Disclaimers: Don't own these rules, nor do I own FMA

Thanks To: South Park, because it's so awesome.
Everyone, because there's just too many of you to put here, otherwise I would! (Almost at 2000 hits! I love you guys X3)

A/N: I realize I've begun to get lazy. It's hot. People get lazy when they are hot. I just don't feel like doin' anything, ya know?
Anyway. I've downloaded all the Secondhand Serenade songs (can you believe the group is made up of ONLY one guy?! He's AMAZING!), and hope to write some one-shots to them in the near future. I'm also going to see him live on the 8th
CTcon's in two weeks from today (August 1-3). Which means I'll be busy getting ready. If any of you are going, be sure to say 'Hi'! I'll be going as Envy, and I'll probably be around a lot of Edos...(doing the Party Boy behind them when they're not looking, of course XD)
But, yeah. I'm sorry for the late updates and all...I'm thinking about re-writing We Are Your Family...Or just abandoning it. MI is...I donno. Chapter 4 is almost ready to be posted, but I've gotten writers block (at the most ADORABLE scene! DX). Should be up soon, though.

As for this story, I really wanted to do the 'We kicked you ass in WW2' (or whatever) Rule, but then I realized that Envy and the others are in the German military...my hopes were crushed

Edit: Yeah. Sorry for those who have this on your alert list. I was re-reading it and found a lot of things missing.

Rule Twenty-Eight

Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

Day One

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Lazily, the blond boy reached over and hit the snooze button.

Only to have it ring five minutes later.

Blood-shot violet eyes snapped open, frantically looking around the small room he shared with a fellow Specialist. The room was small, and white -- Envy hated the color with a passion, but was told to deal with it. -- with four walls, and a small closet he also had to share.

After minutes of aggravation, his eyes landed on a small, black compact box that was screaming over and over again.

Four-Thirty in the morning.

The time that everyone had to wake up. Well, technically not everyone. Specialist were at the bottom of the list -- treated the worst, with no given respect from anyone. They were treated poorly, and always given the dirtiest jobs -- or, at least, those were the jobs that Roy gave him. The higher-ranked soldiers must be up and dressed by five-thirty, a whole hour after them.

However, for the past hour, the circle had happened over, and over, again.

The alarm went off. His bunk-mate hit snooze. Five minutes later - no more, and no less than that - the alarm would ring again.

It wasn't one of those nice one either -- the ones that played your favorite song, or the kind where it turned on the radio. No, Envy didn't have that kind of luck. This one had a high-pitch noise that made your ears bleed, and made dents in Alphonse's armor when he visited the room with his brother.

Growling, Envy threw off the pillow, succeeding in hitting the digital clock on the nightstand next to him. The Sin managed a small smile as he nuzzled back into his pillow. However, the smile was short lived as he noticed the small lump above him start to snore. 'He's still sleeping!?' he thought in horror.

Annoyed at the new noise, Envy raised his leg and kicked at the mattress. "Pretty boy, it's time to get up!" He called out, his voice like a song. Violet watched curiously as the mattress shifted as his roommate moved about, and faintly heard something about sleeping a little longer. With a roll of the eyes, Envy got off his bed and stood on the edge, peering over the poorly constricted metal guard rail.

Russell was sleeping peacefully, his back turned to the Sin as he hugged his stuffed-bear. Envy snickered as he watched the teen suck on his thumb.

'What a wimp...' the homunculus thought before slowly running a finger up and down Russell's back. Soon, the finger, and its siblings trailed, down and into the teen's pajama bottoms.

Almost instantly, the boy shot up, hitting his head on the ceiling in the progress. After muttering a streams of 'ow's, blue eyes glared down at the Sin rolling on the floor in laughter. "Very funny, Envy," he mumbled as he hopped down.


Day Two

Envy awoke the next day to the same screeching as the day before. Even after he stuffed his ears with cotton-balls -- something Greed suggested; but as it turns out, it only made him look like a fool. -- he could clearly hear the alarms cries of protest.

He glared at the lump above him, wondering how in the would the teen above him could sleep through something so damn loud! The noise made Envy want to rip his hair out, and he did just that. Until he realized it was pointless - the green locks grew right back after.

Instead of throwing something at the clock, the Sin picked it up, lifting it over his head and onto the pillow that Russell's head rested on. Then he watched.

Waited.

And finally frowning when the racket had no effect. The only thing it did manage to do, was make the teen mumble in his sleep.

Envy caught the words 'don't stop', 'feels so good', and Edward's name leave the blonde's lips.

And that was it.

Using his inhuman strength, he began shaking the bed; hard enough for it to rock violently back and forth, but not enough for it to tip over. No one had wet dreams about his Chibi -- except for him, of course. After quite the shaking, Russell fell over the railing and onto the floor.

The blond awoke to Envy's face inches from his as the Sin squatted above him, their bodies so close that Russell could feel a ghostly touch of the other's body on his. He then noticed the fist that clenched a handful of his pajama shirt, pulling them even closer together. He watched as the Sin's mouth move, but couldn't catch what he was saying -- but he did notice how pissed off the homunculus looked.

Blushing furiously, the blond slid away and out from under him, suddenly wide-awake. "One of these days, I'm going to wake up to you raping me..," he muttered as he exited the room, face still red.

Day Three
(Midnight)

Envy had woke up on the third day as he did the past two -- to the obnoxious noise of that damned alarm-clock. However, on this night, he had another plan.

The Sin waited until Russell had fallen asleep before slipping out of his bed and over to the nightstand. His mouth held a nasty grin as he flipped the box over, opening the lid on the bottom.

As quickly as possible, Envy pulled the small batteries out of the box with ease, and quickly crawled back into his bed.

He fell asleep quickly, a small smile on his lips knowing that he would wake up to a peaceful, and quiet morning, for once.

Day Four

Envy was up and ready before four-thirty. He quickly got dressed and headed to roll call.

As 6 O'clock rolled by, he wasn't surprised when he noticed the empty spot next to him -- Russell's place in line. In fact, he silently grinned to himself at the welcomed thought. Knowing his roommate, the blond was probably still fast asleep in their dorm.

Another non-surprising event was Roy stopping in front of him as the Colonel walked down the lines of his subordinates, Edward right behind him.

"Specialist Envy," Roy spit out - literally - as he stood stiffly in front of said Sin.

Envy wiped off the spray of spit from his face slowly, -- disgusted and angered -- but his lips still held the grin. "Can I help you, Child Molesting Alchemist?" he sneered, glaring up at him. "Hi Edo!" the Sin added, quickly smiling and waving at the shorter man before returning his attention to Roy.

Edward blushed lightly and turned away.

The Flame Alchemist raised a fist, as if to hit the Specialist, but slowly lowered it with the clearing of his throat. "Were is Specialist Tringham?"

Envy shrugged lightly.

Onyx eyes narrowed. "Aren't you his accountabilibuddy?"

"Ye-...I thought you said watching South Park wasn't allowed?!"

"For you. Moving on, you're his accountabilibuddy, and doesn't that mean you have to be with him at all times until Roll Call, correct?"

Another shrug of pale shoulders.

"So, I will ask once more," Roy mumbled, towering over the Sin. "Where. Is. Specialist. Tringham."

Envy's grin had faded into a scowl. "He's probably still sleeping. Dunno."

Eyebrows raised curiously. Roy could clearly remember how loud their alarm was, and knew that Russell was still sleeping. The alarm box was close to impossible to shut off. Was it still going on as they spoke? "His alarm didn't wake him up?"

"I took the batteries out."

A -- rather loud -- slap to the forehead could be heard from behind Roy, most-likely from Major Elric not believing how idiotic the homunculus could be.

Colonel Mustang stared down at the Sin blankly. Took out the...? "You...what?"

"Am I speaking French? I said: 'I took the batteries out!'" Envy sneered. "That damn thing has been driving me crazy every morning for the past three days! THREE DAYS! I had to shut it up."

Before Roy's temper got the best of him, Edward pushed him aside. "Envy, you can't go taking the batteries out of Russell's alarm clock..," he said with a sigh, rubbing his head.

"Why not? He doesn't get up at the right time, anyhow! The twerp gets up to only hit the snooze button! Then I have to hear that damn ruckus every fucking five minutes!" Envy said with a huff, folding his arms over his chest and looking away.

"That may be so, but it still doesn't make it right. Russell needs that to wake up, however a deep sleeper he is. Leave the batteries in, okay?"

The Sin gave his trade-mark pout, but gave in. "Alright, for you, O'chibi-san"

Edward flashed an award winning smile. "Thanks."