I looked over at Mike and he was concentrating on the doodle that he's doing on the back of my hand. We were doing signings the whole morning and we're on our way back to the hotel. I'm beat as hell and Mike seems like Mike. It's like this guy is ironman or something. He never gets tired.

I stared at him amusedly as my lips started to quirk up in a secretive smile. He accidentally brought the pen from the signing at Toys R Us and he was bored as hell. He asked if he could draw stuff on my hand.

One thing that most people don't know about Mike is that he's really good with graphics and drawings and stuff. He plays a guitar too. Ha! I always feel a little bit superior knowing that I know more about him than any other people.

He wrote my name in an elegant script and started drawing hearts and stuff around it. He used to do it before on my whole arm like a fake tattoo but I like it.

"All done." He says putting the cap of the pen back and smiling like a child.

I raised my hand and examined it.

"Why, it's very lovely thank you." I smiled sweetly at him.

"Well, what can I say? I'm a guy with many talents." He shrugged cockily and I laughed because I love it when he gets all cocky

"A little too confident eh?" I raised an eyebrow at him

"Hey, nothing bad about bragging as long as you have it." He shrugged

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"I'm beat!" I groaned as I drop face first to the bed.

I changed into my sweats and cami as soon as we arrived and Mike had a shower and was pulling his sweatpants and shirt on.

Seriously, I had an intense work out this morning and I trained a little this afternoon then went to do signings. I've never felt this tired. My whole body aches.

"Are you hungry? We could get room service if you want." He says.

"I'm not hungry." I muffled without lifting my head from being buried onto the covers.

"Okay. It's kinda late anyway. You won't burn it in time." he says

The bed shifts as he climbs in beside me. He flips the TV on. Then after a moment he speaks.

"Here, let me rub your shoulders." He says patting the small of my back lightly. I got up groggily and sat cross-legged with my back to him. I was facing the TV.

I felt him move and I stilled. I don't know why. I've never been this nervous around him. He sat with his legs outstretched so I was sitting between his legs. He's too close. I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath.

His hands were gentle against my bare skin. It was like I regretted wearing camis because I just realized they cover so little of my skin. He started rubbing and it feels so great. I leaned back so my back was pressed against his chest. I inhaled sharply and I can feel his heartbeat losing rhythm as it pounds faster.

"Feel good?" he whispered in my ear and his breath tickles me making my hairs stand up.

"Mmmmm." I just murmured as I lean back to him.

His thumb hooks the thin strap of camis and it fell off my shoulder revealing more amount of skin. I think he didn't mean to do that.

I can feel him press his lips on the hollow part of my neck then he presses them again on my shoulder and I stopped breathing.

"What are you doing?" I whispered breath caught up in my throat. I hesitantly turned around kneeling between his legs.

I stared into his eyes and saw that even he himself doesn't know. He's eyes says that he's confused. We are so close it burns.

I want to touch him. Should I?

I risked it all when I reached out and touched his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. I raised my other hand and touched his other cheek so that I'm cupping his face and he sighed. For some reason, there are tears in my eyes.

This moment tells me that he's holding back something too. That maybe, he feels what I feel. Maybe, I'm not the only one who's feeling this 's just all so overwhelming for me.

I leaned in and touched my lips to his and I kissed him. I can feel him hesitate. I move closer to him pressing my body to his. He was still sitting the same way and I'm kneeling so I'm kinda taller in this stance.

I pressed my lips down onto his harder. Finally, he tilted up slightly and kissed me back. He pulled me be the waist slamming my body into his. I move closer and wrapped my arms around his neck cradling his head. He moaned and one moment, our tongues are molding together.

My hands moved down his chest, abs, then ended up under her shirt tracing his muscles. He inhales abruptly and we broke apart.

I still had my arms around his neck and his around my body. He stares into my eyes. I am aware that tears are staring to actually fall.

"Why are you crying?" I don't know how to answer him so I kissed him again.

"No, we can't do this. This is wrong." He breathes as he leans his forehead on mine.

I nodded.

"I know." I untangled myself from him and believe me, that's the last thing I wanna do this moment. He dropped his hands.

I look away from him. I refuse to look into his eyes. I love him and it hurts too much. He looks at me and I can't read his expression.

He looks lost. Confused. Dazed. All synonyms of those words.

"Sorry, it's all my fault." I move away from him to my side of the bed and dragged the fallen strap of my cami back up my shoulder.

"No. It isn't your fault." He said. I know he's just being sympathetic.

"No really. That was wrong. I don't wanna ruin our friendship like that. I don't wanna lose you." I said

"I don't wanna lose you either." He replied impassively

I nod then I sink down under the covers and willed myself so hard to sleep and surprisingly, my body obeyed.

It was wrong but it felt so right. I would do it if I'm following my rules but that would be too risky in these circumstances. It would ruin our friendship entirely. I can't afford to lose him even though that means he will never be mine.

It was the first time I didn't sleep in Mike's arms in his presence.