Ripple Effect

By Kadi

Rated M

Disclaimer: I play in the sandbox, I don't own it.

Chapter 11

1992

It was after dinner. The sun was already down, but it wasn't too late. As Andy stepped into the house, he inclined his head and listened. He could still hear the television in the living room playing a cartoon. He shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it over the newel post before he poked his head into the living room to check on them. The girls were seated on the floor, playing with their dolls while Ricky looked on from his playpen.

Andy loosened his tie and rolled the sleeves of his shirt up before he walked over and knelt down with them. He kissed his daughters and listened to their chatter for a moment. Then he lifted Ricky out of his playpen and settled him against his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen. His wife was there, drying dishes and putting them away.

"Hey babe." He dropped a kiss to her cheek before he moved out of her way to lean against the counter nearby. "I didn't think I was ever going to get out of there. Davis is on a tear."

"Hm." Sharon didn't say anything. She took another plate out of the drainer and dried it before placing it in the cabinet. It wasn't the first night that he had been late that week. He came in after dinner. "There's a plate for you in the oven if you haven't eaten yet," she told him.

"Yeah," he figured. She always saved him one. If he was too late, he would find it in the fridge. "I'll get it in a minute." He bounced Ricky in his arms, making the boy giggle. "Davis said something about some little pain in the ass Lieutenant from IA breathing down his neck about incomplete log reports. You wouldn't know about that, would you?"

Sharon slanted a look at him. He didn't like her job. She had to gauge his mood before she answered unless they wanted to spend the night arguing. He was smiling crookedly at her so she shrugged. Sharon hummed again. "It's possible that I may know about that," she drawled. "Are you saying that it's my fault that you are late?"

She had turned. Her arms were folded across her chest and a brow was raised. Andy smirked at her. "I might be, but I don't know if I'm brave enough to go all the way. The old man made us go through all our crap before we could leave. If it makes you feel any better, Provenza was still there when I left." The older cop liked to give him a hard time for being married to the rat squad and he wasn't always very cooperative with Sharon either.

Her lips pursed. Sharon thought about it for a moment. "That does, actually." She pushed away from the counter. She walked over and took his plate out of the oven for him. Her hand trailed down his arm when she moved by him. "Sit down and eat, Andy."

He looked at Ricky. "Mom says I hafta eat my dinner before we can play." He carried the baby with him to the table. When Sharon tried to take him, he shook his head. "Nah, we're good." He sat Ricky on his lap and uncovered the plate with his other hand. "Oh…" He leaned over and inhaled. "Damn that Davis anyway." She made a pot roast.

"Language." Sharon warned with a small smile. "I'm going to get the girls bathed and in to bed. Are you sure you're okay with him?"

Their son was happily chomping a green bean. Andy nodded and waved her off. "Sharon, we're fine."

She paused at the door before she went. She just watched them for a moment. They were talking about the game that Andy listened to on the radio on his way home that evening. The baby didn't have the first clue what he was talking about but he was hanging on every word. Sharon drew a quiet breath and turned away. Andy was trying very hard to make up for lost time with him. He had missed so much, first because he was injured, and then because he was drinking. Then there were the months that he was in rehab. He had missed first words and steps, moments that he could never get back.

After she finished getting the girls down for the night she came back downstairs for Ricky. Andy gave him up with a reluctant sigh. Left downstairs alone, he finished cleaning the kitchen and moved on to the living room. Andy picked up the toys that were strewn around on the floor. When he finished, he settled on the sofa and flipped through channels until he found a movie playing that seemed decent enough. He glanced toward the stairs a few times. Part of him expected his wife to come back down, but he wasn't surprised when she didn't.

Andy sighed. He had been home for a little while now, but things between them were still very strained. In the three months that he was at rehab, she only visited him once. With three kids and a full time job, it was hard for her to get away. He understood that. It didn't make him miss her any less, though. There was even a part of him that was afraid, when he stepped off that plane at the airport after making the short flight home, that she wouldn't be there. She was. Sharon was waiting for him at the arrival gate with all five kids. She had convinced Vicki to let her have Charlie and Nicole for his return, and they, with Emily, had almost knocked him over in their excitement.

That was a good weekend. It made him think that everything was going to go back to the way it was before; before he was shot and fell into the bottle again. Life didn't work that way, however. Andy still had months of outpatient counseling ahead of him. Then he had to go back to work. Sharon was different. She had gotten into a routine with the kids without him, and he had to find his place in it.

She was wary of him, though. She trusted him with the kids, but Sharon was wary of him. He guessed that shouldn't surprise him. The things that he said to her, when he was angry and drunk, the way that he shouted and the names that he called her, Andy would be wary too.

He would never make that up to her.

Andy fell asleep on the sofa. He woke up before the sun started peeking over the mountains to the east. Falling asleep on the couch or in his recliner had become a habit. It was better than the silence that would greet him if he went upstairs. He walked barefoot into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. The kids would be up soon, he knew, so he took out eggs and bacon and laid them on the counter near the stove. He stepped out onto the back deck with his coffee, though, and took a seat on the wooden steps.

There was still a chill in the air. Andy sat there with his coffee while he watched the sky turn gray, and then purple as the sun slowly rose. He started smoking in rehab, it was something to help curb the cravings for a drink. Sharon hadn't liked it though, so he stopped after coming home again. He still had a pack of cigarettes tucked away in the kitchen, and if she had found them, she never said. Andy lit one and let the smoke fill his lungs. He heard the door open behind him and flicked his ashes toward the grass.

"I thought you quit." Sharon stepped out onto the deck. The wood was cold beneath her bare feet. She cradled a cup of coffee in her hands and joined him on the step.

"Yeah." His elbows were resting against his knees. "I did; for the most part. It helps when I want something else." Andy slanted a look toward her. She was wearing one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts. Her hair was curling wildly. She must have gone to bed with it still damp from her shower, he realized. As his eyes moved over her form, his brow rose. "Hey, are those…"

Sharon looked down at her cut-offs and smiled. "Mmhm." She flashed a satisfied smile. "Pre-Emily shorts. They're still a little snug, but… After three kids, I'm calling it a win." She was happy to be in them again.

"Looks good." Andy looked away again. He leaned down and stubbed his cigarette out on the ground before giving the butt a flick toward the yard. His brows knit together in a frown. He noticed she was dieting. She had all but given up bread, ran most mornings, and spent an hour in the gym at work. "You're not doing that because of anything I said, right?"

It was asked quietly. He didn't look at her. Sharon studied his profile. He said some pretty hateful things during some of their fights, but Sharon had chalked that up to the alcohol. "No," she told him quietly. "I told you when we had Sam that I was going to get into these shorts again, even if it took another ten years to do it. I meant it."

He nodded slowly. Andy took a drink of his coffee. "You look good," he told her. "You looked good before too." He never minded the extra curves. It always took her a little while to lose most of the baby weight.

"Is that why you didn't come to bed last night?" Sharon stared into her cup. He didn't, most nights. She usually found him sleeping on the sofa, or he came into their room as she was waking up to climb into the shower.

"I was watching a movie," he told her. "I fell asleep." Andy drained his cup and sat it on the step beside him.

When he didn't look at her, she sighed. "The kids will be up soon." Sharon stood up and walked back into the house.

Andy hung his head. There was a note of sadness in her tone. He sat there for a moment longer before he followed her. The sky was turning pink now, but he no longer saw any beauty in it. Sharon was at the counter, and seemed to be leaning against it. She moved when he came in to the kitchen, busied herself with pouring another cup of coffee. He placed his cup on the counter and let his hands rest against her waist. He pressed his lips to her shoulder. "I don't want to hurt you again," he said quietly.

"You're not here," she replied, "not really." Physically he was with her, but he was still missing. The man was home, but she had on idea where her husband had gone. "Not having you hurts."

"I just need a little more time," he said. Andy didn't know what that really meant, but it was all he had to offer her. "I'm not going anywhere, Sharon. I'm not going to leave you."

His arms had wrapped around her. Sharon clasped one of his hands as it rested against her midsection. "I think you already did," she whispered. They were living together, co-existing, but it didn't really feel like they were together.

Andy turned his face into her neck. "Never." His arms held her more tightly. "You'll have to get rid of me, because I don't know how to leave you."

"I'm going to hold you to that." Sharon turned in his arms. Her fingers were gentle against the familiar curve of his jaw. "It's not just the kids that need you, Andy. I need you too."

"You have me," he promised. He pressed a kiss to her brow and pulled her into his arms again. All too soon he could hear the stirrings of their kids. They heard the gate at the top of the stairs rattle just a second before they heard Emily call out for them.

"So it begins." Sharon pulled back from him with a sigh.

"I'll get them." They were outnumbered, but between the two of them they would be able to wrangle the brood. He cupped her face. "Okay?"

"Hm." She felt only marginally better, but she supposed that he was right. It was going to take more time for them to find stable footing again. "Go on, they'll start to riot soon." Her hand slid down his chest as he moved away. It wasn't until she was alone in the kitchen again that her smile faltered.

Before the shooting there was no question in her mind that they would make it. She could see them, in another thirty years, maybe traveling, enjoying their retirement and watching their grandchildren grow. Now, she wasn't so sure. That future had grown a little hazy. It felt like it was sliding out of her grasp and the harder she tried to hold on to it, the further away it got.

-TBC-