So, umm... Long time no see? I'm sorry for taking forever to update. Reality caught up to me and I was busy. I beg your forgiveness. Enjoy!

Also, you people are so gullible. Like if I'd kill Loren.

Chapter 11

As soon as I got to my chosen location, I doubled over and threw up. Tears blurred my eyes and I let out a sob. She couldn't be dead. She couldn't. Oh God, what had I done? I sentenced her to death!

"I need to go back," I whispered. "I need to go back. I need to save her." I had a sudden image of it. Of her being decapitated. Of her lying on the ground, headless, bloody, dead. "Mommy…"

I buried my head in my hands and sank to my knees. What have I done? What have I done? I started crying. At first, it was just silent tears. But then I remembered my dad. Of how he was screaming at me to stop. At how he would give up everything to save his family. How was he feeling? His own son killed his wife…

I started sobbing. It was only for a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Through it all memories flooded my brain. When I was four and she laughed and hugged me when I made a drawing of our family on her bedroom door. When I was eight and she taught me how to ride my bike and her amused face when I tried to do it on my own and failed. How she teased me and my dad about not being able to hit the ball when she tried yet again to improve our softball skills. When she... When she… I let out a groan of despair.

But now she was just another headless body Visser Three designed. I was glad I didn't have to see it. I didn't think I could have lived with the image in my head.

Wait… I didn't see it. So maybe… Maybe it didn't happen! After all, she had fought the Visser once before and lived. Why couldn't it happen again? After all, how many times had I fought him and lived? Countless of times. Why couldn't it happen to her? And the others were there. Maybe they stopped him! Maybe she was alive and worried about me. They were probably waiting for me at Erek's. Yes, that had to be it. It had to. I couldn't live with myself if it wasn't.

I laughed quietly at myself. I was such a pessimist. Silly me.

I wiped the tears out of my eyes and smiled a bit. I'd get home (Erek's home) and hug them, and scream at them, and hug them again, and then we'd all laugh and everything would be okay. We'd all be fine. Just fine. I sniffed. And then I'd take a shower 'cause I reeked of crap and blood and vomit.

I ran out of the shack in the woods. The same one we tied Jake in when he became a Controller. I wouldn't leave the Time Matrix there permanently, but it would have to do for tonight.

I focused on my owl morph. The changes came but so did a wave of exhaustion. I let out a gasp and fell. I just managed to demorph in time before I collapsed and the world went black.

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping and a horrible back ache. The sun shone on my face and hurt my eyes when I opened them. I groaned and sat up. I was covered in leaves and dirt. I blinked. What was I doing there? I yawned. I felt awful. I felt like if I could sleep for another week. I stood up. What was I doing here? Why wasn't I in my be- oh. Right.

Yeerks. Pool. Time Matrix. Parents. Death. I had the urge to start crying again, but I didn't. I needed to make sure my mom was alive. Actually, when I thought about it, I needed to know that everyone was alive.

I checked on the Time Matrix to make sure it was there. It was. Once that was done I morphed to hawk and took off.

The window of Erek's living room was open and I flew right in. The Kings were eating what I assumed was breakfast. Or brunch. I didn't exactly have a watch. Erek jumped up and looked relieved.

"Thank God. We were so worried. Where have you been?"

"God had nothing to do with it," I muttered once I had a mouth. Then his words caught up with me. "Who do you mean by 'we'?" I demanded.

He looked a bit regretful. "The Animorphs and I." I felt a stab of dread.

"And my parents?" I asked softly, hopefully. His look said it all. "Erek, answer me." There was a pleading to my voice. I didn't like it at all. He looked away.

"Your dad is upstairs sleeping. We had to give him a sleeping pill because he was in hysterics after… After you left," Mr. King answered softly. I knew what he was saying.

"No," I whispered. "No, no, no, no, no, no! You're lying!" I was shouting now. Shouting and crying.

Erek reached out his hand to touch me, but I took a step back. A look of pity crossed his face. I didn't want pity. I wanted my mom back.

I ran to the living room and jumped on the couch. I was sobbing again. People were watching now. I didn't care.

They left me alone. Even after I stopped crying and was just staring off into space. Even after I turned on the radio and turned the volume on so loud I could barely hear my thoughts. That was good. I didn't want to think.

Eventually though, night came around and Erek walked into the living room. He unplugged the radio and shoved my legs off the couch.

"Rude," I muttered and sat up. He didn't say anything for a while.

"I didn't know you were into heavy metal rock," he finally said. I gave him a weird look.

"I'm not. I hate that stuff." He gave me an incredulous look.

"You were listening to it all day long." I was? I didn't even notice.

"Oh," was all I said. More silence. It wasn't all that comfortable.

"You haven't eaten all day long."

"I'm not hungry." I would just puke it back up. He looked me over, analyzing me. Normally, I'd make a joke about him checking me out.

"The others called. All of them. Rachel called about five times. They wanted to know if you were okay." I didn't answer him. I wasn't okay. I hoped he told them I was.

"You have to talk to him, you know."

"Who?" I tried to make my voice sound oblivious. I'm not a good actor.

"You know very well who," he replied coldly. His voice softened. "He's in pain too, you know. I'm sure he wants to see you." I wouldn't want to see me.

"He must hate me," I answered. My voice cracked.

"He's your father. He loves you." I snorted. Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn't. I didn't want to think about the latter. I didn't think I could stand it if my dad looked at me with hatred.

"Yeah, well, why risk it?" My voice sounded bitter. Erek jumped up and gave me an angry look.

"Stop being selfish, Tobias! You're going to have to face him sooner or later. Man, I didn't know you were such a coward." Normally I would have snapped back.

Instead I said, "Yeah, well, you never finish getting to know a person, do you?"

He gave me a disbelieving look and stalked off. Whatever. What did he know? He'd never killed someone he loved. He never had to deal with the guilt of facing someone who's life you destroyed because of it. He'd never even killed. Stupid, peace-loving Chee. I hated him so much because of it. How could he be so clean and flawless while I was so dirty? How could he judge me? He didn't understand anything.

Instantly I regretted my thoughts then regretted regretting them. Well, all the other Chee hadn't killed. I could hate them instead.

I was just trying to save the world. I made the right choice, dammit! The hard one, but the right one. Who cared if my dad hated me? Because, really, how could I even compare my mom's life to everyone else in the planet? There were over six billion people on Earth! It would have been stupid not to sacrifice my mother. And selfish.

And I hated myself so much for even thinking that. I cared if my dad hated me. I loved him. I loved my mother, too. But I had killed her. For the greater good or not, I still killed her.

Erek was right. I would talk to him. Just not tonight. Tomorrow. And I hoped everything would be better in the morning.

Hope can be a very stupid feeling.

Again, you are all very gullible. ;D