I was overwhelmed by your reviews to the last chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with this little fic. It means the a lot!
Here's the final chapter and I really hope you like it. I might write a sequel if you want to so if you're interested let me know. :)
I own nothing.
It felt like a hammer was pounding in his head. He barely dared open his eyes, knowing very well how painful it'd be for him. He turned onto his back, trying to put the pieces of the previous night together in his fuzzy mind. He shared dinner with Dembe and Lizzie, remembered his ridiculous jealousy that was directed towards his friend and he remembered how he couldn't tear his eyes away from her beautiful face until -
Until she told him she couldn't do this right now.
His throat was dry and the coating on his tongue left a disgusting taste in his mouth. He needed a toothbrush and mouth wash but this wasn't his house and this wasn't his bed either. Lifting the blanket, he sat up and groaned as a sharp pain shot through his spine. He ran a tired palm over his face, stopping halfway when Lizzie appeared from another room. Then, it dawned on him.
He made a complete fool of himself. He shouldn't have come here and most importantly, he should have never revealed his feelings in front of her. This wasn't meant for her ears to hear. His old, tired heart couldn't compete with her youth and eagerness. He wasn't a man that would hide in the nearest corner but he preferred this fainthearted option above any other, especially in his current attire. His undershirt was wrinkled and untugged, his pants were stained with a substance he couldn't even identify and he was barefeet.
Where were his socks? His shoes? His goddamn hat?!
She silently handed him two pills and a glass of water that he gladly accepted before he uncomfortably shifted to the end of the couch, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of his neck. Her gaze bored holes him, making him feel even more vulnerable and he wished she would just stop looking at him.
"How are you feeling?", she asked softly, taking back his empty glass.
He shrugged and glanced absently at his toes. "Fine, I've had a hangover before."
"Yeah, and you forgot the address of your house as well and wandered off to the hotel room of a woman."
He huffed a laugh, shaking his head at the absurdity. Lizzie wasn't just 'a woman', she was 'the woman'. After all that he did, she still failed to really see how deeply he loved her. Well, she called his knowledge of her whereabouts 'creepy' so it shouldn't surprise him.
"Yes, I can recall the events last night."
"Everything?"
"Parts of it. My memory is fairly blurry to what has happened after I stumbled in here.", he admitted a little embarrassed and curled his toes into the plush carpet. He avoided looking at her, the sound of her hard voice was enough for him to judge about how she felt about his late visit.
"What do you remember?"
"Lizzie. Whatever I've said and did, I must tell you how sorry I am for disrespecting your desire to leave you alone. I promise it won't happen again.", he sighted, his face raddled in exhaustion.
"I don't want to hear an apology, I want to hear what you remember!"
"Don't make me do this, Lizzie!", he pleaded.
"Why? Because you didn't mean it?"
He buried his face in his hands, remembering how he sacked down on this sofa and told her that he loved her. God, he put her under pressure only because his emotions got the best of him but there was something else in his mind that he couldn't made out. She rejected him and told him he could stay on the couch but he couldn't fill the gap in between. "Did I offend you last night?", he mumbled.
"What?"
"Did I attack you?", he asked a little louder.
Soon after, he felt her hand close around his wrist as she placed a towel over his shoulder. "Take a shower, Red; rearrange the chaos in your head. There's breakfast for you if you're hungry." She squeezed his shoulder and added softly, "You haven't attacked or offended me. Think harder!"
Funny, he couldn't think straight and he tried, but before he had the chance to tell her, she retreated from the room and he heard her discussing her business on the phone. He padded to the bathroom, smiling at how Lizzie handled her new life. Now matter how much he wanted to be an active participant in her future, his past would haunt them and eventually tear them apart.
It was only a matter of time.
The hot spray of the shower released some of the tension in his muscles and helped him bringing back the missing parts in his brain. She said she loved him, he told her that he was in love with her and he begged her to kiss him. He was Raymond Reddington. He didn't beg, specifically not Elizabeth Keen. He swore he'd never beg for her forgiveness or love. He'd accept everything she offered him but he didn't consider her love a possibility.
Wrapping a towel around his waist, he looked at his reflection in the mirror, wondering how she could choose him over anybody else. He was bald and the rest of his hair was gray, the dark wrinkles under his eyes only emphasized his age and his body was filled with scars, knife and bullet wounds. Sometimes he refused to look into the mirror if it wasn't necessary.
He was hideous.
After drying himself off, he stepped back in the living area and poured himself a cup of tea, not noticing that he was being watched from the master bedroom. He grabbed a bowl of fruit salad and dug in. He already felt better, his headaches were almost gone but the shame within him wasn't.
"Feeling better?", came her voice from behind, her tone hinting a smile he could not see with his back to her.
Deciding that it was time to face his demons, he put down the bowl and turned around, swallowing thickly as he saw her standing before him in her beige nightgown that was only covered with her black silk robe, showing off her slender legs.
This was heaven and hell combined.
"Slightly.", he responded, chewing his lips as he constructed his next move. Letting out a weary breath, he sighted. "You said you're in love with me."
"I did.", she nodded, folding her arms with a smile.
"You shouldn't be."
"But I am and there's nothing you could possibly do to change that."
Red drew in a deep breath through his nose before releasing it in a tired puff of air. "I'm not worthy of your affection, Elizabeth!"
"I liked you better when you were drunk. There are certainly another ways to express yourself but, quite frankly, I've finally had the chance to see you exposed. I know this must be difficult for you to understand but I appreciate that you came by."
"I'm a criminal, I destroyed your life."
"Stop it!", she snapped, approaching him and for a mere second he was afraid that her frustration with him took over and she'd punch him but the slap didn't come. Instead she gripped his bare upper arms and squeezed his biceps, her closeness forcing him to close his eyes again. "You're a frustrating idiot. Stop pushing me away and let us just be happy for as long as we can. You said that you love me, Red. Do you remember?"
"Ye - Yeah." He kept his eyes closed, absorbing the feel of her breath near his face and her sweet scent invading his nostrils. He would never tire of her closeness. Actually, he lived for these moments.
"Look at me!", she demanded softly, her fingerpads travelling upwards to his neck where she laced entwined her hands. His eyes fluttered open, and he was drowning in the beauty of hers even though her eyes were filled with tears.
"Sweetheart, don't cry! Please, don't cry.", he repeated all over, collecting her in his arms. He hated seeing her cry, even more so when he was the reason for her misery.
"It's enough.", she whispered and wound her arms around his middle, her head safely tucked under his chin while he rocked them slowly from side to side and let his fingers slide through her hair. If only he could, he would provide her with everything she needed.
"What is?"
She grasped his shirt and pulled him fully into her personal space, breathing him in as if it was for the last time. "You, Red!", she admitted as silent tears streamed down her face. "I'll try to be a worthy partner and you have to stop being so damn self destructive. We deserve this, you and I."
"Shh, it's okay."
"It's not okay until you understand what I'm saying."
"I don't think I can follow.", he replied helplessly, wiping away the tears from her cheeks.
"You said all you have to offer is yourself and that's all I need."
His Lizzie! He didn't know what to say, nor what to do. She needed him, she chose him. Him. How was he supposed to react? Loosening his grip a bit and putting just enough distance between them, he framed her face with his palms and swallowed against the dryness in his throat. This very moment was a fantasy of his, a dream he never meant to make the reality but he would give her anything.
Until he would stop breathing. If it shattered him into a million pieces, then so be it.
"Tell me that you mean it!"
"I mean it!", he said. "Of course I mean it. God, Lizzie, I love you!", he breathed before kissing her fiercely. Of all the people who tried to break him, she succeeded with that. She captured his heart in an instant.
All she needed was a pen.
He steadied her as she stood on tiptoes to get a better access. Her taste was heavenly if it wasn't for her tears which dropped onto her upper lip but he kissed them away. He wanted to cleanse her from the pain and making her understand that she was all he ever wanted and needed. He was living solely for her, and for the first time in over two decades, he had hopes for a future.
Ever so slowly their loving kiss lead into little pecks as the urge to breath became too much, forcing them to pull away but they were having none of that. Her hands rested on his shoulder blades while his moved to her waist, keeping her as close as possible.
"I love you too, Red.", she confessed as more tears threatened to fall. "Happy tears!", she clarified, smiling.
"No more tears today and in the future!" He kissed first her right cheek before doing the same with the other one until her sobs turned into a laugh.
He loved to be the recipient of this sound.
"We make it work, Lizzie. I promise!"
"We make a great team." , she countered with a wink.
He chuckled and lifted her up into his arms. "Damn right, we do."
The journey they were on was far from over. It was the start of something new, something unique and it would be worth it. She brought back a man he had abandoned from his life but he couldn't resist her, no matter how hard he tried, and the truth was he didn't want to fight it anymore.
"I wonder, if a ray of light would make it into the cave, would I be able to see it, feel it, would I gravitate to its warmth and if I did, would I become less hideous?"
fin.