They decided to get up early the next morning to get on the road, but as Dean was tossing and turning on the easy chair that night, something occurred to him and he went to look for Castiel. He found the former angel looking up at the sky outside the bunker.
"Hello Dean," Cas said.
"Hey Cas," Dean said. "What are you doing out here?"
"Just thinking about a line from Milton. 'Farewell happy fields where Joy forever dwells. Hale horrors hale'. Of course, Milton was describing hell from the perspective of Satan, but I still think it is apt. Paradise Lost was never my favourite, but now that I'm human, and thrown out of heaven, I can understand the themes better than I could before."
Dean looked at Cas carefully. "You sure that's the kind of thing you should be reading right now? I mean, maybe you should read something a little cheerer."
"What did you come to ask me about?" Cas asked.
"Just wondering…can you see the things you could see when you were an angel? Can you see the fact that Lizzie dedicated her soul to a demon?"
"No, I can't. But an angel with grace could see it," Cas said. "Why?"
"I just want to make sure this baptism works before we let Lizzie get on a plane to Louisiana. I thought if you could come with us, you could tell us if it really worked. I guess I wasn't thinking," Dean said.
"No, it's the kind of thing I would have done without thinking twice when I was a fully powered angel. Of course you thought I could do it. Perhaps the angel I summon to help Sam will help Elizabeth, too. Just call me when the ritual is complete, and I'll send the angel to you," Cas said.
"I didn't mean to make you feel…inadequate," Dean said.
"Well, it's all I'm going to feel if I stay here, in hiding. I should get out in the world, help people. Maybe help angels. I know you think I'll be in danger if I do that, but if I don't, what use will I be to anyone?" Cas asked wistfully.
"We could always use your help, Cas. You know that. But you don't owe us anything anymore. You do what you gotta do. The bunker will always be here if you need to crash," Dean said.
"And I do find that comforting, Dean. It's good to know that you still think of me as family," Cas said. "I don't know what I would do, if I couldn't depend on the fact that you and Sam still consider me a brother."
"Well, get used to it," Dean said, his voice suspiciously rough.
When Dean got back to the sitting area where he and Benny were sleeping, he saw his friend was asleep. He looked dead—pale, still, and cold. It brought back terrible memories for Dean. Memories of severing his friend's head from his body and then stuffing him in the trunk of the Impala and eventually burying him. That had been the first time that he'd acknowledged that what he felt for Benny was a little different than simple friendship. He'd been devastated, and he'd felt abandoned, betrayed. Dumped. He'd felt like he'd felt when Lisa had kicked him out of her life.
He had fantasized about what he'd say or do if Benny ever came back, and one time, when he'd been tired and drunk, he'd allowed himself to fantasize about kissing Benny.
He didn't know why him. Why now. He obviously wasn't gay, but he definitely discovering his bisexual side. And he wasn't a prude, or against homosexuality, so it shouldn't be a big deal for him. But because it was Benny, and Benny was in some ways the only human-like, male friend he'd ever had (Bobby was much more than a friend and Cas was much more than a human), he didn't want to ruin that.
He'd always thought one day he'd just let a guy in a bar pick him up—god knows enough men had tried to over the years—but somehow it wasn't the same as hooking up with a random girl. He didn't know if he trusted men the same way he trusted women. It reminded him a joke Louis CK told, wondering how any woman ever had the nerve to go out with a man because men are the number one danger to women in the world. Maybe some part of Dean had always thought he couldn't trust a man to treat him well, or be nice to him, or not make fun of his inexperience with other men. With a man he'd be more vulnerable than with a woman. He knew he could trust Benny with his life—he knew he could trust him with this.
"Damn, am I really thinking about this?" Dean asked himself. He glanced over at his still-sleeping friend and thought that this was all moot. Benny didn't share his feelings, and he wasn't going to ruin their friendship by making it all weird.
They both needed this friendship far too much to do anything to risk it.
The next morning at breakfast, Elizabeth confessed that she was actually kind of excited about the drive. "I know I really should be more worried about the restaurant, but the fact is, I've always wanted to see the Rocky Mountains."
"We could take an extra day, go to Yellowstone. You might not get another chance. It's world famous," Benny said.
"As long as I get on a flight back to New Orleans in three or four days, I won't really be taking that much longer off. We should do Yellowstone," Lizzie decided.
"I'm cool with that. But this timeline, you gotta remember that you're assuming this works, Lizzie. We've got to make sure you're not in any danger before you go," Dean said. "And I'm sorry, but making sure you're free of the demon is more important than opening your restaurant."
"What about this demon? What if he…it…whatever…comes back for revenge?" she asked.
"In all honesty, it will probably come after me, not you. But if it comes after you, you fight it. You get as safe as you can and you call us for help. As soon as you get home, paint a devil's trap on the floor under all your mats at home and at the restaurant. I'll tell you want you need to know. I'm sorry, but that's all you can do," Dean said.
"No, that's good advice," Lizzie said. "Thanks Dean."
Sam said a restrained goodbye to Dean, and Kevin waved tiredly from his research. Cas shook Dean's hand and promised to stay in touch about the angel assistance he was summoning.
Benny sat in the back of the Impala for the first leg of the journey, and Dean couldn't stop himself from looking back at his friend often. He wondered what Benny would think about his infatuation with him. Benny was old—really old—so it was possible that he would find the whole idea revolting. However, Benny never seemed to be a prude, and he had mentioned several times the fact that the longer you live, the more willing you are to try things you never thought you'd try, and to do whatever weird shit you had to to avoid becoming bored with eternal life.
But it doesn't matter what Benny thinks, Dean reminded himself, because you're never going to tell him.
They decided to push themselves hard to drive to Cody, Wyoming, and stay the night, then drive to Yellowstone for part of the day and try to get Idaho Falls the next night. That way they would have a relatively easy drive to Boise, perform the ritual, and maybe even get Elizabeth on the redeye home.
It was a good plan, in theory, but it meant a solid twelve hours or more driving through pretty bland landscape. It was nothing, to Dean, and probably it felt like the height of relaxation to Benny after Purgatory, but it was difficult for Elizabeth. She made it through, though, but when they got to Cody, she was beat and went to bed immediately.
Benny went to bed pretty early, too, and then they made the short but stunning trip to the heart of Yellowstone National Park the next morning. Elizabeth was entranced and convinced that the entire trip was worthwhile, and when they settled in to their motel in Idaho Falls that night, Dean hoped she was right. It would be awful if the Catholic ritual they had planned didn't do anything to protect the girl. He decided to call Father Simon and see what the man had planned.
"I thought we'd make sure we've got all of our bases covered. First, we baptize her, then, she confesses her sins, including the witchcraft stuff. Then, she is confirmed. I suppose then she tries another spell and sees if her powers have gone away," he said, but he didn't sound happy about that part.
"Yeah, I've started to wonder if doing more magic isn't a really bad idea, myself. What if the demon decides to take that as permission to return or something? I talked to my friend Castiel, and he's going to send an angel to examine her soul," Dean said.
Father Simon paused. "He's going to send an angel? Here?"
"Don't get too excited. It's generally a less pleasant experience than you'd think, meeting an angel. Cas is a notable exception, only I don't think he's coming," Dean said.
"I will have to pray on this," Father Simon said.
"Well, just don't tell anyone. I don't want this to turn into a whole religious thing. I just want to save Elizabeth," Dean said.
"Well, in the old church, when they used to punish witchcraft, confession used to wash the soul clean. Of course, they burned the offender alive in an effort to cleanse them of their sin, but if they confessed and repented, they were generally considered to be bound for heaven. The early church was heavily into punishment of transgression. I'm fairly certain burning the young lady alive is not a necessity," Father Simon said.
"Well, good," Dean said dryly.
He called Cas next. "What's going on with the angel?"
"I contacted an angel called Ephraim. He's going to do be here soon. He's going to do what he can for Sam tonight, then tomorrow morning fly out to Boise to examine your friend. It took some convincing. I'm not entirely sure he has a good grasp on humanity, but I think our conversation helped."
"Good, good. You know I'm trusting you to protect Sammy, here, Cas," Dean said.
"I won't let Ephraim hurt anyone, Dean," Cas said.
When Dean was off the phone, Benny looked over at him, his eyes warm with affection. "You get everything squared away?" he asked.
"I did. Yeah," Dean said.
"Why don't you go to sleep? If sleeping in the same bed as me makes you uncomfortable, I can sleep on the chair," Benny said. "I noticed the last time we were supposed to share you ended up falling asleep at the desk by your computer."
Dean shook his head. "No, I just don't usually sleep much. It's not…I don't mind sharing," he said.
"Prove it," Benny said. "Come lie here beside me and go to sleep."
Dean laid down, and got under the covers. He faced away from Benny, awkwardly wishing he was facing the vampire, or touching him, but not trusting himself to do either one of those things. Dean was sleeping in his clothes, a habit he'd picked up when he and Sam had been hunted by other hunters. Generally he wouldn't even allow himself to sleep under the covers. No wonder he couldn't sleep.
After probably half an hour, Dean felt Benny's hand on his shoulder. "Go to sleep, Dean. If anyone comes near, I'll wake up long before you. I've got you," he said.
Dean nodded, and tried to relax. After a little while, he managed to sleep.