Hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm still unsure about Sasuke's characterisation. I've read some excellent stories where he's perfectly IC, so that makes me a bit worried :P Anyway, I'm leaving for the holidays for two weeks, so no update until I get back. But rest assured, I'll put the time off to good use.

Have a great Easter, everyone.

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It had been an hour since he'd gone to bed, yet sleep stubbornly eluded Sasuke. His mind was filled with tumult over what had just happened at the training ground. A couple of months ago, driven blind and mad by anger, kept from the truth by those who used him as a means to an end, he wouldn't have given it a second thought.

But now the memory of his brother, his role model, was his daily driving force. He knew what he had to do – restore the honor and greatness of the Uchiha clan, and earn the trust of the village once again.

It sounded so simple, and felt so tremendously complex. Most of the time, he felt like he was walking backwards instead of forward. Here he was, trying to atone from the harm he'd caused, trying to use his abilities for the greater good… and in a fit of impatience, he had all but mentally raped…

He turned around to face the wall, unwilling to speak her name even in his mind.

Rape. It was a brutally ugly word, he thought with a deep throb of shame. Ninjas killed; his own hands were stained with blood. Yet it was the first time he felt as if he'd done something indecent, unmentionable. It had never been his intention to harm her, or to humiliate her. He was simply trying to explain, but she just wouldn't listen, she had left him no other choice…

Explain what, exactly? he asked himself. He had known from the start she wouldn't be reasoned into vouching for him and passing the jonin exam. As for his return to the village, she was fully aware of the fact he had saved Naruto's life, and that the two of them were once again on the way of forming an indestructible – and nearly invisible – team. But that wasn't the core of the problem – he wanted her to understand… to understand what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

Or at least try, as she had done so many times in the past.

The memory of the Sharingan's illusion came rushing back to his mind before he could stop it. Protected by the red and black shadows of the alternate reality, he too had admitted things he would never say to Sakura's face – things he wasn't sure he would admit to himself, when it came down to it. It had been so easy – so tempting… Having her helpless, feeling her quickening pulse against his fingertips, pressing against the soft vein of her neck…

And here he was starting again. What he had done was wrong, end of story. There was no excuse for it. Sasuke turned around again, tossing away the sheets with his legs. Even though it was the dead of night, the heat was suffocating. Or maybe it just felt that way to him.

Truth be told, he thought, unable to let go of his train of reflection, Sakura had always made his patience run short. When they were both much younger, it was easy to justify this with the way she acted around him, constantly making a bid for his attention in her jarring, artless way. But as time went on, it was impatience of a different kind – she distracted him, made him lose his focus on his revenge, on his anger. The same could be said, he supposed, about Naruto and Kakashi, but somehow with Sakura it was different. He didn't like thinking about her – he didn't like feeling like she was making him change. It made him tense, and he couldn't quite put his finger on why she had that effect on him.

Sasuke found himself recalling the day he left Konoha, and what he'd told her when she'd pleaded for him to stay with her. He had been annoyed by her attempt at swaying him – although perhaps that wasn't exactly the right word. Restless was more like it; he had wanted to get away. He didn't want to hear what she had to say, and when he had, it had stayed lodged somewhere inside, niggling at his thoughts at the most random moments, even when he seemed light years away from his former life.

And now that he was in her presence again… and that she fiercely resisted having anything to do with him, to the point where he could see her green eyes flashing with anger, and her lithe arms trembling with the sheer force of her chakra…

He looked up at the ceiling. The stuffy air of the room seemed to pin his limbs to the mattress. It was a possibility he loathed to consider, being who he was, but things were also considerably easier when girls had been nothing more than a bothersome presence at the academy he could've done without.

He had seen girls on the road, of course – women, even, in brothels and bars and market places. They were no different from the clueless, tittering genins who had tried to catch his attention back when he was barely more than a boy himself. They used crude strategies to seduce him, whether it be for his money or his tattered ninja garb or simply for his face, smoother and less frightening than the companions he traveled with, never realizing that he wasn't like other men. Karin had also made it quite clear that she was more than willing to cater to any desire he might have, without asking anything in return. All of this had only elicited an occasional stir of interest he had contemptuously pushed away.

But it wouldn't be pushed away now. It was insinuating itself in the deepest recesses of his body, and where it spread, he couldn't reach to rip it out.

He hated what was building up inside him – that febrile, almost palpable feeling that was making all his senses swell. He knew what Naruto would tell him – he would laugh and say that guys were just made like that. Of course, it was only natural, considering who had trained him. Naruto didn't see it as a weakness, just a sort of pleasant curse men had to deal with. But Sasuke desperately wanted to believe he was different. Surely he wasn't going to let himself be sidetracked by such base needs…

He groaned and buried his face in his hands. The more he tried not to think about it, the more the images he tried to keep at bay flashed through his mind. Muscles clenched and a kunai flashing through the air, a thin sheen of perspiration on pale skin, short breathes coming from in between her lips…

Sasuke-kun…

"Screw this," he muttered, getting out of bed. He needed some air.

Sasuke padded across the room and slid his glass door open. The night air wasn't very refreshing, but at least he didn't feel as if the walls were closing in on him anymore.

"Hey, what are you doing out?"

Sasuke turned to the adjacent balcony and was surprised to find Naruto sitting on a lean-back chair, wearing only his pyjama pants. His hair was a mess and he looked about as dazed as Sasuke felt.

"Couldn't sleep. Too many things on my mind," he replied, not really wanting to get into details. "What about you?"

"Same thing."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him. Apparently, he wasn't the only one keeping secrets. He wondered what Naruto's problem could possibly be.

"Did you talk to Sakura?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I tried. She won't listen."

Naruto looked wide-eyed at him. "Really? Well, did you remind her how important the jonin exam was? For all of us, I mean."

"The subject… deviated a little bit," Sasuke admitted reluctantly. "I don't think she'll change her mind, to be honest. She really does hate me."

Naruto waved his words away. "No, she's just being impossibly pig-headed, as always." He sighed. "I suppose the only thing left to do is to give it time."

"But we don't have time. Those exams are only in a few weeks."

"Listen, Sasuke, Sakura doesn't hate you. I think it's the just the opposite, in fact," he added with a sly smile.

"Because we all know how well you know how the female mind works," Sasuke said dryly.

Naruto became more serious, but he was still smiling. "You know, I may be a bit dim, and it did take me a while to figure it out, but take my word for it - that girl is never going to stop loving you."

Sasuke was surprised. Even though he had noticed the change in the way Naruto viewed Sakura, a part of himself still expected his friend to compete with him for her attention. And he certainly hadn't expected such a straightforward statement.

"I mean, look at me – my feelings for you never came apart all those years, did they?"

"That sounds a bit weird, honestly, coming from a guy."

"Come on, you get my drift," Naruto replied with a laugh. "There's no way Sakura's feelings could have changed either. And Kakashi thinks the same – she wouldn't react like that if she didn't… well…"

"They might now," Sasuke said. "I made a… mistake, of sorts."

Naruto sat up, dumbfounded. "What happened? Did you two fight?"

"She's fine, only – I don't know what got into me... I used the Sharingan on her."

There was a moment of silence. Sasuke could hear the crickets softly chirping all around them. It was such a peaceful night it was hard to believe all wasn't right with the world.

"I refuse to believe you used it to harm her," Naruto finally said, shaking his head fiercely. "It's just not possible."

Sasuke shifted from one foot to another, increasingly uncomfortable. "Well, we were fighting, but I didn't want to hurt her, no…"

His friend seemed completely confused. "Sasuke, what are you talking about? Why did you use the Sharingan then?"

He hesitated. He wasn't sure putting into words would be such a good idea – least of all for himself. "I don't really know."

"Well, what type of illusion was it?"

Sasuke pressed his lips together. This was beyond embarrassing. He simply shook his head and hoped his friend was too tired to be as enquiring as he usually was.

"Well, whatever it was," Naruto said, looking as though he had a pretty good idea already, "you should tell her you're sorry. Admit you screwed up."

Sasuke remained silent. That had never been something any Uchiha had been good at, and it was proving downright impossible, in his case, when facing Sakura. "Like that's going to do any good," he said, nonplussed.

"Perhaps it won't, but at least you'll have tried. It'll be worse if you don't do anything at all. Besides… you're probably going to kill me for saying this, but are you entirely sure she didn't like it at all?"

Sasuke glared at him. This was no time for lewd jokes. But much to his shock, Naruto seemed serious.

His friend had come a long way from his boisterous attempts to win Sakura's esteem and affection, that much was clear. And the little girls who once had been flitting around them like butterflies were now powerful ninjas toughened by war. Even Ino, whom Sasuke remembered as particularly obnoxious and clingy, had barely acknowledged his presence since his return, entirely preoccupied with Choji's recovery.

None of them were playing games any more. That was what frightened him the most.

"I'm going to back to bed," he muttered.

"Sasuke, wait," Naruto exclaimed, standing up and leaning against the banister. "Kakashi-sempai told me something else – that a woman, when she's in love, only wants to hear one thing and one thing only. He wouldn't tell me what it was. But maybe you should -"

"No. I'm not going to take advice from someone who reads porn novels all day. And neither should you."

"Suit yourself, but you're going to have to figure something out eventually," Naruto called after him as he turned away.

Sasuke didn't bother to reply. It irritated him when Naruto was right, and spoke the truth directly to his face. He could hardly blame him for it, but…

He stared at his bed; he felt tired, but didn't want to sleep anymore than he had earlier. In fact, the idea of lying down in the messy sheets and waiting for it was downright abhorrent. But there was nothing else to do, nowhere else to go.

Are you entirely sure she didn't like it at all?

Sasuke screwed his eyes shut, as if it would somehow keep the memory away. He didn't want Sakura's love, he told himself firmly. He didn't want her fretting over him or healing his wounds or trying to make him happy. But there was something else thrown in the bargain now that was nearly irresistible, even for him.

He had felt it, there was hardly any doubt about it – her desire, only just a strand of it, winding itself softly around his perception. She had been rather good at keeping the rest of it down, in spite of the Sharingan. But she had been struggling hard.

Too weary to battle against himself anymore, Sasuke wondered, eyes still closed, what it would be like to feel all of it exude from her, unrestrained, and wash over him. It was so vivid in his mind he felt as if he could simply open his eyes and see her there, right next to him.

But Sakura wouldn't come, a part of him reasoned desperately. She'd made it perfectly clear that she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. And once the jonin exams would start, with or without them, their paths would likely part again.

Unless you tell her what she wants to hear – the one and only thing she wants to hear. It's all a question of admitting what you really want…

Sasuke hoped sleep would take him before he was forced to do it.