Chapter 11

Cowardly Mouse Can Still Roar

"Princess Yuki! Please put on a shawl, it's cold out!" Stop…

"Princess Yuki, wear this, it will make Ilbani happy!" No…more…

"Princess Yuki, you shouldn't work so hard. It's bad for your health." Make it stop!

I held my head in my hands as I sat in the meadow. I should be at the execution…I should be there…but I can't force myself to go. My tears had long run dry. And now I just sit here, memory after memory assaulting me.

"I'm not strong enough for this." I say into the empty field. It hurt to hear it. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong enough to protect her. I failed again. Just like with Prince Zannanza. I failed. I failed, and I wasn't even strong enough to face the result of my failure.

"How come whenever I find you, you're always upset, little mouse." Damn. I wasn't in the mood to deal with him right now.

"Leave me alone, Ramses." I say, not even bothering to look up.

"Aww…why must my little mouse be so cold to me?" His voice was closer.

"I am not a mouse, and I am NOT YOURS." I say, my patience was at its limit. I got up unhappily and was surprised to be glaring right up at Ramses, my chest nearly touching his. His eyes glinted down at me with amusement. When had he gotten that close?

"Hehe. Not mine yet." He said hoarsely, grabbing my arm. I pulled back roughly, but his grip didn't loosen.

"What are you doing?" I hiss, still yanking my arm back with no avail.

"…Do you know how bad the situation in Egypt is right now?" He asked quietly.

"Egypt…after the murder of Tutankhamen…was a mess…well I guess it was a mess before that too, huh." I answer tentatively. What was he getting at?

"I want to fix it. I want to create a new Egypt. I will be a pharaoh." He said, a dreamy look in his eye. That's right. I keep forgetting that Ramses will one day be a great ruler. It's hard to imagine…that this playful, infuriating man was going to be a great ruler. My thoughts were interrupted as he continued talking, his eyes locked on to me.

"Women have always been behind powerful men, some manipulative and deceitful. I want a woman at my side, one that is smart, and will not stab me in the back. I need a woman who thinks. One who can plan. I want no other woman but you by my side." He said in more solemnity then I had ever heard from him. I pull harder on my arm in an attempt to get away. He only gripped me tighter. I know he was stronger then me. I frantically grasped for ideas. My eyes locked onto the quiver of arrows he had on his back. As a soldier, he was always armed… That's it!

I struggled and kicked, screaming and shouting. Even if he was stronger, he struggled to detain me. He kept moving, I unbuckled my knees, pulling my body onto the ground so that I was sitting. This caused him to bend at the waist, his arrows spilling out from the quiver. Perfect. I suddenly kicked him in the stomach, bracing myself against the ground to put more force into the kick. It pushed him back enough for me to free my hands. I quickly snag an arrow off the ground and slip the bracelet I had onto the arrow. I quickly tossed it toward my satchel hidden by the tall grass. Please…please work. I silently pray.

"Enough playing." Ramses said, grabbing me and tossing me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I kicked and screamed, I was not going to go down without a fight. Even if it was useless… I was going to fight. I continued to fight even as He mounted his horse with me over his shoulder.

Ilbani's POV

Ursula…today was the day…even I was not so heartless as to not feel sadness. But this was necessary. She had done this of her free will…and the sacrifice she made would bring so much suspicion on Queen Nakia. But…even if it was necessary and logically the right thing to do…why did I feel wrong? I sigh. Yuki…where was she? I know I upset her. I…I couldn't let this opportunity pass. I just couldn't. Would Yuki understand?

I was interrupted as something sprinted across my path and sat directly in front of me. Was that…a fox?

"Nenatti?" I say, was this that little fox Yuki had picked up? What was she doing here by herself…? And was that…an arrow in her mouth? I reached down to snag the arrow out of her mouth before she hurt herself with it. Wait. An Egyptian arrow? This was not one of Yuki's…but the bracelet slung on to it was.

Ramses. Of course I noticed the way his eyes followed Yuki's every move. I knew he wouldn't have been able to take her from the palace, not with all the guards. In all of this commotion, he had slipped my mind as I watched Yuki head out on Huwant this morning. I had wanted to give her space, to think and grieve. But now…

"Damn." I curse quietly. I couldn't leave, not at this critical time. With the trial and accusing Queen Nakia once and for all, I had to be here! But I couldn't just leave Yuki with Ramses; there was no way she could wait.

"Go." Hadi voice came from behind me. "Prince Kail and Yuri are on their way back, we can hold out until then. So go." Her sisters nodded in agreement.

I didn't waste a second; I nodded my thanks to Hadi and went to prepare my horse. Rusafa and Kash wordlessly followed suit.

As we rode out of Hattusa…I realized that I had just left my duty to get Yuki. And I have no regrets about it.

Yuki's POV

I was livid. The damned man had tied me to a pole and was trying to feed me like a child.

"C'mon, little mouse. You have to eat something. You're already really tiny, if you don't eat, you'll be nothing more then a wisp." He nudged the spoon of soup at me. I turned my nose up in distaste. We were still in Hittite lands; Ramses was trying to get through undetected so we were going to be moving from town to town. I was trying to see if I could find a way to buy some time. I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. I shifted my foot a bit. Luckily, Ramses had not searched me; I still had a dagger attached to my thigh and some knives hidden in my boot. The only thing stopping me from cutting the ropes binding my hands was the fact that Ramses did not travel alone, he had a set of guards outside the hut. Getting by Ramses would be a miracle, getting by a group of guards would be beyond a blessing. My plan was to wait for a perfect moment, probably at night, and sneak out quietly. Ramses had brought Huwant when he nabbed me so that he wouldn't have to carry me all the way to Egypt.

I wonder if Nenatti got back to the palace…the meadow we were at was not far off, and she obviously knew how to sneak into the palace since that's where I first found her, but whom had she alerted? I wondered what I had expected to happen if someone actually did find the arrow and realize what had happened. Yuri and Prince Kail were still racing back from Alinna, and Ilbani…well with all of the political chaos going on, Ilbani wouldn't be able to step out. I guess I was on my own, which was fine with me, I was never one to sit around and wait to be rescued.

That night, I noticed the guard had fallen asleep. They switched guards three times a night, which was about every two hours or so. They had switched only once, and I estimated that about forty-five minutes has passed since the last switch. I had at least an hour before the next guard rotation. Perfect.

I pulled my foot up closer to me and snagged the knife out of my boot. I quickly cut the bonds on my hands and slipped out toward where the horses were tied. They would hear Huwant's footsteps…I looked around and saw an old burlap sack. I still had forty minutes. I cut the sack into four sections and tied them around Huwant's hooves to dampen the sound of them striking the ground. It worked; the guard didn't even stir as I rode past him and into the night.

"I might not be a fighter, but I know my way in the shadows." I thought, grinning.

I didn't know exactly where I was, but I had mentally mapped the path that Ramses had taken to get here. As long as I follow that path, I should be able to get back to Hattusa. I couldn't help but grin a bit.

"Hah. Whose a mouse now?" I muse to myself.

Ilbani's POV

I had no idea where she was, where he had taken her. At this point, I was working off of tips from the towns. It was a wild goose chase; I was basically just asking inns if they had seen a group of Egyptian soldiers traveling with a young girl with black hair and black eyes. So far, it looked like Ramses is hopping villages to get to Egypt. Good, it gives me more time to find her. But that means more nights she is spending with him. I grit my teeth in anger at the thought of his hands all over her. I doubt he would be doing any of that easily though, that girl was a wildcat when you stretched her patience too thin. I hope that her temper would keep him at bay until I got there.

We had gotten word…that Ursula had been executed. I had told Kash to go back to Hattusa…but he refused, saying Ursula would be upset if he didn't help find Princess Yuki. But the grief in his eyes was apparent.

Prince Kail and Yuri were back in Hattusa dealing with the senate and the Queen; Hadi had done an excellent job holding the fort before. Now all that was left was…Yuki.

I had never felt so pressed. I could constantly hear my heart pounding in my chest, I was restless when we were forced to stop and rest.

"Yuki…do you see what you've done to me?" I ask quietly, my words lost in the wind as we rode on.

Yuki's POV

It was midday, they had surely found out that I had escaped by now. I had retraced their steps and was moving at a pretty fast rate. I patted Huwant in apology; I had to cut rest stops to the bare minimum. I had to put in as much distance between them and us as possible.

I yelped in surprise as a weighted rope wrapped around me, knocking me off of Huwant. I felt the air get knocked out of me as I hit the hard ground. I coughed as the dust settled. Huwant had continued running without me. I hissed in anger as I heard a voice behind me.

"You're a clever little mouse, but don't think I would let you go so easily." Ramses pulled me up and began to tie my hands behind my back again.

"But…how…I know I was going at a much faster pace, and I even had a head start!" I sputter.

"You don't know this area, do you? You were merely tracing the path we had previously followed. The path we were going on was pretty roundabout; it stopped at nearly every village because I wanted to go undetected. I merely had to cut across to intercept you. But I commend you for getting away so soundlessly we didn't notice you absence until the guard switch!" He pulled me up onto his horse and mounted behind me. I growled. I didn't like him so close. I counted my lucky stars though; he had once again not searched me for weapons. But now I was without a horse. I began to contemplate a new plan. Now I know that I can cut across from the east and head directly to Hattusa. But I doubt they will leave an opening for me to escape again…

" You make the sweetest face when you are thinking!" Ramses' voice invaded my thoughts. He suddenly grabbed my chin and forced my lips on to his. They were unfamiliar. They didn't feel right! When his tongue slid into my mouth, my anger boiled over.

"OUCH!" He cried pulling back. I tasted the coppery flavor of blood in my mouth. I must have broken skin. Good. I smile with a plain look of satisfaction on my face.

Ramses' POV

I scowled as a metallic taste filled my mouth. Who knew the little mouse could bite so hard? I smirked, sure I was slightly upset that my tongue was now bleeding, but the look of sheer fury on her face was enough to soothe that pain.

I couldn't help but wonder how she managed to sneak out right from under our noses? Had her rope broken? No, to have had the rope broken at the same time the guard happened to fall asleep…fate was never that kind. I didn't even hear a thing when she left, she may have light feet, but her horse did not. Was I just sleeping too deeply to hear? No, the horses were right outside; I had to be deaf not to hear.

I looked down at her again as we rode. She was so incredibly tiny; she still had the innocent eyes of youth. How had this child outsmarted us?

Hm? I felt something press against my leg. I suddenly reached under her dress. She squeaked in surprise.

"What are you doing?!" She cried in rage. I pulled the dagger out from under her dress. This must be how she cut the rope. One problem solved.

"Little mice…shouldn't play with knives." I say nonchalantly, slipping the dagger into my own bag.

Ilbani's POV

"Hey, isn't that…Huwant!?" Rusafa cried as the horse came racing toward us. It was indeed Huwant, but where was Yuki? The horse whinnied and stamped its feet at us, turning in circles. It looked like…she was pointing us west.

"Why is she so restless?" Kash questioned, trying to get a hold on the animal. Huwant snorted and shook her mane, taking a few steps back in the direction she came from.

"Do you think…that she knows where Yuki is?" Rusafa inquired. I looked at the horse and pushed my own horse to trot in the direction Huwant came from. The moment I did, Huwant immediately launched ahead of me. She turned back to see if I was following her or not. If Huwant still had that much energy in her, then Yuki must be close.

"Follow her." I command. Rusafa and Kash were already on it. I may be taking a risk, following a horse, but it was better then this wild goose chase we were currently on.

"Hold on, Yuki." I whisper.

Yuki's POV

Night had fallen again. We had reached an Egyptian community after a full day's ride.

"Ramses, did you kidnap this girl? I don't want any trouble." The mayor said. So he knew I was kidnapped and planned to do nothing? I huffed in anger. Some people really…

" For your information, I am planning to marry this girl. So please leave us to our honeymoon." Ramses grinned, closing the door. I didn't like the lusty look in his eyes. I pulled back and pushed myself against the wall. My mind flashed to the knife in my boot, but before I could move, Ramses had grabbed my tied hands and pinned them above my head. I growled as he used MY dagger to cut the tunic from my body.

"Don't touch me! I thought you liked voluptuous women! If all you need from me is my mind, then don't touch me!" I hiss, trying to kick him. He grabbed my leg and pinned that on the ground too. I felt his hot mouth on my neck.

"Hm. You're right, I had no interest in your body. But you intrigue me. This soft skin, and tiny body…I just want to try it out." I snarl as he traced the scar on my shoulder, the scar from the arrow. I hated this, his hands…his lips…they were all so alien. They were rough and forceful compared to Ilbani's soft touches.

He pulled up and kissed my arms, the ones being held over my head. I needed my arms free…I suddenly pushed up and slammed the top of my head into his chin. The blow made me see stars, and I bet I cracked a tooth on him. He gave a shout and fell back, stunned. I ignored the pain and seized the knife from my boot, slicing through my binds and grabbing the dagger from the floor where it had been abandoned. I also grabbed the sheet with me as I stood, draping it quickly over my nude form. He was just getting up when the door burst open. I looked up to see a furious Ilbani. Kash and Rusafa panting as they came up behind him.

Ilbani's POV

When I slammed the door open, the sight before me made me blind with fury and burst with pride. I was outraged to see that Yuki was nude under the sheet, that that man's eyes had seen her, that his hands had touched her.

But seeing her with the knife in her hand with that fuming look on her face as he sat on the floor in pain was enough to stem my anger. I knew she wouldn't go down without a fight. The surprised look on her face when she saw me though…did she not think I was coming to find her? I felt a pang of sadness. Was I truly that uptight that she thought I would choose my duty over her? I sighed as I realized, yes I was.

"Hmmmm, I don't think the odds are with me right now." Ramses grimaced and dashed out the back door. "See ya later, little mouse!" he laughed as he rode off. I took a step to go after him, but a small hand grasped my robe and stopped me. Kash and Rusafa slipped outside and went to see if they could catch up to Ramses.

"Ilbani?" Yuki whispered, as if she was afraid I wasn't real. I reached up and ran my hand through her hair. Her stoic mask melted, and I saw fear and relief mix in her eyes. I pulled her close and held her in my embrace. She instantly relaxed, but I could feel her shaking. I felt her hands grasp my robes and pull me closer to her.

"Y-you came for me." She sniffled. I pulled back and lifted her chin, looking her right in the eyes.

"Of course I did. I love you." She looked conflicted for a moment, her mouth opened, but no words came out. She suddenly rose up on her toes and kissed me with a force and passion I had never felt from her. It was the first time she kissed me. Usually, I was the one who initiated the kiss.

I understood clearly. She still couldn't say it. But I got her message loud and clear.

Yuki's POV

I rode back to Hattusa with Ilbani on Huwant. The little propriety that we kept as a couple seemed to be ignored. I sat snugly against him, basking in his familiar warmth. The entire time, I never let go of his robe. I don't know why, it just made me feel secure to have a physical grip on him. Even if I know, that my measly grip wouldn't stop him if he wanted to rip himself away from me, my grip would not keep misfortune from happening. But…I couldn't help it. Even though I knew that, I couldn't loosen my grip on him the entire way home. Even as we walked into the palace, I clung to him, nestling close to his side.

When we walked into the palace, the shroud of sadness that covered Prince Kail's palace. When I walked in, I felt the entirety of the situation. Ursula…was gone.

"Uhn…" I whimper when I reached our room. I sat on the bed and fought to keep my emotions under control.

"Stop trying to hide your pain. It can't be good for you." Ilbani's voice surprised me. I had forgotten he was behind me. I took a calming breathe and headed to where I stored my writing tablets. I noticed Nenatti on the bed and put my arm down to let her climb on my shoulder. I pet the fox fondly. She had saved my life. Who knew what would have happened if Nenatti had not taken the arrow back to Hattusa?

I yanked open the drawer and pulled out a tablet and stylus and began to jot down notes.

"What are you doing?" Ilbani asked, I could hear an annoyed edge in his voice.

"U-Ursula…she left us with a perfect opportunity to stop Queen Nakia for good. But we are going to have to work fast. Queen Nakia is very clever. If we hesitate too long, she will find a way to squirm her way out of our grasp. I cant let her death go to waste, Ilbani. I just cant…" I say. I jotted down as much information as I could remember, I had to get all my thoughts in order, and then I could think of a plan. But…my hand was shaking. Why…I glare at my hand, trying to force it still.

"Emotion must be kept separate from logic." I had always said that to myself. Ever since I arrived here, and even before, when I was in Japan. It was so easy back then, to separate the two. But now…why won't my hand stop shaking? I watched as Ilbani's hand enclosed mine. I looked up and it looked like he was going to say something before he was interrupted.

"Ilbani! It's Urhi! They've found him, we have to give chase!" Yuri's frantic voice drifted through the door. Urhi, his testimony would be a huge step forward! I grab my satchel just as Nenatti hopped into it. Seemed the little fox wasn't going to be leaving me alone again for a while. I turned to see Ilbani was already headed out the door. I followed close behind.

"Urhi!" Yuri cried, "Please, just give your testimony and live! Queen Nakia, she has already forsaken you, you have no more loyalty to her. Please, Urhi!" Yuri was practically begging. Prince Kail seemed to have a more aggressive approach, unsheathing his sword and charging at Urhi, trying to bring him down by force.

We all gasped as we saw Urhi move closer to the edge of the cliff, right over the raging river. Yuri was the first to act, leaping forward and reaching forward to try and grab the blond priest as he plummeted off the cliff.

"Yuri, get back!" Prince Kail and I shouted at the same time. I watched in horror as she slipped as she lunged for Urhi. I dove toward her, but Prince Kail got to her first, wrapping his arm securely around her waist, keeping her from tumbling down after Urhi.

I know I should feel relieved that he was there to catch her, but seeing them…seeing her saved by someone else…I felt a little pang of loss. I had always based my life…on protecting Yuri. It was who I was. But, it seems my job is now over. Now…there was someone else who would protect her. I couldn't help but wonder, who was protecting who? I was the one…who kept the bullies at bay on the playground. But I have no doubt that Yuri could have taken care of them on her own. Yuri was the one who would hold me when I couldn't take the silence at home. She was the one who was held my hand as we walked into school that first day. I…was never needed to protect her. I had just convinced myself…so that I would feel needed, I guess.

During one of our mythology lessons…Ilbani had said…that Ereshkigal was a strong queen, she had the most power between the sisters. But…Ereshkigal had always been jealous of her sister. Jealous that her sister was able to walk under the sky and bask in the sunshine, while Ereshkigal was forced to remain in the underworld, watching over dead souls for all of eternity, never able to leave and taste the warm sunlight or feel the grass beneath her feet.

Was…was I jealous? Did I just want some of that sunshine; hope that some of that light might rub off on me. Did I just want to bask in her light? I felt myself become overwhelmed with shame. Was…was that what I based my friendship with Yuri on? I hugged myself. It…it was cold…and I was tired. I felt an arm around my own waist. Ilbani looked down at me, worry etching his features. Hah. I must look like a mess for the worry to break past his political mask.

"Ilbani…am I like Ereshkigal? Do I…do I only envy Yuri?" I ask quietly.

"No. You have put your life on the line for Yuri. You have treated her as a close sister. You do not act on jealousy." Ilbani said, mounting his horse. I mounted Huwant and we all headed back toward the palace.

Ilbani's POV

I watched her bustle around, writing and delivering clay tablets, talking to members of the senate. She was trying to keep herself busy. I had even seen her re-arranging our bedroom. She never sat still. I noticed that about her. When there was something on her mind, she never sat still. I would see her pace up and down the hall in circles; she would busy herself with menial tasks all day. I remembered…this behavior…she was like this when Prince Zannanza was killed. She had worked herself into the ground. It was painful to watch.

There was something else on her mind…I thought back to that look on her face as she watched Prince Kail and Princess Yuri together on the cliff side. Why did she look so sad right then?

I wish she would lean on me a bit, ask for help. She never asked for help. Ever. Even for everyday tasks. Everyday, I would watch her wave off Kikkuri's attempt to assist her in carrying armfuls of clay tablets. I would see her refuse to let Hadi help her bathe when she was clearly injured. Even when I tutored her, she preferred to sit and re-read the material alone after the lesson, rather than ask me to clarify the parts she didn't understand. Was it stubbornness? Perhaps, but it seems deeper then that. I watched as she continued bustling around the room. She had run out of tasks and was just cleaning things up now. I sigh sadly as I saw her sway a bit. I took a step forward and caught her before she hit the ground.

"Ahaha. Whoops. I guess I'm just a bit dizzy." She laughed dully. I held on to her tight and would not let her move. She was so small, I felt as if I would crush her if I held on too tightly. I always forget. She is still so young. I wish I could clean her hands off of the dirt of politics. I wanted to just hide her away, somewhere safe where she would never get hurt. Where she would never know sadness.

"Tell me…what's on your mind." I say lightly.

Yuki's POV

I blinked owlishly at the innocent demand. It was a common enough conversation starter, especially since we are…what were we? Political partners, lovers, a student and teacher?

I looked at him again, his voice was pleading, and he didn't bother to hide the concern on his face anymore. I always worry him. Would it be better for him…to settle down with a true court lady? One that would not cause him so much worry?

"I just wanted to do some cleaning." I grin. The tone sounded false even in my own ears. He just continued to look down at me.

"It isn't your fault. You didn't fail." His words shook me.

"Stop it." I whisper.

"You did all you could. You didn't fail." He held me close.

"Stop!" I cry pushing him away and burying my head into my knees, grabbing fistfuls of my hair. " Stop. Don't…don't patronize me! I…should have…"

"Should have what? That situation had no other way out. There was nothing you could have done. You did everything you possibly could." He said gently. Why did he have to be so gentle and kind, while I was temperamental and bitter?

"There is always another way! There always is! I was supposed to find it…just like…like…" I trail off.

"Like Prince Zannanza?" his voice was like silk, it enfolded me in a sweet luxury…that I didn't deserve. He must have taken my silence as confirmation, because he went on.

"You acted like this back then too, you pushed yourself beyond your bodily limit. Why?" He wrapped his arms around me again. I was so exhausted; I welcomed the embrace, resting my head on his chest.

"Because…I'm a coward." I laugh bitterly. " I am a coward. 'If I work hard enough, maybe their deaths wouldn't be wasted.' That's what I'd say to myself. But I know…its because if I allow a moments rest…the guilt would destroy me. So I keep my mind busy enough, push my body far enough…so I don't have to think about it. So I can continue to run away from it."

"You…you are no coward. You stand tall, you are straightforward and you speak your mind. I've seen you stand up to men that could easily kill you. I've seen you put yourself in situations that risk your very life. You aren't running away. You are grieving. There is nothing wrong with grieving for a loss." He held me tighter.

"Grieving…of loss…" I breathe. The pain in my chest was becoming more adamant.

"You grieve…because you've lost a loved one. There is nothing cowardly about it." The pain in my chest was becoming unbearable now. I let out a sob. After that another, and another. I felt like a child as I wept in Ilbani's arms.

My chest hurts. It hurts so much. To lose a loved one…it hurts…for a moment, the old me whispered ugly thoughts into my head.

"If you hadn't loved, you wouldn't hurt so much" it sneered at me.

No. No that's not right. I…know that it hurts right now, it hurts so badly. But…I was happy to know Ursula. I don't regret knowing her. I don't regret letting her into my heart. Even if it hurts. I wouldn't trade away my memories of Ursula for anything.

Well that's chapter 11!

So as you can tell, the story is beginning to veer off of the manga and focus more on Yuki's story.

I'm trying to keep the timeline as close as possible to it though.

I changed the rating to M because...well as the story goes on, i think there will be some scenes that may not be good for young eyes...

Thank you all for reading, and thanks to those who reviewed!

~Eternally Snowy