Hey. Sorry about that - I've been really kinda ill. Poor me. But I'm still alive, so here's the update!

It mentions somewhere that Bella has a sort of fear of music after Edward leaves. I wanted her to overcome it, basically. So here goes!

From: EdwardMasen

To: CarlisleCullen; EsmeCullen; AliceBrandon; JasperWhitlock; RoseHale; Gizzabearhug

Subject: Letter #9

Jake's House,
La Push
Washington State,
30th October 2009

Hello, Edward

I should apologise for my last letter. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone crazy like that. I guess it just finally hit me, and I finally began to come to terms with what you did. Sorry.

I had another crack at the final four things on my list today, with Jake. He took me out into the forest, like he was waiting for something. I wasn't convinced, but he swore it would rain. And, of course, it did.

Honestly, that boy could give Alice a run for her money. (No offense...)

He had this boom box with him, and he'd set it under a tree, in a relatively dry bit. When it started to rain, he pressed the play button, and our song came on.

I'd like to be able to say that I smiled, because I'm so much over you by now that it doesn't matter to me, any more.

In reality? My knees nearly gave out. My head began to spin, and I felt nauseous, like I felt after the first journey back from our meadow, travelling at supernatural speed. And the pain, of course, was unlike anything I'd felt in a while. It pierced violently through the badly-repaired hole, forcing it open again. If the tumour doesn't kill me, maybe Clair de Lune will. That's what Debussy still does to me. And there was no Vampire there to catch me... there was just Jake. He caught me, and held me upright for a long time until I stopped my uncontrollable sobbing.

It eventually faded to silence, long after the music had. We were completely soaked together, but of course he was still remarkably warm, so I'll be okay. It kept raining. Typical Forks.

This is a huge improvement for me... you don't know how hard it's been for me, without music. Every song, every lyric of any song, I can somehow connect back to you unconsciously. It's crazy. It's bizarre. I don't understand it. And it hurts a hell of a lot.

But I'm taking steps to get over this. At least I'm trying, and I'm not running away.

I'll write soon.

Love always,

Bella

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