Chapter 10
Christmas Eve, 1866
The gurgling sounds of a baby resounded in the cozy living room. The tiny girl lay in the crib contentedly, her black eyes looking up at the adults gathered around her. "She's so lovely, Jenny...every time I see her, she looks prettier," Emma commented as she passed her arm around the young mother's shoulder in an affectionate way. "She's going to be a real beauty when she grows up."
"Just like her ma," Buck added, sharing a warm look with his wife.
"I have to say she's a very good baby... she isn't any trouble at all... sleeps almost the whole night through," Jenny explained happily. Even though Sunny was a fussy and difficult child, she wouldn't change her baby for anything. This was a much desired baby. Soon after the war, Jenny had found out that she was pregnant, but unfortunately, a couple of months later she had lost the baby. The miscarriage had left Jenny completely shattered, but luckily a few months later she had become pregnant again. The pregnancy had been filled with great apprehension, both Buck and Jenny fearing another miscarriage, especially after Dr. Harris had told them that Jenny should take things easier and get plenty of rest. Buck had hardly allowed Jenny to move a finger for months and to everybody's joy, Sunny Cross had finally been born on a very cold November morning.
"This family is sure growing fast," Sam remarked, "and I suspect there will be others to come." Everybody nodded in agreement at the marshal's words. Just ten days ago Cody had sent a telegram announcing the birth of his first child, Arta Lucille. Cody had married a lady from St. Louis he had met before the end of the war. Oddly enough, the woman was called Louisa. Their wedding had taken place just nine months before the birth of their firstborn. Only Rachel had been able to attend the wedding, which had been a simple ceremony in the bride's father's home. Because of the recent birth, Cody and his wife hadn't been able to join the family for Christmas celebration this year.
"It's really charming to hear children's voices and laughter in a home, especially at this time of the year," Rachel added as her eyes swept around Kid's living room. Little Jed was sitting on Natalie's lap listening to a fairy tale the lady was reading. Isa and Michael Cain were fighting over a teddy bear while Theresa, at home for the holiday, tried to appease the two-year-olds to no avail. And in one corner where the Christmas tree stood, Helen Cain stared unblinkingly at Jimmy who was lighting the small candles on the tree. When the four older children in the family were together, the ruckus they created was such that there seemed to be dozens of them.
"At least they help to fill the gaps of those who left us," Buck remarked. There was not a single day that he didn't think of Ike. Buck knew that he'd always miss his "brother" but life continued despite everything, and new joys and loves mitigated the pain for those who had been left behind.
At Buck's comment, Kid fixed his pained eyes on him. His friend was right to some degree; his own children were the force that kept him going on, but at the same time they were a constant and terrible reminder that Lou wasn't there. Jed's stubbornness and shy smile was just like Lou's; and Isa was a small replica of her mother in every other way.
Jenny noticed the tension in Kid's face and tried to divert everyone's attention. "Thank you for letting Sunny use this crib, Kid," she remarked as she ran her hand through its engraved wooden frame. "I've always liked it."
"Yeah?" Kid replied vaguely. He had spent many hours in his shed making the crib before Jed's birth. When he had finally presented Lou with the cradle, she had been so pleasantly surprised that she had been totally speechless. He would never forget the happiness and glow in her face that night.
Kid shook his head to shush those memories, which right now only brought about a deep sense of bitterness. "Jenny, it is yours if you want," he added after a second's pause. "After all, I won't need it anymore." His friends exchanged a tense look and feeling suffocated, he excused himself and crossing the length of the living room, he headed for the kitchen.
When Kid opened the kitchen door, he was welcomed by an unexpected sight. Jeremiah and Penny were locked in a close embrace. As soon as the couple heard the sound of the door opening, they let go of each other. Penny's face went red, competing with the fiery color of her hair, and she kept her eyes to the floor while she muttered, "Uh... I think Theresa needed my help with those decorations for the tree." She scurried out of the room in such a hurry as if her bloomers were on fire.
Unlike the girl, Jeremiah seemed quite unaffected by being caught in compromising circumstances. He rested his hips against the counter while folding his arms indifferently. Kid crossed to the sink and filled a glass with water. While he drank, he kept sending curious looks at the young boy.
"What's that face for?" Jeremiah asked irritated.
"What? Nothing... nothing. Just that I thought Penny was spending Christmas Eve with us because she wanted to be with Theresa. That's what Mrs. Douglas told me... and I haven't seen her and your sister together for a minute tonight."
"She's my sweetheart first, Tessie's friend second," Jeremiah exclaimed. "I'm tired of having to make up excuses to be with her. I thought at least you'd be a bit more supportive than her folks."
"Whoa... hold your horses, Miah," Kid replied, holding his hands in front of his brother-in-law for emphasis. "You know I have no problem with you and Penny being together. I think you actually make a nice couple." Kid was aware that Penny's family wasn't making things easy for Miah. It wasn't they didn't like the boy or had reservations about the girl's age. Kid suspected that the Douglases were more concerned about losing their only daughter and were trying to delay a natural phase in anybody's life. Even though Penny's parents were wrong, Kid could understand them as a father. He was sure that the day a young man came along with the intention of snatching his Isa from his home, Kid wasn't going to like it one bit. Luckily, there was a long way for that yet and he still had many years to enjoy his children.
"Can I ask you something?" Jeremiah said, cutting off the man's train of thought.
"Sure. Fire away."
"When... when... when did you and my sister... uh... you know... get intimate?"
Kid was taken aback by the unexpected question. "I think that's none of your concern, young man," he replied. "Why do you want to know anyway?"
"Just because," the boy replied. "Please tell me. Was it on your wedding night?"
Kid stared at the boy in silence, wondering where this sudden interest came from, but as he saw no harm in it, he shook his head and admitted, "It was before that."
"How long before?"
"Months," Kid answered, his eyes getting a special shine as he brought to mind that special first night he and Lou had spent together.
"And how was it?"
"Just wonderful... one of the happiest moments in my life," Kid replied sincerely. Maybe the actual deed hadn't been perfect since they had been very nervous and clumsy, but the memory didn't lose its importance because of that. Lou had chosen him, to give herself to, which was the greatest gift she could ever have given.
Jeremiah smiled and seeing that Kid was opening up he dared to be bolder with his questions. "Was my sister your first?"
"The first and only... and there will be nobody else for me... ever," Kid added in a whisper. He paused, briefly considering Jeremiah's curiosity and then asked, "Why are you so eager to know about that? You aren't thinking of...?"
"Why not?" Jeremiah exclaimed loudly, interrupting his brother-in-law in mid-sentence. "If you and Lou did it, why shouldn't we? We love each other."
"Miah, it was different for us," Kid replied. "We had nobody to turn to, to answer to but us... and we were older."
"Not much older," Jeremiah insisted stubbornly. "I'm almost eighteen and Penny's turning seventeen in a couple of months."
Kid thought that even though Jeremiah was technically right, it was different. Lou and he had been forced to grow up more quickly since they had to fight to survive on their own. They couldn't be compared to relatively carefree Jeremiah or Penny. Kid, though, didn't voice his thoughts and said instead, "Jeremiah, I ain't trying to rule you... honestly... but you need to think of the consequences that something like that can bring about. That's not a game."
"I'm ready to face whatever we have to. I know she's the one like you knew Lou was the one for you," Jeremiah stated firmly.
Kid smiled, seeing himself reflected in the boy. Like Jeremiah, he had been so sure of his feelings that no shadows had darkened the reality before his eyes then. Years and experience had taught him that one had no control over everything and your life could become a total disaster even if you led an honest life. "You know, Jeremiah? Even though I don't regret anything that happened between your sister and me, I still feel we rushed into something we weren't actually ready for... at least I wasn't ready. Things got tense and we even broke up... for a while." Kid sighed as those lonely, sad months came to his mind. "What I'm trying to say is that a physical relation changes things... very much."
"But at least you now have those memories to remember her by!" Jeremiah blurted out.
Kid frowned as he stared at the boy with a stunned expression. "Don't tell me all this fuss is about Lou!"
Jeremiah averted his gaze and fixing his eyes on the toes of his shoes, he added, "I can't help but think that something might happen to Penny... I want to spend as much time as possible with her... create as many memories as I can..." The youngster turned his eyes back to his brother-in-law and asked, "Kid, don't you ever think you wasted the time you didn't devote to her?"
"All the time," Kid admitted wearily. He sighed and after a pause, he added, "But, Miah, you shouldn't get obsessed with the idea that something bad might happen to Penny. What happened to your sister was just...a twist of fate... it could have happened to anybody."
"But it happened to Lou," Jeremiah pointed out with a bitter expression.
"Yeah..." Kid replied, running his fingers through his hair repeatedly, a gesture that he did whenever he felt anxious. "Look, Miah. It's great that you want to spend time with Penny... you should get to know her better before you take any bigger steps. Trust me. I'm not saying you have to wait to be with your girl until your wedding day... that's something you have to decide for yourself... all I'm saying is you shouldn't do anything rash that could ruin something so special you and Penny have."
Jeremiah nodded. "Thank you, Kid."
The door opened then and Natalie showed up. On seeing the two men together, whose faces clearly showed that they were in the middle of a deep conversation, she quickly apologized. "Oh I'm so sorry to interrupt. I just came to check on the turkey."
"It's all right, Natalie," Jeremiah replied. "You ain't interrupting anything. We're done talking."
Jeremiah left the kitchen in search of his girlfriend, feeling not so anxious after talking to Kid. Natalie smiled at her employer as she made her way inside. "Gosh, this place is surely hot," she exclaimed as she removed her wrapper and left it on one of the chairs, revealing her burgundy dress which fitted nicely to her slender figure. As Natalie opened the drawer next to Kid to pick up a fork, she said, "I never thanked you for inviting me tonight."
"No need. It's Christmas Eve, and nobody should spend it alone," Kid simply said as he finished the water he was still holding in his hand. In fact, he was not in the mood to celebrate Christmas. The holiday hadn't existed for him in the last couple of years, but since Isa and Jed were older and Christmas was for children anyway, he had to try to make the occasion festive for their sakes.
Kid watched Natalie open the oven door and check the turkey with the fork. "You know, you're not expected to do that," Kid said. "You aren't working today, you're a guest."
"Yes, I know, but I feel unable to stay idle," Natalie replied as she took the turkey out of the oven.
Kid was about to make a comment when he heard strange sounds coming from the living room. He crossed to the door and from under the threshold he saw that Teaspoon had shown up. Now Buck and Jimmy were trying to calm him down as he was throwing some kind of tantrum. The smell of whisky and a puddle of liquid under the old man's feet showed that accidentally or not, a bottle of the spirits had been crashed against the living room floor. "Come on, boy," Teaspoon slurred a bit loudly, "let me have a swig. I'm thirsty."
"Teaspoon, you've already had too much," Buck replied as he tried to move the old man towards out of the living room. "And there's no alcohol in this house."
"Can't you quit that even today, for goodness sake?" Jimmy exclaimed irritably. The last time he had been to Rock Creek he had once again tried to talk to Teaspoon but it would have been more effective to talk to a wall.
"You're nothin' but a couple of ungrateful idiots... two monkeys that don't know their asses from their elbows. I taught you everythin'... without me you would be nothin'... nothin'."
Everybody, adults and children, were watching the scene with obvious apprehension. Suddenly, Teaspoon lifted his hand in a threatening way to the two men, who looked at him with a mixture of anger and confusion, but didn't dare to move. Kid took this cue to react and stop things before the situation got worse. "That's enough!" he said firmly and in three strides he reached Teaspoon. Taking over from his two friends, he managed to drag the old marshal to the spare room he had in the ground floor. He forcefully shoved him in, and before he followed him, he turned to the guests in his parlor "Go on with the party without me. I'll join you as soon as I finish with Teaspoon."
"Teaspoon, let's get you into bed," Kid said, hooking his arm around the old man's and led him to the bed. . The old man's shirt was soaked with whisky, so he helped him out of it and handed him a fresh nightshirt. He noticed as Teaspoon put it on over his head that the man, like Lou, had dwindled away to a shadow over the last three years. The paunch they had all teased him about was gone, and every rib was visible. When Teaspoon had managed to struggle into the nightshirt, Kid lifted the quilt and guided Teaspoon to lie on his side. "You need to rest."
Kid was about to blow out the lamp and leave the bedroom when a rough voice resounded behind him. "Where's Louise?"
Kid turned around. Teaspoon's eyes were glazed and his speech was slow. The former rider curtly said, "She... she's resting."
Suddenly, Teaspoon burst out crying, sobbing as if he were a baby. "My girl...my poor girl. It ain't fair... it ain't fair."
Kid sat down on the edge of the bed. "Teaspoon, please. We can't despair like that. Where there's life, there's hope. For all we know, Lou might give us a nice surprise and wake up one day."
Teaspoon dried his tears with the back of his sleeve and fixing the younger man with eyes that reminded him of old times, he said in a sober way this time, "You were never good at lyin', Kid."
Kid sighed wearily. Despite everything, Teaspoon was as sharp as ever and no way would Kid be able to fool him. "Teaspoon … you have to stop all this. You know it doesn't do any good … and it won't help Lou. Why are you doing this to yourself?" Kid asked impatiently.
Teaspoon exhaled and with a very calm demeanor he continued, "Tell me, Kid, what if by some whim of destiny, your little girl... that lovely girl... Isa... that's her name, ain't it? What if your little girl died because of you? What would you do, Kid? What would you do?"
"I'd kill myself," Kid blurted out without even thinking.
Teaspoon's mouth twitched into a sad smile and nodded at his words, and he closed his eyes, shutting himself again to the rest of the world and praying that it would be for all the eternity. "That's yer answer, Kid. I'm just doin' it slow … one drink at a time," he mumbled, as Kid stared at him helplessly.