Chapter 11: Scars

A/N: For whatever reason, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope that you all enjoy reading it.

"Sometimes things change so slowly that ya don't even notice when they're completely different than they used ta be."

"What does that mean?"

"Ah think ya know, Piotr."

Colossus looked soulfully at Rogue, whose eyes were rapidly filling with tears.

"We should not have attempted this so soon after the incident."

"Don't call it an 'incident,' Pete, that demeans everyone. Ah killed someone, Avalanche almost died, and you . . ."

"I was unharmed, Rogue."

"Physically, yeah. Terribly useful that armor plating of yours. Don't mean that ya got a metal heart ta go with it." Piotr just sighed, and Rogue continued, "Why did ya want me ta practice ma powers on ya? Trying to avoid saying what ya wantta say, doin' what ya need ta do?"

Colossus composed himself, shaking off the last effects of being on the receiving end of Rogue's mutation. His eyes glanced around the quiet basement that doubled as the mercenaries' training area, avoiding his young friend's gaze and collecting his thoughts. Rogue had barely been back on her feet again when Piotr had insisted that they practice controlling her powers on him again. He had given the flimsy excuse that it would take her mind off of recent events, which she was suspicious of, but she eventually relented. Now he regretted it. His gaze finally returned to Rogue, who was still looking forlorn.

"I am sorry, I should not have done this. I believe I have grown accustomed to you being aware of my thoughts and memories, and I could not keep this to myself any longer."

"Ya coulda told me, sugah."

He looked down at the indentation in the floor mat where he had previously collapsed during her training. "I could not."

"Ah don't understand ya sometimes, Pete. You're willing ta give so much of yourself but ya never let anyone in. Ya know Ah'm here for ya, we're all here for ya."

"And there is the problem."

"Ya don't want ta let anyone down . . . Ah get that."

Colossus took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on Rogue. She was surprised by the determination swimming in his dark eyes. "We should not be here, Rogue. You are too young to have suffered so much, to have to continue to suffer. And I . . . you know I cannot stay here any longer."

She bit her lip painfully, coming to grasp with the situation. "Ah know you haven't been happy here, Piotr, Ah know ya just did it ta support your family, which Ah find admirable an' all, but Ah can't leave."

"Why not?"

"Because, this is the only home Ah have. Ah know where it is ya want ta go an' it ain't for me. An' Ah can't be on my own again."

"Rogue, you were right, what you said earlier. Sometimes you cannot see the change until it is complete. But it is not complete, not for you. You do not have to be a mercenary, you do not have to be a killer."

"Ah already am!" She felt every muscle in her body tense and she suddenly felt furious at her friend. "Ah attacked someone, they died. That makes me a killer. And in case ya haven't noticed, Pete, Ah've been a mercenary for over a year now. It's who Ah am. Ah ain't runnin' from it. If you want ta go off and play hero to try to redeem yourself, good, go for it. But don't pretend like you're trying ta save me, when all ya don't even know what Ah want. You're in my head, but Ah ain't in yours." His eyes remained steadfast upon her, and she could see him mustering a response. She fought back the urge to hit him and instead stomped upstairs.

When she got to the top of the steps, she closed her eyes and attempted to take some calming breaths, but the fact that there were others watching her further infuriated her. Her eyes shot open and she noted Remy, Caliban, and Domino all looking at her with concern. She scowled back at them and barked, "Domino, Ah think Colossus needs ta tell ya something," then started marching up the stairs to her room.

"What does he need to tell me?"

"The inevitable," she muttered.

She lay on her bed and cried, occasionally punching her pillow till feathers started flying out. Her mind was so distraught that she could no longer contain the other voices in her head. Some of them rebuked her, some comforted her, and some just screamed. She could feel herself slipping away, drowning in her own mind, with neither the ability nor the will to fight back. And she knew that Colossus's fragment wouldn't help her this time, not after what she had said to the real Piotr. She could barely feel her body sobbing under the weight of the other personalities. She vaguely heard a knock, as if it were muffled by something.

"Come in," she said in an unsteady voice that she wasn't sure was her own.

"Chere?" The voices started to become more distant, and she turned to see Remy's figure in the doorway. She could barely see him through her tears, but she registered the anxiety in his face. She timidly held out her arm, a desperate plea for comfort. With a thief's speed, he was quickly with her on the bed, allowing her outstretched arm to wrap around him as he held her, bringing her head to his chest.

"It. . . it's too much," she gasped through her tears, on the verge of hyperventilating, "Ah can't . . . can't . . ."

"Shhh," Remy whispered, rocking her back and forth like he would a child.

The voices were retreating, and she finally had the determination to throw them to the back of her mind. They were not silenced, but what was once a roar was now a murmur.

"Ah'm sorry, Remy, so sorry," she cried into his chest.

"Ya ain't got not'ing ta be sorry 'bout, petite."

She raised her head to look at him and brushed the tears out of her eyes. His brow was furrowed, his jaw clenched, and he looked much older than his eighteen years. She whispered to him, "Ah'm pretty sure that mercs ain't supposed ta cry like a baby. Been doin' that alot lately."

He gave a half-hearted smile, "You cry all ya want. Remy'll be here for ya."

"He's . . . he's goin' ta leave us."

"I know. We just talked 'bout it downstairs."

She tensed and the voices became a little louder, "He told them? An' they're gonna let 'em go?"

"Yeah, chere, I t'ink so. We ain't keepin' him here. Not how we work."

She gulped and nodded her head, which she again lowered to his chest. She fought back the other personalities in her mind as Remy held her, rocking back and forth ever so slightly.

They stayed like that for a while, exactly how long, she couldn't say. The voices were silent and the tears had stopped flowing, but they still maintained their embrace. They shifted slightly so that they were both laying down on the bed, arms still wrapped tightly around one another. "It's what's best for him," she finally whispered.

"I know."

"Ah'm gonna miss him."

"So will I, chere, so will I."

She felt exhausted, as if her emotional battering had taken a physical toll on her. She felt herself drifting off to sleep. Before she gave in to the darkness, she heard Remy whisper in her ear, "Everyt'ing gonna be all right, ma cherie. Remy ain't goin' nowhere. I'm never gonna leave you."

"Promise?" she asked, half asleep.

"Promise."

Colossus's defection weighed heavily on the members of Carnifex for some time. Although they had parted company in the most pleasant way possible for a mercenary band to part with one if its members, it still felt like an open wound. Rogue and Remy felt it most acutely, being his closest friends. A month after he left, Cargill was reading the paper and suddenly dropped it with a grunt. There had been a photo taken of a battle between the X-Men and some of Magneto's henchmen. Colossus was shown in his new X-Men uniform. Rogue was the only one not scandalized by the news. In a way it gave her closure, letting her know that her friend was where he needed to be, and that she would move on in life. 'But you'll always be ma friend, Pete,' she said to the Piotr in her head, hoping against hope that somehow the real Colossus would pick up on it.

They were finishing up Cargill's lasagna the following Wednesday when the phone rang. Domino answered it, as usual, with a sedate, "Hello?" which sounded more like it came out of the mouth of a suburban housewife than a battle-hardened assassin. Rogue didn't take much notice until Domino gave out an almost imperceptible gasp. 'Nothin', but nothin' makes Domino gasp.' She looked up from her food to see Domino's pupils dilated and she sat stiffly in her chair. Rogue's quick visual sweep of the other members of Carnifex, who, up till now, were eating dinner, showed that the other mercenaries were just as worried.

"Yes," Domino said tentatively to the person on the phone, "is this about an assignment?"

A pin drop could have been heard as the housemates waited for some indication of what had distressed Domino. "Certainly, just a second," she said, than covered up the mouthpiece of the phone. Domino looked at Rogue, meeting her eyes, and held out the phone, "Rogue, it's for you."

"Huh?" was all she could manage. The only thing more unlikely than Domino gasping was Rogue getting a phone call. "Ah. . . Ah don't understand. Who is it?"

Domino looked gravely at her, apparently only recovering her composure in time to make Rogue feel immature as well as terrified. "Take it," she commanded, adding in a smaller, more uncertain voice, "It's Magneto."

'WHAT!?' She was fairly certain that a number of the other voices in her head had joined in on her mental outburst.

"Just take it," Domino hissed and forced the phone into Rogue's hands.

She felt all eyes upon her and took a deep breath and spoke into the phone, "Hello?"

"Ah, Rogue." It was not a question.

"Yeah . . ."

"I was hoping that you and I could meet sometime to speak on a matter of some importance," he said in a pleasant but authoritative baritone.

"Well, uh, you're welcome here anytime, sir."

"I wish to speak to you without the influence of your. . . friends. How about three o'clock on Saturday on the Western bank of the Central Park reservoir?"

"Uh, yeah, Ah think Ah can do that."

"Good, I will see you then." And he hung up.

Over the next two days, all the members of Carnifex could seem to talk about was Magneto's meeting with Rogue. He had not told Domino why he wanted to talk to her, and when Rogue had announced that she was meeting him, speculation ran wild. It ranged from the obvious, "He wants to recruit you, plain and simple," Cargill maintained; to the preposterous, "He wants you for some sort of diabolical machine," suggested Avalanche, after one too many glasses of port. And while the reason that Rogue was singled out by Magneto was up for debate, there was unanimous consent that she should attend the meeting.

"It ain't like we t'ink it's a good idea, 'fact it be a horrible idea, but ya don't want ta piss off dat man," Remy told her as the two were eating breakfast together in the kitchen on Saturday morning.

"An' if Ah don't give him the answers he wants an' he kidnaps me?" She asked, staring down at her mud brown coffee, wondering if it was a good idea to add more acid to her already churning stomach.

"He could've done dat at any time. I don't t'ink dat's what he wants from ya." Remy tried to sound reassuring, but Rogue wasn't buying it.

"What do ya think he wants?"

Remy gazed at her with a critical eye, clearly contemplating the various likely scenarios. "Don't know, exactly, petite, but I'd bet dat he wants ta use your powers somehow."

While this had occurred to Rogue as being the most likely case as well, it was also the most frightening situation for her. "What do ya think he knows 'bout my powers?"

"Whatever his inside man told 'em. Could be evert'ing."

"Fuck."

"Language!" Remy mockingly scolded her.

She scowled at him, then smirked. "Baise."

"Dat's better."

The park was beautiful, blanketed in a thin covering of snow. The mid-day sun shone upon it, making the trees, grass, even rocks, glow with an ethereal beauty. It might not have been considered a cold winter's day for New York, but the Southern gal still found it bitterly cold. As she walked around the reservoir, she found her coldness diminish, replaced by the warmth of adrenaline pumping in her veins.

Along the lake-side path she spotted Magneto, dressed in warm woolen clothing, sitting comfortably on a bench, taking in his surroundings. In this environment he looked utterly benign, more like kindly grandfather than the most dangerous mutant terrorist in the world. 'Guess that's why no one recognizes him.' Indeed, none of the other park patrons seemed to give him a second look.

Her pace slowed as she approached him, panic rising in her. She was half temped to run the other way when Magneto lazily turned his head and looked at her. He gave a polite smile and bowed his head a little, encouraging her to step forth. She walked to the bench he was sitting at, and when he gestured that she should sit down, she nervously sat a few feet away from him, on the edge of the bench.

"Good afternoon, Rogue."

"G-good afternoon, sir." She wasn't used to accustomed to showing anyone respect that they had not earned, but her anxiety always brought out her best manners.

"Thank you for meeting me here. Lovely day, isn't it?" He questioned in a profoundly lackadaisical manner, returning his gaze to the snowy landscape.

"Uh, yeah," she replied with increasing confusion. 'What the hell, is he on sedatives or something? Ain't he supposed ta be the big, bad, mutant boogeyman?'

"I suppose it is too cold for you right now, as you grew up in the southern United States. I forgot about Southerners' general aversion to cold when I suggested this location. Do forgive me."

'Okay, now he's just mocking me, ain't he?'

"Ah think it's beautiful, but yes, it's a bit cold for ma tastes. Obviously you're more accustomed to this weather. Where ya from?"

"Originally? Germany," he replied, all levity draining from his voice.

He turned to face her, now looking far more like the terrorist he was. "How old are you, Rogue?"

"Ah'm turning fifteen next week."

"Are you still being told you're too young for your line of work?"

"Not as such. But Ah do get a lot of surprised looks just before Ah kick someone's butt on a mission."

He gave a disingenuous smile. "I'm sure you do." The faux smile faded, "I was younger than you when first 'kicked butt' as you so colorfully put it. I'm guessing that is your euphemism for murder."

"No!" She almost jumped to her feet, but controlled herself enough so that she just stiffened her posture, eyes wide. He looked slightly bemused, slightly put off. She quietly extrapolated, "No, that ain't what Ah meant. Ah don't—Ah mean, it ain't something that Ah do," she sighed and quietly added, "not on purpose."

He raised an eyebrow at that. "That's one of my questions answered. The next is simple, and it's not a trick question. I want an honest answer, and you should know that I can always find the truth through other methods." He smirked, seemingly at something he was unwilling to share, "In fact, I already may have done so."

She nodded.

"What do you want?" he asked pointedly.

'Ain't that what Ah'm supposed to ask him?' She looked at him in confusion and responded "Ah don't understand."

"What, Rogue," he said slowly, as if she were dumb, "is it that you want. What can I offer you?"

"Ya want ta know how you can buy me off?"

"As I said, it is not a trick question," his irritation apparent, "Now answer me."

"Ah want control over ma powers," she answered sincerely. 'He really could find that one out easily enough without ma help.'

"What good would learning to control your power do you?"

She looked incredulously at him, "Um, hello, it means Ah could touch someone. Which Ah haven't done without people passing out on me for two years."

"The ability to touch someone does not change anything about who you are. So what is the point?"

"Ah could have a normal life!" She yelled indignantly. 'Does he really not get this?'

"Could you? You would still be a mutant. You would still be a mercenary. You would still have blood on your hands and voices in your head. How could you be 'normal' whatever that means?" He cocked an eyebrow and stared at her with cold blue-grey eyes.

She opened her mouth to answer him, but no sound came out. As frustrated as she was by the man, she knew he was right. Control or no control, she was who she was. No longer being able to bare the intensity of his gaze, she looked away, focusing on a group of joggers who went by. "Ah know Ah couldn't be 'normal' normal. But Ah could make a life for myself. Ah wouldn't have ta be alone for the rest of ma life."

"Solitude is the human condition, we only fool ourselves into thinking that we are truly capable of sharing our lives and souls with others."

She turned back to him, "Ah thought we weren't human," she replied with a small smirk.

A smile played on his face and his eyes seemed to examine her face, as if for the first time. "Quite true, my dear," he said softly.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Rogue was keenly aware that this was not a silence born out of discomfort or confusion. It was a comfortable silence between two people who had an understanding. Rogue just couldn't figure out what that mutual understanding was. 'There's some irony there. Ah can't understand what the understanding is.' She smiled to herself then looked closely at him. He was gazing at the park, watching the various people walk, talk, playing games, exercise, and enjoying themselves. His hair was silver – not grey, not white – silver. She wondered if it was his mutant 'tell' as Remy called it, or if it was just his age. 'Ah wonder just how old he is. He looks old and young all at the same time. Can't tell if he's forty or eighty.' She looked at the creases on his face, which looked to be caused by stress more than age. His jaw was strong, his profile noble, and his eyes were powerful and bright. She could understand how he managed to sway so many to fight for him; he exuded charisma.

"What is it that ya want from me?" She asked simply.

His blue-grey eyes met her green ones once again. "I want you to join me," he replied just as simply.

"Well, thanks for being blunt about that. No one ever answers my questions honestly."

"Rather foolish of them. Certainly anyone who knows of your powers knows that all you have to do is touch them to find out their real motives."

"Hadn't thought 'bout that," she wondered if that was the reason he had been honest with her, "Ah'm guessing most people don't think about that either."

"Perhaps."

"So, why do ya want me ta join you?"

"I would have thought that was quite obvious. You have a powerful and unique mutation that could aid me in my goals."

"But Ah don't believe in your vision. Ah think ya know that."

"My dear, I doubt that you are even aware what it is you believe in. I think our respective views on the world are far closer than you have ascertained."

She grimaced. They were getting into territory that felt wrong, he knew too much about her. She decided to take a chance, knowing that he hadn't lied to her yet. "One of the members of Carnifex told ya about me, didn't they?" He gazed at her, but did not answer. She took it as confirmation. "Who?" She gulped.

He let out a light sigh, "Let me reassure you, Rogue, none of your number have betrayed sensitive information to me. You do not have a traitor in your midst."

"Just an informer," she bitterly chocked out. He gave her a knowing smile. "Shit," she said under her breath.

He smiled at her, "You are very loyal to them, aren't you?"

She looked at him, brows furrowed in confusion, "Of course Ah am. They put their trust in me, they helped me when no one else would. Ah ain't goin' ta betray that."

"Yet, as I am sure you are aware, they did all that because they knew they could utilize your powers to their advantage. Their actions did not come out of regards or loyalty towards you."

"So they're just as bad as you are, that what you're sayin'?"

"What I am saying, child, is that if I, or the X-Men, or Mystique, or one of many other factions out there had found you first, they would have acted similarly. You should not let the coincidence that they were the first to stumble upon your usefulness dictate your future. You should align yourself with those whose vision for the future most resembles your own."

Rogue gave an audible sigh, suppressing the urge to defend her comrades, knowing that it would not sway him. "Fine. What's your pitch?"

He chuckled, "I have never heard it referred to as such."

"Well it is, ain't it? You want me ta join ya based on our 'similar visions' or whatevah. So, sell me."

"What I want, Rogue, is to ensure the survival of the mutant race. A war is brewing between mutants and humans and I will ensure that we are on the winning side."

"By any means necessary," she commented laconically.

"By any means necessary," he gravely confirmed.

A calm silence fell over them again, and she watched the humans around her. In her mind, those happy people were reminders of what she had once had and now lost, what she would never have again. 'Ah bet they're little more than targets ta him.' She glanced at Magneto, who was also watching the residents of Manhattan out enjoying their day off on the cold winter's day. He did not appear disgusted or vengeful toward them, in fact, she thought she saw a similar look of longing in his eyes. She wondered what had happened to him in the past to make him so driven, so sure in his beliefs.

"Why?" Was all she could eke out.

"Why what?" His eyes remained on the people milling around the park.

"Why this path? Why not some other way?"

His voice became cold, "I have seen what happens when you counter unmitigated hate with mere words. If we are to survive, we must fight back, or we will die." She imagined that this was his 'general voice,' the one that he used to rev up the troops before a great battle.

His cold, hard demeanor frightened her, but she knew that he wanted to convince her, not harm her. Therefore, she braved the question, "Who did you lose?"

He turned to her, his steely blue-grey eyes now held fire. "Everyone."

"Then what do ya fight for, if ya don't have anything else ta loose?"

"I fight for our people. I fight for you. Who do you fight for?"

"Ma friends," she said, knowing how weak it sounded, adding "an' myself."

Some of the coldness lifted from his voice, "There is no shame in fighting for your own survival, for your own happiness, my dear. I only hope that you broaden your horizons beyond your own household."

"Ah might," she said confidently, "but not today."

He contemplated her for a while, as one contemplates a chessboard. "Perhaps not today. But soon, I hope."

Rogue gave an inner sigh of relief. He had let her off the hook, he wasn't forcing her to do anything. 'At least not today.' The tension that had gripped her body for much of their conversation was now gone, replaced by the biting cold. She unconsciously started rubbing her hands together. He glanced down at them.

"I have kept you too long, and in inclement weather. Thank you for speaking with me," he said politely but coldly.

She nodded and stood and took a couple of tentative steps away from him, then suddenly stopped. She couldn't explain it, but she felt some strange bond to this man. She turned to face Magneto, who still sat comfortably on the park bench, appearing preoccupied in observing the ripples in the water. "Ah know this is kinda weird an' all," his head slowly turned to face her, "but, if ya ever want ta talk, ya know, 'bout anything, Ah'd, uh. . ."

A smile that Rogue determined to be genuine played upon his face, "I'll be sure to call you, Rogue."

"Okay," she bit her lip embarrassed, and walked slowly away from him. She couldn't help but smile a little.