Chapter 11: On My Own

Meanwhile, Matthew walked alone in the rain, not caring that he was becoming soaked to the bone or that he might catch a chill. He often walked alone in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep in their bed to think and dream, and this time was no different.

Normally, it gave him some peace and quiet and whatnot. But this time, being alone just allowed him to cry, for there was no one to see his tears, even though the rain concealed them. There was nothing worse than trying to nurse a heart broken by unrequited love. His life wasn't a fairytale, but that didn't stop him from dreaming of his own happy ending.

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

Matthew may not have had Alfred's heart in real life, but he was his in her dreams. With him, the world was a beautiful place and full of joy such as he'd never known before. He made everything seem so wonderful and made him feel like he was special and worth something. He was everything he had ever wanted in a man, but never found until he met him. If he had his way, they would be happily married already.

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

More tears made their way down Matthew's cheeks as he slumped against a wall. He was fooling himself. Alfred was a good, honest and clever man, but he'd always been blind to the love he felt for him. He should've expected it. After all, why would someone so incredible fall in love with a street boy like him? But he'd always had a small bit of hope that he would one day come to reciprocate his affections. He couldn't imagine living his life without him in it. He needed him.

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

Matthew buried his face in his knees as she cried. There was no place for him in Alfred's life anymore. Alfred's heart was Arthur's. It was the swan he loved and not his little Mattie. It was the last thing in the world he wanted, but if Arthur truly made him happy, then Matthew would not interfere. He would let Alfred go and be with his true love. If he truly loved him, he would let him go, even though it meant he would never be his true love.

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

Alfred loved Arthur and he was happy. That was all that truly mattered.

()()()()()

Over the next few days, Arthur and Alfred met in secret in the garden in the night, enjoying what moments they could before Lukas's upcoming funeral and the planned rebellion. They confided in each other; spoke of their pasts, hopes, fears and passions. They had even talked of just eloping, but Arthur had refused to even consider it as he wouldn't leave his papa after all he'd done for him and because of how much he loved him. Alfred greatly respected and admired Arthur's devotion to his father and secretly wished Berwald was a father to him as well.

One evening, they sat together in the garden with Alfred's arm wrapped around Arthur as he rested his head against his shoulder.

"Alfred, are you still going to fight tomorrow?" asked Arthur. Lukas's funeral was the following morning and with it, the revolution.

"Yes," said Arthur. "My friends are counting on me to be there. I've been with them through all of it so far. I can't just leave them now."

Arthur sighed and looked upset. "I understand why you're doing it, but I wish you wouldn't. It's mad. What if it fails? I could lose you."

"You won't. I'm going to fight harder than anyone else tomorrow because I've got something worth living for," he promised. "I've got you and the promise of an eternity of love."

Arthur smiled a little at this, but he still looked worried. "Just promise me you'll come home safely, Alfred. Please."

"I promise," he said, as he kissed him.

"When all this is over, I'll introduce you properly to my father," he said, when they broke apart. "I think he might like you."

"Sure he won't chase me away with that cane of his?" teased Alfred.

Arthur laughed. "I won't let him."

While they were chatting away, they had no idea that Gilbert and his gang had also found the house and were planning to rob it. Gilbert and Elizaveta had always regretted sending Arthur away. Not because they cared about her, but because they wanted their indentured servant back. Now, they wanted Berwald to pay and pay dearly for his actions.

But it was fortunate for them both that Matthew was still watching Arthur and Alfred. He was making sure Alfred was alright and wishing more than anything he was in Arthur's place.

While watching them, he heard footsteps. When he turned to see who it was, he spotted his father and his gang and was immediately filled with dread as he knew what they were planning to do. Though he was scared, he knew what had to be done.

If I don't stop them, Arthur and his father might be hurt. Or worse, Alfred will think I was involved in this and get caught in the crossfire. I can't let that happen!

"This is his lair. I've seen the old fox around," whispered Gilbert. "He keeps to himself. He's staying close to the ground. I smell profit here! Ten years ago, he came and paid for Arthur. I let him go for a song. It's time we settled the debt. This'll cost him dear."

"What do I care, who you should rob?" yelled Feliks, loudly. "Give me my share! Finish the job!"

"You shut your mouth!" snarled Gilbert, as he backhanded the man. He then frowned when he spotted his son with his bear. "Who is this nitwit?"

"It's your brat, little Matthew. Don't you know your own kid? Why's he hanging about here?" asked Lin Yi.

Gilbert scowled at Matthew. "Matthew, get on home. You're not needed in this. We're enough here without you!"

"Father, you mustn't do this! Listen to me. I know this house, I tell you! There's nothing here for you. Just the old man and the boy. They live ordinary lives," insisted Matthew. He wasn't lying, but he didn't tell him the other reason he didn't want him robbing Arthur's home was because she wanted to protect him and Alfred.

"Don't interfere!" snarled Gilbert. "You've got some gall. Take care, young boy. You've got a lot to say!"

"He's going soft. Happens to all!"

"Go home, Matthew!"

But Matthew wouldn't obey Gilbert. For the first time in so long, he was making a stand against his father. "If you don't leave, I'll scream and warn them here!" He wasn't bluffing.

"One little scream and you'll regret it for a year!" warned Gilbert.

But Matthew wasn't listening to him anymore. When Matthew saw his warning was being ignored, he stepped back and let out a terrible scream. It alerted Arthur, Alfred, Berwald (who'd been in the house reading) and police constables who were less than a block away.

Gilbert and his men wasted no time fleeing. "Make for the sewers, don't wait around! Leave him to me, go underground!" he barked, as his men obeyed him. He glared at Matthew. "You wait my boy, you'll rue this night! I'll make you scream. You'll scream alright!"

Matthew just spat in his face and dodged his attempt to backhand him before he ran for it. He then met Alfred and Arthur at the gate, who looked both startled and relieved.

"Mattie, did you scare them off?" asked Alfred.

Matthew nodded. "They were coming to rob you. I couldn't let you be hurt."

"Thank you," said Arthur, gratefully.

"Mattie, you're a hero. First you bring me to Arthur and now this? What would I do without you?" said Alfred, smiling.

Matthew smiled back, but then his smile vanished when he saw a light coming towards them. "We best go. Someone's coming."

"It's my father. He's coming. Go. Go now!" hissed Arthur, after glancing in the direction of Matthew's gaze. Now wasn't the time for introductions. They had to get away.

Alfred and Matthew fled as Arthur shut and locked the garden gate before running up to his papa, who was carrying a lantern and looked frantic.

"Arthur," he said, relieved to see him. He put down his lantern. "Arthur, dearie, are you alright? What happened?"

"I'm alright, Papa. I just got scared and reacted. Some men tried to break in, but they ran away when I screamed," said Arthur. It wasn't a total lie, for he had been a little scared and they had fled at the sound of a female's scream, he just hadn't said it wasn't him scream they'd fled from.

Berwald sighed as he held him close, relieved that he was safe. "Arthur, what am I going to do with you?" he murmured. "Did you recognize the intruders?"

Arthur shook her head. He'd heard some voices, but he wasn't quite sure to whom they belonged to. "I couldn't see their faces, but I know I saw at least three men running beyond the wall and moving fast."

Fear and worry lodged itself in Berwald's stomach. "This is a warning to us all," he murmured. "These are the shadows of the past." There was no doubt in his mind as to who it was who'd scared his son. It must be Roderich Edelstein. He's found my cover at last. I've got to get Arthur away before they return! "Arthur, we must get out of here."

Arthur's eyes widened. "What? But, Papa—"

"Not another word, Arthur," he interrupted. "I almost lost you tonight. It's too risky to linger here much longer. Pack your things. We'll go to our apartment at 55 Rue Plument and I'll arrange our passage to England. Go. Quickly!"

Arthur looked as if he wanted to protest, but he held his tongue as he obeyed him. However, while packing, he managed to write a note to Alfred. He then ran to the garden gate. "Alfred? Matthew?" he whispered, hoping he might be heard. "Are either of you there?"

Matthew appeared. "So, you do remember me," she said.

"How could I not?" said Arthur. He remembered well his former keepers' son and the friendship they were forbidden to share. "If you're looking for forgiveness, you've already got it. But we don't have time for that now. Take this letter to Alfred and tell him I love him."

Arthur looked confused. "Why can't you do it yourself?"

"Because my father's taking me away and we're leaving for England as soon as possible," he explained. "Please, Matthew. Do this for me."

Matthew couldn't find it within himself to refuse, so she took the letter from Arthur.

"Matthew, will you do me one more thing?"

"What is it?"

"Look after him for me," said Arthur, as tears glistened in his eyes. "Keep him safe."

"I'll do what I can," said Matthew, before he disappeared into the night.

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