Cor-ai

Here is where the job went from interesting to intense, to ready-to-quit, back to couldn't think of doing anything else. I mean, I knew I couldn't. In that same way that Jack never gives up. Nor did he here, bless him. He wouldn't be the man I fell in love with, much less married, and consider doing so again, if he did.

When word came back that Teal'c was essentially under arrest for war crimes, it was my job to calm the tigress Drey'auc who wanted to go out and rescue her husband. I have to admit to myself, I envy her. There are times I want to go out and 'rescue' Jack. Yet I know the reality. Right now, I barely hit the target on the firing range, and I'm positive Drey'auc is going easy on me during our Jaffa-cise sessions. Yep, I know it's a fantasy to think about going out to 'save' Jack, not reality.

Drey'auc on the other hand, -could- rescue her husband if he was in trouble.

Except this time, General Hammond was saying no, and left me to say it for him. Points on his side, he did offer to do so himself, points against, he didn't authorize Jack's plan to go out there and kick native tail to get Teal'c back. I know the orders came from 'on high', so I shouldn't resent it, or him. I don't really, you don't marry into the military and not realize many times your spouse is not going to have any options when it came to orders from 'on high.'

To my surprise, Drey'auc understood that too. She didn't like it, all the Jaffa stoicism didn't hide that, and she shocked me to silence by using only my first name for once. Not that I mind being called 'Sara O'Neill' by her, however inaccurate, having long since given up trying to explain what the 'ex' meant, much less correct her. I don't think divorce is a concept with the Jaffa. Maybe it's because life expectancy of one's spouse, typically the husband is not always high, maybe they're more Klingon than I've been told, and they fight it out...literally. That would be taking 'until death do us part' a bit far I think.

I should ask Daniel about that, though likely he'll turn that around and ask me to ask. Yes, it would be the coward's way out. I'm just not entirely sure I really want to know the truth.

When a kick tail option was nixed, Drey'auc asked me to ask the General if she could go stand by her husband. To my surprise, he said yes. Daniel thought it was a good idea apparently, to show the 'human' side of the man they were convicting. Jack was thinking in terms of fighting prowess. He'd never seen her move like I have, but he did have his Jack O'Neill sense about him, and knew she could handle herself in a fight.

I'm sure it helped that he read the report of her putting two NID guys in the hospital.

So I stood there, saying my goodbyes and watched her go through the Stargate with Jack, as they went back to defend Teal'c.

Should have sent Perry Mason through, he never lost a case.

Not that Daniel did this one. Everyone came back, much to my relief. I didn't exactly run to hug Drey'auc, but I don't think she got all the way down the ramp before I do so. Okay, more points to the General for even letting me be in the gateroom in the first place when they came back. I have to keep reminding myself I am the oddity here. Not every spouse gets to know, much less work with their husband in this program. Most just see their husbands or wives go off 'to work' in the mountain, not really knowing what they actually did.

I'm sure it was causing some grief for me to be there sometimes to greet Jack, or see him off. That's likely why General Hammond let me have the privilege sparingly.

I had thought it was bad enough with Jack offworld. I sort of accepted the rest of SG-1 going with him, what had been harder this time was watching Drey'auc go through the gate. It was right then; I realized that Jack wasn't the only one with a close friend who just happened to be a Jaffa.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

It was hard to obey General Hammond when my husband was on trail for doing what Apophis ordered him to do. I remember that time. The hurt, the choice, the necessity of it all. It wasn't the first time he would chose to do the right thing, and yet appear to obey our Goa'uld master, nor was that going to be the last time. This was good for him, though hard on me. It would have been harder to have told our son of his father's loss, much less that I had not pulled him out from the Teal'c school. It was difficult enough when he found out about all of this after we returned. I am finding it hard to achieve Kel no'reem with his radiating disapproval, but a word from Teal'c settles him and soon, my mind is free to head towards that perfect state of balance.

Save for Sara's intrusion. It is not that Jaffa are unemotional, indeed, in some ways I think we are more so than the Tau'ri, yet to find her hurtling herself at me upon my return stirs feelings, a bond I had not expected to feel with her. At first I believe us comrades because our husbands are, a bond not between warriors, but the wives of such. Now, I confess I think there is bond apart from that of our husbands, and with that confession, I finally achieve the state of mind for Kel no'reem.