Rose's P.o.V
I lay awake in the night listening to the steady breathing of my friends and family. It was impossible to fall asleep with Dimitri lying right beside me, the familiar scent of his aftershave overwhelming my senses. His hand had found mine in the dark shortly after everyone had fallen asleep and I couldn't find it in myself to pull my hand away. How dysfunctional was I? It was almost as if I enjoyed the pain that I knew Dimitri could cause me so easily.I rolled over on my side, my back to Dimitri who had my hand grasped firmly in his. Why was he doing this to me? His girlfriend is back at court, oblivious to the current actions of her boyfriend who wasn't cheating, but wasn't being very faithful to her. I tried to focus on my anger in an attempt to block out the pain gripping my heart like a vice. I focused on the painful words he said to me before I left. Love Fades. Mine Has. This was a mistake. I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine tears welled in my eyes and I squeezed them in an attempt to halt them, but they only spilt over my eyes. These words didn't cause anger anymore only hurt. I bit my lip to stifle my sob and I was almost positive that I had managed to keep it in. Suddenly, Dimitri let go of my hand and a thick arm wrapped itself around my waist. He scoot over so his muscular chest was against my back.
"Please don't cry, Roza. Please don't cry, I can't bear it. I'm so sorry." His face was buried in my neck and his voice was whisper soft. My nails bit into his arm roughly. I felt him wince, but he kept his arm around my waist. How dare he say that. He was the one to cause these tears with his hurtful words. There are some things sorry can't fix.
"You hurt me. You used me. I loved you and you rejected me." I accused in a voice as whisper soft as his.
His arm tightens around me. "No Roza, no. I love you. I always loved you. I still love you." He confessed in a voice laced with pain.
I was done. "Let me go, Dimitri. Let me go now." I demanded. I was was actually kind of surprised when he listened to me and I wasted no time getting to my feet. I was glad that we were near the door so that I could make my quiet exit. I needed space, time to think and sort out my emotions. The sound of a door closing behind me sent a wave of frustration through me. Dimitri's footsteps were right behind me and he suddenly grabbed my arm to whirl me around to face him.
I slammed my fists into his chest, but it didn't budge him."Damn it! Leave me alone! Why can't you just leave me alone?" I demanded my voice pathetic to my own ears.
"I can't do that. Not ever. We need to work this out. You've forgiven everybody but me. Why can't you forgive me?"
I shoved at him again. "I have forgiven you. I named my daughter after your mother,damn it!"
He shook his head at me. "You did that because you love my mother. Don't pretend it has anything to do with your feelings towards me."
"I have no more feelings towards you! Love Fades. Mine has." I spat his own words back at him.
His face contorted in pain for a fraction of a second, so quick I may have imagined it. "You're saying that to hurt me and it's working. If you didn't love me anymore you wouldn't still be this upset about us." He said as if trying to convince himself more than me.
I trembled with six years of suppressed rage and darkness. "Us. Us. You say it like there ever was an us. Us means we had to have a relationship at some point." I spat at him
"We were in a relationship and you damn well know it." He said with only a hint of anger in his voice. He was trying to be the reasonable one here. Typical.
"You had sex with me in a cabin and left me. Unintentionally, but you still left me. You had sex with me in my room and then left again. Intentionally this time. That hardly counts as a relationship, Belikov." I hissed through clenched teeth, my voice was so cold so angry, I hardly recognized it.
Dimitri was rendered speechless, I took that as an opportunity to pounce. "You are just like all the other guys I've been with. Just like Jesse." His eyes widened in fury. Good. "You only wanted one thing from me and when you got it, you threw me away like yesterdays trash. Just like Moroi….just like your father!" I spat at him. I think I cracked his precious self control.
He grabbed my arms and pulled me against him, his fingernails biting into my flesh painfully. I could feel the fury radiating off him. " I. Am. Nothing. Like. My. Father." He growled each word.
I looked down at his fingers that were drawing blood then back at him. "Yes because you would never hurt a woman in your life, would you Guardian Belikov?" I replied sarcastically. His eyes flashed. Before he could respond, the door to my apartment swung open and two little spitfires came hurtling towards us. Christian and Eddie made a desperate attempt to grab them, but they evaded their grasp.
'Mama! Daddy! Why are you fighting?" Ana asked with unshed tears in her eyes. Even five year olds could sense the tension radiating from Dimitri and I. They probably had heard everything we said, when we stopped whispering too.
Dimitri let me go and took a step back. He cleared his throat. " We're not. Go back to bed, Princess."
"Don't lie!" Lex yelled. "We heard you guys yell. Adult only yell when they are mad."
I sighed. "Daddy and I were just working on some issues." I told them honestly. "Go back to bed. Eddie please." I said when neither looked like they would listen. He nodded then swept them up in his arms.
They started to struggle and cry violently. "No! No! If we go to sleep, daddy's gonna leave!" Ana wailed.
"Daddy! Daddy!" Lex screamed, reaching desperately for Dimitri. "Daddy, don't leave." Eddie stood stunned .
Dimitri went to them without hesitation and Eddie gave them to him. They clung to him, their little faces soaked from their tears and runny nose. "Shh. Shh. It's okay. I'm not leaving. I will never leave you, do you understand."
Lex choked on her tears. "People ...don't stay. No...one….loves us …..enough…..to stay." Lex said her breathing choppy from her sobs. I choked on my own sobs. Damn it, what have I done to my daughters? How could I have been stupid enough to think that not having a father would not have affected them? I heard several intake of breaths and I looked to see everyone huddled at the door. They had obviously heard what Lex had just said because Lissa was crying.
"I love you." Dimitri said emphatically. "You know what I've wanted more than anything?" The twins shook their heads. "Daughters. Who I could love and spoil. Who would be my very own princesses and who will love me just as much as I love them." He looked at me sadly. "Daughters I could have with your mama." Now. Tell him now. I couldn't, I just couldn't.
"But we're not your real daughters." Ana choked out.
Dimitri shook his head. "Don't ever say that. I may have only know you two for a very short time, but I love you more than my own life. You are my daughters and I plan on adopting you as soon as possible." He said. I was shocked, adoption had never been brought up.
Abe took a step forward. "We all love you. None of us are leaving. Family stays together." Interesting words coming from a father I barely know, but I didn't say anything.
Adrian nodded. "Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten." He said. Everyone looked at him strangely, but the girls smiled in joy. I think that was the reaction he was looking for.
"You are not leaving?" Ana asked. Strands of hair were plastered on their faces. I moved towards them, but instead of letting me take one of them, Dimitri pulled me into his side. I wrapped my arms around the three of them the best I could. Everyone gave the girls their own declaration of love and loyalty until they were reassured. Dimitri handed me Lex, but put an arm around us and pulled us close.
He kissed my temple and I let him because they girls were watching. At least, that's what I told myself. "I'm never leaving any of you. Ever. I'll fight till my dying breath for the three of you." He whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes in an attempt to ward off the hope growing inside me. Ana yawned wide and began to rub her eyes. Lex followed soon after. Lissa and Christian stepped forward to take them, sensing we still need to talk.
Ana's eyes widened in panic again. "Why are you not coming?" She demanded.
Dimitri smiled. "Mama and I are gonna talk about the future. If I'll move in here or you guys move in with me. Who will pick you up from school? Boring grown up things. I'll be here in the morning. I promise."
They agreed, but warily and only after a few more promises. Christian took Lex into his arms and everyone shuffled inside. Abe went reluctantly after glaring at Dimitri.
Dimitri grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the house. That made me a bit nervous because if he was taking me away from the apartment that meant he was planning on yelling and didn't want the girls to overhear. So, like always, I covered up my unease with attitude. "Thanks for telling me you were going to adopt my daughters and for asking me if you could move in like if we had reconciled."
Dimitri didn't look at me when he answered. "You should have known that this wasn't something that I would take lightly. I'm not just gonna play the role when it's convenient for you or when I happen to see them. I'm the father of the girls now. Period." He was using the tone of voice that meant he expected no argument on this, being Rose Hathaway I of course disagreed.
"I'm the mother and if I don't want you in their lives, I can just take them and run off again. This time you'll never find us." I idly threatened.
He stopped walking and whirled to face me. "You saw what happened to them when we were just fighting, it will be worse if you leave. Do you wanna be the one to do that to them?" I stayed silent at that. "I didn't think so and make no mistake Roza; I will always find you. More so if you ever even think about taking my daughters away from me." Seeing the intensity in his gaze worried me. How would he react when he finds out that those are his biological daughters? He would explode. He probably wouldn't believe me.
"What would you do if I told you Ana and Lex are actually your daughters?" I asked before I could filter myself.
Dimitri shook his head. "You've been trying to hurt me all night, but that is the cruelest thing you have said to me." He wouldn't believe me if I told him.
"Spirit could make anything possible." I still tried.
Dimitri grabbed my arm again and started ushering me into the laundromat. Great place for privacy at two in the morning. "We are not discussing that anymore. We have bigger issues that fighting about some fantasy." Yeah, I probably should never tell him the truth. He'd kill me. Shutting the door behind us, I noticed this place had no windows. Great, I was locked in a room with a pissed off Russian god.
"I want the girls in therapy." He said right off the bat.
"What?" Was all I could ask.
"It's obvious that they have some serious abandonment and self esteem issues. I want that fixed before they become teenagers." I opened my mouth but he cut me off before he could speak. "I'm not saying this is your fault, but they do have issues that as parents we need to deal with."
"My insurance doesn't cover a therapist."
"Well, luckily mine does."
"At COURT!"
"So?"
"They don't know anything about that world. They don't know that vampires and magic is real! How the hell do you explain to them that their aunt is the Queen of Vampires who has the ability to bring people back to life and the proof of that is me!"
"Luckily, the dhampir kindergartners at court are learning all about that at school now. We enroll the girls and answer any questions they have when they get home."
"So, were moving in with you at court?"
"It seems like the most reasonable solution. At this moment, I don't think the girls will handle me leaving even to just the grocery store well at all."
"Will I be sharing a room with Tasha?" I asked venom dripping from my voice.
Dimitri arched an eyebrow. "I broke up with her. I've been trying to now for a while. You finally gave me the strength to ignore her pleas and leave her." I was stunned by that.
That didn't stop the feeling of betrayal inside of me. "If I don't take you back? You'll just run right back into her arms like you did after I left court."
He shook his head. "I'll never take her back and you got your facts wrong. I didn't run into her arms right after you left. I dated her three years after you had left."
"You still dated her! Even while you claimed you still loved me this whole time!" I accused.
"Just like you dated Adrian, while you were still in love with me!" He shot back.
"That was different, you were dead!"
He gripped my arms and shook me. "I haven't heard from you in six years! Six fucking years! You could have been dead for all I've known because Lissa hasn't sensed anything from you over the bond in these years!" He was really mad if he was swearing in english. He was putting down his walls.
"Don't give me that! Adrian has seen me in my dreams and would have told you I'm alive." I reasoned
He scoffed. "You know after he caught us sleeping together we haven't been the best of friends. Today is the first time he has ever talked to me civilly in six years and that's thanks to our beautiful daughters."
"You were what drove me to leave! You probably started talking to Tasha while I was still at court! So, don't claim to still love me".
"Don't pull that loyalty card with me! I waited three years before trying to move on! Three years! Did you wait three years before you started dating Adrian after you came back from Russia? You probably only waited a few weeks or days! If anything I love you more than you ever loved me." He accused.
I shoved at him and shoved again for good measure. "If you ever say that again, I'll make you regret it. I love you so much it kills me. Everything I did was because I loved you. You were the one that kept breaking my heart since the day we met."
"I said those things at the Academy because I had to. Our love was forbidden and I didn't want to ruin your future, but I always apologized for what I said."
It was my turn to scoff at him. "Oh, so it doesn't matter that you broke my heart a million times because you apologized afterwards. That makes it all better." There was sarcasm so thick you could cut it with a knife. "You don't treat people that you love the way you treated me. You made me weak and I hate you for that. How many fucking tears have I shed for you Belikov! When you love someone you don't make them cry!" I yelled venomously. I was letting all the hate and resentment I built up against him since…...since when? Since he called me a mistake. Since he said his love had faded. Since he made me a bloodwhore? Perhaps since the day he died in those caves. I really didn't know.
"Bullshit!" He cried. His vulgar language brought me back from my wandering thoughts.
My face scrunched up in distaste. "So when you love them you treat them like shit! If that's your philosophy than that explains a lot!"
He shook his head in exasperation, which made me fight not to smile. "That's not what I meant, but that whole idea of your one true love understanding you perfectly and never making you cry is a child's fantasy. Love means never having to say you're sorry is also idiotic. Those quotes were written by people who don't know what real love is. Love means making mistakes, but never leaving eachother in the end. It means having fights and saying things we don't mean, but not letting the few bad moments take away from all the good ones. We have good moments, Roza."
I sighed and looked away from him. "Sometimes it feels there are more bad memories than good ones." I told him honestly.
He sighed too. "I feel that way sometimes as well. Then I remember cleaning up your hands during training. Making snow angels during our trip. The first time you beat me in a fight. The cabin and the charm. You cleaning me up during trials. We have good moments." He reminded me.
"Sometimes it seems I can't get past Love Fades, sometimes I can't remember the good times." I told him honestly again. I looked him straight in the eye when I felt him stiffen. "Why did you say that to me? Why would you hurt me?"
He closed his eyes as if in pain and slid down the wall, tugging me down with him. I ended up sideways on his lap. Perhaps, my heart was already forgiving him. He was silent for awhile, just holding me and playing with a stand of my hair. I was about to repeat my question, when he answered me. "Remember when you told me you see ghosts?" He asked quietly. I nodded. "Well, that's what it's like for me. Except I see the faces of people I killed. Except mine don't go away with wards or mental blocks or sleep. I can't ever escape what I did to those people or what I did to kind of guilt and self loathing is so intense, so consuming it doesn't leave much for anything else in your heart. I thought I couldn't love you. I was wrong."
I shook my head. "I forgave you everything that happened in Russia because it wasn't you! I understood how you felt, I saw you while you were that. I could have helped you deal with it."
His eyes look haunted. "Did you tell anyone when that happened to you? Not until it almost drove you crazy. You didn't tell anyone, not even me when I begged you to confide in me. You pushed me away. That's what I did, but we were both stupid to do that." He buried his face into my neck. "You are the only one who understands, the only one who saw me when I was that. I was stupid to think I could heal without you."
"You told Lissa, I'm sure."
"No, I was loyal to her because of her magic, but that doesn't mean I trusted her with my heart." He looked up at me, with such an intensity it took my breath away. "Rose, please please forgive me. You mean everything to me and I will do anything for you to forgive me."
I gave him a mischievous smile. "Give me your duster." I demanded. He took it off and handed it to me without hesitation. I laughed at that. "Burn all your westerns." I said teasingly.
He chuckled and the sound was low and rich, wrapping around me like velvet. "Consider it done and I'll even let you control the radio from now on." He said.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "How can I turn down an offer like that. No more Prince." I looked him right in the eye. "I forgive you…...Comrade." It felt good to call him that again and if his expression was anything to go off of, he was happy too. Before I could react he leaned forward and kissed me. He wrapped his arms around me and it was perhaps the sweetest kiss we ever shared filled with joy, love and relief.
He pulled back. "You know you have to break up with Lorenzo now." He said in a very serious tone.
I smiled at him. "He's gay." I told him cheerily.
This time he didn't chuckle, he laughed, loudly. Soon, I joined him.
What did you guys think? Sorry, it took me so long to to update, but sometimes Life has to take priority over fanfiction, However, I won't ever give up on it, I will finish this story. I gave you guys a bit of a happy time to make up for my absence, but how long will it last? I don't know. Actually I do. Haha. Read and Review. Constructive criticism only because I'm starting to get some rude feedback, saying that this will never happen in real life, well yeah it's a fanfiction about vampires for goodness sakes. Thanks!