Title: From the Ashes
Author: Shannon – shannyfish
Disclaimer: Iron Man and Avengers do not belong to me, but Marvel Entertainment and Disney. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Summary: Tony and Pepper start anew in New York. Starting over isn't always so easy… Post "Iron Man 3". Tony/Pepper
Warning: none that I can think of right now!
Author's Note: I think that given what happened in "Iron Man 3" that the characters can seem to be a little rocky! I promise, if they seem bipolar, they will straighten out! :D
Constructive criticism is appreciated!
. . .
"From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
. . .
"Can we just have some time?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Stark," the nurse said quickly. She'd obviously thought that they were both asleep. He just wanted to have Pepper to himself. He had almost asked them to turn off the beeping, he knew they could mute the machines, but at the same time…it was comforting. "But the doctor wanted me to take some vital signs…"
"They told me she gets to go home in a couple of hours," Tony said as he looked up at the clock.
"Nothing's been recorded for the baby," the nurse said.
"The baby's gone," Tony told her coldly. They'd tried for an hour to find the fetal heartbeat. Nothing. They'd used the ultrasound and it was like the baby had just disappeared…
"Mr. Stark, the doctor just—"
"No!" Tony yelled and then immediately looked over at Pepper. His heart broke at the idea that he was going to have to tell her. He'd already told the doctor that he wanted to be the one to do it. It didn't seem right coming from the doctor. He turned back to the nurse as he rubbed his face with the palm of his hand. His voice lowered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. She's been poked and prodded and—and I just want her left alone…"
"I'll let the doctor know."
Tony just nodded and was happy when the nurse left. It was easier to sit in there…knowing what would come…if he was absolutely alone. He'd already gotten phone calls from Rhodey and Happy. Both of which he hadn't picked up. Bruce had taken his phone and Pepper's and was returning the important calls. Mostly, he was just keeping the outside world away from him and Pepper. And Bruce knew that he needed his space…and had given it.
He reached out and brushed the hair back from her face. She looked so peaceful and Tony suddenly thought back to several hours back…when she'd woken up. He'd prayed. He didn't pray. He didn't believe in God. He'd met Thor and Loki and he still didn't believe. God didn't fit in his world, his heart, or his head. Science always had the answers. Science and math. But he'd prayed. He'd prayed and he'd begged Pepper to wake up.
"I can't live in a world without you," he whispered. "Even if you hate me… Even if you never want to speak to me… Even if you never want to see me…" He didn't know how he could really cope if she hated him or wouldn't talk to him or never wanted to see him…but she'd be alive.
Pepper Potts.
His heart and soul.
His conscious.
His anchor.
He couldn't lose her.
"Pepper…" he whispered and broke down. He'd moved the side rail on the side he'd been sitting on down so that he could touch her easier. He bowed his head and laid his head down across her stomach. His hand held one of hers and he just closed his eyes as he let the tears fall.
He ignored the sound of the door being opened. He could tell that whoever was there was trying to be quiet. It was likely the doctor or the nurse again. Tony turned his head towards the door and then saw the familiar figure out Bruce standing in the doorway. He had his back pressed against the door and was obviously waiting.
"The nurse said—"
"I just—" Tony started and then couldn't hold it together. His tears turned quickly into sobs that racked his entire body.
"Shh…"
And Tony found himself freezing for a moment. The shushing hadn't come from Bruce, but instead it had been Pepper and her free hand was gently running through his hair. Why was it that she was always taking care of him even when she was the one who needed to be taken care of? He wished he had her strength.
"Hey Pep," he managed to get out, but his voice broke.
"You're going to wake the dead," she whispered.
And he just sobbed harder.
He knew that her fingers in his hair and the sound of her voice…that should have brought him so much relief…it didn't. All he felt was sadness and fear and grief… It filled him and fueled his tears and sobs.
"Anthony Edward Stark," Pepper pushed out. "Look at me… Tell me what you wouldn't tell me…" Her voice was weak and sleepy, but still forceful.
Tony knew that he had to tell her. He dreaded it. It would make it real. For both of them. He wanted to go back to living in whatever world Pepper was dreaming up. He wanted to dream about their little girl…the little girl that never would be now. And when he closed his eyes, he could see her. He wanted a little girl that was almost all Pepper… Red hair and bright blue eyes… He could hear her laughter and it broke his heart even more.
When he heard Bruce move, he knew he had to pull it together. He couldn't have Bruce do what he knew he needed to do. It was nice to have Bruce there in case he needed him, but Tony was determined to do it. He sniffled and wiped away tears before kissing her hand. He straightened up and took a moment to pull in breath to try to compose himself. He looked over at Pepper. She still looked like she was in some kind of haze.
"You know, it's been a while since someone used my full name like that," Tony told her, trying to make it light… It just was awkward more than anything…and forced.
"I was the last one to call you that," Pepper pointed out. She was reaching out and feeling at the covers and moving her hand over the other railing.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I want to sit up."
"You need to rest."
"You need to talk to me."
Tony looked over at Bruce. He was still by the door, but he'd taken a step or two closer. And they both knew it was time. Tony reached out and adjusted the bed so that it brought her up a bit more than the setting it had been on. She didn't look anymore comfortable than she had a moment ago. "You're right," he said and then swallowed. He held her hand in both of his still and just hoped that he had the strength to do this.
"What's the last thing you remember?" he asked figuring that was going to be the best place to start.
"You keeping something from me," she whispered. "And then telling me to sleep."
"Before that."
"A dream…"
"Before the dream," Tony said.
"I hurt…a lot…" she whispered. Her voice almost sounded confused. "I didn't want to be touched…"
"But you let me hold your hand," Tony said.
Pepper nodded.
"That was two—"
"Three," Bruce piped up.
"Three days ago…" Tony amended. He obviously had lost track of a day. It wasn't surprising. He'd kept the window coverings drawn and had just stayed at Pepper's bedside. He'd only get up to use the bathroom and only when Bruce was there. "You were so sick again…" He swallowed heavily again and then knew that he couldn't put it off any longer. "We injected the amniotic sac with the vaccine. At first, we didn't think it did anything…" He was quiet for a moment and bowed his head. He knew she was watching him. "You seized…and you actually…you stopped breathing… It was the longest minute and twenty seconds that I've ever experienced in my whole life."
And she didn't say anything. She just waited. He almost wished she'd say something. He was sure it would be easier to answer questions rather than trying to get to what he needed to say. "And…we lost the baby… They couldn't find it with the fetal Doppler or with the ultrasound…"
"No."
Tony blinked. He wondered if she understood. They'd tried everything… The vaccine was supposed to be the baby's best bet… All that Reed and Sue could come up with was that making the baby immune to Extremis somehow led to the seizure and the baby suffered because of it. "Pepper…"
"She's fine…" Pepper told him.
"They checked, Honey," Tony said. "I'm sorry… I—"
"Have them check again," Pepper said. Her voice was even and reasonable. She didn't look the least bit upset, just worn and sleepy. "I can feel her—"
"The baby was only about eight weeks—" Bruce interrupted.
"I can feel her," Pepper said and looked between both of them. She looked around and eventually found the nurse button and pressed it.
. . .
He'd been half surprised when Pepper hadn't insisted that he and Bruce leave. After all, they were both telling her something completely different than what she felt. He was still waiting for her to be mad. Instead, Tony sat there at her bedside holding her hand…and just waited there in silent support.
The doctors had brought in the equipment they needed and Tony felt the grief and fear well up in him. He didn't want her to see this… He'd been through it... The hope and then having it yanked away.
The fetal Doppler was first. The doctor moved it around and there was nothing. He pressed further into Pepper and Tony watched as Pepper cringed here and there. He could see it on the doctor's face; he was about to tell Pepper that it was a phantom pain or something… But Pepper took the doctor's hand and guided him further over and pressed in.
Suddenly, it was like the world was back on track. The sound of what almost sounded like horses trotting along filled the silent room. He couldn't believe it. He wanted to believe it…but he'd been there before… He'd watched them… They'd moved that thing all over…and nothing.
Nothing else mattered.
But the doctor looked shocked and was insisting that they do the ultrasound as well, which Pepper didn't fight. She wanted to see the little one that had caused so much grief already…she'd been playing hide and seek and she was winning so far… The ultrasound showed up, but the doctor really had to move it around to find it. And there it was. A tiny little being that looked a lot like…well he wasn't exactly sure what it looked like…like a peanut with stubs for arms and legs maybe… And the heartbeat…
"Congratulations," the doctor said. Shock was still in his voice. "Congratulations to both of you."
And Tony was sad when the ultrasound picture disappeared. Couldn't he have that at all times? Did he need to invent like a tiny camera thing that could just float around with the baby and give a live feed? It was oh so tempting…and he knew Pepper would say no.
The machine was rolled out and they were left alone. Completely alone. Even Bruce had left. Tony had missed that. His mind was still reeling by the fact that Pepper had been completely right. They were still going to be parents… They'd have a little girl… He knew that as much as their worlds had changed over the last couple of years that she would change the entire course of their lives… And she would be an even better reason to keep their world safe.
"I told you," she whispered.
He looked up and couldn't stop smiling. He was completely okay with her 'I told you so' because he was happy with it. He had prayed for her…but he'd prayed for the baby too… But when science told you that the baby was gone, then that's what you believed…
But Pepper had known…
"She's stubborn," Tony said. "She gets that from you, you know." He was quite serious and quite relieved. Was this really because he prayed? Was this a miracle? He caught the un-amused look from Pepper. "What?"
"I'm pretty sure the 'stubborn' might be a double dose," Pepper told him as she eyed him.
Or maybe she was just stubborn.
"Point taken," Tony said. "She's going to be the most beautiful little girl… A genius and extremely talented in something that will give us both a run for our money…" He thought about the little girl he'd been envisioning in his head. It was so weird that ever since Pepper had told him about her dream…he was certain it was a little girl that looked just like Pepper. Red hair and blue eyes and freckles. He knew he'd make sure that he taught her everything he knew and would try not to be too irritated when she outdid him. Because he was sure that she would.
He wouldn't expect anything less.
"You know," Pepper said. "You're going to be so disappointed when it turns out that we're going to have a little boy who looks like you."
"It's going to be a girl…" Tony told her. "You kept saying so before."
"That doesn't mean I'm right," Pepper told him with a sigh.
"I thought that women knew these things," Tony teased.
"You're going to raise my blood pressure," Pepper countered. "They won't let me go home if my blood pressure's too high."
Tony found himself just staring at her. She looked so much better. It was like a fog had been lifted. The last ten minutes had seemed to almost heal her. He understood it though… He felt like he felt better too… It didn't matter how sleep deprived he was, all he could think about was their child…
"I love you," Tony told her like he'd never said it before but at the same time like it was the last thing he'd ever say to her.
Pepper smiled and he could see the sleepy look take over again. "I love you." She relaxed back into the bed and was quiet for a minute. "And I want to go home…"
"I think you're supposed to be cleared first."
"I think I could sign myself out."
"That's why you always let me have the doctor come to the house, isn't it?" Tony asked, he felt like he suddenly understood Pepper a bit better. All of the times he'd nearly killed himself… Pepper had always had a doctor come to the house… Equipment was either something they already had or was ordered in. "That one time…Mumbai… You had been upset with Rhodey…"
Pepper frowned. "I was upset with him…because of Afghanistan… And yes, that's why I always had a list of the best doctors that I could get to make house calls… There's no way you'd ever sit long enough and still enough for someone to even take your vital signs in a hospital. You're a terrible patient."
"I could be a good nurse," he teased with a grin.
Pepper rolled her eyes at him. She looked directly at him. "I want to go home."
"You're hooked up to IVs and stuff… The doctor has to—"
"Tony Stark. You get Bruce…and you go tell those doctors that I'm going home."
Her voice was firm and in charge and he was not arguing with her. "Alright…" he said slowly. "Shall I call to make sure the jet's ready?"
"You should," Pepper told him with a nod. "And I know Happy brought a bag of my things with him." She patted the space of bed next to her. "I want it."
"Pepper—"
"You are not going to win—"
"But I have to at least pretend to try," he told her with a small smile. Tony grabbed the bag from where it had been stowed away and set it where Pepper had asked. "I'll find Bruce…"
"Tell him ten minutes…" Pepper said as she started to pull things out of her bag.
"I'll tell him fifteen," Tony said. "Just to be sure…" He really didn't want his best friend walking in on her while she wasn't quite dressed. He shared all kinds of things with Bruce, but Pepper was not something he wanted to share. Sometimes he felt like he had a hard enough time sharing her with the rest of the world…
Pepper smirked and then Tony left her to change.
He found Bruce down the hall with a cup of coffee. Tony swiped the coffee and took a sip. It was still warm. Bruce looked irritated, but didn't say anything. "Pepper wants you to go in there and help her get all untangled from IVs and whatever else she's hooked up to…and I'm supposed to tell the doctor that she's going home."
Bruce nodded. "Okay… You might want to know that there's a media storm outside."
"There's been one."
"They know about the baby…and how Pepper and the baby shouldn't have survived," Bruce told him. "I don't know how the know…but they know…someone in the hospital had to have leaked the information. Sue and Reed are still trying to explain things to the doctors, but unless they break out the crayons and draw them a picture I don't think they're going to get it."
"Some things, we're just not meant to understand," Tony told him. He grabbed Bruce's arm when he took a step towards Pepper's hospital room. "But. You need to wait fifteen minutes… There's some things you just don't need to see…"
"You do realize that I know what female anatomy looks like, right?" Bruce asked.
"Not Pepper's."
Bruce was just silent.
"Wait…"
"She was in nearly nothing when she was burning up and Killian had us," Bruce said quickly. "I tried to not see anything…"
Tony glared a bit. "Well, she's still mine to cuddle…" he mumbled.
"Actually…"
"You can have your coffee back now," Tony said as he shoved it into his hands. "I don't like you anymore… And I'm going to be really grumpy while I go talk to those doctors…" He paused. "I'd hit you, but I'd prefer the green guy not hit me back…especially without the suit."
Bruce smirked. "You know it was—"
"Yeah yeah yeah," Tony mumbled as he waved his arm. "You were trying to keep her alive…"
"She was freezing and body warmth—"
"I really don't want to have any mental image of your body warmth against Pepper!"
"It wasn't like that," Bruce told him.
Tony put his hands up as a mental image formed of Pepper under the covers with Bruce snuggling her. He let out a yelp. "There! You've done it! I've got the mental image! I may never be able to talk to you again!" He was being overly dramatic, he knew, but he really didn't need the mental image.
Finally he walked away and hadn't missed the amused look that Bruce had given him. He was going to have to figure out how they were going to get out of the hospital without the media storming them. He didn't need Pepper to feel that stress right now. It was going to be bad enough when they got home. He was going to try to keep her at the Long Island house for at least a week, though…and the gates there were far enough back that it wasn't like the media could be right at their front door.
. . .
"How do they know?"
Tony shrugged. "Someone probably really needed an extra hundred or two. We could sue…"
"Or we could just go home," Pepper told him. She was being wheeled out to where only the ambulances and authorized personnel were allowed. A private ambulance had been called and would be transporting all of them to the airport. From there, it would be a quiet ride home.
"There's that…"
"Have you talked to Happy? Are things done? On track?" Pepper asked. She looked up at Tony, who was still very concerned about anyone possibly popping out from nowhere. He was carrying Pepper's bag and was thankful that he'd had JARVIS remotely call the suits home. Rhodey had volunteered to take Happy in one and have the other two just auto-pilot, but he was fairly certain that he wanted them all in the same damaged state as he'd last seen them when he got home. They could work on flying lessons with Happy later…
"All of the painting is done and everything that you ordered has arrived. He's been working on dwindling the house staff list for you," Bruce said. "He said something about furniture, but he didn't know if he'd gotten the placement right."
"But the work crews are gone?"
"Yes."
"Excellent," Pepper said.
Tony turned to Bruce. "Ever thought about being a personal assistant? Oh wait… You can't… I'm mad at you…"
Bruce shook his head. "Eventually you'll get over it…or you'll just get bored and want me to do something with me…and either way, you'll be over it."
"Maybe," Tony said with a shrug.
"I think it sounds about right," Pepper piped up.
"I think that we just don't want to know what we missed," Sue spoke up.
"You really don't."
"Bruce," Tony started and then found himself being glared at by Pepper. "Bruce…is a very good individual…"
"Can I have that framed?" Bruce asked.
"I'll have a plaque made."
"Excellent… I really need something for my wall."
"No, I'll get a stand for it… It can go on your dresser next to your Nobel Peace Prize."
Bruce just grinned over at Tony and Tony grinned back.
. . .
TBC...