Chapter 9: "Help I'm Alive"
The first clue had been the brats at work being especially well-behaved that day. The second, the sesame bar smuggled into his locker - half-eaten, but it had still been in there, between his shoes. And the third, and final one he had gotten was his apartment door having been locked with two key-turns instead of just one, like he usually left it as. From there on, it was pretty obvious; his friends jumped forth from behind his couch, blaring paper trumpets and shouting cheers his way…
How could Zoro ever forget his birthday?
As usual, after they had made quick work of the gift-giving and birthday wishes, Luffy, Chopper and Usopp were already tearing Zoro's game console apart. Okay, technically, it belonged to the four of them, since they had bought it together, but it was still in his apartment. It wouldn't survive a day in one room with Luffy.
He had gotten heaps, tons worth of booze as gifts. Zoro didn't mind, not in the least. The others knew exactly what ind of stuff Zoro liked, and never bought for himself. Kinda only Robin's presents to him brought some variety, with a lexicon of great swordsmen in history and a dragon-enameled box of ginkgo green tea.
And there was the cook, last in line. Staring daggers at him from below his ridiculous curly eyebrows. Was he still angry about the flower…? Nah, he bet the shit-cook did that for no particular reason, as per usual. Zoro was learning not to even question that.
"Here," Sanji spat, and shoved a box into his hands. "Happy birthday, shitty Marimo."
Zoro glanced over at the cook, hesitant, before he decided to open it. Inside the cardboard box lay yet another box, but that one was made out of lacquered wood this time, with rounded edges and a leaf-patterned finish. It smelled new, and like sweet wood...
"Stop sniffing at it! What are you, a caveman? It's a bento box. Because you keep dirtying up mine. Fucking green asshole," Sanji explained. Kind of.
"Oh. Thanks," Zoro nodded. Before he put down the cardboard and handed the bento box back to the cook. "Here."
"What the ever-loving shit?! The fuck do you think you're doing, giving it back to me?! Are you a shitty dead-brained plankton, idiot?!" Maybe Zoro shouldn't have done that. Sanji looked very much like he wanted to break it to splinters...
"What's your problem? You're still gonna cook the stuff that goes in them, right?"
"You…!" Oh, look at that. The cook went quiet. Why was he looking around, though…? "C'mere, you spoiled birthday brat," he muttered, then quickly stepped to embrace Zoro, tightly.
Oh. Okay… Cool.
Though, when it had just barely occurred to Zoro to put his hands... sometwhere, Sanji shoved him away as if he had been the one initiating it, then stormed off. Into the kitchen, where else?
After that, Zoro didn't see a sign of Sanji for quite a long while. Luffy had laughed at him that his rum was almost all gone, and being a little foggy in the head, Zoro was laughing with. Vivi and Kohza were defouling his Twister set, with Nami spinning for them. Usopp and Chopper were having a marshmallow eating contest - which Luffy was disqualified from, of course. Franky and Brook apparently were trying to teach each other to play the banjo and violin, respectively, and Robin was busying herself with tending to Zoro's dying plants in the kitchen window. Well, whatever. His party looked like it was fun. Maybe he would share the sentiment once his rum was actually gone…
"Hey, shithead..."
Ah, there the stupid cook was. And what he had in his hand smelled like a sure recipe for a hangover, whatever it might have been. Sanji sat down on the armrest of the couch. Even though there was still room on the cushion right next to Zoro. Damn idiot. Zoro took the last swig of his bottle and left it dangling from his hand. Huh? That glass Sanji had brought, it was actually for Zoro? The cook must have thought so, to shove it into his hand…
"Why do you enjoy looking so much like a pile of sour kelp on your own shitty birthday? Just looking at you makes me wanna cry."
"Well, cry me a river. Not a party person, is all," Zoro took a sip of the mixture that was in his new glass. Tasted suspiciously like Long Island Iced Tea, without the ice and the tea. Nice. Zoro had worse before.
"Yeah, I remember," Sanji snorted. "You're the eternal party pooper."
"That's right," Zoro allowed.
The way the shit-cook curled his body against the curve of the couch would have suggested... a few things, but Zoro went with the theory that the idiot was drunk. Not Let's-Break-The-Bathroom-Door-And-Jump-The-Security-Guard drunk, per se, but tipsy. It was a good thing he handed over that glass to him. Even though Zoro couldn't think why the bastard would bring him booze. Niceness? What niceness? Zoro not having tits and a twat, the chances of that were pretty sim…
"Finished this all on your own, you drunkard?" Sanji smirked at him and took his empty bottle, only to set it down on the floor somewhere.
"Nah," Zoro shrugged, "Nami drank half," he said and grinned back. The perverted bastard surely would vaue that comment.
"What a shithead…" Yep, on point. "Getting ladies drunk like that… Fucking disgusting!"
"Yeah, cause it's only okay when you do it."
"Say what?! I would never, ever do that to a precious lady like Nami-swan! That was uncalled for, admit it! Shitty fartsniffing Marimo, pinning his own shit on me-!"
"Shut up."
So noisy. However, Zoro seemed to have found the cure for Sanji's massive case of compulsive mouth diarrhea. A nice, sudden tongue kiss. Zoro held the cook's head in place, too, while relishing in the wiggly feeling of the idiot almost falling down from the armrest.
"Y-you fucking…!" Tearing himself away, Sanji's face flushed such a bright red that Zoro really had to wonder if the rest of his body was getting enough blood. "What's the big idea…! In front of everyone…?!"
"What…?" Zoro could only blink. Okay, he didn't see that one coming. 'Iin front of everyone,' he said...? "You'd... You'd be fine with it if nobody saw, then?"
"Gh!" Sanji bit his lower lip. Oh, this was new. "F-fuck no!"
"That's why you tried to get me drunk?"
"I didn't…! You are already drunk off your ass, shithead!"
"Nice try, shitty cook, but your logic is crap," Zoro snickered. "I kiss people when I'm sober, remember? Unlike a certain horny drunk…"
"That does it, you shitty bastard!"
And with that, Sanji went into full-blown rage! Not only did he kick the glass out of Zoro's hand, he jumped on the sofa so suddenly and so roughly that it almost tipped over with them both still on it. And then, amidst a lot of screaming, punching, slamming against the wall, and toppling over furniture, Sanji basically managed to kick Zoro all the way to his own bedroom. And once the door was shut behind them, he pressed Zoro's back against it and kissed him so fiercely, so deeply that Zoro second-guessed his judgement about Sanji's alcohol-to-blood ratio…
"I wanted you drunk," the cook hissed against his lips, breathing heavy, "cause I wanted to kiss you, and not just…! And it's crazy! Shitty fucker!"
"If you wanted to kiss me so bad," Zoro growled, grabbed the cook by his shoulders and flung him back-first against the door in his stead, "you could have just done it! I… I don't hate it. You know," Zoro managed. Okay, that was more embarrassing than he would have thought…
"Then just shut up and fucking do it," Sanji huffed, and after yanking Zoro closer by his shirt collar, their lips were pressed together again.
The kiss was rough and raw at first. Their tongues were slipping and spilling out between their joined lips, and their teeth were clattering everywhere. Though, eventually, as Zoro's hands found their way into soft, blond hair, and Sanji's fists were easing into soft palms on top of Zoro's chest, trailing onto his back… It felt like some kind of warming up. Their hips were tilting forward, against each other. Their lips and tongues felt more caressing now than pinching… It was like passing the boiling point together, and melting into just one, hot mess.
Breathing into the kiss more and more, they reached for the key almost at the same time. When the lock clicked, they broke away, staring into each other's eyes. Zoro's chest rose and fell with his open-mouthed exhales, and seeing the saliva glisten on Sanji's lips, his pulse was pounding even harder in his head, beating like a hammer.
But the heated throbbing against his thigh belonged to another heartbeat…
Sanji pressed the edges of his palms onto his torso demandingly, and Zoro stepped back. One step, two steps… He caught the cook's nape in return, pulling him in for another kiss; he wanted his stupid muffled grumbling in his mouth, even while they were walking backwards. When the edge of his bed hit his shins, though, he half fell back and was half pushed down onto it by Sanji, forcefully and breathlessly.
The blond's knee brushed along his outer thighas the cook slid it onto the bed. Then came the other knee, and heat poured over Zoro's groin from between Sanji's thighs. Not close enough...
Zoro grabbed a hold of the cook's waist to jerk him down on top of himself. That little groan the idiot let slip spurred him on even more. He was planning to flip Sanji over onto his side onto the bed, but the bastard would have none of it - Sanji caught his tongue in his mouth again, sucking, groaning with it. Zoro's hands stroked down onto the cook's thighs that were firmly holding him in place on the bed. Those, and Sanji's hips snapping down against his own…
"Mmm…!"
He tried grinding up against the cook's groin, even grabbed Sanji's ass to rub against him stronger, but it wasn't enough. Zoro wanted more… He pushed himself up into sitting on the bed, and Sanji slid further in his lap, against his bulge...
"Aaah-!" Sanji broke up a moan with his hand pressed against his lips.
Shit, was Sanji hard... And holy shit, Zoro was turned on so bad…!
Zoro tried to nip away the blond's fingers that were covering up his mouth, to be able to taste his lips again. Sanji responded, with tiny, shivery brushes of his tongue. Since all of his energy seemed to go into his trembling, induced by of how they were rubbing their hard-ons together, again, and again. But that couldn't have been the only thing. Sanji was pulling away, pushing against Zoro's shoulders and whimpering into the kiss.
"Oi..." Zoro breathed, glancing up.
Sanji was a flushed, shivery mess. But somethig was off. His eyes were open wide, his nails were digging into Zoro's shoulders, and he was looking down between them, then glanced back up onto Zoro's face, all the while his breathing came in hitches. That didn't look good.
"You uh... You wan-"
"Do you..." Sanji breathed out, and visibly relaxed a little, the grip of his hands not quite as tight anymore. "Do you have… a gum…?"
"Gum?" Zoro knitted his eyebrows together. What the hell did the shitty cook need a gum for all of a sudde- Oh. Oh fuck… "Uh… Yeah, um, wait a sec…" he mumbled, trying to reach down to his jeans back pocket, and… "Found one," he looked up at Sanji again with the stick of spearmint gum in his hand.
As if in a daze, Sanji took the gum from his fingers, and after unwrapping it, he brushed his thumb against Zoro's lips.
"Open up..."
Zoro already had a fairly good notion where this was going, so he gladly obliged. He chewed on the gum a couple of times to soften in, but Sanji barely seemed to want to wait for even that. He dove down again to catch Zoro's lips, and his tongue came prying inside, searching for the sweet minty taste. Just like he had at the back of the Zombie Night, piss drunk and sweaty from their fight. But not now. Sanji wasn't drunk now...
"Mmmn…!" Sanji's moan was caught up in their kiss.
Zoro trembled, swallowing the sound, and some minty saliva. His hands on Sanji's hips, he began grinding up to him again, making the cook shiver with the friction. Driving more of his sounds down his throat... Oh yeah...
Sanji became braver with twisting his hips, too. He was, pressing, shifting, slipping, riding Zoro's lap, rising up, then sinking down along his bulge. Like he had been dancing. Like he had moved on top of him last time, too...
"Mnnhhh... Ghh..!"
Because after the last time Sanji's body had been moving on top of him like that, enveloped in a crazy, lusty, drunken daze, he had barely been able to stand up from the ground. But not just because of the shock of it all. Zoro had barely been able to keep from touching himself...
Should he have called after the damn bastard? Or should he have called for help...?
"Hahh…!" Zoro needed to break away for air.
"Aah…" Sanji gasped against his lips. "Shit... Shit, aah... Aaaah, t-touch me… Touch me now…!"
Oh holy hell…
"Zoro...!"
Oh holy fucking hell...!
Feeling, ridiculously dizzy very suddenly, Zoro reached down between them with his right hand. Sanji was sputtering small gasps and groans all the while he was trying to open the fly of his pants. But it was all worth it, once he pulled Sanji's erect cock out.
"Aah… Ooh God… Oh fuck…!" Sanji went absolutely mad, sucking Zoro's lips into a wild, hot kiss. "Mmmnh…! Hghhf!" his every breath made a sound.
Zoro was just about to zip his own pants open to stroke himself, but Sanji's hand reached inside his jeans first. Heh. Not planning on going down alone, huh…? Sanji was still in for the gum, too, licking, sucking nipping on Zoro's tongue. The cook's shivery hand was squeezing his dick, pumping up and down, and Zoro was jacking him off with similar speed, then faster, clenching stronger, until Sanji joined the fight and sped his hand up, too, making their mouths be open more than pressed together, panting, groaning… The cook could have taken the gum half a hundred times. It kept slipping off his tongue, however, every time he moaned…
"Mmmhn… aaah, fuck…!" Sanji shook in his whole body. "Aaah shit I'm… I'm…Zoro, I'm go- Aaah shit…! F-fuck…!"
"Sanji… Aaah Sanji…!" Zoro threw his head back, his cock pulsing in Sanji's squeeze. Why did calling the idiot's name feel so damn good…?
"Fuck- Ghn-!"
Sanji bit down hard on his lip to choke his moans. His cum spilled out all over Zoro's fist around his pulsing cock, soiling their clothes. And Zoro was not far behind, but Sanji's hand started to release its clenching, so he grabbed it, along with his own dick, pumping it further, more, more…! Until all Zoro could do was collapse against Sanji's shoulder, gasping for air. His heart was thundering in his chest, his cheeks felt hot and his spine felt like liquid, and…
Good thing he didn't believe in gods. None could have helped him now. For Zoro had no regrets.
"You okay…?" he was panting, putting an arm around the blond's sweaty back.
"Yeah..." Sanji wheezed hotly against his neck. "You…?"
"Haha..." Zoro laughed weakly, breathlessly. "Happy birthday to me…!"
"I can't fucking believe you just said that… Shitty idiot…"
THE END