Chapter 11, The Point of Never Returning FOR GOOD!

Disclaimer: Zippo is a lighter and is also a way of saying we own nothing.

A/N: Sorry for the delay, but the internet was being an ass yesterday. Either way, Chapter 11 is here, hooray! Thanks to Gypsy Rosalie for your reviews, which really have been keeping us motivated, I can tell you. Also, for anyone following the mystery in Mount Rancour, Chapter 11 of that story is now up after a very long delay.

YAROO!

And in other news, Winnie the Pooh comes out in just two weeks and my childhood is about to be reborn. I have to face the great internal struggle: see Pooh or Harry Potter 7 Part 2—I don't know. And now for something you actually want to see:

There is no more need to go back into the past. The entire conclusion can culminate in the present.

The brawl at the carnival had been raging well past sunrise. Well, not exactly sunrise. The sky was, as per usual, a mass of steely grey clouds.

A chill wind was blowing, typical of a mid-March morning and the maddening fight continued in the midway.

But as you know, the brawl had ended with the appearance of Kit Snicket. As we also know, Kit had been banished from Snicket Land, though that didn't stop her from sneaking into Dirty Bastard last book. Her dirty blonde hair was still grizzled where it was frizzled but she no longer wore a garbage bag. No, she now wore a tattered kimono in midnight blue, exposing her baby bump, which had grown considerably in the past months.

All were shocked to see the outcast of the Snicket family return to the land that had shunned her, but none were more shocked than Olaf.

"I never thought I would see you again—" he trailed off, unsure of how to phrase his sentence.

"Olaf." Kit said firmly, "Stop terrorizing these people and come to me. I don't want to live alone any more. I've been looking for you forever. I need you!"

THE POINT OF THE NO RETURN {From The Phantom of the Opera}

Olaf: {softly} Past the point of no return.

No backward glances.

Our games of make-believe are at an end.

Past all thought of 'if' or 'when'.

No use resisting!

Abandon thought and let the dream descend.

{he grabs Kit and holds her close to him}

What raging fire shall flood the soul?

What rich desire unlocks its door?

What sweet seduction lies before us?

Past the point of no return.

The final threshold!

What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn?

Beyond the point of no return—

Kit: {backing away from Olaf, seductively} You have brought me to that moment when words run dry.

To that moment when speech disappears into silence.

Silence—

I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why.

In my mind I've already imagined our bodies entwining, defenseless and silent.

Now I'm here with you.

No second thoughts.

I've decided.

Decided—

{the two lovers draw closer to the large, rustic wooden roller coaster in the back of the midway that we haven't mentioned until now. then again, you should know it was there from the book}

Past the point of no return—

No going back now.

Our passion play has now, at last, begun.

{they now begin ascending the rusty, metal maintenance stairs that wind through the supports of the coaster}

Past all thought of right or wrong.

One final question.

How long should we two wait before we're one?

When will the blood begin to race?

A sleeping bud burst into bloom?

When will the flames at last, consume us?

Olaf and Kit: { reaching the very top of the roller coaster where the old 'train' of carts is stuck} Past the point of no return.

The final threshold!

{Olaf twirls Kit around and holds her to him once more}

The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn!

We've passed the point of no return—

{the people in the crowd below stare upwards at them, in complete awe. an officer whispers to Sausagepot}

Officer: Commissioner, shouldn't we do something? That woman shouldn't even be in this country anymore!

Sausagepot: Shh! I'm listening to the beautiful music!

Olaf: {singing} Say you'll share with me one love. One lifetime.

Lead me, save me from my solitude.

Fernald: {whispering to Flo} The bastard's stealing my lines!

Flo: Actually, he's changing them up a bit.

Olaf: {singing} Say you want me with you here, beside you.

Anywhere you go let me go to!

Kit, that's all I ask of—

{before he can finish his singing, Lulu is attacked from the back by Kevin and Collete}

Kevin: {speaking} Finally, the reign of terror is over!

Collete: Like, we can totally be free!

Lulu: What the hell are you—?

{but Kevin has already ripped her wig off, and her snakes are revealed. the crowd gasps}

Sausagepot: Amazing! The Baudelaire murderers, the banished Snicket girl and the Wicked B*tch of the West all in the same place!

Geraldine: Wow! Legion of Evil meets up at deserted Carnival! Wait 'till the readers of The Daily Pinch-in-Your-Eye see that!

{Lulu becomes pale and shaken as everyone gathers around her. Reggie jumps to her defense and flattens one of the officers with a blow to the face}

Sausagepot: {to officers, pointing at Reggie} Treachery! He evil! Kill him! Tune in for an all new Days of Our Lives at eight!

{Reggie and Lulu are jumped by the cops and cuffed}

Put 'em in there!

{he points to Lulu's tent}

I'll call for reinforcements to bring a paddy-wagon!

{Lulu and Reggie are hauled into the tent}

THE CURTAIN MAY FALL NOW, BUT WE DO HAVE SOME MORE TO DO

Sausagepot had assured everyone that a paddy-wagon would be on the scene shortly, so as to send the Wicked B*tch and her accomplice off to prison and eventually, the electric chair.

Olaf and Kit were still standing precariously at the top of the roller coaster. The police had tried to ascend the stairs to catch them as well but Olaf had better tactics.

"I have a gun in my pocket!" he shouted down to the crowd, "Any attempts to apprehend us and I will shoot said apprehend-er in the heart!"

As we know, Olaf has no gun; he was a very convincing liar, though.

Turning away from this for a moment—

In the tent of prisoners, Violet, Chubs, Sunny, Lulu and Reggie had been relating stories. Lulu had told her history, which you have been reading for these past ten chapters, to the children. She told them that she was their aunt. That their grandad had died on her account. That it was her fault their mother was chronically bald up to a day before her death. Everything, she told them, was her fault.

Violet stared in shock once Olivia had finished, "You mean—?"

"Yes." her aunt nodded, "Your father's body wasn't in that car. You might not know this, but for the past several months there's been a band of people out to kill me. One of them is known only as 'The Bald Avenger'. I think—"

"That our father's alive." Chubs finished for her, "Great Scott!"

"Heavy." agreed Sunny.

"Indeed." Chubs nodded.

"Quite." Sunny withdrew her bubble pipe and started puffing.

"Indubitably—" Chubs began but was cut off by his elder sister slapping him.

"Shut up, Chubs." she commanded him.

Chubs lowered his inky locks in shame.

"Cicipoi." Sunny turned back to Olivia. By the by, Sunny meant to say, "I can't believe it. All our lives we were lied to by our parents and we never knew the deep and terrifying truth that clouded our happy home."

Everyone stared at her, surprised at her sudden brainium-ness.

Richie now spoke for the first time in a while, "I think we'd better start coming up with an escape plan."

Olivia sighed, "Richie darling, there's no point in it! I don't know about you but I'm turning myself in."

"You can't!" Violet insisted, "You're the only family we have left!"

"What about those two other children that have disappeared?"

"The Quagmires?" Chubs huffed, "They've abandoned us. Run off in the dead of night so that the police wouldn't get ahold of them as they have with us."

"Do you honestly believe that?" Olivia put up, taking his strong hand in hers, "My nephew, I know more than anyone what it's like to let your best friend down. I've made countless mistakes in my life but that doesn't mean you have to. Come, I think I have a way of getting you out of here. Richie, go with them."

Richie lept out of his seat, "What about you?"

"I've had plenty of time to think about this, Richie. Eighteen years to be exact. I'm turning myself in and ending this trail of death and despair that I leave wherever I go. Now," she went to a set of wooden cupboards across the tent and started rummaging in them, "let me give you all a parting gift."

"Gift?" Sunny was suddenly excited. Well, she is a spoiled brat two year old, after all.

Olivia, turned to them, holding several bottles, "These, are elixirs. I've taken to brewing them in my spare time."

She handed four of the bottles to Violet and Chubs, "These are cures to the Physical Transformation side effect of the Life Spell. Take two for yourselves and give the other two to your friends when, and if, you find them. Richie," she turned to her lover, "I've been working on this one for the last few months. I think—mind you, I think—that it might cure the lycantropy I put you under. Or," her voice faltered, "It might do exactly the opposite."

Richie took the bottle she offered him and kissed her, "Thank you. I love you."

Olivia pulled him in close and took his head in her hands, "Go. All of you. There's a secret cellar."

She pulled aside a richly woven Persian rug, revealing a rotting wooden trapdoor with a narrow ladder leading down into a dank, dark pit.

"Stay down there. When you hear that they've gone, come out and leave through the tent's back-flap. Be careful, all of you."

With one final look at the aunt they never knew they had, the Baudes followed Richie into the pit. Olivia shut the trapdoor once more and pulled the rug over it.

Now all she had to do was wait. The paddy-wagon would arrive, she would be taken to prison and then she would be executed. It seemed a fitting way to end a life in which all she had tried to do was help people, but had damned them instead.

Suddenly, there was a rustling noise from the back of the tent and a figure entered, enshrouded in a ratty woolen coat and shawl.

"Who—? What—?" Olivia trailed off, backing away from the mystery person.

"Calm down, Olivia." the voice said, "It's just me."

The figure pulled the shawl from around its head and her blonde curls fell about her shoulders. It was Esme Lowersham. But of course, she had changed her last name since her flight from the public eye. She was Esme Squalor now.

Esme shed the coat revealing that her angel gown was now filthy and tattered.

"Olivia." Esme stammered.

"Esme." Olivia nodded at her long lost friend.

"I'm sorry." they said at the same time.

"Sorry? What are you sorry for?" Olivia prompted.

Esme paled, "It's my fault that your sister died in September. I'm sorry, Olivia. After Dewey left, I told them everything. I was just so angry! I didn't think it would be any harm. But it was. They hired Olaf to run down her car with that hideous train. Oh my God, Olivia. I heard what was happening here! I told Dewey to bring me back here while he collected Carmelita. I had to apologize. Oh, and Carmelita has Becca's combs."

Olivia was silent for a few minutes, then she said, "The combs?"

"Yes. They were really all that was still intact. When they get here, Dewey and Carmelita, I mean, I'm gonna have her give the combs back to you. You might as well have those while you're in prison."

"No. Esme, let her keep them. She could use them well. Now please, get out of here before the cops come to take me away!"

"Olivia, wait!" Esme now appeared very shaken, "I just want to say something."

FOR GOOD {from Wicked}

Esme: I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason.

Bringing something we must learn and we are led, to those who help us most to grow if we let them.

And we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you—

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun—

Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood—

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you, I have been changed for good—

Olivia: It well may be, that we will never meet again in this lifetime.

So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you.

You'll be with me like a hand-print on my heart.

And now whatever way our story's end, I know you have re-written mine by being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea—

Like a seed dropped by a sky-bird in a distant wood—

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you—

Esme: Because I knew you—

Olivia and Esme: I have been changed for good—

Olivia: And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you've blamed me for.

Esme: But then, I guess we know there's blame to share.

Olivia and Esme: And none of it seems to matter anymore.

Esme: Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun—

Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood—

Olivia: {overlapping her} Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea—

Like a seed dropped by a sky-bird in the wood—

Olivia and Esme: Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

I do believe I have been changed for the better—

Esme: And because I knew you—

Olivia: Because I knew you—

Esme and Olivia: Because I knew you, I have been changed for good—

{the two friends embrace}

NO, THE CURTAIN DOES NOT FALL. WE HAVE MORE THINGS TO GET TO

There was a sound of an engine humming outside the tent, as well as several voices, swelling in excitement.

"Damn, they're coming." Olivia was suddenly rushed and frantic.

She went to her bookcase and took the old Zimmerie from its perch on the top shelf. She thrust the book on Esme and with a final, "Quick, go!" pushed her best friend out through the back flap she had come in by.

Sausagepot and about fifteen of his men marched in, guns in hand.

"There's the Wicked B*tch." started the flustered Commissioner, "But where the hell are the Baudelaires and the bald guy?"

Olivia looked at them, steely eyed, and said, "They've killed themselves by ingesting Elixir of Oblivion." she gestured to her supply cupboard, "They've disappeared from this world."

"Well, that's a very plausible solution." nodded Sausagepot, "Now come on, B*tch. You have a chair named Bob to meet!"

And with that, Olivia was roughly escorted out of her tent and to her fate.

A/N: And there's only one more chapter of story stuff left to get to! We're out of Wicked songs. I don't really care for any more Phantom songs. But never fear, there will be plenty of music next chapter.

Oh, I'm so excited!

Update Coming Next Friday!:)