Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I call dibs on Titlight!
Send all your love to Laverett, for a speedy Christmas-Eve Beta and for teaching me the word caster.
And to all my lovely reviewers, you are amazing! Time crunch meant I had to choose between updating, and responding to reviews, so I updated. This is a genius plan, because that way I will (hopefully) get MORE reviews and be even more backlogged in answering them! lol
The rest of the week passed uneventfully for Edward.
He was off from filming until the promotional party on Saturday. And, with perfect timing, he returned home from the shoot to a flashing red light. Edward had another job, a sideline. The frantic message explained how one of the employees was sick, meaning Edward was needed full-time; just what he needed!
He liked it there, being unknown, one of the guys. He enjoyed sinking himself into the repetitive manual labor, ear plugs on and hands on auto-pilot. It allowed him to mull stuff over, brooding, as Alice would have called it.
The other men noticed, but after a few lewd jokes about the new mystery lady in his life, they let him be.
So, with his hands occupied, Edward ran through the whole conversation he'd had with Jasper. Again and again. He also endlessly replayed the conversation he'd overheard.
God, he hoped Jasper was okay. He wanted to phone him, to reassure himself. But Edward didn't have his number, and even if he did, he couldn't exactly call and ask him ''Hey, so what's up? Feeling suicidal?'' Not without revealing his indiscretion anyway and Edward's gut told him it wouldn't go over well if Jasper realized how much he actually knew.
By the end of five busy days, he had decided to just let things happen as they would.
Jasper was right; there was no use worrying about labels.
For once in his life, Edward was determined not to question stuff. That was his main problem; over-analyzing. It made him stutter, panic, and freak out. By the end of the week, Edward had managed to convince himself that he didn't need to scrutinize his sudden attraction to a man. He could be Zen, just go with the flow.
Surely he could.
Of course.
Everyone could be Zen.
Right?
Edward also hadn't opened his laptop in a week, not even daring to check his e-mails. He wasn't afraid he'd cave and check out man-on-man again- absolutely not! Because he wasn't at all avoiding his new-found interest. Nope. Zen was his new name, after all!
He hadn't masturbated either. His unease about his attraction to Jasper wasn't shared by his dick, but it was strong enough to dull the urge. Being dead tired from the manual labor helped too.
[HCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHC]
Edward was getting out of the shower after his weekend workout, when his cell-phone rang. Hurrying half-naked through his apartment, he clucked at the puddles he was leaving behind. Who could it be? The party wasn't until seven, it was barely two!
''Hello?'' He managed not to sound too breathless.
''Edward? It's Alice! Listen, I need you to come in this afternoon.''
Edward could tell she was at the studio, the background noise was deafening. Angela's voice dominated the indistinct roar, ringing over the line ''Alice? I'm going to make the vampires sparkle.''
''What? Edward, hang on a minute.'' Alice sounded harried. The sound muffled a bit, but Edward heard her bizarre conversation clearly enough.
''Angela, NO! You want to make them glitter? They are supernatural creatures of the night, not… Barbie-fucking-fairy-princess!''
Edward had a brief flash of Barbie fucking a Fairy Princess with a huge black strap-on, before he forced himself to concentrate. It was Alice's fault anyway, for inserting fucking into everything. Besides, Barbie didn't even have nipples...
''Al, you want them to be different, and awesomely beautiful. I'm telling you, impeccable skin tone is what you need. And… Victoria has freckles!'' Angela whined, sounding as if freckles were a horrible sin, and the woman had done it on purpose too.
''How do you except me to make her into a marble Goddess when she's a freaking natural red-head and she has freckles everywhere! And I do mean everywhere… As for Jasper… He's going to be a vampire too, later. Have you looked at his back? It's, like, so far from unblemished... it'll take a miracle to hide.''
What did Angela mean? Was something wrong with Jasper?
She continued, her words sounding final.
''I'm making them sparkle. It will add the mystery factor you need.''
A long pause followed.
Edward could practically hear his director mulling over the comment.
''Fine,'' Alice folded. ''BUT… if I don't like it, she has to shower, and you'll have to re-do her. From head to toe -including hair.'' She sounded like she might be wagging a finger at Angela, doing her best crotchety old lady impersonation.
''Yes! You won't regret it! Trust me love!'' Angela's voice was high pitched in victory.
''Edward?'' Alice sounded distracted. As she should, she was going to have glittery vampires.
''Yeah… so… sparkly, huh?''
''Shut up. Listen, you have to come in. How fast can you get here? We're shooting the bar scene today, because Victoria is flying to Nevada for the AVN Awards gala and she has only today with us. I need extras, everybody I can get to fill the dance floor. Come to the studio now, you can take off for the party from here. You are coming to the party, huh?''
Emmet's voice boomed in the background, asking her where she wanted the disco ball.
''I gotta go, Edward. Get here fast! Thanks a bunch!''
She hung up before he could reply.
Thank god he'd chosen his clothing for the party yesterday. It was only a matter of hopping into the grey jeans and crisp white shirt. Carefully, Edward rolled up the sleeves, and added a sleek silver belt-buckle to the outfit. He guessed he might be a tiny bit over-dressed, but that was how he preferred to be.
HCHCHCHCHC
A short while later Edward ambled into the sunny lobby of the studio and nearly collided with a bar. Or rather, a bar nearly ran into him, glasses clinking as they hung suspended from their racks.
''Whoa!''
Emmet's head peered around the furniture's corner, bending over the worn counter. ''Oops. Sorry, dude! I didn't see you there!''
The man resumed pushing it down the corridor.
A bar.
First a tree, then a bar…
''Hey, Em! Need me to push with you?'' Edward jogged after him.
Edward didn't notice that Emmett smiled in gratitude at his offer. He didn't seem to be having difficulty moving the thing. However, Edward did notice and marvel at the size of Emmett's arms again.
''Well, it's on casters, so I'm good. But I could use a hand with steering. The bar is a good eight feet long, and it doesn't go straight. I've been fighting with it not to leave a mark on the wall all the way from the locker. I'm unlucky like that; I always get the grocery cart with the freak wheel… Plus Alice will be pissed if I run down any more actors…''
So, Edward entered the studio maneuvering a bar through the double door. He should have guessed from that moment that this was going to be another unusual day…
[HCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHC]
Inside the studio was chaos. People were everywhere. There was a LINE of them, idly waiting for Angela. About ten of them, already made up and dressed for clubbing, stood talking in little groups.
Edward stopped, bewildered for a minute, before spotting his agent, who waved. Her pale blond hair was teased out, and she wore huge dangly plastic earrings. Her make-up was overdone too, lips a screeching red that bordered on orange.
Rosalie looked… trashy.
She showed too much thigh, and too much cleavage.
There were rips in her shirt. It was…disturbing.
''Hey hun, want to dance? Like my look?'' she slurred.
Edward shifted, running a hand through his hair and unsure how to react. This was a joke, right? Rose had a smokin' body, but usually she was impeccably dressed. Unless it was some new fashion statement? Edward didn't know Chanel from St-Laurent. He'd made the error before, getting snapped at that a piece was ''artfully distressed,'' not old and being worn because it was wash day. Frantically, he tried to run through what he'd glimpsed as he skipped the fashion section in the newspaper. Was there some new designer in town? Were rips the new black?
Rose cackled gleefully.
''Ha ha!'' she wheezed, trying to catch her breath from her fun at Edward's expense. ''The look on your face! Relax, Ed. It's a costume. I'm going to be a dancing extra. Ang and I had a bit of fun is all…''
''Ha! Good one.'' Edward managed weakly. Edward would never admit it out loud, but he might be just a bit scared of his agent. Just a really tiny bit terrified. In a very manly way, of course.
''Come on! I'll make you over, Angie is in a rush. Alice has managed to get all the interns for the company to participate.''
Rose sat him down in a chair beside a pretty Asian girl who giggled in a freakishly high voice. His agent's brilliant idea was to make him over into… a girl. That way no one would recognize him for the main actor he was. Vehement protestations only pumped her, making her tanned bosom heave through the slashes in her shirt. Edward decided the heaving must have been intentional. Probably.
Valiantly, he ignored the quivering mounds.
Raising his voice only made a smiling Emmett call out:
''Hey, Rose! If you want to turn someone into a chick, do me! Leave poor Edward alone, he's going to start crying and it will ruin his make-up.''
''I am NOT going to cry…''
Edward's protest was ignored as Rose and Em locked stares again. A few beats later, Rose simpered ''Oh, I couldn't. Not with those arms…''
Emmett shifted the round table he was dragging, lifting it into the air with one arm, simultaneously inspecting the bulging biceps on the other.
''What? They're not THAT hairy…''
Edward was stunned; surely Emmett couldn't be that dense! And he'd just lifted a fucking table...With one arm. Rose stood, slack-jawed, instead of immediately retorting with some acidic remark on brains and brawl. Maybe she was still sick...
Emmett's laugh boomed through the studio, barely growing quieter as he moved away, table in tow.
Great, so now the ape-man was making jokes - when he wasn't trying to rescue him. Edward didn't need rescuing! He could deal with Rose by himself. Like a man. A not-at-all-intimidated one.
Maybe if Rosalie was still sick she wouldn't be too mean...
As it turned out, he didn't have to. Following Emmett's distraction, she immediately proceeded to turn him into what Rose dubbed, "the creepy-weirdo-perv-who-sits-at-the-bar-and-oggles-ladies-butts. You know the one?''
Edward didn't know, actually, but anything was better than a buxom blond, so he bit his tongue.
[HCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHC]
As Rose busied herself fixing a fake stringy mustache on him, she complained to Angela.
''What is it with guys being so difficult today? Jasper was acting up too!''
''I was NOT being difficult.'' Jasper's voice came from the cramped bathroom door behind Edward. ''I was being logical. Leather pants are NOT a good idea.''
''But they are exactly in the tone of the scene!'' Angela answered, applying mascara to giggly Lin. ''You're the angry husband who's going to a bad-ass bar for revenge sex. Leather is precisely what you need. And, it fits well with Victoria's corset.''
Jasper contradicted ''Leather is NOT perfect. Leather pants are an instrument of torture! Have you ever tried having an erection in a pair? Hello, dick falling off! And do you think Alice will let me do a sex scene with no boner?''
''Stop whining. Girls have it much worse! Have you ever waxed your legs, or gotten a Brazilian?''
''Yes. I have.'' Jasper's voice was flat and he clearly wasn't elaborating.
''Oh, well then…'' Angela seemed at a loss, shaking her head before saying brightly. ''Come over here! The pants look amazing.''
Jasper stepped into Edward's view. He had to admit, the pants did look sexy. They were a dark grayish-black. They looked worn in all the right places, with metal buckles here and there. They molded deliciously to Jasper's ass as he stuck it out and gave it a ridiculously exaggerated spanking.
Edward's response was ridiculously exaggerated. That was not hot at all.
Nope.
Maybe he'd caught Rose's illness...
''Hmmmm. I like the pants. Good choice! They stay.''
The voice that sounded towards Edward's left was unfamiliar. It was low and a bit hoarse. Definitely female though. Trying to look only made Rose dig her talons into his chin to force his face her way.
Jasper threw his hands up in despair, before turning to Edward. ''It's a conspiracy! What do you say?''
''You look hot.'' He blurted.
Edward blushed. Fuck, he hadn't meant to say that. Lin giggled furiously, and Edward stared at the floor.
Stared at a black stiletto boot that had appeared in his field of vision. Followed it up to some thigh-high black silk stockings. Further up to where the thick lace band flirted with a tiny miniskirt. Got caught in the multiple eye-holes of a stiff black corset. Finally made it to the soft flesh spilling over the top. The glittery creaminess...
Edward hastily jolted his gaze up to piercing green eyes that regarded him with amusement, heavily shadowed in black.
''Hi. I'm Victoria. You must be… Edward?''
Fuck.
Caught.
A few very important things to know (okay, not really!);
The AVN's really exist. They are the equivalent of Oscars for the sex movie industry. Although personally, I would have picked the Golden Globes for the porn awards and the AVN's for regular television. Just cause, you know, golden globes... It fits. I can imagine the trophies...
Barbie really has no nipples! If she were human, she would need a 39'' FF cup bra. Her waist would be 19'', same as her head circumference...
Most American shopping carts have swivel wheels at the front and the rear wheels are fixed in orientation, while in Europe it is more common to have four swivel wheels. I really tried to find a statistic for Emmett on the odds of getting a cart with a wobbly wheel, but I couldn't find any- too many variables in play. Sorry Em!
That said, enjoy some eggnog, and I'll see you next year!