Jared was scared, now more than ever. As much as he tried to put up a front and stay strong, try to pretend that he was o.k., in reality he was about far from it as he could possibly get. This . . . man – whoever he was, wasn't messing around. He clearly knew what he was doing, well enough to put even Jensen on edge – which was, to be blunt, absolutely fucking terrifying. Jared thought he knew fear in Jensen, in how efficient and obviously well trained he was – this guy was proving just how wrong he could be. You have to understand that Jensen, for all his . . . faults (his scary, knife-wielding faults) did have a moral compass, Jared knew what Jensen was capable of just as well as he knew his limits, and Jensen did have limits – he could be cold and calculating but never without reason. That's what made this guy so frightening – they didn't know what his reasons were or if he even had one. What this guy had proved he was willing to do, how far he was willing to go without a clear indication of why . . . he made made Jensen look like a pussycat in comparison.

Inevitably Jared's thoughts turned solely to Jensen as they often did lately. Jensen . . . confused him. He was like a puzzle that as hard as Jared tried he just couldn't figure out. In his mind, before Jensen came back for him, before he saved him, before any of this mess Jared had managed to build him up as this ultimate nightmare man – a regular Freddy Kruger who was ruthless and cruel . . . evil. But, having to spend time with Jensen now, having him as the only person in the world he can rely on at the moment, Jared started to feel differently. He realized now that Jensen wasn't the bad guy he'd painted him as. He had let one bad (one really bad) experience with Jensen mar his entire perception of the man and maybe that wasn't fair. Jensen was capable of such compassion and kindness, Jared saw that now. He saw it in the way that no matter what was happening he would always put Jared's safety above everything. He saw it in the way if Jared ever accidentally hurt himself while cooking Jensen would clean and dress the wound with a care and gentleness that up until recently Jared would've said he wasn't capable of. He saw it in the way that whenever Jensen went on supply runs (making sure Jared was safe and comfortable in the panic room first of course) he would bring back little gifts for him – simple things like Jared's favorite candy, but it was those things that meant the most. He saw it whenever Jensen's face went soft at the sight of a dog on TV – he saw it in countless other things but most of all he saw it in the man Jensen was, who he really was. Jared spent so long believing that the loving man who took care of him after he got out of hospital the first time didn't really exist. That it was all just an act – it took him longer than it should have to see the truth. To open his eyes and see that the man did exist, that the gentle man with the kind smile was just Jensen and he really didn't know how to deal with that.

As much as he had tried to fight it Jared had developed . . . feelings for Jensen. At first he thought it was just the warmth that came with realizing that Jensen wasn't the monster he thought he was, so he couldn't hate him anymore, it was o.k. to form some kind of friendship – but as time went on Jared realized his feeling went far deeper than that. He would've said he was in love – except that he couldn't love Jensen, not like that, not after everything, he couldn't possibly . . . no.

Jared was confused – he was stuck between his heart and his head. His heart was telling him that Jensen was sweet and funny, kind and generous, all in all damn-near perfect. Except for the fact that he wasn't perfect and that's where his head came in. Jared couldn't just forget everything that Jensen had done to him, how could he? He couldn't forget that as sweet as Jensen was he had one hell of a dark side too. So how the hell was he supposed to start something with a man who he couldn't forgive? How could he love Jensen when he couldn't even look in the mirror without remembering what the man had done to him? What was he supposed to do?

It was much later when Jared finally ventured out of both his room and the thoughts that threatened to consume him to find Jensen sitting on the couch in the front room seemingly lost in his own thoughts. A bottle of wine sat open and half finished on the coffee table in front of him. Figuring that Jensen probably needed some time to himself Jared turned to exit the room only to be stopped as the other man softly called his name.

"Jared?"

"Yes Jensen?"

"Where you going? Come sit down and have a drink with me."

Jared desperately wanted to refuse, mixing Jensen and alcohol while his head was still all over the place was not a good idea, but then he saw the pleading look in Jensen's eyes and he knew he couldn't say no.

"O-o.k. But not too much, I don't wanna end up with a killer hangover in the morning."

That at least raised a smile from Jensen as he approached the couch and sat down, claiming a glass of wine for himself. Soon enough the lost look was back on Jensen's face and the silence lay heavy between them.

"Jared?" Jensen broke the quiet almost hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"You remember the conversation we had a while back – after the men came to the house. We agreed we could ask each other anything without getting mad right? A-and that we had to tell the truth?"

"Yeah I remember why?"

"It's just, there's something I wanted to ask you."

"Shoot."

"I don't even know how – it's just . . . You remember the first time? We lived together I mean, after your accident. When I . . . when I . . . tricked you?"

Jared swallowed, he had a feeling he wasn't going to like the conversation that followed.

"Yes. I remember Jensen. How could I ever forget?"

"Well you know there was that one time that we . . . you know . . ."

"What?"

"When we had sex?"

That was about the last thing Jared expected Jensen to say.

"What about it?"

"I was just wondering . . . did you mean it?"

"I don't . . . What do you mean?"

"The sex – did you mean it or was it just to distract me? I mean, did you ever find me attractive before you figured out what a screw up I was? Did you ever feel anything for me?"

Jared blew out a breath, this was not a conversation he wanted to have, especially not now, but he did promise so he'd just have to suck it up and answer the question.

"Honestly? I wanted to sleep with you. I needed to get the key to find out what you where hiding but if I tried hard enough I could've found another way to do that. I had sex with you because I wanted you. I thought you were handsome, sweet, kind and sexy. It felt like if I was . . . married to you then it should be normal to be attracted to you . . . but that was the problem – back then it was just lust. I couldn't understand why I didn't feel anything for you outside of sexual desire. I figured there should have been some kind of sense memory, that as your husband I'd feel how much I loved you even without remembering – of course now I now why that never happened. My point is before it was just lust because I didn't really know you – not like I do now."

That last part had been a slip and Jared was terrified that Jensen might pick up on what he was feeling now.

"Jared -"

"Don't I get a question?"

"What?"

"Well you got my honest answer, now there's something I want to ask you. Something I've wanted to know for a while now."

"O.k. What do you want to know?"

"Just – Why me? All of this, everything that happened before and now. Why'd you pick me?"

"Because you were the first bit of light I'd seen in my life since . . . pretty much ever. Despite what the tabloids think I never had the perfect life, in fact I hated every second of it until I saw you. I'd spent years feeling like I was suffocating under the weight of . . . everything. I didn't have anyone to turn to, I didn't have any escape. Everyone at school hated me because I was different – like I really gave a flying fuck what any of them thought, but then there was you. You helped me, you were the first person I'd ever met who gave a shit about anybody but themselves, I couldn't help but fall in love with you. To me you were – are – perfect, I put you on a pedestal because you were the only good memory I had. You were like a ray of sunshine, I was only truly happy when I was near you. I couldn't let you go, I couldn't lose you. That's why I did what I did, because I loved you so much that I felt I couldn't breathe and nothing's changed there, I still feel the same way about you – I just tried to show you in entirely the wrong way and screwed everything up. I am so sorry for that."

Jared wanted to know more, he wanted to know what had happened to make Jensen feel trapped in his own life but he could sense that now was not the time to pry, not yet.

"You know the funny thing? Back in high school if you'd of asked me out again like a week later I would've totally said yes."

"Huh? How would a week make any difference?"

"Well you know I was dating Danny, the captain of the football team back then? He was a self-obsessed dick, but I'm from Texas so loyalty comes with the territory and I didn't feel like I could just dump him for that you know – a move I was kicking myself for when you asked cos I thought you were cute. Two days later I found out he was cheating on me with the head-cheerleader, that's when I gladly dumped his ass."

"Seriously? I thought after you two broke up it would be dick move to try and get a date with you, that's why I kept my distance. Well, that and I didn't want to be your rebound, I couldn't of handled that."

"You wouldn't of been. You know, in the spirit of honesty, most of the guys I dated I wasn't even that into."

"What about Mark? You seemed pretty heartbroken when he left."

"No I was broken over all the money he stole from me. He was a pity date, I felt sorry for the guy, gave him some-place to live and a stable relationship and he robs me blind! Not to mention half of what's happening now is because of his friends or colleagues – whatever con-men and criminals call themselves. No the only guy I ever dated for love was Tom and it hurts because I never got any real closure with him. The break-up and everything just happened so fast . . . you know for months I refused to take off his ring. Chad kept telling me to move on and get over it, but I was just so convinced that he'd come back and we'd get married like we were supposed to and . . . I lost it . . . after the accident – when I remembered, I knew I was wearing his ring that night but after the crash, it was gone . . ."

Jensen looked at him with an unreadable expression before he seemed to come to a decision.

"Jared, stay here o.k. I have to get something and you have to promise you won't get mad o.k? Promise me."

"O.k. I promise."

Jared watched as Jensen left the room and returned moments later, his fist closed around something small. Jared's breath caught as Jensen sat beside him and placed the object in his hand. It was his ring, Tom's ring. Jensen ha taken it? How? When? Why? Did it even matter anymore? Jared wished he could be mad. Lash out. Anything, but the truth is that his relationship with Tom seems so long ago now – he still feels love for the man, he's pretty sure he always will, but it's not all-consuming like it used to be. He'd moved on when he accepted he would never have it again. This was the man who he was going to spend the rest of his life with and now when faced with the fact that Jensen took his one reminder of the man from him all he can feel is relief that Jensen has the courage to be honest with him. How fucked up is that?

"I took the ring after I the crash. I was waiting for the ambulance when I saw it. It was stupid and selfish, but all that was going through my head was that you were mine and shouldn't be wearing anybody elses ring. I'm so sorry Jared. I know I shouldn't of done it – I didn't then but I do now. I realize now that I tried to take something that wasn't mine to take. I just hope you can forgive me."

Looking into Jensen's eyes it was obvious that it wasn't just the ring he was talking about – and that was it the final straw which made him make either the stupidest or smartest decision of his life – he guessed he'd find out which soon enough. It was too late to go back now, his heart had won, overruling the part of his brain that was screaming "What the fuck are you doing? This is such a stupid fucking idea!"

"It is now."

Jensen looked adorably perplexed "What?"

"It's yours now. I'm yours now if you still want me."

"Are you kidding of course I still want you. You're all I've ever wanted, but you have to be sure Jared. Are you absolutely sure?"

In answer Jared smashed their lips together in a passionate and bruising kiss.

"I'm sure."

Jensen clearly didn't need a second invitation because within minutes Jared found himself in Jensen's bedroom while the man stripped him and pushed him back onto the bed with a fierce and possessive passion.

Later as Jared curled up with his head on Jensen's chest he was hit with an overwhelming sense of belonging and a strange certainty that it wasn't going to last.

Something was waiting round the corner and it was ready to strike.

The man watched the two cuddling men on the screen in thought. Oh this was perfect! Ackles had gotten a taste of his perfect life and now it was just gonna be that much sweeter when it was ripped away from him.

There was just one more game to play.

He'd found the ideal guy to infiltrate the safe-house, he was the perfect kind of stupid – wouldn't even pick up on the fact that he's being sent to his death until it's too late

Everything was falling into place.

Finally Ackles is going to know what it feels like to lose everything.

It'll be an act of mercy when he puts a bullet through his skull.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day Jensen Ackles finally gets what's coming to him.

Let the games begin.

TBC.