*I don't own Bioware's characters (sheesh feel like a little kid writing lines on the chalkboard)

*;) and now Anders has Hawke...

Hawke awoke unsure of where she was; blinking her eyes repeatedly, trying to make them focus. Her head was pounding…a hand run through her hair. Had she finally tasted the tavern's ale? Is this what Isabela meant about waking up in a random bed? Then, suddenly everything came back to her…tasting Fenris, arguing with him…she lifted from the cot quickly, gasping out as she felt Fenris' hand once again on her chest. That's when she saw him…

Anders was lying on the floor. She whispered his name softly; feeling her heart break. She tried to remember what had happened. Anders had given her a potion and then everything went black. She looked down at her leg and found the wound had vanished. Her cough was gone as well. Pulling down her shirt showed her a small bruise on her chest that Anders had obviously healed as well.

"3 out of 4 Anders. Not bad." Hawke said a bit too loudly; happy to have her voice back. Anders stirred on the floor calling out for Hawke. Much like a mother guides a small child to bed after they have fallen asleep on the sofa, Hawke led Anders to the cot she had slept on. She knew he wouldn't remember this; it was that period between sleep where real life felt more like a dream. She guessed that he had fallen to the floor, exhausted after trying desperately to heal her just like he had on the wounded coast. Last time, she hadn't thanked him properly but today she would.

She untied his ponytail to allow him to rest his head down. Hawke sat at the edge of the cot. Combing his hair away from his face, using her hands. She focused on that small lock of hair that always seem to stray on his forehead. The soft sound that came out of Anders made Hawke smile. And then she remembered what she had done to him. Her hand ran over her face exasperated at the way she toyed with him. She had stripped for him; with no other intention that feeding her own twisted ego. The elf had dismissed her; so she ran to Anders for comfort…comfort for herself at the expense of Anders' feelings.

"I'm sorry," Hawke whispered lightly as tears began to moisten her eyes. She ran her hand over his hair. "I'm so sorry Anders," As the tears began to stream down her cheeks she lightly traced his features. Maker did she hate herself at the moment. But she wouldn't leave him. Not today. She wanted to kick herself as a small voice in her arose beginning to compare Anders and the damn elf. The tally marks that instantly began to decide who had the best features.

"Ugg." Hawke released all the pent up frustration with herself by beginning to pick up all the soiled cloth wraps that littered the floor. She piled them up where Anders usually placed them; near the back corner of the clinic. She fixed the fireplace; readying it for when it needed to be lit. She swept the floor. Hawke gathered up the vials wanting to rinse them out but afraid of mixing things that shouldn't be mixed. She placed them all on an empty table. Looking back to Anders she couldn't help but wonder if she should wake him up for a lyrium potion. Surveying the clinic one more time told her that the only real jobs would be washing the cloths and rinsing the vials, both jobs that she was a little too afraid to interfere with. Only one more thing to do, give him the potion; she picked up a potion from his shelf.

Hawke walked over to the cot and sat one more time. Hawke stopped her hand in midair. It was looming over Anders' forehead to stir him awake when she realized that it wasn't exactly clean. She tried calling out his name in vain. Biting her lip in concentration, she decided against walking outside to gather some fresh water to clean her hands. Hawke planted a small kiss on his cheek. Anders stirred a bit. Well that works. Hawke planted another light kiss on his cheek.

"Wake up Anders," she whispered into his ear.

"Sweetheart?" his sleepy voice came out.

"Nope. Just Hawke," she smiled at him as he awoke; thinking of other girls are we Anders. "Drink this," she ordered, following the same steps he had taken with her. As soon as he was done Hawke stood up softly as he rolled over, seemingly about to continue his sleep. She walked nimbly over to the table where she had set up the vacant vials and placed the newly emptied vial down.

Hawke nearly bumped into Anders as she turned around. He had been standing behind her. The look on his face the same it had been the day at the Hanged Man when she had given in.

"Hello sweetheart," He stated smiling.

"No Anders you're not drea…" Her voice cut out as he started kissing her jaw line passionately. Her eyes fell closed as her teeth tightened shut.

"You've never…(kiss)…felt this…(kiss)…real before love."

And then it hit her. Oh Maker he thought he was dreaming. She slipped past him leaving him confused.

"Oh sweetheart but you have been this hard to get."

"Anders. You're awake."

Anders smiled shaking his head. "Can't fool me, darling. My clinic is dirty at the moment, my love. You're asleep there, on that cot. It's time to play, love. I can't do it in real life, but in here, you're mine." Anders walked over to Hawke possessively. Hawke avoided him; wondering over to the table that held his potions. She scanned quickly trying to find the potion that he had given her before. She reached out for it as she felt hands entangle her waist.

"Maker you don't waste time do you," Hawke found herself breathing out as Anders moved himself on her. His hands found her breasts massaging them kindly. The movement rivaled that of his hips as he moved roughly against her ass.

"I've had you a million times love. Let's make it a million and one." Something about those words made Hawke melt. Maybe it was because he dreamed of her. Maybe it was because he had had her a million times but still wanted more. Or maybe it was just her undernourished ego that needed a bit of need. She found herself moving back on him as his small chuckle filled her ears. "Who do you like more Hawke? Me or the elf? Say it Hawke…I want to hear you say it."

Decision time Hawke.

Let him believe this was a dream…his statement about his place being dirty had been his trick to be able to tell that he was in the Fade. What he hadn't counted on was the fact that she had woken up and cleaned. She knew that this was one of the many ways to differentiate between the Fade and the real world for mages; remember small details before you fall asleep. She'd overheard Bethany and her father speak about it many times.

Or, she could tell him the truth. Embarrassing him. He'd confessed too much. Could she do this to him after what he'd done for her? No. She couldn't. So she'd meet somewhere in the middle.

Hawke turned around to face Anders. "My answer is the same as it always is."

"Hmm…why do you love me Hawke?" Great! Awesome questions Anders.

"Why shouldn't I Anders?"

"You don't love me when we're out of the Fade Hawke." Anders looked at her armor as he ran his hands languidly down and up her chest. "Here," he said pointing to the place she knew her bruise was. "Here is where that monster harmed you. And you let him. You…the real Hawke didn't say anything." Moisture built up in his eyes. "When I saw what he'd done to you my love. I wanted to kill him." Anders kissed Hawke's forehead. The tears that streamed down his cheeks caused Hawke to kiss him on his lips, pouring as much love as she could into the kiss. Anders was shocked at first until he gave in to the kiss.

"You have never kissed me before. I wonder if this is how it will feel out of the Fade."

"We've been together a million times Anders." Hawke mused wanting to ask if they had never kissed, but Fade Hawke would surely know that answer.

"Yes sweetheart. But I always start the kisses. Even in here you appear to not want me." Anders commented sadly. Damn it Anders can you just go one conversation without breaking my heart.

"Sit. I have something for you." Anders followed her command. She found a drinking cup and quickly poured the sleeping potion into it.

Walking over to Anders she made her decision. She placed the cup on the floor as she kissed Anders again. A slow kiss that turned frantic when he muttered something about not wanting to lose her. She lost herself more than she wanted to. He was a handsome man that wasn't the problem. That's not why she didn't kiss him in the real world, as he called it…it was the repercussions that came from such actions that she wanted to avoid.

But right now he thought he was in the fade. All of her binds came undone. She kissed him until she needed to come back up for air. But he never stopped. He kissed her neck as his hands appeared to be everywhere at once. One more kiss, Hawke thought. She frantically kissed Anders feeling the effect it had on him under her. The stiffness of that particular part of his body heightened her senses. She kissed him this time…not to just nourish her ego but to nourish his. You're amazing she whispered into his ear. Chuckling he began to undress her. She stopped him as he began to unbuckle her armor. She handed the cup to him and told him to drink.

"Why should I drink a sleeping potion Hawke? They don't really work in the Fade." Anders asked worried.

"Because Anders. We're going to celebrate our million and one time by having me wake you up with something special in my mouth. Don't you want to try and wake up like that?" She smiled as Anders downed the potion and flashed her a toothy grin.

O.o

Hawke walked home after Anders had gone to sleep and she had secured his clinic. She was deep in thought, it was night, but she wasn't going to spend the night at Anders'. She went over the damn plot holes in her story. When Anders woke up she knew he'd see that his clinic was clean. The nasty side effects were sure to take hold of Anders as well. The slight delusion and memory loss that came with the potion were only temporary. He would find out no dou…

Hawke tried to walk as she had before. Her thoughts were no longer on Anders and what had transpired. They were on the soft footfalls that were behind her. Not a good idea to be walking in Lowtown after dark. She scolded herself as the footfalls came closer…readying her daggers.

"I promise no alleys this time,"

"Fenris how about no lurking either."

"You appeared to be deep in thought Hawke. Didn't want to intrude." When Hawke failed to respond he continued. "I want to talk."

"I thought you were,"

Fenris' eyes narrowed. "I hurt you. I…abused your trust. I see you are better. I imagine you were with the abomination. Can't he walk you to your door?"

Hawke turned to face him. "No. Healing me weakened him enough to make him faint." The small scoff that escaped Fenris caused her to step forward and snarl at him to let her know what he wanted.

"I will not be with a group that does not want me Hawke."

"And your point is?"

"Do you want me?"

"Want you? In what manner? Want you to help me rid the world of every slaver? Want you to help me save all the mages? Want you to help me help all the templars? Want you to drive your foot though me next? What do you mean want you?"

"Want me to aid you in whatever manner you want." Fenris responded cringing at the thought of helping mages or hurting Hawke again.

"What do you want, Fenris?"

"What?"

"What do YOU want? If you want to help, then help. If not, then leave."

"That's it. That's your answer?" Fenris felt robbed. He had expected a fight. He had expected her to show some form of preference. Hating him was better than being indifferent.

"Yep."

Fenris growled. Something in him didn't feel right.

"Tell me to stay and I will stay. Tell me it's my choice and I will leave."

"If you would prefer to leave Fenris then leave. You're a free man. You can choose to do whatever you want. If you feel like you owe me, don't. If you want me to help you with Danarius. You know the routine. Walk into the Hanged Man…tell Varric you need our help…and I promise you will get priority doesn't matter if its a month from now or if I'm 100 years old. My old crusty bones will walk up however many steps to cut down Danarius. We will help you, no matter what." Hawke said all of this without her voice faltering; which she chalked it up as a win. Truthfully, she didn't care what he did as long as it was his decision. And maker! She wasn't going to wait around for the repercussions of this decision. She'd had enough of those. She turned around and headed home.

Fenris stood there not knowing what to do. He wanted to run to her. To shake her. To tell her to tell him she felt the same way he did for her. He wanted to know that she liked him. Wanted to know that she liked his taste. Wanted to know that she liked his aroma. He wanted to confess, to tell her that he couldn't do this; not like a normal person would. Feelings; these were new to him. Decision as well. She needed to understand that he needed time. He did want her. But he couldn't want her. Was that so hard to understand?

He settled for following her all the way to her home. When he saw her enter and close the door he looked at the ground content that she was safe. As he turned to leave he picked up the sound of a door opening.

"Thanks for stalking me home," Hawke's voice was sweet. The first time in their conversation. Fenris smiled up to her unsure of what to say. He bowed his head and smiled kindly. "Thanks for the smile," she said closing the door.

"aeternum" Fenris muttered. "Always my Hawke."