Chapter 11 Notes: Jess and Dean make up, but it takes them so long to do it that lunch with Luke and Lorelai won't be until the next chapter. I want to really focus on the lunch scene on its own and don't want to tack it on to this chapter. Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story. Your reviews are much appreciated and have kept me feeling warm and cozy all winter. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Trigger Warning: Homelessness. Mentions of death and loss. Drunk behavior that is not good. Mentions of prior abuse.

Jess spent the remainder of his shift pondering his two most pressing concerns, how to handle his upcoming lunch with Luke and Lorelai and what to do about his current situation with Dean. He hadn't come up with a solid strategy on how to approach either situation by the time he clocked out. He walked home slowly, enjoying the luxury of the weather allowing him to slow his pace a little. It was late February and still winter weather to be sure, but much improved from the low single digit temperatures that had plagued January and early February, when it had felt impossible to do anything other than keep your head down and walk as fast as you could to your destination when outdoors.

He stopped in at the small market near his apartment. He picked up a basket and wandered the aisles, picking up some eggs, a carton of orange juice, some milk and a box of cereal, he paused at the yogurt as his hand instinctively went toward the pineapple flavor. Dean's favorite. Jess couldn't stand it. He sighed. He knew he needed to get his head straight about what was going on with him and Dean. Either he could forgive Dean for what he had said and done and they could remain friends, or he couldn't, and they couldn't. But, either way, he didn't want to be the kind of person who acted as if everything was ok on the surface and then passive aggressively punished him when he got the chance, by doing petty little things like denying him pineapple yogurt. He was embarrassed at his instinct. It felt like such a 'Liz' thing to do. He remembered so many instances from his childhood when Liz had 'forgotten' to buy him something he needed for school, or take him somewhere, or sometimes even pack him a lunch or make him dinner because he had caused trouble or pissed off one of her boyfriends in some way the night before. He didn't want to be like that.

He knew he needed to make up his mind and make a decision. He was pretty sure he didn't want to end his friendship with Dean or ask Dean to leave, but he still just felt so hurt when he thought about the night before. So, painfully and vulnerably hurt, remembering Dean up in his face, telling him he had no friends, that Rory never loved him the way she had loved Dean. It had all been so familiar and so triggering. Someone running him down for his anti-social tendencies and digging into his personal insecurities, and then hitting him to shut him up when he had verbally fought back or defended himself. He had lived through the same experience so many times in his life, in so many apartments, with so many drunk and angry men. But, it had been a long time since the experience had caught him by surprise and reduced him to the level of hopelessness and self-pity that he had felt the night before.

It was hard for him to logically process wanting to stay friends with someone who had made him feel so terrible. He normally prided himself on his self-preservation instinct, and his total unwillingness to put up with other people's shit. In the past, he had ended friendships for far less serious slights. Jess made up his mind. He put four containers of pineapple yogurt into his basket for Dean along with four mixed-berry for himself. He realized that the shopping could have waited until morning, and he knew that he was just putting off going home. It was time to face Dean. They needed to talk. As bad as today had been for him, dwelling on the events of last night, he knew it had probably been just as bad for Dean, if not worse, since Dean had more guilt to fixate on. On his way to checkout, Jess grabbed a package of saltines and a refrigerated bottle of purple Gatorade. Just in case Dean was still feeling like shit from last night and needed something that wouldn't upset his stomach. Jess smiled to himself, feeling good about his decision.

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Jess walked into the apartment to find Dean asleep in bed, the light was on, the glass of water was empty and there was a book lying next to the head of the roll up mattress that hadn't been there last night. Jess quietly set the bag of groceries on the counter and hung up his jacket and hat, pulled off his gloves and shoes. He washed his hands at the sink, not turning the faucet on full blast so that the sound wouldn't wake Dean, and he started putting the groceries away. Jess was still tired from the night before, too, and it was very tempting to skip dinner and just wash up and go to bed, avoid any conversation altogether. But, he knew he would just be delaying the inevitable and he really didn't want the tension from the previous night hanging over them for another day, especially not if they were going to meet up with Luke and Lorelai tomorrow.

Jess finished putting everything away and walked over to Dean, crouching down next to him, the bottle of Gatorade in his hand. "Dean. Hey, Dean." This time Jess kept his hands to himself remembering how Dean had swung out at him in panic the last time he had woken him up. When he got no response, Jess' voice got firmer, and a little louder. "Dean!"

Dean stirred and groaned softly. His face looked pinched in discomfort as he woke up, and for a second Jess felt guilty. Maybe he should have left this until tomorrow and let Dean sleep the day away in peace. "Hey, Jess…" Dean's voice was hoarse, and Jess recognized the moment when Dean registered the bruise on his face and the events of the previous night came flooding back to him. Dean's expression faltered, and his words trailed off uncertainly. Jess saw shame and guilt in his eyes, and his first rogue thought, before he quickly reigned it in, was good, serves the fucker right, Dean should feel like shit about what he did.

"How are you feeling?"

Now, fully conscious, Dean looked at Jess warily, expecting the worst, knowing he deserved it, and thrown by Jess' calm and concern. "Pretty bad." Dean answered slowly. "I've definitely had better days." Dean pulled himself up to a sitting position and a wave of nausea hit him at the movement. He took a couple of slow, deep breaths. He had spent the better part of the day vomiting and wasn't eager to go another round kneeling at the toilet, especially with Jess home to witness it.

Jess say down on the edge of his mattress. "I know what you mean. My day sucked, too."

Dean put one hand to his head, rubbing his temple, trying to massage the pain from his head.

"I brought you this." Jess held out the Gatorade. "It should help if you're still dehydrated and have a headache. I got you some Saltines, too. I figured they would be easy on your stomach if you were having trouble holding stuff down. They're in the kitchen."

Dean took the Gatorade. "Thanks, Jess. I really appreciate that." He screwed off the cap and took a small sip, testing out its effect on his stomach.

"No problem. It's the stuff Liz always liked after she'd gone on a bender. And I figure she was a pro at hangovers, so…" Jess shrugged, not really sure why he had brought up his mother or where he intended this train of thought to go when he had started speaking.

Dean's stomach clenched at the comparison to Jess' mother while he was taking another sip of Gatorade and for a moment he thought it was going to come back up. "Jess. I'm so sorry about last night. For everything. For hitting you and for everything I said to you, and for coming back to your apartment drunk like that to begin with. I'm so sorry." Dean paused, looking down. "I feel like an asshole for doing what I did, especially after everything you've done for me." Dean could feel himself tearing up. His head was still throbbing. He felt nauseas, his body ached like he had the flu, and, he was somehow still exhausted, even after sleeping most of the day. And he had no self-control left to hold his emotions in.

Jess nodded slowly. "Thanks, Dean. I, uh, I can't tell you it's ok. Because it's not. But, I can honestly tell you that I forgive you."

Dean looked up at Jess. "Yeah?"

Jess gave Dean a small smile. "Yeah. I think I do. And, I get it. I said some shitty things last night, too. I'm not proud of myself, either. And, I'm sorry, too."

"No, Jess." Dean shook his head carefully, trying not to make himself dizzy. "You don't owe me an apology. I was being a complete asshole. You only said stuff to me when I wouldn't stop. I was terrible. And then I… hit you. And I am so sorry for that. I just, I regret that so much. I'm so sorry. And you hadn't even done anything. You have been so good to me. Putting a roof over my head like this. Feeding me. Being there for me when I had absolutely no one." Dean sniffled. "You've been so much better to me than I deserved. And I was mad at my uncle and I took it out on you. The person who's helped me the most. And I'm so sorry."

"What happened with your uncle? Did he throw out your stuff?" Jess huffed out a soft laugh at Dean's look of surprised confusion. "I'm not reading your mind or anything. Last night, you kept accusing me of throwing out your stuff while you were gone. You were really pissed about it, too." Jess shrugged slightly. "So, I just kind of wondered…..."

"Yeah, he donated everything I owned to Goodwill after I left."

"Like everything, everything?" Jess has a flash of memory of a stepfather he had had when he was nine, who had thrown his small collection of books into the dumpster in the alley behind their apartment as punishment for Jess telling him to go to hell and leave him alone.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, everything. My clothes. My CD's. My books. My personal stuff. The room I stayed in looked like I'd never been there."

"That sucks. I'm so sorry, Dean."

"Clara had our family photo albums in her room when he did it, so at least that stuff was safe. The worst was that I had some letters and cards and stuff that I kept in the box with my CD's, and they weren't there anymore, so I'm guessing that stuff got tossed, or maybe sent to Goodwill with the CD's if he didn't notice it. There were some cards from my parents. Letters from Rory when she spent that summer in D.C., a few from friends in Chicago. Some clippings from the Gazette from whenever I got mentioned for basketball or hockey…Stuff like that."

"Your uncle sounds like a complete dick. I can understand why you wanted to drink yourself into oblivion last night." "And why you were so angry."

"I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You had nothing to do with any of it. I'm so sorry."

"Ok. It can't happen again, though."

"It won't, I swear, Jess! I will never do anything like that to you again. I'm so sorry."

Jess looked uncomfortable and averted his eyes, and Dean started to feel nervous. Maybe Jess forgave him but didn't necessarily want him in his apartment any more. "I mean." Jess continued. "The drinking, too. I just, uh, I don't want to tell you what to do, or anything, but I've had a lot of bad experiences with people drinking around me and basically taking shit out on me because of it, and I'm not really comfortable around it."

"Oh." Dean hadn't expected that.

"I don't mean I'm completely straight edge or anything. I've had a few beers in my life, and when I lived with Luke, he would have a beer after work some nights and I was always fine with that, after the first couple of times at least." Jess could remember keeping a furtive eye on his uncle the first time he had ever seen him grab a beer to unwind after work, worried that Luke would turn out to be like so many other men that Jess had lived with before him.

"I get it. You trusted him."

Jess nodded. "I trusted him because he always stopped at one. Maybe two if the Red Sox had a particularly tough loss that night." Jess gave Dean a small smile. "I don't trust anyone when they're drunk."

"I understand. I'm really sorry and I promise I will never come back here drunk again, Jess. I get why you're not ok with it. And, nobody would be after the way I acted last night."

"Thanks. And, could you maybe not come back here buzzed either? I mean, I know that's a lot to ask. We're nineteen and I get if you want to drink, and-"

Dean cut Jess off. "Yes, that's no problem. Of course, Jess. I'm so grateful that you've let me stay here. I'm so grateful that you're not kicking me out after last night. You're not, right?"

Jess smiled. "I'm not kicking you out."

Dean smiled. "Ok, just checking. I promise I won't drink at all while I stay here, Jess. I'm not much of a drinker anyway. I always thought people who got drunk at high school parties were ridiculous. And, now, I don't have the money for it and I wouldn't even know where to get alcohol if I wanted it. I swear, no more drinking. At all. I promise."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Jess reflected on what Dean just said. "Where did you get the alcohol last night? You just said you didn't have the money for it and wouldn't know where to get it? Were you with that girl you told me about from work?"

"Oh, uh, no." Embarrassment colored Dean's face. "I, um, swiped it from my uncle's study."

Jess laughed. "Seriously? A little payback for tossing your stuff, huh? I like it."

"Sort of. I mean, I didn't plan to take it. I was just walking past his study and saw the bottle and grabbed it and stuck it in my coat before I even thought about it. You know when you do something wrong without really thinking it through, it just seems like a good idea in the moment?"

Jess laughed again. "Oh, I know. Trust me, I know. But, where did you go to drink it?"

"Uh, I didn't really go anywhere…."

"You didn't stand around outside drinking it, did you? It was freezing last night."

"I guess I kind of drank it on the subway."

"Holy shit, Dean! You're lucky you didn't get arrested. You know that, right?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, it was pretty dumb."

"It was very dumb! You can't drink in the subway. The transit cops are serious about that shit Dean. And they're pretty much all dicks, probably because they're stuck being transit cops. You could have ended up spending the night in jail. And as drunk as you were, I bet you wouldn't even have remembered my phone number to call me for bail. You were really lucky, Dean."

"I know. I kept falling asleep on the train, too, and missing my stop, and at one point I had to pee so bad that I, uh, peed on the tracks while I was waiting for the next train. It's so embarrassing to think about now."

"Wow, no fear of the old peeing on the third rail urban legend, huh?"

"Uh, not last night, I guess. I didn't get electrocuted though. So, that's something."

"I'm actually a little impressed. I don't think I could ever do that. Then again I've never been as drunk off my ass as you were last night." Jess started to laugh, then stopped as he pictured a drunk Dean standing on the subway platform, close enough to the edge that he could urinate over the side onto the tracks below. He wouldn't have been the first drunk to fall onto the tracks and die from electrocution or impact with the train. The idea scared Jess, but he felt like he had already lectured Dean enough about drinking. "Jeez, Dean. You had quite the evening."

"Yeah, full of reasons to never drink again."

Jess was staring past Dean in thought when he remembered to bring up lunch with Luke and Lorelai. He turned back to Dean. "Hey, Luke and Lorelai are going to be here tomorrow. They're going to see 'The Producers' on Broadway. I guess Lorelai's mom gave them free last-minute tickets and they want us to meet up with them for lunch before they go to the show. Are you in?"

Dean frowned. "I would like to see them, definitely, but I can't tomorrow. I have plans with Clara. We're going to make Sunday our day to go out for lunch and do something together. I can't cancel on her the very first Sunday."

"So, Bring her. You just said you were going to take her lunch anyway. Come with us. Luke buys us lunch, then you and Clara do something in the city after, just you two. We have tons of museums and things to do, you know?"

"I know, but I can't just show up with my sister if Luke just invited you and me. It would be rude."

"Luke won't mind. I'll text him right now." Jess stood up and walked over to the coat hooks, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket and typing quickly. "See?"

"Oh, shit, Jess!" Dean stood up, too, realization hitting him. "I can't see Luke tomorrow, are you crazy?"

"What's the matter?" Jess played dumb. "I thought you liked him. He likes you, you know."

"Of course, I like him, Jess. But, I can't show up tomorrow with your eye looking like that! He's going to kill me!"

Jess pointed to his bruise as he kept his eyes on his phone. "This old thing? He won't even notice it."

"Jess-"

"Look, see." Jess read from his phone. "He says: Of course, Dean's sister can come. Say Hi to Dean." Jess looked up at Dean and waved one hand back and forth. "Hi."

"Jess, this isn't funny. I can't show up there with you looking like that! I'm serious. He's going to hate me! If I were him, I'd want to seriously hurt some freeloading asshole who hit my kid."

"Dean, I need the emotional support. He's expecting me to play nice with Lorelai. It's going to be painful enough for me even with you there, but it would be complete torture if I have to go by myself. But, you, you Lorelai likes. You can talk that boy-scout ass-kissing way you do to adults and keep Lorelai entertained. And with Clara along even better. If I remember correctly, that girl doesn't shut up. And neither does Lorelai so they'll hit it off perfectly!"

Dean sighed. "They already know each other from when I was dating Rory. Clara likes Lorelai."

"Even better. I'm serious here, Dean. You owe me for last night and I really need you there tomorrow. My preferred amount of dialogue at this event is to say hello to her when we get there and goodbye as we're leaving and let you and Clara provide all the entertainment in the middle. Sound like a plan?"

Dean looked scared to the point that Jess was starting to feel bad for him. "Look, Dean. To make you feel better, we can do one of two things. I can lie and say I walked into a door?"

Dean shook his head. "I don't want to make you lie to Luke. And, I'm a terrible liar. I'll be nervous, and I'll get all sweaty and look guilty."

"Fine, then I can text Luke now, give him a very sparsely worded rundown of what happened and tell him we're good and ask him not to bring up my eye tomorrow. Ok?"

Dean sighed. He knew he did owe Jess and that this was a relatively minor favor. Or would have been, without the bruise on Jess' eye. He would be looking forward to the lunch otherwise. "Ok. Do you think he really won't bring it up if you ask him not to?"

Jess shrugged. "I think if he's had time to process it and he knows I'm ok, he'll probably make some lame Luke joke about needing to separate us or us not learning our lesson after our fight at the party in high school, but he won't give you a hard time about if I ask him not to."

"You're sure?"

"I'm mostly sure." Jess said, expression serious. "I'm kidding, jeez. He won't do anything to embarrass you in front of your sister. Plus, he never believed that you actually started that fight in high school, so he'll probably think this was my fault, too." Jess searched Dean's face. "Seriously. I won't tell him, and you don't have to come if you really don't want to. I don't want to make you do something you really aren't comfortable with." Jess paused for effect. "Even though you did just punch me in the face last night." Dean's eyes narrowed, and Jess laughed. "Hey, just sayin'."

"All right, I'll come. And I'll bring Clara."

Jess held up his phone. "And text or no text?"

Dean sighed, rubbing a hand on the side of his head, which seemed to be pounding even more after talking to Jess. "Yeah, you should probably give him a head's up, so he won't be shocked tomorrow."

"Ok, hold on." Jess started typing. "And, don't worry, I'll emphasize the 'we got in a fight' aspect of the evening rather than going with the whole 'Dean got hammered and clocked me one out of nowhere' angle."

"Great." Dean said. "You really don't need to enjoy this as much as you are, you know?"

Jess feigned serious concentration while he thought about that. "Huh. I think I do."

Dean watched Jess stare at his phone, eagerly waiting for a response, when the phone buzzed to signal an incoming call instead. Dean's stomach, which hadn't been feeling steady to begin with, now felt like it was twisted in a knot. He really didn't want Luke to hate him. He would understand if he did. But, he really didn't want that to happen. He genuinely liked Luke and didn't want to lose that connection.

He listened as Jess picked up the call. "Oh, hey, Luke. What's new? How's Lorelai doing? Dean and I are really looking forward-"…."Uh-huh."…"Yep." Dean wished he could hear Luke's half of the conversation…."Yeah, we're both fine. And, we're all made up."…."No, I hadn't forgotten about it, I just didn't want to talk about it while I was at work"…"We've managed to go almost twenty-four hours now without swinging at each other and everything, just like good little boys."…..Jess smiled toward Dean. "I agree with you completely, Luke. This is no way for grown-ups to behave."…. "Yes, adults, sorry. Grown-ups is just a much more fun word to say."….."I'm not exactly clear on where you went wrong either, but I'm glad we can both agree on this incident being your fault." Jess cringed and held the phone away from his ear for a moment… "I was kidding, Luke, Jeez! You used to be able to take a joke. You're getting so serious in your old age. Either that or dating Lorelai might not be agreeing with you. You may want to consider-"…."Hey, I was just throwing thoughts out there-"….."Ok, I'm glad we got this all cleared up."…"Yes, never again. We promise."….."You have nothing to worry about here."…"Ok, yeah, text me the restaurant info."…."Ok, love you, too. See you tomorrow."

Jess pushed a button on his phone to end the call and turned to Dean with a smug smile on his face. "See? Everything's going to be fine. Luke just needs to yell a little when he's mad. Or surprised. Or scared. Or basically when anything happens that relates to me in any way. But, now he's got it out of his system and everything will be fine tomorrow. He won't make a big thing out of it at lunch."

"That didn't really phase you at all, did it?"

Jess shrugged. "It would have more before you moved in. But, honestly, I have so many brownie points with him right now for taking in your homeless ass, that I know he's not going to hold something this little against me."

Dean nodded. "Thanks, Jess. For taking in my homeless ass, and for working that out with Luke just now. You're a really good friend."

Jess smiled. "Hey, when you're right, you're right." Jess set his phone down on the counter. "I really need to pee. But, seriously, you don't look so good. You should finish that Gatorade and eat some of the Saltines. It might make you feel better." Jess clapped Dean on the arm gently as he walked past him into the bathroom.

Dean grabbed the Gatorade and walked over to the kitchen to look for the Saltines. He hadn't eaten anything all day, and he knew it was probably contributing to his nauseas. Dean paused in front of Jess' phone, listened for the sound of urinating coming from the bathroom, and quickly pushed the button to light up the screen. Jess' most recent message was still in view: 'Hey Luke, long story short: Dean and I kind of got into it last night. 85% my fault. We are good now, but I've got a black eye and wanted to warn you before you saw me tomorrow. Dean is still as pretty as ever. Can you please not make a big deal about my eye in front of Lorelai and Clara?'