to think about that. She was just determined to fix things with Dawson before they got married. She wanted to be happy and in love. And sleeping with Pacey had sort of flipped this switch so that she wasn't loving Dawson all that much and she wasn't all that happy. But she'd always loved Dawson. For a long time. How could she stop now? She was so confused at times she felt her head spinning.
While she was trying to fix her relationship with Dawson, she was always planning their wedding. It was to be in a month and a half and that wasn't a whole lot of time to plan. So while she was trying to fix things with Dawson, she was also working everyday and then trying to plan. And she would talk to Dawson and she could swear he wanted more in this wedding than she did. A lot more.
He wanted it to be in a church. He wanted to invite hundreds of people. He wanted to have a beautiful place for the reception and lots of food and drinks and dancing. The whole shebang. She'd rather there just be their family and friends, which wasn't hundreds of people. She'd rather they have it outside, like on the beach or something. Once she joked to Dawson that they could have it on the beach where Pacey lived. Dawson had looked at her like she was crazy and scoffed "I'd rather not get married in my best friend's backyard, thank you very much."
"Well, if we don't get married on a beach, how about a hill? With grass and a we could set up a tent for the reception and-"
"Nah, there'll be all these bugs and it will be hot and uncomfortable. We need someplace cool," Dawson said in a tone like that was that.
Joey sighed and shrugged. "Okay, if you want that."
"Well you want it too. You are the bride, silly," Dawson smiled and then turned and left the room where they kept their computer.
Joey furrowed her brows. He'd just told her what she wanted when it was clear that wasn't what she wanted. She just sighed and shook her head. "Maybe you could be the bride, Dawson," Joey called out.
"What?" Dawson stuck his head back in the room.
Joey looked back at him and smiled softly. "Nothing."
Joey had actually been thinking of revealing her place to Dawson and suggesting they had the wedding there, on the hill overlooking the city. But now she knew she'd be wasting her breath. He didn't want an outside wedding. He wanted an inside wedding. In a church. A big church.
No, Joey couldn't stand for that. Joey pushed away from the computer and went to find Dawson in the living room setting up a movie. She sighed, but then glared at him, looking strong. "Since when do you get off deciding everything for our wedding?" Joey growled at him.
Dawson looked back at her, surprised. "Huh?"
"Since when do you get to make all the decisions? Last time I checked, wasn't it always the bride who went all crazy and decided everything and the groom always stood back and let her do whatever. Why are you deciding things for me? For us?"
"What are you talking about?" Dawson furrowed his brow.
"I don't want a church wedding," Joey sighed, annoyed. "I don't want it to be this huge thing. I don't want to invite hundreds of people. I just want friends and family. Like a small wedding. And I want it outside, either on a beach or on a hill. I want it to be romantic, not traditional!"
"Woah woah, calm down Jo," Dawson said as he walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sure we can compromise."
"Yeah yeah," Joey nodded slowly.
But, somehow, someway, at the end of the conversation, they were still left with was Dawson wanted.
"Weddings!" Joey exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and leaving Dawson to his movie. Which was E.T. For like the millionth time. "I feel in the mood for it," Dawson explained.
"You're always in the mood for it," Joey muttered.
Everyday that passed by seemed closer and closer to this big impending doom than a day of happiness and love.
Joey felt like she was going lose her sanity if she didn't get away from Dawson and the wedding. And she knew just what to do-or who to see.
Pacey locked the door behind him, closing up Oceanside for the day. The sun was setting, the air was quiet, barely a whisper of wind and if you took away the obvious pollution, it was and had been a beautiful day.
It was nearing the end of the month of July and Pacey was going to be spending his night shifting through bills, adding up his profit, how much he'd have to pay his seven employee's and how much spending money he'd have for himself to get the everyday necessities. He hated the end of the month. Paying the bills was always annoying.
He loved that he lived just down the beach from his work. Granted, it was all the way on the other end and he either had to walk all the way across the beach, but usually he didn't mind. He loved the sand beneath his feet. And if it wasn't too hot, he'd take his shoes off and feel the sand between his toes.
As he reached his house and walked up the steps onto his porch, he froze when he saw a figure leaning against the wall next to his front door. But when he saw who it was, he relaxed and smiled. "Jo, hey," Pacey walked over to his door.
"Hey, i'm sorry I didn't call this time. I totally spaced on doing that on the way over here," Joey said as she pushed off the wall.
"Nah, that's okay. I'm never displeased to see you or anything," Pacey said as he put his key into the lock.
"Sure, but you never know. I might come over here to find you with a woman, totally unprepared. You know, if I called you'd be able to get her out of here before i came," Joey smiled in a teasing matter.
Pacey chuckled softly. "Well, I haven't had any woman sharing my bed as of late. And vice versa," Pacey said as they entered his house. "Well, except..." Pacey looked over at Joey and she cleared her throat.
"Eh, that was two weeks ago," She made a gesture as if to dismiss it.
"Not all that long ago, in my opinion," Pacey said quietly as he went into the kitchen to get a drink. "You want anything to drink?" He called out to her.
"Um, what do you have?" She asked.
"I have coke, pepsi, juice, beer," Pacey called.
"Nice range there," She laughed.
"Oh and water," Pacey laughed
"Well, there's always that," She said as she finally entered the kitchen. "I'll have a beer."
"Ah, feeling the need for alcohol?" Pacey asked as he took two beers out of the fridge and took a beer opener to pop off the lids.
"Yes, this immense need," Joey sighed.
"What's going on with you, Potter?" Pacey said as he turned to her and placed the beer in front of her. "I thought you and the forehead made up," Pacey chuckled at the glare she gave him. "Sorry, Dawson," but Pacey laughed again.
"We did," Joey sighed as she took a sip of beer and then lowered it. "But now we've been planning like crazy for the wedding and Dawson has this weird notion in his head that he gets to decide everything. And I mean everything. At times i'm thinking, who's the bride here?"
Pacey laughed softly, although it seemed a little forced. For that day at least, he forgot that they were getting married. And the thought of Joey marrying Dawson bothered him more than it should. It had been bothering him for at least two weeks. Go figure. But he always chalked it up to it being because it would be awkward for him to see them marry since he'd slept with her. But he knew it was way more than that- but he just had admit it to himself first.
"And he wants to get married in this big church, see. And he wants hundreds of people to come and the reception to be in this nice hotel or something. And i'm saying we should get married outside with just friends and family and the reception could be outside like under a tent. It would be beautiful. And i've been reminding him that we don't have all the money in the world."
"What did he say to that?" Pacey asked.
"That he'd get his parents to help out," Joey snorted and rolled her eyes. "It's like we want the complete opposite. And the wedding wouldn't cost that much if we just hand a limited number of people. And all we'd have to do is like buy a tent for the reception and we wouldn't even have to deal with renting a church to have the wedding. It's just all so frustrating," She sighed.
"And I am here to help you unwind, as always," Pacey held up his beer in a toast like manner and then drank.
"Not just that," Joey sighed, looking at Pacey for the first time since she started her little rant. "I've missed you," She said with a smile.
"Glad to here it," Pacey smirked. Then he softened and smiled too. "I've missed you too."
They looked at each other over their drinks in an intense stare. They had both missed each other. In more ways than one. In ways neither were ready to admit to themselves. Least of all to each other. "So," Pacey cleared his throat, breaking eye contact with her. "What do you want to do? You still haven't seen the last Bourne movie. We could watch that."
"Oh, right!" Joey said excitedly. "I totally forgot about those movies. I'd love to see that last one."
"Yeah, how long has it been? A week?" Pacey asked as they headed for the living room.
"It's easy to forget in that amount of time," Joey defended.
"Yeah, of course it is."
"You know I had thought about telling Dawson about my place and suggesting it for the wedding place," Joey said as Pacey moved to get the movie.
Pacey paused. "Oh," he said, furrowing his brow before moving to get the movie. "Cool," He said simply. But he felt it far from cool. He didn't know why, but it felt good to share this place with her. Just them. No one else. It felt special. He felt special. Like she'd felt comfortable enough to share something so private with him. He liked knowing something about Joey that Dawson didn't know. It was just their thing.
"Eh, but that's not going to happen since he is so adamant on having an indoor wedding in a freaking church. I swear he is so old-fashioned sometimes."
"That's Dawson for ya," Pacey said as he sat down on the couch next to her.
"Yeah and it annoys me. He's so getting on my nerves-"
"How about we watch the movie, yeah?" Pacey cut her off, trying not to be rude or to sound so annoyed. He didn't feel like talking about Dawson. He'd heard enough about Dawson.
"Um, sure," Joey furrowed her brow, but didn't inquire any further into his sudden mood change.
They lapsed into silence as the movie started. Right away the action started. And the story continued. There was a sudden tension between the two. Pacey felt like reaching over and taking her hand in his. It looked so inviting. And she was so close to him he could smell her conditioner. Her hair looked soft and sleek. He could just run his fingers through it. And her face was soft, beautiful. Her lips look soft and so inviting-
Pacey had to tear his gaze away from her and focus on the movie. What was he thinking? What the hell was happening? They'd gone years without any of this tension or wanting. Why now? Had it always been under the surface? What exactly was it?
They both didn't have any answers.
Because neither had any idea what it was they felt for each other. They were so confused.
It was all so new and something neither had ever felt before. At least, it was something Pacey had never felt before. He guessed maybe Joey didn't feel anything and the thing he felt, she felt with Dawson. But he couldn't dwell on these weird feeling starting surface in him. Ever since he'd slept with her. It was like sleeping with her had been the trigger or something. That one fateful night had changed everything. But they had to stay the same. Because Joey was marrying Dawson and nothing could ever happen between them.
All Pacey knew was that he was feeling something. And it scared the hell out of him.