Dear Diary,

What's happening to me? What's happening to us? I've never felt so small and helpless, at least not since receiving my powers. I don't, I can't, feel the way I did before. Everything hurts; everything feels wrong. I don't know how to explain it...I don't know if I ever could. But how could we have reached this point? Why does it seem like...everything is starting to fall apart?

Akumu! Powerpunk Girls Z

Episode 11 – The Test That Stumped the Punks!

By Aku Blossom

Following the bloody conclusion to the Reaping, Okyto City fell into an uneasy, nervous silence. There was something different in the city, one that even the most optimistic didn't dare to point out. The Tower of Heaven had gone dark. There were no lights, no notifications, no one came or went. Just...silence.

Powerpunk Girls Z, the wicked tyrants who'd somehow managed to bring the once "Safest City in the World" to its knees, turning its citizens into playthings for their sick amusement, were nowhere to be found. As the stillness persisted across a week, finally the survivors were starting to wish for the impossible. They were beginning to dream something scandalous.

Maybe...just maybe, this was a sign that things were about to change? There was no way of telling...now, all they had was hope.

The Tower of Heaven had grown colder with each passing day since the storm. On one of the lower floors, the fitness center was alive, but kept dark. Its sole occupant's breaths came in visible growls. With each blow to the punching bag, sweat spilled from her beat red face. There were two other punching bags nearby, one torn up, the other beat until the sand poured from it. Next to those were a broken set of dumbells, and a smashed treadmill. Several of the mirrors in the center were smashed, their glass shards sprayed across the floor.

Koji took a deep breath and snarled, throwing a punch that finally tore the sand bag from its hook. She lunged at it, fists flying, eyes bulging.

"Stupid boy, you're making a mess! Open your eyes! Can't you do anything right?"

Koji slipped, punching the floor with all her might. Pain shot through her arm, driving her to her knees, clutching her surely broken hand. That voice...she was sure she'd never have to hear it again. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to think of anything to drown it out.

"It's ruined! Look around you, boy!"

"Dad, I...it was an accident!"

"Do you have any idea how long I've slaved over this project? Do you know what this means? How much time, and effort, and energy I've wasted because of you?"

Koji swallowed, massaging her hand. The pain was subsiding. Strange as it was at first, she'd grown use to feeling her bones repair themselves. Taking a long, shaky breath, Koji looked around her. The fitness center was ruined. Most of the damage she couldn't recall causing.

"Get out, boy. Just get out of my laboratory! Get out of my house!"

"Dad I was just..."

"So angry..." Koji muttered, staring down at her hand. She wiggled her fingers, balling them into a fist. Just like that, she could feel it coming back. Her lips pulled back, her eyes widened and a loud whistle blew in the back of her mind. Koji could see her black aura start to appear around her. Forcing her eyes shut, she threw her hand down, only clenching her fist tighter as blood began to pool around the glass shard she'd hit.

Moments later, the fitness center echoed with a furious scream and the sounds of smashing machines and twisting metal.

The television across from the couch blared the ending credits to the same movie it had been playing for over a week now. It's harsh glare was the only light in the cold apartment, casting an uncomfortable glow over the living room. Lying on the couch, sucking shamelessly on her thumb, with her other hand between her clasped knees, Miyaki stared emptily at the screen. Her breaths came in hitched puffs, making little clouds in the chilly air.

She'd lain like that for over an hour now, reliving every stupid word she said days ago, recounting every mistake she'd made since she was a child. One second, she was remembering how she'd spilled paint in art class and the teacher had scolded her. The next, she remembered an argument she had with her mom over something trivial.

Miyaki shuddered and finally closed her eyes, pulling her knees closer and digging her fingernails into her leg. She bit down a bit harder on her thumb, finally drawing blood. She was stupid, so stupid. So stupid, stupid, stupid.

Koji had walked out of the apartment four days ago. Did she have something to eat? Was she safe? Had she left the tower again? If she did...would she want Miyaki to follow? She should have, she realized, tightening the hold on her leg.

She should have followed, to make sure she wouldn't hurt herself. She'd seen Koji's anger, her pain. It was one of the few things left that truly terrified her: watching a girl she loved so much lose control of her incredible power and try to tear the entire world down. And the worse she hurt herself...the more terrible her power became.

Berserk...Miyaki recalled the last time she'd seen Berserk. It was six days ago, just passed four in the morning. Miyaki couldn't sleep; waking up, she found that Koji had disappeared. Anxious, terrified that she hadn't heard from the punk leader in so long, she'd trekked toward the door, hoping to visit the auburn-haired girl. That's when she heard it.

It was the most horrible cry she'd ever known. So pained, Miyaki didn't dare go outside. Instead, she peeked through the peep hole in the door. The sight before her, it couldn't have been real. Berserk was collapsed on the floor, tugging viciously at her messy, stringy hair. Her uniform was torn to shreds, her skin ripped and bloodied. The most terrifying thing dawned on Miyaki as she backed away. Berserk was crying. Her broken body shook with violent, awful sobs.

Miyaki wanted to open the door, to go to her and comfort her. But reaching for the door knob, she froze. Her heart seemed to stop beating and she couldn't breath. She stayed frozen in place, a quiet observer, until Berserk finally tore away, locking herself in her room. Whatever happened next, she couldn't recall, instead waking up in bed as if it never happened. But the memory stuck with her and, even now, it brought fresh tears to her eyes.

"I'm filth..." Miyaki sobbed. She couldn't stop touching herself as she recalled her friends' pain. Even when she pulled her thumb from her mouth and dug her fingernails into her cheek. The sting of pain, digging into her skin and drawing long cuts across her face, blood streaking onto the couch, only seemed to make it sweeter.

"That's a good girl...just like Papa showed you,"

And like that, everything was dark ,"No..."

She looked up, watching as the last light vanished, "No!"

She heard the lock on the door and crawled over to it, banging her tiny fists against it, "No! Let me out! Mama! Mama, please!" she cried. Sharp footsteps stormed away. The little girl stared in shock. Then she heard the front door open, and close, "NO! PLEASE LET ME OUT!" she screamed, banging her fists against the door as hard as she could.

Her Mama was gone. Her Daddy wouldn't be home for hours. The little girl continued to beat on the door until her hands were sore. Then, she collapsed, sobbing and hugging herself. There were no clothes in the closet. It was an empty space, just for her. And it was cold...so very cold.

She curled up as tight as she could, trying to ignore the dark and the chill. She shivered, screaming when she felt something suddenly stab into her back. The little girl turned around and her mouth fell open. Hot, angry tears rolled down her cheeks.

Staring back at her was Sakuraya, her bright green eyes gleaming in the dark. She began to change; the little girl began to scream and pound on the door again. Flirticia opened her eyes, now glowing red, and swooped down on her.

"LET ME OUT!" Berserk screamed, sitting up and throwing her hands out. She trembled, staring wide-eyed at the dark ceiling. Like faint little clouds, her breaths came quicker and quicker. Shivering violently, she collapsed sobbing into her hands, "Sakuraya...Sakuraya..." she moaned. Rolling onto her side, Berserk pulled her blankets over her. Somehow, even that couldn't ward off the cold.

She lay curled up, shivering, but naked. Her old uniform, torn beyond recognition, was thrown carelessly across her room. Her ribbon was thrown across the busted up dresser in a blind fury.

Anger, that had been her first response. Her room was in tatters. The walls were scarred and burnt from repeated attacks from her whip and energy blasts. Her desk was splinters, her wardrobe torn apart and strewn across the room. But...the anger had disappeared too quickly. And as soon as her tantrum ended, she gave in to the heartache and collapsed into her bed, sobbing.

How could she have been so blind? What other lies had she fallen for?

Berserk clenched her eyes shut, hoping to see anything but Sakuraya, or Flirticia, staring back at her. Instead...she saw them: Miyaki-chan and Koji-kun. Where had they been? Why hadn't they come to find her? Didn't they care? Did they ever care?

What other lies had she fallen for?

The fitness center had finally fallen silent, though now it was likely it would never function properly again. Treadmills torn apart by dumbells, exercise bikes thrown so hard they'd torn the lockers from the walls. Lying in the midst of the destruction, covered in cuts and scrapes, the worst of which was a long gash running along the side of her head, was Maratsu Koji, the Destructive Brute.

"Just let me die..." she muttered, holding up her hand—she'd broken it again—and watching the wounds heal even quicker than before. Koji clenched her fist again, but this time let it drop limp to the ground. She stared up at the dark ceiling. In her last rampage, she'd smashed all the lights, which suited her just fine. Koji had always preferred the dark. Maybe it was that her father always kept their home dark. Her only memories of the lights being on were from before she left...

"What? Wh-What do you mean?"

"Don't make me repeat myself, boy...just go to your room,"

"Where is she? Where did Mom go!?"

"She's gone! She's never coming back!"

Koji closed her eyes and pressed her palms against her eyes. She was only three years old, but she remembered every word of that short conversation. Her father telling her that her mother was gone forever. Had she died? Had she really abandoned them? She never did find out. All she knew was that was the day the lights went down, when she began to wander around in the dark because her father couldn't stand to look at her.

"Ugh..." Koji sighed. Whenever she made him mad, her father was quick to remind her that she was the reason her mother had left. It was Koji's clumsiness, her brutish ways, that had driven the love of his life away, "I wouldn't blame her," the green-eyed punk muttered. That seemed to be one of her talents, didn't it? Driving people away.

First there was Berserk...god, the girl was scary and overdramatic, but even now, Koji felt guilt swallowing her. She missed hearing Berserk try to describe something using weird terms and references from shows and manga that Koji had never read. Or the way she tried just a little too hard to sound impressive when speaking. She missed the way she smiled and cocked her head like a curious puppy when she was killing someone. She missed sneaking into her room and waiting for her to wake up. The way her beautiful hair framed her face so perfectly. The way she snored softly, or how her lips moved in her sleep.

She wondered, had anyone ever kissed those lips? Would Berserk run and hide if someone were to?

The green punk shook her head. No, Berserk wouldn't. She would never hide from anyone, from anything. So then...why was she missing? Was Berserk avoiding them? Had they offended her? Maybe, maybe she was just giving them space? Berserk was smart, right? She may have noticed that Koji and Miyaki were fighting and just didn't want to get involved. Still...

"Koishii..." Koji murmured. Miyaki...she hadn't said a word to the blue punk when she left days ago. She'd listened to the whistling, she'd been following the blurry haze in her eyes, searching for something, anything to take her anger out on. Why couldn't they even speak to each other anymore? The night they came home from the storm, Koji wanted to apologize. She wanted to show Miyaki that she didn't blame her, that she had forgiven her, and that she wanted to be forgiven.

Miyaki was beautiful, passionate, interesting and talented. Just thinking about her brought a smile to Koji's face. She was everything anyone could ever want but...Koji shivered and froze, just thinking about her nimble hands touching her. Her blood ran cold thinking about Miyaki's eyes, hungry with desire. Sometimes they would take on this eerie glow and Koji just felt...compelled to give in to her.

That, more than anything, was what terrified her. The attention, the loving touches and kisses, those were strange and new. She'd grown to enjoy that, to yearn for it. But, whenever Miyaki got that look in her eyes, Koji just locked up and felt like running. Running while she still could; running before the sweet scent of vanilla and the soothing, song-like whisper filled her head and took away any control she had.

That, her strength, that was all she had. Koji shivered and sat up, staring wide-eyed at the floor. She'd always been alone, ignored, and that made her strong. She was free. She had never needed to depend on someone, or give in to someone else. She was independent. If she lost that, if she gave it to someone else, anyone else, even Miyaki...what would she have left?

Sweating, feeling absolutely disgusted with herself, Miyaki stumbled to the bathroom on stiff legs. She fell against the sink, fighting the urge to throw up. Her hands were trembling, she realized, when she turned on the water. Taking a deep breath, she cupped her hands and splashed her face.

"Hm?" Miyaki stared at the mirror, frowning at her own reflection. The long scratches in her face had nearly healed entirely. She closed her eyes and lowered her head, hands slipping to her face again. With a scream, she dug her fingernails into her skin and tore. And tore. And tore. She looked up, her aura flaring around her, and glared at her bloody reflection. Miyaki screamed, leaning against the sink, and cried. She could watch them heal, watch as her face healed until she could recognize herself.

"Shh, no don't look away, I want to see you. There's my little girl,"

"Shut up..." Miyaki whispered. Her throat was dry; her pulse was racing. She clenched her eyes shut tighter. Her knees began to shake, her legs began to give out.

"Just open your mouth, there she is. Now, like I taught you,"

"STOP IT!" Miyaki's aura erupted. Her fist shot out, shattering the mirror. She pulled it back, staring at her bloody fingers. She could barely move them. Miyaki moaned, if only for a few seconds filled with sweet, delicious pain, flushing those memories from her thoughts. Then, she watched as it all slipped away, and his voice crept back into her mind.

"This might hurt, but shh, don't cry. Be my good girl,"

Her father...she'd tried to forget about him. Tried to forget the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes, and the feeling of his hands on her. Why, why would he come back to haunt her now? What had changed?

Miyaki closed her eyes and slammed her fist into the broken glass, driving him away with wonderful, wonderful pain. She'd tried so hard to get rid of him, to keep him gone. To protect herself from him. Even if it meant hurting everyone else around her; especially if it meant making sure no one could ever hurt her again.

"Koji-kun..." Miyaki whispered, pulling her hand, healing fast, away from the glass. She swallowed and stumbled out of the bathroom and toward the door. To make sure no one ever hurt her...Miyaki hurt everyone else. Even her.

She shook her head, struggling to swallow the lump in her throat. No, she had to find her. She had to make this right again. She knew what had changed, and it scared her. Terrified her even. All along, Miyaki promised herself she'd never let someone become important to her. She'd never let anyone become special because someone special could hurt worse than anyone else. But now...now she couldn't fight it. She'd let, no, in spite of her best attempts to ruin everything, someone had become important to her.

Something had to give. She had to give in.

Miyaki froze when she reached for the door. Nervously, she leaned forward, sure she would hear that horrible cry and see Berserk suffering on the other side. She breathed a sigh of relief, thankfully greeted with an empty hall. The blue-eyed punk steeled her nerves and threw the door open, disappearing down the corridor.

How could she have been so stupid? Berserk hadn't moved in hours, hurting too much to even bother looking back at the demon stalking in the shadows around her. Why hadn't she seen it coming? In what story did the bad guy get the girl? She closed her eyes, shaking when she felt him appear behind her.

"Poor Tomi-chan...is this, yes, it is, isn't it? This is your very. First. Heart break?" Kare teased, softly whispering in her ear. Berserk clenched her teeth; fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. All she ever wanted, all she'd ever asked for...was to just not be alone anymore. Being evil, being a villain? That was her goal, her dream. But that wasn't what she needed, what she'd wanted all along. After being alone for so long, she'd just wanted...someone, anyone to make her feel special. To make her feel important.

"Why does it hurt so much?" She asked aloud. The demon sighed, resting his claw on her side. It was a heavy, uncomfortable touch.

"Because you've become so weak...so pathetic. You've lost sight of the Deadly Berserk and let," Kare gagged and spat her name, "Atsumi Motomi back in control,"

"But what can I do?! I am Berserk...I want to be Berserk," she trailed off. Motomi was weak, lonely, awkward and unhappy. Berserk was powerful and feared. Where everyone hurt Motomi, no one could hurt Berserk. Berserk was invincible. She wanted nothing more than to just be Berserk. "Make her go away...please, Kare-sama,"

Kare grinned and their auras began to glow in the dark. His was strong, so terribly strong. Hers? Berserk's aura was fighting to hold itself together. It seemed almost violent enough to tear the poor girl apart. And slowly, his was continuing to overpower hers.

"I can't get rid of Atsumi Motomi, Berserk. Only you can. But..." he teased. Berserk sat up, grabbing his wrists and staring at him with wide frightened eyes.

"Anything! Just make this go away! Make me strong again!" she cried. Kare giggled, leaning closer until their noses were touching.

He spoke, wearing the most horrifying goblin's grin, "Anything, Tomi-chan?"

Trembling, she nodded, "Anything..."

Koji staggered up the stairs, leaning against the wall to stay steady. She needed to get back, but she'd never realized just how high in the tower they lived. Taking a deep breath, she starting to ascend another flight of stairs, freezing when she caught sight of her. At the top of the stairs, staring back at her, wearing a look so similar to her own, was Goukito Miyaki, the Dissonant Brat. They stood in silence for several minutes; finally Koji tore her eyes away.

"Miyaki-chan..."

"Hachimitsu...Koji-kun, I've missed you," Miyaki replied, her voice cracking and weak. When Koji only nodded, Miyaki felt her stomach twist. Biting her lip, she quickly descended the rest of the flight and threw herself at the taller girl, burying her face in her neck.

Koji stared ahead, then—slowly, with shaking hands—wrapped her arms around Miyaki. Her heart was racing, her pulse was pounding. Clenching her eyes shut, stifling a small cry, Koji tightened her hold on Miyaki. The smaller girl shushed her, returning the embrace as well as she could. Her grip was weak though, like a porcelain doll compared to the green-eyed punk's crushing grip.

"I'm hurting you..." Koji murmured, though not daring to loosen her grip. It was the first time they'd held each other like this in so long. If she let go...

Miyaki shook her head, "I like it...I've missed you so much," she confessed. The punk of destruction was so strong. Whatever she held in her arms, Miyaki was sure nothing could tear it away. It did hurt, that was true. But, it felt good. A shudder ran through Koji's body. For a moment, Miyaki was sure she was going to pull away. She tightened her grip around her boyfriend's neck. She wasn't about to let her run away, not again. Just the thought...

"Hachimitsu, I've been thinking. About us...about...everything," Miyaki began.

Koji cut her off, "Miyaki, I...I can't...I'm sorry, I just..." she trailed off, clenching her teeth. Miyaki felt a shudder of anger, or maybe frustration, race through her.

"I know,"

Whatever Koji had expected, that wasn't it. She pulled away, holding Miyaki at arm's length and staring at her, incredulous, "What?" she finally managed to stammer out.

Miyaki nodded, "I've been selfish, Koji-kun. I just keep...I..." she shook her head and took a deep breath, "It's not important anymore. I'll wait for you, however long it takes. I just don't want to lose you because of it,"

Somehow, Koji seemed even more distraught. She ground her teeth and, after holding back, she began to cry. She tightened her hold on Miyaki's arms, until her hands started to shake.

"I don't know if I'll...I don't know that I'll ever be ready..." she whispered, slowly shaking her head.

"I know,"

Now Koji couldn't hold back, she let her head drop and began to shake, wracked with tears of confusion, of frustration, of anger, "How? I promised...but I don't know if I'll ever...it scares me, Miyaki-chan. It scares me so much. You scare me,"

"Koji-kun," Miyaki laughed, reaching out and wiping the tears away from Koji's face, "it's not your fault. I've..." she sighed and caressed her cheek, her thumb tracing her tattoo, "I forced you into this, don't try to say I didn't," Koji shook her head, but didn't argue, "It's never been about sex, Koji-kun. I tried to make it about sex, about...something, anything except the truth. I'm afraid of you,"

"Before you relationships, they were just a way to try to feel...in control. To feel better, I hurt other people. I let them become vulnerable, open themeselves, and I hurt them. But, with you...everything is different. Suddenly, I want to be with you because you make me happy. Because you excite me. Because...I love you, Hachimitsu," Miyaki smiled, laughing softly when she finally said those words to her. "I love you, I really love you,"

Koji's grip weakened. Biting back more tears, she pulled Miyaki into her arms, "I love you too, Koishii..." she closed her eyes and heard her father's angry voice. She tightened her hold on Miyaki, "I'm just so scared I'm going to ruin this, like everything else. I just want to make you happy, but...what if I'm never ready?"

Miyaki laughed, "Then, that's fine..." Koji pulled back to look her in the eye. Miyaki smiled and nodded, "I'll never try to take it from you again, not until you're ready to give it to me,"

"...You mean it?"

Miyaki leaned closer, pausing just a breath away from Koji's lips, "Every word...can I kiss you?" The green-eyed punk blushed, but smiled and nodded. Miyaki's lips pressed against hers and it was like the world being lifted off her shoulders. Koji pulled her closer, Miyaki wrapped her arms around Koji's neck. The two shivered, suddenly cold, and held each other tighter.

Miyaki broke the kiss first, snickering and laughing, "Hachimitsu...you smell horrible," she teased. Just then, her stomach chose to roar in displeasure. Now Koji was the one grinning.

"Hungry?" she asked. Miyaki giggled and nodded. Koji nodded, "Yeah...me too, let's eat, yeah?" And yet, the two stayed in each others arms longer still, until finally, at long last, they turned and ascended the steps together.

Before entering their apartment, Koji stopped and looked across the hallway. The lights had all gone out, but she could still make out Berserk's room. Glancing back at Miyaki, she started toward it, then froze. Her heart began to pound; her stomach suddenly felt like it was filled with lead. Koji began to shake, staring wide-eyed at the door.

"Koji-kun?" Miyaki called over her shoulder, "Are you coming?"

"Y-Yeah...I am," Koji turned back, pausing only to take one last look at the door.

"I have to...you want me to..." Berserk stammered, turning to stare at her bedroom door. No one had come to see her in over a week. She shivered and hugged herself, refusing to meet her dark companion's gaze. The demon stroked his little red beard.

"You asked for anything to make you strong again. You asked for an answer, and I gave it...they are your weakness, Tomi-chan. They are the ones holding you back," he explained.

Berserk shook her head, "No...not Miyaki-chan and Koji-kun, no! They..."

Kare suddenly appeared in front of her, "They what? They're your friends? They care about you? They...love you?" Berserk began to blush and Kare began to laugh. "My dear, deluded child! Where were they while you suffered? No, only I have been with you all along. I'm the only one who really, truly cares, Tomi-chan,"

That voice, she thought with a shudder. It seemed so familiar, like...someone she hadn't heard in years, "You...Kare-sama..." she mumbled. Kare grinned, as his form began to dissolve into the darkness.

"You know what you have to do. If you ever want to be free, if you ever want to be strong, this must be the end. The end of Powerpunk Girls Z. Kill them...kill Miyaki-chan; kill Koji-kun," As he faded, his voice got lower and his eyes turned shining red, "Don't let me down!"

Berserk stared shaking into the darkness. Was he right? Were they using her? Were they going to hurt her, just as Sakuraya had hurt her? She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her head dropped and Berserk listened to the sound of her own heart pounding in her chest. Was it her really her destiny to be alone? Would she never fulfill her destiny if she...if she refused to give up the only friends she'd ever known?

"Is...our story really over?"