Disclaimer: Not mine.

I Need to Breathe

Chapter 11

Intimidation

Hermione sat on the windowsill, swaddled in one of Minerva's oversized flannel nightgowns, looking out at the grounds as she pressed her forehead against the cool glass. It seemed like she had never left. She sighed and laid her head back on her knees wondering how a cold stone castle could ever feel so comfortable and safe all of a sudden. She surely had not felt this way during her last year here. she had returned Minerva had insisted she stay in the infirmary, but with Severus' intervention and a yelling match between herself and Poppy, they had finally agreed that Hermione could be moved to one of the unused rooms in the north tower.

She startled as the door opened and looked up to see Severus walking in. "I sent Potter an owl. He wanted me to advise him if anything was wrong. I assured him you were well and his presence was not needed."

"Thank you, I wouldn't want him to worry," she said softly and turned back to the window. "I put everyone through a lot of bother tonight."

The silence spun between them until she turned back to see him watching her from the fireplace, where he stood leaning with one hand on the mantel, his eyes locked on her.

"This is where you tell me I'm not a bother and I am just being foolish." She tried to smile at him as she felt the sting of tears.

"You were foolish. You knew when you left here that you were in no condition to go out drinking. Even if your date had not taken advantage of your condition, you could have injured yourself in transport." He saw her face crumble as she turned from his glare. "You, however, are not to blame for what happened. No matter what your … mindset … it was drug induced. The fault lies with him."

"I know that," she sniffed, looking out the window, avoiding looking at even his reflection in the glass. "I know it and still I feel … guilty that I let this happen. I acted stupidly. I never do things like this, never."

"If you need anything just clap and call Millie by name. I have told her that she is to report to you this evening."

"Fine," she swung her legs off the sill and sat looking at him. "The wards to the bedroom won't recognize me, I tried. So unless you plan on having me sleep on the sofa I suggest you change them."

"That is because this is my sitting room and that is my bedroom. Your chambers are behind the bookcase. There is also an opening from your chamber to the east hallway, but since that is open to the students as well, I thought gaining access through my chambers would protect your privacy."

"This is your sitting room?" She stood and looked around again. "It looks … unused."

"I don't spend much time here." He flicked his wand, causing the bookcase to slide open, revealing a second set of chambers through the passage. "Miss Granger?"

She followed him through the passage to a sitting room not unlike his own. Once there he cast a lumos, showed her the bedchamber, private bath, loo, and reset the wards with her signature.

"After tonight, if you care to stay longer or if Poppy sees a need for it, the bookcase will be sealed and you will have independent chambers. For this evening they will remain open to give Poppy free access to you if the need arises."

"I'm fine, just sleepy is all."

"Then I will bid you good night."

She looked up at him tearfully and nodded. "You know I didn't know what he wanted, don't you? He never even hinted that he was the sort to do something like this."

"Miss … Hermione, most attacks, such as yours, are from someone you would least suspect, usually a close friend or family member. That is why it is so effective and so under reported."

"I just need you to understand that this is not who I am. That I don't…don't…throw myself at men in bars. Bloody hell, I don't even go out unless it's with Harry and Ginny."

"My opinion does not matter, Miss Granger. A witch with weaker morals would also be innocent in this situation. It is not a matter of one's history, Miss Granger. Without clear minded consent, it is simply rape."

She bit her lip and took a step toward him, then unable to stop, knowing that he may again push her away, she flung her arms around his neck and sobbed onto his shoulder. She felt his arms accept her, and cried harder, letting go of all the pent up tears she had been trying to stifle since he had first found her in the alley behind the Hogs Head.

Severus let her sob as he held her, uncertain what to do. He was uncomfortable in the position of caregiver, not knowing what to say or how to act. He stood where he was, unmoving, holding her, letting his head rest on her hair and smelling the sweetness that still lingered from her shower.

"I thought he may like me. I thought just for once someone would like me for me," her voice hitched as she fought to explain to him. "I don't want to be the one that helped Harry, or the smart one, or even the one that got tricked into marrying you. I just want someone to like me for me."

He pulled her away just enough to be able to hook two fingers under her chin and pull her face up. Leaning down to look into her eyes and see if her pupils were still dilated he was surprised when she misread his intentions and leaned in to kiss him. He held still, allowing, welcoming her, waiting to feel her reject him when she realized what she did, and when she clung to him, he deepened the kiss, hungrily seeking entry to her mouth and letting his hands slide down her body.

"You don't have to do this, Hermione," he breathed into her neck when he felt her pressing against him harder. "It is the drugs, now stop."

She pulled back and searched his face, unsure of his reaction, unsure if she should trust the sound of his voice or the memory of his kiss. Unsure if he really cared or if he, like all the rest, would think she was cold and not worth wanting.

"I've gone too far." He brought her arms down from around his neck. "Forgive me if I …"

"No," she pulled her arms from his grasp and again clung to him. "Don't say that, don't."

"You are distraught." He spoke coldly. "I could be accused of taking advantage of you myself."

"But you wouldn't do that," she cried.

Severus chuckled and pulled her arms down again, this time holding them tight and not letting her pull away to reach for him again. "I could do what any man in this situation is capable of doing. I suggest we put this conversation off for another time, when you have had time to sort this out without the benefit of drugs."

"What if I don't want to wait until another time?"

"Then I will send you home now," he said with no hesitation.

She frowned and turned away from him, completely embarrassed. "I need to sleep. I am sorry. I don't know what came over me. I … I don't do these things. I must be more upset than I thought."

"The drugs, Miss Granger. I am surprised even with the antidote you are still functioning. Mr. Potter succeeded in calming you quite effectively, add to that the additional draught forced upon you and it is to be expected. Furthermore, you are partaking in herbs, that although unidentified are seeped into your tea."

"This isn't his fault you know. I told him about yesterday, vomiting in the forest, and how nervous I was, and there was no way he would have to know I had already taken something."

"I understand that, Miss Granger. However, if you had not been so … indisposed … you may have been more attentive and seen your date slip the potion into your drink. Your reaction to me proves that your judgement is still not what it should be."

"That's enough," she said with a hint of anger to her voice. "I'm sorry, Okay? It won't happen again, I can assure you of that."

"No, it is not enough. Since word came to us of this potion, we have instructed all our sixth and seventh year girls on a simple spell detection. Tomorrow you will learn it yourself."

"Why wasn't the spell department notified?" She lifted her chin and tried to act as professional as she could, finding it easier to hide her feelings when asking questions instead of standing under his scrutiny.

"Because, Miss Granger, everytime we find a spell to protect our girls, and that spell is put out to the public, the potion is modified. The Auror division keeps us informed, and in an unusual act of intelligence does not inform your department. I have had one child abused. I will not tolerate sending another to her parents in such condition."

"You think someone in the Ministry is responsible?"

"No, I think it becomes so well known that some stupid girl tells her boyfriend about it, who then brags to his mates and soon even the potion makers hear of it and know to alter it enough not to be discovered."

"It's illegal to teach untested spells," she said crossly.

"If you remember, Miss Granger, I have been accused of much more serious offences than teaching young girls how do defend themselves."

"But you never took advantage of a witch," she lifted her face to his, and saw him flinch.

"I believe the charge of war crimes included that as well. People do not remember the verdict, Miss Granger, they remember the charge." He pulled the passage open for her, signalling to her that it was time for him to leave. "We will not speak of your response to me, Miss Granger, it was a drug induced and as such should be forgotten."

She stood suddenly alone as he slid the passage way closed behind him, the only light a small wall sconce that gave off a yellow glow. She felt her face crumble and her chest hitch before she felt the tears. Running into the bedroom, she flung herself across the bed, pulling the quilt around her and sobbing until she was at last able to fall into a fitful sleep.

.

.

The next morning Hermione woke to angry voices coming from the passageway. She knew that the only way she could hear the voices was if Severus had left the passageway partially opened after checking on her. She reflexively pulled her nightgown down as she swung her legs off the bed. Seeing no robe laid out, and knowing the clothes she had on yesterday had been ripped and unwearable, she pulled the quilt and wrapped it around her shoulders. Tiptoeing across the bedroom and into the sitting room, she sprinted to the passageway and listened.

"Of course I did," Severus' angry voice carried to her. "What else would you have me do with her?"

"You know better! If anyone were to know she was here, your position would be in jeopardy." She heard Minerva yell back.

"It would not be the first time I was accused of forcing a witch."

"No one has accused you of anything!"

"It is the only open room, where would you have me put her, I ask you again?"

"You should have moved one of the male professors up here and given her his room for the night."

"I thought we agreed no one should know she was here?"

"Yes, but we did not agree that…"

Minerva stopped as Hermione stepped into the room, the quilt pulled tightly around her, her bare feet sticking out from the bottom.

"As soon as I get some clothes I can leave," she looked from one to the other. "You can both quit yelling about me now."

"My dear," Minerva said sadly. "I meant nothing against you. It's just that he must be so careful."

"I understand that. I don't remember much about how I got here…" she glanced as Severus before locking her eyes on Minerva, realizing what this could look like, at the same time she remembered how she had kissed him. "Did anyone in fact see me?"

"No, nothing as simple as that. There are however, Ministry officials in my office demanding to see you. I have convinced them to wait while I collect you."

"What do they want?" Hermione looked from Minerva to Severus again, seeing both of them trying to avoid her gaze.

"It seems that your ex-husband is jealous," he spat.

"What?"

"Your date is claiming that the memory I gave them does not show the true nature of your involvement. He is insisting that you went willingly … that you did not voice any objections until your ex-Death Eater husband showed up. It was only then that you protested."

"Give me a vial," she spat. "They want memories I'll give them mine."

"Which would those be Miss Granger? Your drug induced fantasies?" Severus sneered. "By your own admission you did not see, or know that you were drugged. Your memories would work in his favour if you did not protest until you were in the alley and did not see, nor remember the potion."

"No, I guess … Minerva, I will say I stayed with you last night, on your sofa. If I drop the charges …"

"You will do not such thing," Minerva snapped.

"What will you have me do?" She cried, turning to Severus. "If I go through with this, what happens to you?"

"It is not up to me," he scowled at her. "I will be called as a witness if it goes that far. You are not to concern yourself about the repercussions."

"He'll say I was drunk but that I wanted it before I even had a drink, since I have no drug free memories it'll become my word against his." She laughed. "Great isn't it. That bastard will get away with it."

"Not if you…" Minerva started.

"No, Minerva. After he is done with me what happens to Severus? If Mike sticks to his story, that Severus was jealous, then what? That only explains how he reacted when he beat the shite out of him. They will accuse him of stalking us. How else would he have found us? Oh, bloody hell, if they find out about the calming potion it will drag Harry into it. It will start all over again. The whole, but what do you expect from an old Death Eater thing."

"I am used to the rumours, Hermione. You must do this."

"Not like this. Not like when I know what he can spin. I work for him. Remember? Or rather, I did work for him. If the Ministry bothered to send someone on his behalf, they will get rid of me as soon as possible. Oh gods, I could never work with him in the same room anyway. You do know that if I press charges he will not only win, but will then press his own charges. You did break his hand you know."

"Severus, get her some clothes while I continue to stall the idiots in my office." She shot Hermione a look of understanding and hurried out to the hallway.

"Come," he sighed and headed for his bedchambers.

"You have to understand that I don't even remember walking outside with him." Hermione wiped her eyes. "I don't remember more then meeting him there and Aberforth sending over a drink… then I was outside and he was… he…"

"It is over Miss Granger and I do not need an explanation." He stood waiting for her to join him.

"I want you to believe me damn it!" she shouted.

"I do Miss Granger, now please." He stepped into his room, indicating that she should follow.

She followed him to one of the two cupboards in his bedroom and let out a snort of laughter when he pulled it open revealing female clothing.

"I won't ask, but I'm dying to know," she tried to smile and lifted an eyebrow at him.

"I on occasion have a student in need. If you check the other side you will find clothing suitable for young boys."

Hermione looked at the clothing thoughtfully. "You know what someone could make of this, in your private chambers and all? It could be made to look other than what it is."

"Hermione, last week one of the sixth years was in tears when one of her spells went wrong. She rushed in here to report one of her classmates had been harmed and needed medical attention. Should I have let her run back to her rooms with noxious potions on her robes? You will find the same thing in many of the professor's chambers."

"Of course not, but … Severus, I know it's wrong but obviously you have to be careful of everything you do around here. At least move the wardrobe out to the sitting room."

"I will not stop living to satisfy others. I have given up quite enough."

"Well," she sighed, pulling out a pair of baggy jeans and a pullover that would come almost to her knees. "I guess if they looked at the type of clothes they would never say you gave them anything sexy."

"I have always found it is how the clothes are worn that makes a woman alluring." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Severus," she laughed taking the clothes into her quarters to dress. "No one could look sexy in these. I should know."

He watched her go, and then muttered under his breath, as he closed the cupboards, "Don't be to sure."

.

.

Hermione walked to Minerva's office to meet with the Ministry's officials. As soon as she entered the office she knew what was about to happen. Mrs. Robinson, from personnel, sat primly behind Minerva's desk with Hermione's file conspicuously open in front of her. She did not look up but snapped her fingers and pointed to the chair opposite her.

"Your employment is being terminated due to certain inconsistencies we found in our original application." She slammed a stamp down on top of the form then picked it up and handed it to Hermione. "You signed the applications stating that all statements were truthful, and swore under penalties of perjury the same thing upon accepting the position."

"What did I lie about?" Hermione asked flatly.

Mrs. Robinson pushed the papers back with a sneer. "Mrs Snape, is it not? Yet everything you sent in was under the name Granger with no mention of your marital status."

"I thought my original name had been reinstated." She threw the paper back on the desk. "Are you saying that no one knew who I was?"

"Facts are facts." Mrs Robinson stood up, only to look down on Hermione contemptuously. "Perhaps this will teach you to spread lies about co-workers and besmirch the name of the Ministry."

"Perhaps you will learn not to besmirch the name of Granger if this goes to court." Hermione snipped. "This is a lie and you know it as well as I."

"It is also true that you live with Mr. Potter? I am sure you do not want to risk your lover's job as well?"

Hermione sat heavily in the chair, too tired and too weary to argue. She drew her bare feet up under her as Mrs. Robinson's heels clicked on the stone floor. She thought of Harry and knew he would feel guilty, thinking he had played a part in what happened. She sighed and thought of how Ginny would look at her sorrowfully and act as if she should known better, and she loathed the idea of seeing Ronald's frown and his half meant threats against the Ministry.

She hugged her knees and closed her eyes, remembering how Severus had reacted to her kiss, and began to sob. They would not stop with her. They had to go after him, knowing that to let Granger the War Hero go, they had to make their case in the public opinion by going after him. If she fought this, she was putting more than just her own reputation in danger. She was risking the reputation of everyone she cared for. What she didn't understand, was why.

"Hermione?" Minerva stood behind the chair. "Tell me what you need."

"I need to leave. If I stay any longer they will find a way to bring Severus into this and they have already threatened Harry's job."

"Severus is a big boy and quite capable of taking care of himself, and as for Harry, he would want you to fight."

"If I fight this they will go after Severus, Minerva. They will fire Harry in some trumped up charge and go after Severus. You know it as well as I do. It is one thing, to be proven innocent of war crimes, but if there is any sort of scandal the parents will be down his throat and demand his resignation. The Ministry won't have to lift a finger." She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Minerva, I can't do that to Harry. He and Ginny are planning a wedding and they don't need something like this right now. Ginny already hates me staying with him, all I need now is to have him lose his job and have the whole Weasley clan come down on me. And, let's not forget Ronald. If you remember how they treated him after the trials when Augusta's little plan unfolded, you will remember how our breakup became fodder for the gossips. Do you think they won't ruin his job as well? Even if they don't, just seeing his name smeared across the Prophet again… I can't, I won't do that."

She stood up and faced Minerva. "Maybe this will work out for the best. I've been meaning to look for something more challenging. I have marketable skills, I am sure I will have another job in no time."

"Good girl," Minerva smiled. "Don't let them get to you. I am sure in a few weeks time you will have a much better position and this will all blow over. However, I will insist they give back the memories they took from Severus, if you ever need them in the future I will keep them safe for you. I want you to reconsider this, Hermione. He should not be allowed to get away with it."

"I just need to tell the Headmaster that I appreciate his help." She gave Minerva a hug and returned to his sitting room where he sat in front of the fire eating breakfast.

"May I join you for a cup of tea?" she asked, smiling when he looked up startled when she walked in. "I thought I would catch you here."

"Yes, please sit," he said, nodding at the tea service. "Millie always adds an extra cup hoping… yes. How may I help you Miss Granger?"

"I don't need anything. I just wanted to say thank you for everything and I hope I have not been too much bother."

"How did your meeting with the Ministry officials go?"

"It seems I am out of work." She poured a cup of tea and smiled weakly. "I have been there over two years now and never advanced, perhaps it is a good thing. There are a couple of research labs I wanted to look into, now I have a reason to get off my duff and do it."

"You are well qualified. With the recognition you gained during…and after the war, you should be well known enough to have many doors open for you. That recognition added to superior grades and your penchant for research puts you in good stead."

"Yes, well… it seems not everyone was thrilled with Augusta's solution to your problem." She pulled her feet up into the chair and settled back surprising herself with how comfortable she was. "Seems I used the name Granger instead of Snape on my application."

"If that is all they have against you, Miss …"

"Mrs. Snape. I have been informed I am Mrs. Snape." She laughed at the look on his face. "But since you are also a Snape I think it would be proper if you called me Hermione. After all, you have now seen me in positions my own parents have never seen me in. I also want to sincerely apologise for my actions last night, I know I embarrassed you."

"What becomes of your research?" He dropped his eyes to the tray as he set his cup down, avoiding her eyes and the conversation of the previous evening.

"I am to turn in my notes, my badge, and… Fuck, I'll send them by owl." She muttered. "I can make copies if you like, but I really didn't find much. We can hope it is an isolated case. Just some idiot that thought he would not be caught."

"He wasn't."

"I know," she sighed. "Well, I should be going and you have a school to run. If something else turns up you will owl me?"

"Yes, Miss… Hermione. Before you leave you are to visit Poppy and learn the spell I told you about last evening."

"I don't plan on…"

"Nor did you plan on this happening yesterday, yet it did. Just as it has happened to a sixteen year old child that should have been safe under my care. No, you will see Poppy or she will come to London. It is that simple."

"I am sorry, Severus, no one could blame you."

"I blame myself," he said quietly, "as do her parents."

"I will stop in at the infirmary before I leave." She headed back to her temporary rooms to tidy up the space and make sure the room was as she had found it before going to the infirmary to get the new spell and return home.