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(Special thanks to InfiniteAndMortal, you're a constant source of ideas)
Warnings: I give up. Come on, it's rated M...
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler.
Total Word Count: 4 214
Chapter Eleven
"Art and Dreams"
As Ciel slowly started to wake up, he felt something warm moving in his hair and down his neck, tickling him a little. When he made a small sighing noise, the movement stopped and Ciel's tired brain registered that feeling of warmth as a hand on top of his head.
He blinked his eye open, foolishly fought a yawn which made his face look cramped up, as he tried to look at Sebastian, whom he was lying on top of. 'Wait, what?' His searching eye was caught by a mischievous pair of eyes and a small smirk.
"Sebastian?" He slurred sleepily, realizing exactly the situation at hand and blushed before he could look away from the piercing look of Sebastian's deep red eyes.
The fingers belonging to the hand that rested on top of his messy hair moved around in slow circles and distracted him a moment until Sebastian replied,
"Yes…my lord?"
Ciel swatted his hand above his head, hoping to hit that mocking face. He failed, naturally, because Sebastian caught his wrist barely an inch from his nose.
"I've told you, don't call me that." He growled, and tried to yank his hand free. He stopped when he felt something warm and wet drag all over his palm. He practically felt his blood rush to his ears in embarrassment.
"Hm? Don't call you what, exactly?" Sebastian whispered and pressed his lips against Ciel's palm, sucking slightly.
Ciel shivered as he felt Sebastian's free arm wrap around his middle even tighter, making it difficult for him to move. "M-my Lord. My name is Ciel, you butt-"
"Hush." One simple word whispered by those lips and Ciel fell silent immediately.
Sebastian stopped licking the delectable palm and started to pull the younger up closer to his face instead. When he was satisfied, he wrapped both arms around his prey and begun to ruffle the untidy hair in Ciel's neck with his nose. Blowing an occasional warm puff onto the sensitive skin of the bluenette's throat, he chuckled as he heard the other's breaths growing shallow.
Making the action complete with a warm kiss on the middle of the young man's neck, he revelled in hearing him utter a muffled moan. Grinning from ear to ear, he started suckling and licking that thin neck as Ciel obediently leaned his head aside to make it easier for Sebastian to reach.
As Ciel kept his eye closed, feeling rather embarrassed about the whole ordeal, even if it was amazing, he heard Sebastian say his name.
"Ciel…"
The young man kept his eyelid closed and only grunted as an answer.
"Cieel…hey, wake up!"
His eye darting open, he realizes that he's lying on his stomach on the couch and hugging a pillow. Sebastian is standing above him, nudging his shoulder whilst looking all smile and sunshine. "Good morning, sleepy head. Don't even think you can sleep through having breakfast with me!" Sebastian beamed at him.
Ciel still gaped slightly, and stared at the man with his impeccable obsidian hair, perfectly brushed and tucked behind his ears, except for a lonely strand that fell in front of his burgundy eyes as Ciel watched. He wondered how bad his own hair looked. As he drew a hand through his messy locks he felt the memories from the dream resurface and he blushed to the top of his ears.
Disappointed that the lovely moment they had shared had only been a dream, he rubbed his face with his hands and grumbled; "Breakfast?"
He decided to ignore the disturbing flush of heat covering his face and stood from the couch, keeping his hands busy folding the blanket and his face hidden from Sebastian's eyes.
"Yeah, breakfast. I baked some bread yesterday so I'm making sandwiches with tea…Is everything okay? Do you want something else?"
"No, that's fine. Um, I mean it's better than fine, it's-" he stopped himself when Sebastian chuckled and shook his head before he walked back to the kitchen. Ciel yelled after him, "I think I'll go shower first though!"
Sebastian's voice reached him from the kitchen, "Okay!"
Stepping out of the shower, he wrapped a large white towel around his lithe body. Standing on the tiled floor as a small pool of water formed beneath his feet, he wondered what the hell he was going to wear. Since the clothes he'd slept in was sort of smelly, he didn't want to put them back on, yet he wasn't going to waltz around naked…even if he trusted Sebastian with his life, he had noticed the looks the taller male had given him occasionally.
He wrapped the fluffy towel more securely around his body, to make sure it stayed there when he walked. He didn't want to stand butt naked if he would run into the other man. Not only because of obvious reasons, well, no-one wants to expose themselves involuntarily, no, because he'd probably die of embarrassment if he let Sebastian see the scars on his back.
Shaking his head clear of any thoughts about Sebastian and simultaneously spraying the walls with droplets of water, he snatched his eye patch and decided to see if he had any clothes left in the drawer in his bedroom since last time.
He opened the door and peeked his head out. No Sebastian there. The last thing he wanted right now was to be caught with a towel around himself. No doubt that Sebastian would find it hilarious.
Slipping out of the bathroom, he moved quickly and quietly in the long hallway. Luckily for Ciel, the bedrooms were situated on the same floor as the bathroom, so at least he wouldn't have to sneak downstairs, risking to be seen. One hand on the towel and the other yanking the door handle, he snuck into his own room.
After a few futile minutes of searching through his room, the only clothing he found was undergarments and socks. He had rummaged through every drawer, but all his clothes were gone. His whole wardrobe was empty.
He sighed at the mess the large pile of socks made on the floor, and he noticed the thin wet trail he had left behind himself when he walked inside. He angrily stuffed the pile of socks into a single drawer, leaving one pair that he slipped on, along with some fresh underwear. He stood in the middle of the room, still holding on tight on the towel, thinking hard. 'What the hell am I going to do now? I'm not putting those sweaty things back on…hang on…'
A small smirk spread across his face as a plan formed itself in his mind. He peeked out into the corridor again. 'The coast is clear, proceed, private Phantomhive!' he snickered to himself as he was heading down the hall-
"Cieeel!" Sebastian's voice reached upstairs into his ears, and the bluenette froze, heart somewhere between his tonsils.
Ciel cleared his throat as he leaned against the wall, "Uh-Yeah?"
"Hurry up! Or you'll have cold tea!"
Footsteps heading towards the stairs made Ciel's skin prickle and he quickly yelled, "I'll be there in a minute!" He held his breath, and the steps returned to the kitchen.
The bluenette quickly tip-toed to Sebastian's bedroom door that was visible from the bottom of the stairs and slipped inside, hopefully unnoticed.
Letting out a shaky breath, Ciel leaned against the door as his eye swept across the room in search of a wardrobe. He'd only been in Sebastian's room once before. He allowed himself a moment to savour all the details of the room, when he saw it. 'Bingo.'
Ciel's eye caught sight of a door to his right, opposite of the large bed with inviting black silk covers-
A stray thought entered Ciel's mind, 'with a bed that looks that comfy, and probably is even more comfy in reality, why does he even bother to get up every morning?'
Shaking the thought out of his head, Ciel approached the wardrobe and reached out a hand and opened it. He hurriedly grabbed a plain white button down shirt, a simple grey v-neck sweater and he rummaged around for a while before he found a pair of black sweatpants that seemed that they might fit if he folded them by the ankles.
'Now we're talking…' Ciel dropped the towel and started dressing himself. It turned out that the shirt was quite a bit too large, so he stuffed it down the sweatpants and rolled the sleeves up a bit. When he pulled the sweater on, which was also quite large, you couldn't really tell that the shirt was too big, or, at least that's what Ciel thought.
Ciel took a quick look in the mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door and frowned a little. 'I look so small it's ridiculous…' He grabbed the towel from the floor and rubbed his still wet hair with it, before he was satisfied and opened the door to leave. As he closed it behind him, and turned around, he ended up face to face with Sebastian, sporting a rather amused smile.
"Hello there Ciel."
"…hello."
"I must say I am somewhat surprised to find you on your way out of my bedroom, when you said you were showering?"
"Uh…I- I did take a shower, but all my clothes are gone. I just went to see if I could…perhaps borrow some of yours?" He made an awkward gesture towards the closed door behind him as his voice trailed off and he cradled the damp towel to his chest.
Sebastian leaned forwards, as if to inspect if Ciel was lying or not, when he grabbed his collar, making Ciel squeak. Not uttering a word, he calmly buttoned down the collar and made sure it was properly folded against Ciel's skin, ignoring the teen's attempts to duck away.
Keeping a large hand curled around the younger man's neck, he pulled him closer and smiled, " When I drove you back to your aunt's place, I decided to wash all the clothes you had in your wardrobe here, to make sure they were clean when you came back. They're in the washroom."
Sebastian watched the young man nod and continued. "Now, if you wanted to borrow clothes, why didn't you just ask me?"
"…I don't know." Feeling rather breathless for being so close to Sebastian, Ciel jolted when the other made a sudden move towards him. Sebastian stopped mid-movement and opened his mouth as if to say something, but then he seemingly changed his mind, and tugged gently on the teen's borrowed clothes to make him accompany him downstairs.
When they had finally finished a very late breakfast, that would more appropriately be called a lunch, they both treaded up the stairs to the second floor of the manor, and then the third and highest. Ciel had kept asking about what Sebastian had been painting, and so, Sebastian had decided that maybe Ciel would like to see it in person.
As Sebastian led the way to his studio through a broad corridor, Ciel couldn't stop thinking about that dream. It had felt so very real. Watching the back of the man in front of him, he couldn't help himself imagining that Sebastian would suddenly stop, spin around and pin him to the wall, kissing the life out of him. 'Well, that's not very likely to happen…' he thought glumly and watched his own feet as he walked.
Ciel flinched when Sebastian suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face him. Sebastian opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again when he saw Ciel's expression as he was staring wide-eyed at him, almost as if he was stuck in a particular severe case of déjà vu. "Um…Ciel? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Nope. All's good." He cleared his throat a little.
"Right. So through this door-" Sebastian cocked his head towards the door in question, "-is my room where I paint. It's messy, so please watch your step. Okay?"
"Sure. I'll just follow you then."
Taking a deep breath, Sebastian pushed the door open and stepped inside. Ciel followed his steps, like he'd promised. He soon forgot that promise when he saw what Sebastian had meant by 'messy'. There where canvases and paint everywhere. Tubes of acrylics littered the antique oak floor, some leaving stains either because Sebastian had forgotten to close them, or he had accidentally stepped upon them, leaving large, splattered areas of various colours.
The painter himself had walked his way through the room to sit at his unfinished painting by the window, where he had an excellent view over the manor's grounds. He silently watched Ciel, peeking over the edge of the currently covered canvas, as the young man explored his most treasured room with a look of astonishment evident on his face.
Ciel's blue eye swept over the room, he saw portraits painted so vividly they could have been photographs, large canvases covered with motifs from exotic jungles that seemed to be alive, and as Ciel carefully stepped over an open box of various artists' brushes, he noticed a quite big painting, this one also covered with a sheet. He only took two steps with an out-stretched hand towards it, and was immediately stopped by Sebastian's words.
"Please don't touch that one. It's not quite finished yet."
"Oh, all right." Ciel gave the mystery painting one last curious look and turned around to look at other works.
"Come here, Ciel. I want you to see this." Sebastian hadn't moved from his stool, but he was looking at the young man and beckoned him closer with a 'come-hither'-motion of his index finger.
Ciel started trying to find his way to Sebastian without stepping in paint, and when he arrived at the large window, the older man had pulled out a small stool for him too. Ciel sat down, next to Sebastian, who was lifting up yet another covered canvas into the easel after first having carefully removed the earlier one. Sebastian threw a quick glance at Ciel and then he uncovered the painting in one swift motion.
Ciel stared at the portrait. Sebastian swallowed nervously.
They both gazed at a life-sized portrait of a blond man with messy hair, his blue eyes screwed up as if he was facing an unrelenting sun. The big grin decorating the face had an unlit cigarette dangling in the corner of his mouth, making the smile sort of lopsided. Ciel was the first to speak, after a while of strained silence.
He pointed to the portrait in front of them and asked, "Um…Who is he?"
Sebastian was slumping in his stool, resting his chin in his hands, looking at the painting in its thin frame, "His name was Bardroy, but we just called him 'Bard'."
Ciel raised an eyebrow, "We?"
Sebastian nodded and continued, "Yeah, he was my mate in school. He lived almost next door to me and Claude when we were kids. We were friends for a long time."
Ciel was quiet for a moment, then he softly whispered, "You said 'was'…what happened?"
Sebastian sat up straight, turned his head towards Ciel and promptly uttered, "He died."
A moment of flat silence passed, and as Ciel made no comment, Sebastian continued, "He was killed in a drunk-driver accident when he was seventeen. He had gone out to buy me a birthday gift." Sighing, he said, "I still feel guilty about that."
Ciel turned his eye back to the smiling man on the portrait, feeling a strange throb of jealousy, even if the man was already dead. "Why was he-"
Sebastian cleared his throat and cut him off quickly, "We were a couple, Ciel."
"Oh." Ciel bit his tongue. "I see." The dread that filled his gut felt as if it travelled with his bloodstream to make sure that his whole being drowned in the resentful emotions he felt.
Sebastian closed his eyes and sighed again. Pinching the bridge of his nose, as if to stop an oncoming headache, he said, "I painted his portrait in a fury when I got the news of his death…I never even got to say goodbye. It's already been over five years since…" his voice faded away, the unsaid words hanging unspoken in the air, piercing the strained silence between them. Sebastian looked up at the ceiling.
Ciel stared at an uninhabited cobweb in the corner of the windowsill. As Sebastian spoke, he felt the jealousy wash away, only to be replaced with guilt and shame in the pit of his stomach. He scooted closer to Sebastian, well, as much as he could, since the both of them were on separate chairs. "…I'm sorry." He cleared his throat. "I dare say I know how it feels to lose someone-"
The older man quietly pressed his index finger to the younger's lips, shook his head and allowed the finger to travel just beneath Ciel's eye patch, caressing the pale exposed skin, "There's nothing that can be done to make the past undone, right? I think we both have learned that the hard way."
Ciel agreed silently by nodding his head into Sebastian's palm. He felt proud of himself that he had made that move himself, but was also feeling a little uncomfortable at the same time; he still wasn't quite used to being touched.
'Still', his mind argued, 'this is Sebastian, he's a nice guy, you know that…better than nice actually.'
His eye seemed to be glued to Sebastian's feverish stare. Ciel felt the heat climb up his face, making him sweat and feel quite embarrassed about the whole thing.
Sebastian chuckled, as he shook his head once more, his deep burgundy eyes showing nothing less than pure desire; "Bloody hell, you're so beautiful."
Ciel cursed beneath his breath and looked away to hide his face.
The painter wouldn't have any of it; he reached out to hold the young man's reddened face in his two large hands, and crept closer until the tip of his nose was resting against Ciel's forehead. The younger screwed his eye tightly shut and raised a hand as if to push Sebastian away, but the movement faltered halfway and his hand fell to his lap.
Sebastian, still caressing Ciel's face, suddenly brushed his lips against the forehead in front of him.
The teen didn't move. He was breathing shallowly, like he had been doing in that dream. 'That dream,' his mind once piecing things together, 'could become your future…' His heart was beating like it was a race to see how fast it could beat before it burst out of his chest.
Sebastian waited for Ciel to open his eye, that evading cerulean blue eye, with its thick black lashes, hiding in safety behind its lid. "Look at me, Ciel.", he whispered.
The warm tuft of air that accompanied the soft spoken words made Ciel look up for a moment.
Sebastian, pleased to finally see that stunning eye, waited no longer to capture the young man's slightly surprised, open lips in a warm kiss.
Paralyzed, Ciel didn't dare move; his head not able to form any coherent thought long enough to register anything. It was wonderful for several heartbeats, to be trapped in between Sebastian's large, warm hands and soft lips, until a long lost and forgotten memory resurfaced in Ciel's brain.
'Careless, sloppy wet kisses pressed to his thin throat. Rough lips closed against his own, bruising him, forcing him to breathe in the older man's breath so foul it smelled of old tobacco and sweat. Hairy, calloused hands groping his pale thighs, forcing them apart-'
Ciel's mind ran into a screeching halt, he ripped his head away from the once delightful kiss that had turned into a nightmare in his mind, pushed away from Sebastian's chest with such force that he lost his balance and fell, arms flailing, backwards over his stool and made head-first contact with the hard oak floor with a sickening loud thump.
Sebastian stumbled to his feet in pure panic, and tried to kneel beside the groggy teen so fast his knees hit the floor at a bruising speed.
"Ciel! Ciel, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, are you okay? Please tell me you're okay! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
Ciel held up a hand to stop the other from talking and also telling him he was okay by the simple gesture. As Sebastian freaked out, the bluenette struggled to sit up, his legs tangled in the toppled over stool. Groaning, as he held a hand to his bruised skull, he grabbed hold of Sebastian's shirt, and the sudden frightened look in his lonely eye made Sebastian stutter and then become silent.
"Ciel? Ciel, say something." Sebastian carefully slipped his arms around the bluenette's thin waist, afraid that the younger might loose it again and push him away.
Ciel did not struggle against the hold Sebastian offered, he leaned into the older male, panting slightly as he relived parts of his past. Parts that he thought was suppressed and forgotten. A shaky breath later, he found himself relaxing into Sebastian's arms. Finally feeling the other's warmth and security, Ciel spoke in a broken whisper, "I remember now-" he swallowed, "I can remember it."
Sebastian tightened his grip a little before he replied, "You remember?"
The younger nodded his head vigorously, "Yes, about…you know."
"About what happened with Alois' step-father?"
"Yes. Not all of it, but…some of it." Ciel sighed.
"I triggered a bad memory by kissing you?" Sebastian frowned, "Am I that terrible at kissing?"
Ciel actually giggled first, but then he became more serious, "No, no, you're amazing."
After a moment of rubbing small soothing circles on Ciel's back, that the younger would later refuse to admit he had enjoyed, Sebastian said, "Alright, come on. Get up now."
Ciel glanced at him over his shoulder, "Why?"
He pointed to his legs, "Because my feet have fallen asleep."
Ciel started laughing, "You old man!"
"Hey! I'm not old! You're sitting on me!"
"What, are you calling me fat?" The bluenette sounded playfully indignant.
Sebastian sighed, "No, of course not. Now get up, or I'll carry you."
Ciel did not move one inch, instead he narrowed his eye, "I don't believe you."
The shriek (Put-Me-Down-This-Instant!) that echoed throughout the manor proved that Sebastian did indeed hold true to his threat.
Eating instant pot-noodles in front of the TV had seemed like a good idea when they had come up with it, now it became quite clear that it wasn't. Ciel placed his half-eaten portion next to Sebastian's on the coffee table.
Sebastian caught Ciel's eye and said, "One word; Yikes."
The younger grimaced, "You didn't like them either?"
"I can't ever remember them tasting quite that badly, you know. And I've eaten my fair share of pot-noodles."
Ciel chuckled, then he stretched out on the sofa and leaned his head in Sebastian's lap. "Well, at least the company's nice."
Sebastian lost interest in the program they'd watched an opted for looking at Ciel's face instead. His long fingers intertwined themselves into the bluish hair that was splayed across his thighs. After thinking it through several times, Sebastian finally asked, "Can I see your eye?"
Ciel's eye blinked open. "What? You've already seen it."
The older man's expression of determination did not falter, "No, I mean the other one."
The bluenette swallowed. "Why? Why do you want to scar your mind with something as ugly as that?" He rolled to his side, staring at the coffee-table instead of Sebastian.
"Because I want to see your whole face," was the simple reply.
Ciel kept eye-contact with the table. Thinking things over, he knew he was being unreasonable and sort of stubborn. He slowly returned to lie on his back, looking up at Sebastian. "O-okay then." He stared at the man above him, "But don't blame me, when you've seen this-this thing-" he pointed vaguely in the direction of his right eye, "-and you can never again stop seeing it!"
Sebastian waited until Ciel had lowered his hands and calmed down a little, before his nimble hands undid the knot in the back of the young man's head. Ciel shivered slightly as the black silk slid off his face and exposed him to the outside world. He was careful to keep both his eyes closed.
Sebastian's feather-light touch roamed over the jagged scar across the closed eyelid, from the top of his cheekbone to his eyebrow it went, a pale white reminder of a devastating accident best forgotten. A moment later, Sebastian whispered, "Let me see your face, Ciel."
A pair of mismatched eyes fluttered open, one bright and deep blue, the other dull and with a milky-white sheen to it. Ciel swallowed nervously and slid his eyes shut again. He heard Sebastian sigh, and was taken aback when he felt the paint-stained fingers trace the scars over his mangled eye.
"You're still beautiful." Sebastian smiled, as Ciel's cheeks reddened, "And you're mine, right?"
Ciel's eyes shot open and his breath hitched as he quickly sat up and stared at Sebastian. "Hwhat?"
"I really like you." Sebastian blinked at him, then he kissed his forehead, carefully avoiding the younger's lips.
AN/:
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