Author's Note:

I'M AAAAAAAAALIVE! I am so sorry for not updating for more than a month! I've been so busy after my preliminary exams finished that I didn't have the time to write since hell month (September) came rolling around. I was only able to start writing a week before my final exams started and then i was cut short by exams. Don't worry though! I'll be able to update faster now since it's the sembreak and I've only got our thesis (it's a group thesis) to finish up and then I'll be free! XD

On with the fic!

Chapter 11

Maiko suppressed another sigh as she tried to keep her focus on the book she was currently reading. Sitting in the floor of the living room, Momo kept sending curious glances at her while pretending she was still watching one of her favorite shows on the TV.

The first time she noticed her daughter glancing at her, with Momo trying to make sure that she wouldn't be noticed as she tried to glance as subtle as she could, and failing, before returning to her attention to the TV, she thought it was cute and tried to hide the smile that threatened to get out as she feigned ignorance. But the more she tried to act like she wasn't noticing anything, the more Momo kept glancing at her. And it was becoming more obvious and frequent that it was starting to make her feel a little uncomfortable.

She knew that the girl wanted to talk to her about something. It had become a habit of Momo's, one she wasn't sure if her daughter was aware of, that she would do whenever she had something on her mind and couldn't decide whether she would ask her or not. Of course she would notice it right away when Momo would start and she would usually wait it out, watching her daughter amusedly from the corner of her eye as Momo debated with herself, before Momo would come to her to talk about it herself. Sometimes she would ask the girl about it to save her daughter from anymore stress.

This time though, Momo wasn't coming to her to talk about what was in her mind and although she did want to ask her daughter what it was that was keeping her from watching her favorite show, for some reason, she didn't want to ask. Something was telling her that whatever it was that Momo wanted to ask or talk about, it had something to do with Momiji.

It wasn't like she was avoiding the topic by waiting for Momo to come to her herself or anything like that . . . She blinked as she thought about it. Okay, maybe she was. But she just didn't want to talk about it right now.

Letting out a small sigh, she looked up once more only to see Momo looking straight at her. Momo almost jumped in surprise before turning back to the TV and was trying not to act so surprised at being caught staring at her.

Stifling a chuckle at the sudden behavior of her daughter, she decided that it was enough waiting as she closed the book and placed it on the side table to her right before returning her attention to her daughter.

"Momo." She called.

She watched as the girl stopped and slowly turned to look at her. A light shade of pink could be seen on her cheeks, an indication that she was embarrassed at being caught. She couldn't help but let out a small smile as she patted the space next to her and waited as Momo walked over and sat beside her.

"What's wrong Momo? You've been staring at me again." She gently asked as she looked at her daughter. "um . . ." Momo fidgeted with the ribbon of her dress as she slowly looked up to meet her gaze.

"What is it?" she asked, encouraging her daughter to continue, wondering what she would say. "Are you okay mommy?" she asked. Maiko blinked before understanding where the question would lead. "Yes Momo, I'm fine." She said and Momo leaned in to her "You won't. . . collapse again?" Momo quietly asked and Maiko looked at her, a look of understanding on her face.

"No, I won't Momo." She placed a hand on her daughters head "I'm sorry I worried you." she said and kissed Momo's head. She knew that her sudden collapsed really scared Momo. And that from what Mizuki told her, Momo didn't leave her side until it was time for her to sleep. She also remembered how Momo kept on following her for the whole day after she woke up and it was only when she reassured her daughter that she was fine that Momo stopped. "I'm alright now. No more collapsing." She said and she ran her hands through Momo's hair, letting the small girl lean on her.

A short moment of silence passed as they stayed like that before Momo let out a yawn. "Want to take a nap?" she asked and Momo responded by giving a small nod before lying her head on her lap. "Hey" she let out a chuckle as Momo completely made herself comfortable, lying on her side.

Seeing as she had no choice at the moment, she also made herself comfortable, reclining a little on the sofa before she continued to gently run her hands through Momo's hair, lulling her to sleep even more. They continued like that for a while with nothing but the mild breeze coming from a nearby window to keep them company. After a couple more minutes passed, she thought Momo had fallen asleep when a small quiet voice broke the silence.

"Are you and daddy fighting?"

She stopped her hand mid air just as she was about to run it through Momo's hair and blinked. Her and Mizuki? Fighting? She suddenly looked down on her lap and saw Momo, her head slightly tilted to look at her. "Me and daddy?" she let the question escape her lips and Momo blinked and nodded. "Why would you say that?" She asked and wondered what made Momo think like this. Momo seemed to look a bit uncertain as she looked in another direction, trying to avoid her gaze.

"But. . . you and daddy haven't talked for some time now. You only talk to each other when you're asking for something or when you're leaving the house." Momo explained, facing her, a worried look on her face. Maiko blinked at the words Momo said before understanding why her daughter seemed to be on the edge.

"No Momo, we aren't fighting." She answered gently, once again running her hand through Momo's hair, trying to reassure her little girl. Momo blinked once more, a look of uncertainty in her eyes ". . .Then, why are you avoiding daddy?" she quietly asked and for a moment and Maiko inwardly sighed. Ever since her memories came back, she and Mizuki hadn't been able to have a decent conversation, especially when it came to Momiji. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk about it, but her memories from before and her memories now felt like it was all jumbled up and she wanted some time alone for her to be able to put things together. When she told Mizuki, he understood. That was why they would often end up staying in the same room without talking to each other, sometimes to the point that it would become awkward. Momo must've been worried by this and thought they were fighting.

She let out a small sigh "We aren't fighting Momo. It's just. . . I'm feeling a bit confused right now." She gently told Momo. "Confused?" Momo blinked. "Yes." She answered as she looked out the window to stare at the garden while continuing to run her fingers through Momo's hair. Despite being asked questions by her daughter about regaining her memories, she somehow felt more comfortable in answering them, unlike when she and Mizuki were talking.

Momo remained silent for a good minute, seemingly thinking, before she once again turned to look at her "Is it because of Momiji?" she quietly asked and once more, Maiko was taken aback at the bluntness of the question.

Masking her surprise at the question, she gave a small nod "Yeah." she admitted.

When she first found out the truth about Momiji, so many questions were running through her head. What was she like before? How did she cope with the curse of the Sohma family? How did she treat Momiji? Did she really suffer so much that she broke down to the point that erasing her memories was the only way to cure her? Were all the things Mizuki told her really true?

When her memory returned, all of her questions were answered. Everything was given an explanation. Every single doubt she had about Momiji disappeared. But, instead of feeling better, instead of feeling relieved that nothing was a lie, she felt even more confused. Her memories of when she knew Momiji as her son and her memories of Momiji as the cheerful boy from the Sohma clan were clashing but at the same time placed everything into place; filling the void left from her supposed 'memory loss' caused by her 'illness.'

It was like despite having her memories back, she felt like she was divided into the Maiko that was Momiji's mother and the Maiko who merely knew Momiji as that boy from the Sohma clan; and that the feelings brought by the two different memories were extremes opposites. One felt fear, anger and despair on one side while worry, love and care on the other and she didn't know which to feel. It was tearing her inside. She had never felt this torn before, never so conflicted. And she didn't know what to do.

"Do you. . . hate Momiji now?"

The question surprised Maiko out of her reverie and she saw Momo looking at her cautiously. "Why. . ." she began ". . .Why do you ask that, Momo?" she quietly asked her daughter back and Momo fidgeted on her sleeve. "Because. . . daddy said that before you forgot Momiji, you didn't like him. . .and now you remember him again." Momo said slowly, quietly and Maiko's hand slows to a halt.

Noticing the sudden halt in movements, Momo looked back up at her "Mommy?" she asked, her voice having a tinge of apology thinking that the question was too personal.

". . .I don't know."

"Eh?" Momo blinked as Maiko's hand began to move again. "I don't know Momo." Maiko repeated. "I don't know if I hate him or not, so I can't answer that yet." She returned her gaze back to the window.

With the return of her memories also came the feelings and thoughts she had towards him and most of it leaned more on the negative than the positive which was why she felt so confused. Because the Maiko that knew Momiji before she recovered her memories loved and adored the boy while the Maiko that she forgot hated and despised him.

Letting out a small sigh, Maiko hoped that Momo would feel satisfied enough with her answers and just go to sleep. The girl was obviously sleepy, and she didn't know if she could answer anymore of her innocently blunt questions. Besides, even if she wanted to answer her daughter's questions, she didn't even know how.

There were still a lot of things she wasn't sure of; after all, she had only regained her memories a few days ago and there were still so many things running through her mind. Most of it involved or was related to Momiji on one way or another and that was what troubled her the most.

Thankfully, Momo seemed to sense her discomfort and remained silent, focusing on the feel of her mother's fingers gently running through her hair and the cool breeze that came from the window. It wasn't long after that she felt her eyes drooping slowly and although she still wanted to stay awake and keep her mommy company, she couldn't help but close her eyes and fall to sleep.

It was mid afternoon when Mizuki arrived at the Soham estate. He received a call from Hatori last night telling him of what happened and suffice to say he was really worried. He knew how strong Momiji could be, how he could overcome his own pain and fears on his own even when he reminded the boy every now and then that he was always there to support him.

For Momiji to break down last night, according to what Hatori told him, was enough to show how much he had been keeping everything to himself and that made him worry more. And what's more, he felt even worse for not being there for his son. Again.

He let out a sigh as he arrived at the front door of Hatori's house, taking a moment to clear his mind of any of his previous thoughts before bringing a hand up to ring the door bell. A few seconds passed before he heard light footsteps and the door quietly slid open revealing Hatori.

"Mizuki-san." Hatori greeted before moving to his side, allowing Mizuki to enter. "How is he?" he asked as soon as he entered the house. "He's much better than yesterday, although he still seems to be troubled." Hatori said as he placed an extra pair of slippers out for Mizuki who uttered small thanks. "I see." Mizuki looked towards the hallway. "He's in the living room, practicing his Braille." Hatori told him and Mizuki nodded his thanks before he headed towards the living room.

Reaching the doorway, he peered in to see Momiji sitting on the floor, pieces of Braille-dotted paper scattered in the coffee table front of him. A serious look was plastered on his face as his right hand slowly hovered over the dotted lines. Mizuki quietly took a few more steps into the living room.

As if sensing his entrance, Momiji blinked, his hand stopping and looked in the direction where Mizuki was. "Hatori? Who was at the door?" he blinked once more, tilting his head lightly to the side.

"Momiji." He called and Momiji's eyes widened for a second before a small smile crept up his face "Dad!" he said cheerfully. Mizuki smiled at his son and he started to make his way onto the sofa behind Momiji. "How have you been? I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit you for a while now." He said as he sat on the sofa, lightly ruffling Momiji's hair.

"I'm fine. It's okay. I know you're busy. " Momiji gave a light laugh as he also sat on the sofa beside him. Mizuki's smile faltered as he heard his son's response but he didn't let it show as he spoke "So, how's your studying doing? You can read braille now?" he asked lightly as he took a few pieces of reading material from the table and stared at the dots. Momiji nodded "A little. Hatori's helping me learn and memorize new words each day. According to him, it won't be long before I can read a simple sentence." He happily said.

"That's good to hear." Mizuki said smiling once more. A moment of silence passed between them and for a second, Mizuki actually felt a little awkward at the sudden silence. He knew that Momiji knew why he was here. But it seemed that Momiji didn't want to talk about it or maybe, he just didn't want to start.

"Oh, by the way," Momiji suddenly spoke, breaking the silence and making Mizuki turn to him suddenly "Hatori said that we're going back to the hospital to have another check up on my arm and that if everything goes well, then I'll have my cast removed!" Mizuki smiled "That's good news then, if your cast gets taken off, then you'd be able to play the violin again." he said and Momiji smiled even more "Yeah, and I'd be able to do things more properly." Momiji added as he leaned back into the sofa.

Mizuki returned the reading materials he was holding onto the table before turning to take a good look at his son. Despite the small smile that graced his lips, there was something in his eyes that told Mizuki that Momiji was still not well. Momiji blinked at the sudden silence "Dad?"

"Are you okay Momiji?"

Momiji blinked once more when he heard the question "Eh?" Mizuki shifted in his seat so that he was could look at Momiji better "Are you okay?" he asked once more, his voice more serious than before and now had a tinge of worry as well.

Momiji straightened up at the question and gave another smile "I'm fine dad, I just said it earlier didn't I?" he said and Mizuki's eyes softened. "Hatori called me last night. I know what happened, Momiji." His voice took a gentler tone as he said those words and Momiji's smile slowly faltered and fell into a thin line.

"Hatori told me that you've been bothered by your mother's memories resurfacing and that . . . you asked him to erase her memories" Mizuki said, watching Momiji for any reactions. "It was only hypothetical." Momiji told him, his voice quiet "And I only asked him if he would do it if I asked him to. I never said that I wanted to." He turned his head towards Mizuki "I didn't mean it, I was just. . ." Momiji turned to look in front of him but Mizuki could see the tiny spark of uncertainty in his eyes.

"You're afraid aren't you?"

Momiji turned his head back towards Mizuki when he heard those words. Mizuki stared back at him, his gaze softened at his son's reaction. "You're afraid that when Maiko remembers, she'd treat you like how she did before again." He said quietly "Is that why you asked Hatori to erase her memories?"

Momiji remained silent. His head bent low so that his eyes couldn't be seen. The silence made Mizuki nervous and he ran a hand through his hair, not sure of what to do. Maybe he should have brought the subject in a more subtle way? But he didn't know how else to confront his son when it came to things like this.

He knew Momiji tended to hide his own feelings when he felt it would help reassure others that he was fine. Not because he didn't want to be secretive but because he didn't want others to worry about him. He cared so much about the people around him that he didn't want to share his pain with them because he didn't want to burden them.

Even Mizuki was treated the same way, which made him feel even worse since Momiji's his son. He was supposed to be the one person that Momiji could at least confide in because he was his father and to know that Momiji couldn't even do that was painful.

"You know," Mizuki looked up when he suddenly heard Momiji speak, not noticing that he had lowered his head while he was thinking, and turned to his son "when you asked me back then if it was okay with me to erase mom's memories of me, I didn't really agree." He paused "I. . . actually didn't want mom to forget me." He said.

"Momiji. . ." Mizuki looked at him and Momiji, slowly turned to looked back and it was only then that he noticed that tears were starting to well up around Momiji's eyes "The main reason why I agreed was because I thought that, if mom forgot me, she'd be able to be healthy again, that she'd be able to smile once more and that you wouldn't fight anymore. . ."

Mizuki remained silent and Momiji took this chance to continue "I just thought that I won't see dad's tired, frustrated face and mom's crying face anymore. Because seeing you guys like that makes if more painful to live together than to live apart." Momiji turned his face away so that Mizuki couldn't see his expression.

". . . And, I guess I am scared." Momiji admitted, his voice a little shaky. "I'm scared that when mom remembers me, those days would come back. That she'd be sad again, that you two might begin to fight again. That she might get hurt again." Momiji turned back to him, a small sad smile on his face "I don't want that."

Mizuki stared at his son. His mind turning around with everything that Momiji said. The reason why Momiji agreed all those years ago wasn't only because of Maiko, but also because of him. That even at such a young age, Momiji was already fully aware of his situation and that he already understood. That he'd rather be separated from his family than to lose them by living together. Mizuki shook his head. How could his son be so kind and so understanding as to allow such things to happen? How could he still smile through all the pain he endured alone?

Lost in the honesty and pain-filled words, Mizuki could only wrap his arms around his son, pulling the boy into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry."

Momiji"s eyes widened at the sudden gesture " . . .Dad?" Mizuki kept his arms wrapped around him "I'm so sorry, Momiji." He said once more "All this time . . . all this time you've been suffering, enduring everything on your own while I left you so that I can live my life outside."

"Dad. . ." Momiji lifted his right arm to return the embrace.

"You wouldn't be in this kind of situation if it weren't for me." Momiji stared at him "What do you mean?" he asked quietly and Mizuki took a long breath "If I. . ." he began "If I hadn't asked you about erasing your mother's memories, about erasing your very existence from your mother's life, leaving you behind here and letting you suffer all alone, you wouldn't be going through any of this." He continued, letting out a shaky breath.

" . . . Dad, you're not selfish." Momiji uttered. "No" Mizuki shook his head "I . . . was selfish, Momiji. I was selfish enough to ask you about erasing you from Maiko's memories, because I knew you'd agree. I was selfish enough to keep you away so that I could live with Maiko and Momo peacefully while you could only watch from afar."

"I am the one responsible for all the pain that you're going through."

He loosened his embrace on Momiji, lowering his head "I'm so sorry Momiji." His voice was so quiet that it almost seemed like a whisper "Even now when you've lost your sight and hurt, even when you're confused and breaking down, I still couldn't stay by your side. I've failed as a father. Forgive me"

Momiji stared at Mizuki, letting everything sink in to him. He had never heard his father sound so dejected before; so ashamed. It was true that he felt sad and hurt about what his father did, about having his mother's memories of him erased and having to keep away from his family. And it was also true that he knew that the main reason why his father didn't want him to be seen by his mother and sister was because it could disrupt the peace he had found. But. . .

"That's not true."

Mizuki looked up at his son's words. Momiji stared at him through unseeing brown eyes, his gaze softening "That's not true." he said again. "You say that you're selfish, that you had mom's memories erased because you wanted to live a peaceful, happy life. But it was because of that that mom's still alive." He said, letting the words flow slowly as a tear manage to trickle down his face.

"Momiji. . ." Mizuki stared once more at his sons words. He knew, no, they both knew back then that if Maiko had continued on in the condition she was in, it wouldn't be long before she would wither away like the other mothers of the junishi. That probably, like the other families of the junishi, they would have broken too much that they can't be repaired. That Maiko's choice to have her memories erased prevented that; allowed a chance to fix their broken family.

"You may have been selfish, but your selfishness saved mom." Another tear managed to fall from his eyes "Besides," he paused "even though it's true that you left with mom to live outside, you still came back for me." Mizuki's eyes widened at hearing Momiji's words and Momiji sniffed once more.

"Mom became so sick and sad because of me, and because of that, I was left all alone, and I couldn't go and see mom or Momo even if I wanted to. It was painful." More tears fell as Momiji continued to speak "But because you were there, because you kept coming back to visit me, living alone became bearable."

It's true that the outcome of everything that has happened in their lives was painful. But it was bearable. Because despite the new life his dad found with his mother, he still came back for him. He was left alone for weeks, sometimes even months of not seeing his father, but he always came back to visit him, to see how he was doing, to spend time with him. That despite their situation, his father never failed to make him feel loved and for him that was enough.

"So please," Momiji wiped the tears from his face "don't say you failed as my father because you didn't. Because if you did, I wouldn't have been able to create such beautiful memories of the times we spent together."Mizuki felt a tear run down his face as he once more brought Momiji into a tight embrace. They stayed like that until Momiji had stopped crying and he finally let go.

A large, warm hand landed on his head and Momiji felt Mizuki's forehead against his. "Thank you." he said "And sorry" he added a tinge of embarrassment in his voice. "I came here to comfort you and yet I'm the one who got comforted." Mizuki lightly ruffled his hair, a smile on his face

A small smile crept up on Momiji's face as he shook his head lightly "That's not true. I'm really glad you're here dad." He said truthfully before leaning back into the comfy sofa "I feel better now." "I'm glad to hear that." Mizuki smiled and followed suit, leaning back on the sofa as well. He let out a sigh as he relaxed onto it.

A long moment of silence passed between them, but this time, they didn't mind. It was comforting. Mizuki turned to glance at Momiji who currently had his eyes closed before he turned back and let his gaze roam the room, letting it fall on anything and everything he sees. His gaze finally falls on the coffee table before him where pieces of paper and Momiji's reading materials lay scattered about.

"Dad"

"Yeah?" Mizuki broke his gaze with the coffee table to look back at Momiji. "How's mom doing?" came the quiet question. Mizuki returned his gaze to the coffee table. He somehow expected that Momiji would ask about her "She's better now. She didn't get sick or anything like that, so she didn't have a hard time returning to her daily routine." He paused "She did ask me to give her some time before we could talk about her memories though." He answered truthfully which earned a silent 'oh' from Momiji.

Another moment of silence passed before it was broken once more, this time by Mizuki. "You don't have to be afraid that she might revert back to how she was Momiji. Maiko has learned to love you through the times she spent with you." he said. Momiji looked at him "I know she does, but. . . what if . . . she does?" he asked, uncertainty evident in his voice and eyes.

Mizuki stared at his son for a full minute before answering "I don't know." He said truthfully "I don't know, Momiji. But if ever that she does. . ." he paused "I won't let you go through the same thing again. Not on your own." He said and he can't help but smile as he saw Momiji's expression turn from uncertainty to a genuine smile.

His son had gone through so much pain already, and if ever he was about to go through the same pain again, he wasn't going to let him go alone. Not anymore.

Author's Notes:

Phew! I finally finished writing this chapter. I've struggled a lot in writing this chapter and I have no idea why. And I was starting to get frustrated since the whole flow of the chapter is in my head but I couldn't find the proper words to express it which was why I had to delete, add, and revise a lot in this chapter and took me another two hours editing because i ended up adding another part to it. Anyway, I'm satisftied with what I've written and I hope you guys like it too!

So review and tell me what you think!