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CHAPTER 11

I had just left the restaurant when the song 'What About Now' by Daughtry came on. I turned the song up and listened intently.

Shadows fill an empty heart

As love is fading

From all the things that we are

And are not saying

Can we see beyond the scars

And make it to the dawn

Change the colors of the sky

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive

The ways I loved you

For all the things that never died

To make it through the night

Love will find you

What about now

What about today

What if you're making me

All that I was meant to be

What if our love never went away

What if it's lost behind

Words we could never find

Baby before it's too late

What about now

Tears were falling down my cheeks as the lyrics rang true. I decided right then and there what I wanted … what I needed.

~OOO~

Edward and Masen were playing some game on the Wii when I got home. They both looked up with smiles on their faces.

"Mommy!" Masen exclaimed. "Daddy n' I's buildin' hambugers."

"Oh! Hamburgers sound yummy! Make me one too?"

"Okay."

Edward handed the Wii remote to him, and Masen went to work on making me a hamburger.

I went into the bedroom to take off my bra and change into some yoga pants. My breasts were killing me and my jeans just weren't comfortable anymore.

Edward walked in as I was sliding my jeans down my hips. "How was lunch?" he asked hesitantly.

"It was good." I smiled what I hoped was an encouraging smile. "We talked. It was nice … she was a big help."

"A big help?" Edward asked walking farther into the bedroom. "Help with what?"

I pulled my yoga pants up over my hips and stepped into him. Mere inches separated us. "We'll talk. I promise. Just not right now. After Masen goes to bed, okay?"

He searched my eyes for a moment, and then nodded. He went to take a step back, but I grabbed a hold of his shirt, keeping him close to me. He looked at me curiously for a second, but then relaxed.

I smiled and stepped closer, placing my lips on his.

He hesitated a fraction of a second, before bringing his hands to my hips and deepening the kiss.

Needing a breath, I broke the kiss and stepped back.

Edward shook his head. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"

I looked at him for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Baby?" he whispered.

After moments of silent stares, I stepped forward, grabbing a hold of the fabric at his abdomen.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

I smiled at his term of endearment. "Do you … well, are you … doyoustillloveme?"

He shook his head slightly before bringing his hand up to cup the back of his neck. "What was that?"

"I … do you … you heard me …" I stuttered, and the fucker smirked.

"No, Bella. I don't think I did. Can you please repeat it for me? I'd hate to give you the wrong answer."

I let go of his shirt and crossed my arms. "You're a jerk. You know that, right?"

The little fucker doubled over laughing. Lucky for him he quickly realized I didn't find it to be the least bit amusing. "And you're cute … so why won't you repeat it?"

"Why should I?" I huffed. "You heard me."

Yes, I was pouting.

Edward sighed, pulling me into him. "Yes, Bella. I still love you. I have always loved you. Now, what brought this on?"

"Does that mean, um … well, that you want us to … try, again?"

"God, baby, of course I want to try again … do you?"

My eyes filled with tears as I nodded. "I … I love you, too, Edward … I … I've never not loved you …"

Edward didn't waste any time closing the distance between our lips. Our kiss was messy and urgent, and it didn't take long for our grunts and groans to fill the room.

Unfortunately our bliss was short lived. "Huh?"

Edward and I parted like the red sea and turned to face Masen.

"Daddy, why you kiss momma?"

Edward choked a bit turning to me, silently asking me for help. I gave him an apologetic smile and bit my lip waiting for him to answer.

Edward scrunched his eyebrows together, and then turned to Masen. He ran his hand through his hair over and over again before he finally spoke—though what came out didn't even come close to constituting an answer.

"Well, buddy, I, uh … your mom and I … we, uh ..." Edward turned back to me. "A little help here, Bella?"

He looked petrified and Masen just seemed confused, so I took pity on them both.

Taking a deep breath, I kneeled in front of Masen. "The same reason he kisses you, honey."

I heard Edward choke behind me but he quickly covered it with a cough. Masen understood what I was saying … to a point.

"Cause I's his little man?"

"Yes, Masen, because you're his little man." I smiled. "But he also does it because he loves you."

"Daddy loves you?" Masen asked excitedly. "Like Papa Arlie loves Nana Née?"

"Yes, buddy, just like that."

Masen turned to Edward and cocked his head. "You loves momma like you loves me?"

Edward smiled tenderly and kneeled down to address him. "Yes, little man. I love your momma like I love you."

"Yah! Daddy loves momma!" Masen exclaimed excitedly. "Can I have a fruit snack now?"

I smiled. I loved his short attention span. "Yes, Masen, you can have a fruit snack now."

"Tanks," Masen squealed running out of my bedroom.

"Wow, that was ..."

"Awkward." I supplied standing up with him. "But it could probably have been worse. I don't think he's really old enough to grasp it. We'll just ease him into it slowly." I shrugged walking towards the door.

Edward stopped me. "Bells?"

I turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"Are we really doing this?"

I cocked my head to the side. "Do you want to? I mean this isn't going to be casual, Edward … we"— I gestured between the two of us—"can't do casual. We have two kids to think about …"

"I'm yours, Bella. One hundred percent committed."

I smiled a big smile. "Then we're doing this." I kissed him and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me flush against him.

Our kiss quickly got heated, and before long, I was pulling away gasping for air.

"Edward." I smiled placing a quick chaste kiss on his lips. "Please tell me you're staying the night tonight …"

"You bet your sweet ass I am." Edward smacked me on the ass as I turned to leave the bedroom.

I was reeling in my newfound happiness when I entered the living room. Unfortunately, it was extremely short lived.

I gasped then narrowed in on Masen. "Why would you try to pour yourself a cup of milk?" I turned to Edward. "That gallon was full."

I had stopped on the way home to get milk. I knew we had used the last of it for breakfast.

"I know," Edward supplied, turning to our son. "Masen, buddy, why didn't you ask for help?"

"I's a big boy," Masen explained.

"I know you're a big boy, Mas, but that was heavy, buddy. Even for daddy. You should have asked for help." Edward reasoned with Masen while I went to get the steam vac to suck up the gallon of milk drenching my carpet. I dragged it into the kitchen, and began filling the water tank.

What would possess him to pour milk in the living room?

"Let me get that for you," Edward said just as I was getting ready to pick up the full water tank.

I dropped my arms. "Go right ahead."

Edward chuckled lifting it up. "I'll clean it up. You should probably go talk to Masen … he's in his room."

I nodded, kissing Edward on the cheek.

Masen was lying on his bed mumbling to himself. "Momma's mad at me … I makes momma mad…" over and over again. It kinda broke my heart.

Okay, it tore my heart to shreds.

"Masen, honey …" Masen's head popped up from his pillow. "Can I talk to you for a minute, baby?" I wanted to hold him, to kiss away his pain, but I knew we had to talk about what he'd done.

"Okay, mommy," Masen replied solemnly. He didn't move; he just lay there on his bed staring at me. I slid in next to him.

"Buddy, why didn't you ask mommy or daddy for help?" I asked, lifting his little head so I could see his eyes better. "Or better yet, why didn't you just get a juice bag? Why did you get milk?"

"I wanted milk." Masen shrugged, tears falling wildly down his cheeks. "I sorry I didn't ask for help."

I sighed. I hated seeing my little boy so broken … so sad. "Just don't do it again, Masen. I mean it. You ask for help. Got it?"

Masen nodded. "Got it."

"Still best friends?" I asked ruffling his unruly hair.

Masen sat up, smiling widely. "Uh huh!"

"Cool."

"Daddy too?"

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Daddy too." Masen adored his father, which made me extremely happy. I hoped like hell that it worked for Edward and I, I'd love for our kids to have the same upbringing we did.

Both of us came from two-parent homes where our mothers had been around for us. The Cullen's were loaded, and my family didn't fair too bad. My mom didn't necessarily have to work, and she didn't until I went to school, and even then, she decided to go back to work as a preschool teacher. She loved being around kids. She and my father had tried to have more, but without success.

Esme Cullen ran a private interior design company, which she started after her kids went off to college.

"I thinks momma falls asleep." Masen whispered interrupting my internal ramblings.

"I think you may be right," Edward whispered back, and I couldn't hold back a smile. "Your momma's a really good faker, Masen."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped, especially when I turned to see Masen yawning. "I think it might be nap time for a certain little boy, though. What do you think, daddy?"

"NO!" Masen whined sitting up. "I's not tired." Another yawn escaped him.

"Sure you're not." Edward laughed. "I think momma's right, buddy. It's almost two; it's actually past nap time." Yay, daddy! Way to be on my side! "Why don't you go in and go potty?"

Masen whined and cried as he got up to use the bathroom.

I slid out of Masen's bed and was pulled into Edward's arms. I felt content there. "I could use a nap myself." I laughed. "I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, Alice will do that to a person."

I laughed. He was so right. I think it may actually be worse now than it was before.

"You can take a nap if you want to," Edward whispered into my ear before kissing my temple. I sighed and rested my head on his chest.

Masen didn't even bat an eye at us when he walked back in the bedroom. "I's not tired's," he tried again. Edward and I both chuckled and Edward pulled away to get him settled into bed.

"Momma's really tired, too, Mas," Edward explained pulling Masen's blankets back. "So, how about we all go to sleep, so momma can go to sleep? You know she doesn't like to sleep while you're awake."

Masen studied my face carefully, before saying a faint "okay" and crawling into his bed.

We got Masen all tucked in, and then I went to the bathroom while Edward put the video games up. After, I snuggled under my blankets and waited for Edward. Luckily, he didn't make me wait long; as I'm sure I would have fallen asleep.

Edward slid in beside me and I curled into him. His arm wrapped protectively around me.

"I missed this," I sighed as Edward ran his hand lightly up and down my arm.

"So have I." There was no room for doubt in his response.

I snuggled closer and Edward brought his other arm around and pulled me so I was lying on him with both of his arms wrapped securely around me. I sighed in contentment and nuzzled into his neck.

"I don't want Tanya staying at your house, Edward. Not even if you're gone … I just don't trust her."

"Okay. I'll tell her to get a room," he said, without hesitation.

I smiled and kissed his chest. "Thank you."

"There's no need to thank me, baby. I'll give you anything you want. I just want you to be happy."

I looked up, studying his eyes intently before placing a kiss on his lips. "I'm happy, Edward. I have everything I've wished for in the past four years, you're here … with Masen and I."

He was quiet for a moment, but when he did finally talk, he seemed nervous. "What about Tanya, Bells? I mean, if the baby is mine?"

"Then we'll deal with it. I'm not gonna take my family's happiness away because of a mistake you made while we were apart. We'll just keep our dealings with her as limited as possible. I know you'll have to be cordial, Edward, but I don't want that woman to be a part of our life.

"I can handle the baby, if she's yours, but not her … after everything you told me, talking to her on the phone, and then what Alice told me at lunch, I don't trust her. At all. I honestly don't think she'll ever stop trying to get you. And I don't want any more misunderstandings, Edward—"

"There will be no more misunderstandings," Edward interrupted. "That I promise. As far as Tanya goes, if the baby is mine, then yeah, I'll have to deal with her, but it will be very limited. I'm actually thinking supervised exchanges."

I laughed, but if I was being completely honest with myself, it wasn't far off from what I wanted.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea," I supplied, kissing him. "Do you mind if I call her and tell her she needs to get herself a hotel room?"

Edward chuckled. "Do you really think that's a good idea? The stress isn't good for you or the baby."

I sighed because I knew he was right, but I really wanted to hear what the bitch had to say. "Please? I won't get worked up." I gave him another kiss then pouted. "Pretty please?"

Edward groaned sliding his hands from the small of my back to cup my ass. "You know I can't say no to that. Never could." I smiled grinding my aching center against his growing erection. He growled. "But if I see you getting worked up I'm ending it, got it?"

I nodded as Edward moved me over his rock hard member. "Now, are you really tired?"

I shook my head. "There's plenty of time for sleep later."

I giggled as Edward made fast work at getting my clothes off.

**Author's Note**

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