A/N: The rest of the dinner conversation, an intimate moment in the bedroom brings them closer to fine, and another emotional admission from Elliot.
DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters still belong to Dick Wolf. If you'd like him to hand them over to me, then please, by all means, write to Wolf Films, but I won't hold my breath. The rest of this story, in its entirety, belongs to TStabler©
Olivia looked at him, shocked. "What the..."
"I knew," Elliot said, dropping his fork. "I always knew. I just...didn't realize how bad it really was until I wasn't here with you. Liv, I was gone, maybe a week, tops, until I fell apart. It didn't take me being away from you to realize I loved you. It took being away from you to realize I loved you so much it hurts."
"Wow," Olivia said, putting her fork down, too, on top of her barely eaten steak.
"Dad, that was very...I think you scared Olivia," Maureen said, a frightened look in her eyes.
Olivia blinked. "No, no, I just wasn't expecting him to say..." she paused and shook her head, taking a breath. "I'm okay."
Elliot took her hand, getting her attention, and when she looked at him she saw nothing but love in his eyes, and a seriousness in his gaze. She gave his hand a squeeze as she attempted to pick up her fork again, but Elliot stopped her.
"Liv," Elliot said softly, "I have to show you show you something." He brushed his thumb over her knuckles. "Not right now. After dinner. Tonight."
Olivia looked at him warily, nodded once, and said, "Okay." She watched Elliot pick up his fork and resume eating his steak, and she did the same, finally allowing herself to eat a meal without feeling guilty. Without feeling like she'd be betraying Elliot by eating without knowing if he was doing the same, because he was. She knew he was. He was right beside her, doing it.
After dinner, Maureen washed the dishes and Kathleen put them away. Dickie and Lizzie picked out a movie and the...was this a family, now? They get into comfortable clothes, their pajamas, and scattered about the living room to watch the flick. Elliot and Olivia curled up together in a corner of the couch, and Olivia noticed Elliot kept pulling at the end of his sleeve. He was biting his bottom lip, too, and he was popping his Nicorette. He was nervous, and Elliot Stabler never got nervous.
"El, honey, what's wrong?" Olivia whispered to him, her hand resting on his knee.
Elliot looked at her and he calmed instantly, her presence alone enough to bring him to a happy place. "Nothing," he said. "Nothing at all." At least, for the moment. When he showed her what he had to show her, that might all change.
"Well, they're terribly uncomfortable," Olivia said with a yawn, "But they're asleep., and they zonked right out."
Elliot, lying on the bed, opened his arms and gestured. "Come here, Liv," he said softly.
Olivia slowly crawled onto the bed and made her way into his arms, snuggling into them. Her eyes closed a bit too tightly, and she may have shuddered a bit, then she heard his voice.
"I'm here, Liv," Elliot whispered, kissing her forehead. "You have to stop. Please, baby. Stop thinking I'm gonna disappear. Stop thinking I'm not real, that I'm not gonna bear here if you open your eyes or blink too many times."
Olivia opened her eyes, and looked up into his. "I don't think..."
"Yes, you do," Elliot said, sounding certain. "Because sometimes, I think the same fucking thing." He backed up, slowly, and pulled away from her. Then he pulled off his sweatshirt. He turned out his left arm, took off his watch and Olivia gasped. "I went crazy out there, Liv. Not seeing your face everyday, not seeing your eyes, your smile, that smirk. I thought, for a while, that I would start to forget."
"El," Olivia said, tracing the small but detailed image of her face that had been permanently inked into the underside of his wrist, "I...you got a..."
"Tattoo," he finished. "Of you. That has to tell you something. You are officially and permanently under my skin, Olivia Benson."
Olivia ran her thumb over, well, her face, and she blinked. "Why here?" she asked. "Under your wrist? Why at all?"
"I needed you with me," Elliot said. "I needed you, somewhere I could see you anytime I needed to, but not where...I couldn't risk anyone else seeing it. It was so easy, Liv, to just roll up my sleeve, slide up the thick band, and find you. It was also easy to enough to cover up. God forbid I came home to you, to find you didn't really care I'd been gone. Imagine me trying to explain this to you, to Cragen, to Tucker, if I didn't mean as much..."
His words were cut off. His thoughts were ended. His senses were momentarily disabled as her lips crashed down against his. "You do," she whispered against his lips. She gently tugged at his tee-shirt, sliding her hands under it, moaning lightly at feeling his muscular chest so surely, so intently, with such purpose, for the first time. They had both changed so much, but yet they were the same people, the same old Olivia and Elliot, with new freedoms to express the parts of themselves they had kept hidden for so long, and that was all rapidly becoming clear.
Elliot pulled Olivia up, wrapping her legs around his waist as he kept kissing her. He slid his arms up her body, slowly, caressing every curve as he made his way toward her neck and entangled his fingers in her hair. He moaned and held her head down, deepening the kiss, turning up the heat.
Olivia felt a rush of adrenaline course through her body. No man had ever taken so much time to just kiss her like this before. Every other man she had ever been with, and honestly it was an impressive number, had not taken his time to treat her as anything more than what she was: a date, a moment, a body, a night. Elliot was loving her. Really, truly loving her, and she felt it with every pass of his lips across hers, every swipe of his tongue over hers, ever brush of his fingertips over a patch of her skin, every murmur of her name. She felt it.
"Liv," Elliot whispered, "Baby, if we don't stop...honey...I can't..." he stopped and let out a soft frustrated grunt and held onto her tighter, kissing his way down her neck. "Waited too long," he whispered. "Don't want to rush into something we aren't...you aren't...oh, Liv." He slid his hands down and cupped her ass, kissing her collar bone as her head fell backward.
"El," she cried softly. Her hands finally emerged from beneath the fabric of his shirt to clutch the back of his head. She ran her hands through his short hair and down his neck and back, up again, biting her bottom lip as he kissed her. She had never wanted anyone more in her life, but she forced herself to do what she thought she had to do. "El, baby," she moaned, pulling his head away from her hot skin. She looked down into his eyes, noticed how dark with desire and need they had become, and she kissed his lips. "I don't want to stop," she whispered, kissing him again.
"But we have to," Elliot said, slowly caressing her back, calming the both of them down. "We have to, because we're not...at least I'm not emotionally stable yet, and I really don't think..."
"No," Olivia said, dropping her forehead to his. "Not yet. But I'm not hitting you in the face in the morning," she said. "You're going to be there, I know that."
Elliot nodded and kissed her again, a small peck which quickly heated, and deepened. "Shit," he mumbled against her lips. "What the hell are we doing, Liv. There really is no fighting this, is there?" he asked, pulling away, gasping for air.
Olivia held up his wrist and shook her head. "No, El. We've been fighting it for too damn long." She pushed him down and said, "We know our limits, we know the lines and we know..."
"Liv," Elliot said, looking up at her, into her eyes, "We don't have limits anymore and we crossed every fucking line a long time ago. Don't try to tell me we didn't. You know it, and I know it, Liv. You can sit here, on top of me no less, and tell me we were just tired or blowing off steam, but whatever you tell me is a crock of shit. We were pushing each other's buttons for years, making each other jealous, driving each other fucking crazy. It took being apart...for a goddamn year...to give me the balls to make a real move, to let go of Kathy and grab onto you, and now that I have," he reached around her neck and pulled her down to him, "I am not giving up. Not ever. I swear. I promise."
"You never break your promises," Olivia said. "Not on purpose," she added.
"Not ones I make to you and my children," Elliot told her. "I love you, Liv," he said, his voice cracking. "I love you so damn much." He kissed her lips, then her forehead, then pulled her tightly to him. He tugged on the quilt beneath him and shifted his weight, moving Olivia with him, and pulled it over them.
Olivia sighed as Elliot made sure they were both comfortable and he nestled her in his arms. "I love you," she said back to him. "And I know you...I know you're looking for a house. I know you have to. I just...I'm gonna miss you. I don't know if I can go back to sleeping without you. Not again."
Elliot scoffed. Then he snickered. Then he chuckled. And then it was a full on, hearty guffaw.
"How exactly is this funny, Stabler?" Olivia said.
Elliot calmed his laughing and wiped a tear from his eyes, saying, "Oh, honey, it's not...it's not funny."
"You and those kids are...you're my reason for existing, you know that?" Olivia said. "You know that!"
"And you're mine," Elliot said, nodding. "Which is exactly why I was laughing. Baby, how could you even entertain the thought, for one possible millisecond, that I would be moving into a house, or go anywhere without you?"
Olivia looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "I just thought that...I mean, they're your family, and..."
"You are part of my family, baby," Elliot said. "My kids, you, and my job," he listed, "Are the only things in this world that mean anything to me. I could live without my job if I had to, but without my kids? Without you? I'd die. That point's been made. Twice."
Olivia chuckled. "Guess it has," she said.
"That's why I haven't made an offer on any houses, Liv," Elliot admitted. "Nothing fits. I'm not buying anything you're gonna hate, and I'm not buying anything that we're gonna be cramped in. The kids can spend another week on the floor. We got 'em an air mattress, they're okay for now."
Olivia laughed. "Father of the year goes to..."
"Me," Elliot interrupted, "For trying to keep my family together, safe, and happy, and in Manhattan."
"Manhattan?" Olivia questioned, furrowing her brow.
"I'm not moving them back to Queens. Too many painful memories," Elliot said, shaking his head. "Their lives fell apart in Queens, and some beautiful angel put them back together in a tiny apartment in Manhattan. I wanna keep them here. Besides, we'll be closer to work, there are a thousand schools they can choose from, it's perfect. It's gonna be perfect." He kissed her again, reached over her, and turned out the light. "Go to sleep, honey," he whispered. "I'm gonna be here when you wake up."
"I know you are," Olivia said, smiling as she kissed him again.
Just as both sets of eyes drifted closed, Olivia's phone rang. For the third night in a row, work had gotten in the way of sleep. She shot out a hand and grabbed her cell, tapping the screen to answer it. "Benson," she said, sighing. "Oh, my God. When? How?" she spat quickly, getting up and rushing to find clothes. She threw Elliot a suit and gestured wildly.
"What is it?" he asked, getting up and dressing.
"We're on our way," Olivia said into the phone, tapping the end call button and pulling on her blazer. There were tears in her eyes as she looked at Elliot. "Cragen's just been shot," she said, falling into him. "We have to meet Fin and Munch at Mercy General in ten minutes."
Elliot dropped his jacket. His eyes widened, and as his arms wrapped around his girlfriend, they drifted shut. A tear rolled down his cheek as he held Olivia tight and a gross, in every sense of the word, realization sunk in. They had just gotten their lives back, and now, it seemed, they were about to fall apart.
A/N: Is Cragen going to be okay? Do they find a house? Where? And are they able to move forward in their relationship? What happens when they get to the hospital and Elliot realizes he didn't put his watch back on? Find out...if you leave a review! Here, or follow TMG212 on Twitter! Thank you for reading! I don't know why I'm yelling!