S: DarkDancer07 – Yes Amy, we know how dire they are. We've unfortunately seen one of them the whole way through! *Shudders.* Let's hope they never do make one on the Holocaust! Hol is sitting right next to me laughing and I think she's planning to scare you well and truly to death next time! Be on your guard! Thanks for the review!
Me: Aleera-mistressofallevil - Yes, here you go, Maleficent! We can certainly tell you like her from your username! A lot is going on, but S and I much prefer to keep our minds busy. Thanks very much!
S: AngelOfDarkness1959 – Interesting – that makes a lot of sense really. Well your wish is granted, we're doing Maleficent! We hope you enjoy it!
Me: SideshowJazz1 – Argh, I hated that review! The sickly-sweetness drove me mad! And you haven't seen Snow White? Tut, tut, it's quite a good film actually; I can see why it's such a masterpiece. Here's Maleficent! Thanks for reviewing!
S: AddienaRoxUnlessYourFang – We're glad you love the story, as well as our hate-filled banter. As far as we're concerned, Hell never gets crowded! And even if it does, they deserve to be squashed against flames for all eternity! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Me: WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT STEALING MY LAUGH, BITCH?
S: You cut me deep, Hollie. You cut me real deep...
Me: Yeah, and proud of it too! Or maybe I shouldn't be on this particular day? S?
S: Thanks. It means a lot to me. See, I've been having a bit of a hard time lately. My arrogant, pompous, hypocritical older brother sees fit to criticise and control my life lately. It seems that I can't even so much as speak without being patronised or antagonised!
Me: It's OK, S; I'll go around and cave his head in! I'm sure we'll have lots of help from people too!
S: See, readers, we're not deliberately being bitchy; this is God's honest truth, as sworn on Maleficent's gravestone. He wrote a long article about me, which was basically a spite-filled rant, filled with lies. And, if that wasn't bad enough, he posted it onto his blog where everyone could read it. Thank God it's gone now, but only because my Dad made him.
Me: Disgusting, absolutely disgusting! Writing this will cheer you up though, S!
S: Yes. OK we can tell mere hours after putting the last chapter up that Maleficent wins, so here she is!
Me: Ah yes, the badass bitch who turns into a dragon! Hell has there been a better female antagonist in Disney since her?
S: In my honest opinion: No. We've had some great ones; sure, like Ursula, but Maleficent set the bar so high it's hard for any female Disney villain to top her. The only one, who I can think of, as of recent, is Mother Gothel. But more on her later! This chapter is focusing purely on Maleficent!
Me: Even her name is badass! Sounds like malicious!
S: And that she certainly is! You have to be a special kind of evil to get so offended about been snubbed from a christening and then get revenge by placing a curse on a baby!
Me: Indeed.
S: Makes me wonder me wonder why King Stefan and Queen Leah didn't just swallow their pride and invite her. Sure she would have rubbed it in their faces and made a few bitchy comments, but chances are she would have taken it as a sign of respect and left it at that!
Me: I don't know; Merryweather might have offended her so badly that she'd place the curse regardless! Anyway, face it; if they HAD invited her, we wouldn't have had such a great villainess!
S: Anything with Maleficent would have been great, though! Let's be honest here, she made Sleeping Beauty what it was! When you ask people why they liked the film, do you hear them say it was because of Princess Aurora or Prince Philip? I don't think so!
Me: Yeah, Aurora was only in eighteen minutes of the fucking film! It was about 75 minutes long! Most of the film was Maleficent, the three good fairies, and King Stefan and King Hubert acting like idiots!
S: I'm saying it right now, I wanted Maleficent to win. She just put more soul into the film than all of the other characters combined. That and she just wanted to win more. If nothing else, you've got to respect and admire her dedication and drive!
Me: For once, I agree with you.
Here lies Maleficent (The Mistress of All Evil)
Born - When evil was created.
Died – When the fairies cheated and enchanted Prince Phillips sword to stab her.
. She would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling fairies!
. The film would have been shorter had she not spent 16 years having her henchmen do the work!
. This was just one party too many that she wasn't invited to.
. She dominated the entire film and was screwed over at the end. Typical!
. ^That's the thanks you get for making the film a legend!
. Bloody fairies GOD-moding throughout the film...
S: We all know who the REAL winner of the film was, and it wasn't the annoying fairies, or the angsty princess who has all the personality of a mop –
Me: Hey, don't insult the mop! It could clean by itself! SHE had to have them put a fucking crown on her head for her!
S: And then she started crying immediately after. BOO HOO! I've been told I can't see the man I'd met a mere few hours ago for the first time and sang with for three fucking minutes! Dumbass.
Me: If she'd waited and not broken down like a baby, she would have known that she was betroved to the fucking man!
S: Let's vent our fury into a poem. I kinda feel bad to do this to Maleficent. She was the best!
Ode to Maleficent, the Mistress of All Evil!
It has to be said, when watching this film,
That I truly wanted Maleficent to win!
Prince Philip was bland and Princess Aurora even worse!
Where, oh where do we even begin?
Still, insult Maleficent we must!
Or we wouldn't be doing our duty.
So now sit and listen to us rant,
About the villain of Sleeping Beauty!
First of all, she couldn't have been that smart,
If 16 years passed before she decided to act.
If I had henchmen and they were that stupid,
I would have had all their skulls and bones cracked!
Diablo, her raven, was far more help to her.
It's a shame Merryweather had to turn him into stone.
The fact that Maleficent didn't think to use her magic to turn him back,
Really annoyed the shit out of me and made me moan.
And, while we're at it, just how powerful was she?
Didn't she have all the powers of Hell on her side?
Clearly the force of evil does shit all against fairies,
Because at the end of the film she still died!
And, you might be surprised to hear this,
But Maleficent's soul does not reside in Hell.
She'd be too happy down there, chilling with Chernabog,
So Heaven is the place where she'll forever dwell.
Surrounded for all eternity by joy, rainbows and sparkles,
It must be torture for her to be near all that constant love.
Stripped of her powers and her badass costume too,
Trapped to watch all of those she failed to get rid of.
She should have gone after the three good fairies instead,
Those pests were the ones who caused her all the trouble!
Maybe if she'd focused on killing them rather than Prince Philip,
It wouldn't be her remains amongst the rubble!
Don't get Hollie and I wrong,
We DO like Maleficent and wish her plan had gone without a hitch.
But truth is, and no one can really deny it,
She really was an evil, heartless bitch!
Me: MUAHAHAHAHAHA, sending her to heaven was a nice touch! What's the weather like up there, Maleficent?
S: Cloudy and sunny probably! And angels sing all day long! Kinda makes you understand why she hated Mickey in House of Mouse. She finally gets a day off for good behaviour and has to have his goody-two-shoes face harassing her!
Me: GOOD! She deserves to be annoyed for all eternity. Ooohhh Chocolate Fondue...
S: Strawberries and grapes SMOTHERED in chocolate is just so wrong but nice! The only way it could get worse is if you got whipped cream involved! Thank God I'm not a big fan of it.
Me: Me neither, S! Hot chocolate put me off that and marshmallows for life! Damn you, Costa Coffee and your sickly sweet drinks!
S: So...the classic and first Disney Villain, Queen Grimhilde is next! What oh what could we write about her?
Me: A great deal, but let's save it for then, and go and watch a film! Until next time, all! Do svidaniya!
Me: Ciao, bitches! ;)