When she opened her eyes, Ellie wasn't entirely sure where she was. The recent alarming frequency with which she found herself waking up in unfamiliar places was not lost on her. But for some reason, she didn't mind so much this time.
She felt stronger than she had in days. The pain coursing through her body had receded to a dull ache, and for the first time in as long as she could remember, her throat was no longer crying out for water. As she glanced down at her arm, she realized that someone must have intravenously rehydrated her. She sighed contentedly, leaning back into the pillow. She almost didn't want to know which organization had her this time. Maybe if she closed her eyes, she could pretend that the person who had nursed her back to health was someone who cared about her.
But Ellie was restless now. She felt almost completely rejuvenated by the additional water in her system. Despite knowing that she was probably in another one of HYDRA's ghastly bunkers, and despite the fact that she had already resigned herself to her death, she wanted to know what was going on. Ellie couldn't believe that after all she'd been through, her curiosity remained as intact as ever.
She slowly turned her head and a small, strangled noise escaped from her lips. Right next to her hand, fast asleep, was a face so familiar to her that she wondered if she was dreaming. She hesitantly reached out her hand to lightly run her fingers through his mess of curls and broke into a huge smile. He was real, he was really there, and he was alive, his chest slowly rising and falling as he slept on.
Ellie had seen quite a lot of beautiful things before, but in that moment, she was positively certain that Leo Fitz was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life.
He'd done it. The team had rescued her. She was out, no longer under HYDRA's control. The relief that flowed through her was so strong that it was almost overwhelming. She suddenly felt claustrophobic in that small bunk. She needed some air.
Ellie closed the valve on the saline bag and carefully removed the needle from her arm. She knew that Jemma would probably be upset with her for taking it out herself, and Ellie wouldn't have approved of anyone else doing the same thing, but she was a doctor. Not a medical doctor, of course, but that was just a minor detail she felt justified in overlooking.
Leo looked rather uncomfortable, passed out in the chair next to her bed, but Ellie didn't want to wake him. As quietly as she could, she crawled out of the covers and draped one of the small blankets over his shoulders, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. Who knew that that boy on the rooftop in Glasgow she'd met when she was twelve years old would have become so very important to her? He'd saved her life, and she would probably never be able to thank him enough for that. She smiled down at him for a few more moments before slipping out of the room.
Ellie made sure to keep her footfalls light as she exited the bunk. It didn't sound like they were in the air, but she quickly realized that they were on a plane. It wasn't Coulson's command station, but it was still quite large. Her eyes scanned the room and fell on a girl sprawled across one of the sofas. The girl's dark hair was covering her face, but Ellie had no trouble recognizing Skye. She looked so beautifully peaceful lying there, and besides being obviously very tired, she seemed as healthy as ever and didn't appear to have gone through any torture.
So Ward had been right when he'd said HYDRA had lied to her. Ellie was baffled. Whose blood had she been about to examine in the lab then? She knew that Talbot was a sadist, but hadn't her physical torture been enough for him? He'd needed to inflict psychological torture on her as well?
She shook her head. It didn't matter anymore. She didn't want to think about HYDRA or the colonel or that disgusting cell ever again. She'd been rescued, Skye was safe, and that was the end of it.
Ellie made her way through the room, looking for signs of anyone else on the aircraft, but the plane was serenely quiet. Since they had apparently landed, Ellie decided to find the cargo hold and see where they'd arrived. Her gaze traveled to a small staircase.
As she descended into the hold, she noticed that the cargo ramp had been lowered. Agent May was sitting near its edge, her legs folded under her in a meditative position. Ellie didn't quite know what drove her to join the older woman, but she tentatively walked over to the opening and sat down next to her. Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the incredible sight before them.
The plane was parked on one of the Hub's landing decks. Ellie recognized it from her brief escapade up to the roof during her first trip to the base. Agent May had positioned the aircraft so that the cargo hold faced the sea, which was currently painted with dazzling oranges and reds as the sun slowly lowered towards the horizon.
Ellie hadn't fully grasped until that moment just how many things she would've missed if HYDRA had managed to kill her. She would have never seen another sunset again. It was such a minor thing, something that happened every day, but for some reason, the light reflecting off the waves and the combination of colors in the sky brought tears to her eyes.
Her thoughts automatically turned to Benny and she realized with a jolt that she hadn't cried since his death. Losing him had drained her of nearly all emotion. She'd been done, accepting the fact that she would never live a long life and that Benny had died in vain. A certain part of her had shut down, blocked off in order to protect the rest of her sanity. Truthfully, she thought that part of her, the part that felt too much, had died along with him.
But somehow…after all that she'd been through, after she had thought she'd reached her breaking point, that part of her still pulsed faintly on. Looking out at the sea, it steadily grew stronger, burrowing its way through her heart despite its brokenness. Ellie had pushed away Benny's memory, but she realized that that had been wrong of her. The pain was sharper than any physical pain she had ever endured, but after denying herself for so long, she was finally able to grieve for him properly.
She cried quietly, not wanting to disturb Agent May. The colors of the sunset blurred together in her vision as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She cried for many things, some things she didn't quite understand, but she mostly cried for Benny. Benny, who would never see another sunset again. Benny, who would never discover a love other than Claire's. Benny, who would never know how much his sacrifice had truly mattered to Ellie. Benny, who would never be able to see how he had saved her.
And he had saved her, in more ways than one. She was alive because of him, but so was her hope. So was her spirit, fractured though it might currently be.
She cried for all the things Benny would miss. She cried for all the other men and women like him who had been taken advantage of by HYDRA, who had thought they had nowhere else to turn. She cried for the team, the team that had come to rescue her despite everything around them falling apart. And she also cried for herself.
She didn't know where she would go or what she would do after this. Everything she had ever known and worked for had disintegrated. When she'd originally become a scientist, it had been because she'd wanted to change the world. But the world had already changed, drastically and permanently, in ways that she could never have imagined and in ways that it probably wouldn't be able to recover from. And she'd changed, too. How could she move forward when part of her had been left behind with HYDRA? She didn't even know who she was anymore.
Ellie suddenly felt weighed down by the strength of her pain. Maybe she had been right to close it off. At least when she'd felt nothing she didn't have to feel like she was going to explode. Just when it was about to become too much for her to handle, she felt a small hand grab onto hers. Ellie tried to calm down her breathing, and focused on the warmth coming from the person sitting next to her.
She continued to stare out at the water. The sun was sinking fast now, its rays spreading out over the vast expanse of the sea.
Almost to herself, she whispered, "How do you forget?"
There was a long pause, but by the small tension in her hand, she knew that Agent May had heard her.
"You don't," she responded quietly.
Ellie found herself nodding. She supposed that it made sense. She didn't think she'd ever be able to wipe HYDRA or Benny or the colonel from her mind. She had hoped that Agent May would have some magical advice for forgetting past horrifying experiences, but she figured that she probably wouldn't have earned a nickname like the Cavalry if she had.
They sat there in silence as the sky turned dark, Agent May continuing to hold her hand. Just as the sun dipped below the horizon, Ellie tried again. "How do you not let it…" she paused, trying to find the right word to encompass what she needed. "Destroy you?" she finished.
Agent May squeezed her hand. After another long moment, she heard the quiet reply slip in between the distant roar of the waves.
"You're asking the wrong person."
Skye jerked awake at the sound of someone crying out. She was so disoriented that she nearly fell off of the couch, and held out her hands to steady herself. As she realized where she was, she let out a sigh of relief. The Minibus was quiet, so they'd probably landed. She must have been woken up by the descent. Skye leaned back into the cushion and closed her eyes. She was just about to fall back asleep when she heard the cry again.
She immediately sat up, automatically looking over at Ellie's bunk. But as Skye continued to listen, she realized that the sound was actually coming from the other one. She carefully made her way over to the door and knocked lightly. She didn't hear any more shouts, but as she pressed her ear up to the door, her eyes widened at the sound of quiet whimpering on the other side.
Before she could stop herself, Skye slid the door open and walked over to the bed.
"Simmons," she murmured, trying to shake her awake. "Simmons, wake up, it's just a dream." Simmons was still moving around, crying in her sleep. "Jemma," Skye said loudly.
Simmons nearly jumped out of the bed as she came out of the dream. "Wha-Skye? What is it? What's wrong?"
Skye's hands were still on Simmons's shoulders. "You were having a nightmare," she explained, waiting for Simmons to calm down before releasing her.
"Oh," Simmons said quietly, looking somewhat embarrassed. She placed her hands over her face. "Oh, God. It seemed so real."
"What did?" Skye asked.
Simmons looked up in surprise, like she hadn't realized she'd said anything out loud. "Oh, um…nothing. It was…just a dream, obviously."
In the back of her mind, Skye knew it was probably not the right time, but she also knew that another opportunity might not come up again. "It wouldn't have anything to do with…Redmires Cove, would it?"
Skye saw a hint of fear in Simmons's eyes. "Where did you hear that?" she whispered.
"I…uh…well," Skye stammered, kicking herself for not thinking this conversation through. "I…may or may not have seen it in your…psych evaluation," she winced. At Simmons's indignant expression, Skye quickly added, "It was an accident. Sort of. Okay, not really. Look, I'm sorry, all right? I didn't mean to intrude. But if you don't mind my asking…what happened there? Because something did happen there, right?"
The anger on Simmons's face faded, but Skye wasn't very relieved. Now she just looked scared. There was a long pause before Simmons nodded slowly.
"Okay," Skye said quietly. She wanted to scoot closer to Simmons, but she was afraid that if she did, Simmons would shut down again and refuse to tell her anything. She remained where she was, but tried to make sure her voice remained soft. "What was it?"
There were already tears in Simmons's eyes as she took a shaky breath. "We were just kids, Skye," she whispered. Skye had pretty good hearing, but she had to strain her ears in order to make out the rush of words tumbling out of Simmons's mouth. "And I didn't think anything would happen, honestly. It was the last day of winter and Mum and Dad had left early for work, but school had been cancelled so we were alone and she wanted to go to the Cove."
Skye didn't want to interrupt Simmons, but she needed a little clarification. "Ellie, you mean?"
Simmons nodded. "Yes, well, she wanted to go and I thought it would be fine, I mean the pond was completely frozen over and nothing like that had ever happened before. The one time we went there alone and-" Her voice cracked.
"Nothing like what ever happened before?"
Simmons was crying openly now. "She fell through the ice, Skye."
"Oh, my God," Skye whispered.
"It happened so fast, one second she was there and the next she was gone. I didn't even know what happened because the ice froze back over and when I finally managed to get her out she wasn't breathing and-" Simmons broke off, unable to speak as she sobbed into her hands. Skye couldn't sit still anymore. She immediately moved over to Simmons and wrapped an arm around her.
"Hey, Simmons, it's okay," she said, rubbing her back. "I mean, you said you were just kids. And Ellie was okay, right? I mean, obviously. She's still here."
Simmons looked over at her. "But it happened again, Skye. She got hurt, she almost died, and it was my fault."
Skye shook her head firmly. "No way, Simmons. Don't you even go there. What happened to Ellie wasn't your fault then and it's not your fault now. That rat bastard Sitwell took advantage of her. He played us all." Skye's anger towards him still seethed within her. "HYDRA is the only one responsible for all the crap that's been happening."
Simmons didn't appear convinced. "But I should've been looking out for her, Skye. Instead I was a complete arse to her, and I let her go off with Sitwell without even questioning where she was going. She probably thinks that I'm the worst sister in the world. And she'd be right."
"Look," Skye laughed a little. "I don't know anything about being a sister." Simmons looked over at her with a curious expression that Skye didn't really understand. "But Simmons, your sister…loves you, okay? I'm sure if you just talked to her about it, she'd-"
"We're not very good at the whole…talking thing," Simmons said sheepishly.
Skye hesitated. "Simmons…the whole world is going to hell in a hand basket right now. We don't know how this whole HYDRA thing is going to play out. If there has ever been a time for second chances, it's now." At her skeptical expression, Skye continued. "And it's not like she'll shut you out, Simmons. Like I said…she loves you. And it's obvious that you love her, too. You just need to maybe work on letting her know that a little more. Okay?" She nudged Simmons's arm playfully, and was glad to see a tiny smile on Simmons's face. When she nodded, Skye stood up to leave.
"Um…Skye?"
Skye spun around. "Yeah?"
"Um…nobody else knows about…what happened at the Cove. Ellie was too young to remember, and when the agent brought it up during my evaluation, I changed the subject." She paused. "I haven't even told Fitz."
"I won't say anything," Skye promised.
Simmons breathed out a sigh of relief. Skye was about to walk away when she heard Simmons's small voice again.
"Skye?"
She looked at Simmons questioningly.
"Thank you," she whispered, meeting her eyes. "For everything."
Fitz woke up with a massive kink in his neck. He winced as he turned his head, and was confused as he felt something slip off of his shoulders. He blearily opened his eyes, glad that the room he was in was dimly lit, but when his gaze fell on the empty bed in front of him, he immediately stood up.
How the hell had Ellie gotten past him without waking up him? Where had she even gone? He ran a hand through his hair. Jemma was going to kill him.
Fitz burst out of the bunk door, racking his brains for where she might have run off to, but he stopped in his tracks as he glanced over at the plane's small kitchen and exhaled slowly. Ellie had her back to him as she appeared to be pouring herself a cup of tea. She looked so small, smaller than usual, and even though Fitz felt a lump in his throat at seeing her in such a frail state, he couldn't keep from smiling just knowing that she was alive and there with them. He slowly walked over to her.
In hindsight, he should have known better. The carpet beneath his socks was so soft that Fitz could practically feel the static electricity building up in his body. He didn't think anything of it, though, because all he was focused on was seeing Ellie awake for the first time in what felt like months. He had no idea what she'd been through with HYDRA, but he really should have known better than to touch her when she obviously hadn't heard him approaching.
The shock was small, when his finger brushed against her elbow. He'd done much worse to Jemma, and the severest reaction he'd ever received was an annoyed slap on his arm. But when the static electricity passed from his skin to Ellie's, she jumped so high that she nearly knocked over the cup of tea in front of her. Fitz's alarm grew as he heard her whimper, cowering away from him in fear.
"Hey, hey, Ellie, it's okay, it's just me," he murmured, tentatively taking a step closer to her. She continued to back further into the counter until a few seconds passed and she seemed to realize where she was, her eyes settling on his face. She clapped a trembling hand over her mouth.
"Oh, Leo," she whispered. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, please forgive me, I-"
"No, no, no, Ellie, stop," he said. He fought the urge to reach out and wrap her in his arms, terrified that she would continue to recoil away from him. He didn't think he could handle hearing her whimper again. "You're okay now. You're safe."
She slowly nodded after a moment, looking away from him. "You're right," she murmured. "Of course you're right." She paused before shaking her head and stepping forward to give him a brief hug. "Thank you for coming to get me, Leo."
Fitz blinked back tears as he tentatively hugged her back. She was so skinny that it felt like he would break her if he embraced her too tightly. She only held on for a few seconds, which was much too short for Fitz, but he supposed that it would take a while for her to get used to physical contact again. Or at least physical contact that didn't result in her being hurt. Fitz tried to push his terrifying thoughts away.
"Of course we were going to rescue you, Ellie," he said incredulously. "Do you think we would've just let HYDRA have you?"
She avoided his eyes, her cheeks turning pink. "Well, no, but…well, I mean, I heard what happened to S.H.I.E.L.D., Leo. I can't imagine how chaotic everything has been. And for you all to come and get me in the midst of all that-"
"Hey," he interrupted her, lightly reaching out to grab her hand. "You're family, El. You'll always come first." He saw that her eyes had filled with tears, so he released her hand after giving it a squeeze and cleared his throat. "But I have to ask…how on earth did you come across one of our tag rounds?"
She looked at him in confusion. "What are you talking about, Leo?"
"Well, it's just…how you signaled us. The Retriever obviously got destroyed, but when we found you in the barn, our tracking equipment picked up the signal from one of the new rounds we developed. And they just got released for distribution right before the battle at the Triskelion." Ellie's eyes widened, and Fitz waved a hand dismissively. "It's a long story. But the point is…there're only a few of those tag rounds that exist. How did you get one?"
Ellie avoided his gaze. "Oh, I, er, picked one up at the place where they kept me. Someone at HYDRA must have gotten their hands on one. I honestly had no idea if it would work, I just swiped anything I could think of that I thought would help. Crazy, right?" She laughed nervously, and Fitz was a little unsettled that she seemed to be lying to him.
"But, Ellie, what did they-"
"Look, Leo," she sighed, giving him an apologetic look. "Um…I really would rather not talk about it, if that's all right with you. I'm really, really grateful that you came to save me, please don't get me wrong. I mean, I will probably never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done for me, but what happened to me back…there," she shuddered, "is something I just would like to move past, if at all possible."
Fitz had a million burning questions, but he swallowed them as he nodded. "Of course, Ellie. But…you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"
She gave him a small smile. "Yes, Leo. And obviously that goes both ways." She hesitated, placing a hand on his arm. "Is everything all right with you? I know it's probably been hell lately."
Fitz's mouth opened slightly in shock. How the bloody hell was she asking him how he was? She'd been at the mercy of HYDRA, enduring God knows what for days on end, until they'd left her a thin stick who didn't want to talk about what she'd gone through and shrunk away in fear from the people who loved her most. He simple stared at her, openmouthed, unable to think of anything to say, when he heard a squeal coming from the other side of the room.
"Oh, my God. Ellie, you're awake." Skye ran over to them, tears in her eyes, but she stopped short just as she reached Ellie. Jemma followed Skye at a distance, looking somewhat nervous. "Is it…" Skye paused. "I mean, is it okay if I hug you?"
To Fitz's relief, Ellie laughed and stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Skye. Skye met Fitz's eyes over Ellie's shoulder and gave him a watery smile. After a few seconds, Ellie pulled away, but her hands lingered on Skye's arm. "Oh, I'm so glad you're all right, Skye," she said. "I was so worried."
Skye glanced at Fitz and Jemma before giving Ellie a confused look. "You're joking, right? Ellie, we were worried sick about you! Why in the world would you have been worried about me?"
Ellie looked down at the floor. "You all seem to forget that I didn't know what was happening outside of where I was. All I knew was that S.H.I.E.L.D. was gone. I had no idea if any of you were okay, or captured like I was, or even alive."
"S.H.I.E.L.D.'s not gone," a voice came from near the staircase. They all turned to look at Coulson. "Not yet, at least." He made his way over to them and slowly took Ellie's hands in his. "Ellie, I am so sorry...for everything that you've been through. This should never have happened. I'll never forgive myself for letting you go off with Sitwell without making sure that-"
Ellie was shaking her head. "Agent Coulson, please don't say that. There's no way you could've known. I'm all right now. But…sir, did you mean what you said earlier? S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't gone, after all?"
Coulson gave her a smile before releasing her hands, but Fitz could still see the worry in his eyes. "The Hub's still ours. And we should be receiving word from our other bases soon, I'm hoping by tomorrow morning."
"Oh," Ellie replied, looking slightly disappointed. "Well…I suppose that's better than nothing, right? At least HYDRA hasn't completely won then."
Coulson glanced over at Fitz. "So it was…HYDRA then?" he said tentatively, turning back to Ellie. "The people who-"
"Yes," Ellie interrupted him, breaking away from his gaze.
Coulson seemed to hesitate again. "Do you have any idea who-"
"Sitwell signed me on to Project Phoenix, Project Phoenix turned out to just be a hiding place for HYDRA, they wanted me to work for them, I refused," she said quickly.
"But do you-"
"Sir," Fitz said, giving Coulson a subtle shake of his head, trying to tell him not to push it. Coulson seemed to understand, but before he could change the subject, Skye scoffed.
"HYDRA. God, those sick bastards. I can't even imagine having to talk to one of them, let alone be forced to spend weeks with all that…evil."
"They weren't all evil," Ellie said quietly. An alarm went off in Fitz's head as they all looked over at her in surprise. At their silence, she glanced up and folded her arms. "The man who was…in charge of me…he wasn't. He was…nice."
Fitz was frozen, unable to believe the words that were coming out of her mouth, but thankfully Skye recovered first. "Oh, Ellie…" she sighed.
"What?" Ellie replied, looking somewhat affronted.
Skye hesitated, a pained expression on her face. "Well, it's just…I mean, that's Stockholm Syndrome 101, sweetie. He was probably just-"
"He saved my life," Ellie cried out abruptly, startling Fitz. She seemed embarrassed by her outburst as she looked down at the ground again. Her voice grew quiet. "He died protecting me."
Skye's face had turned red. "Ellie, I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"It's okay, Skye," Ellie stopped her. "You didn't know. But you're right. At its core, HYDRA is evil. But some of the people working for HYDRA…they just got caught up in the wrong time and place, you know?"
Skye nodded, not looking particularly convinced. But she probably didn't want to upset Ellie any further. Coulson clasped his hands together, giving them all silent instructions to let it go. "Okay, who's hungry? I'm really not in the mood for the crap they have here, so I was thinking of taking Lola for a spin over to the city. How does Chinese sound?"
"Oh, my God, Chinese sounds amazing right now," Skye gushed.
Coulson nodded, heading towards the exit. "Be back soon. Try not to, you know, let HYDRA take over or anything." He said it with a smirk on his face, but nobody felt inclined to laugh.
Ellie sighed. "Chinese actually does sound pretty amazing."
"I'm…afraid it's going to be just porridge and tea for you," Jemma spoke up, looking guiltily over at Ellie. "Sorry, sis. We don't want to upset your digestive system."
Ellie gave her a tiny smile. "It's all right, Jemma," she said quietly. "I understand."
"Hey, Fitz," Skye turned to him with a strange look on her face.
"What?"
"Remember you were going to show me that…thing?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at him.
Fitz was mystified. "What are you talking about?"
Skye just widened her eyes further, subtly nudging her head towards Jemma and Ellie. "You know…that thing you were going to show me…in the lab…with the other…things." She looked like she was desperately hoping for him to catch on.
"Right…" he said slowly, starting to understand a little. Jemma and Ellie both had bewildered expressions on their faces. "I was going to show you some of the…er…new ICERs. Yeah, I've been working on developing a heavier stopping power with the bullets and-"
"Okay then, let's go." Skye practically dragged him out of the room. When they got into the cargo hold, she sighed in exasperation, hitting him on the arm. "Could you be any less helpful, Fitz?"
"Ow," he said, even though she hadn't hurt him at all. "What was that for?"
"I was trying to get Simmons to talk to her sister, but they weren't going to do that with us just standing around in their space. I thought I could get us out of there without being so damn obvious, but you insisted on being clueless and made me sound like an idiot."
"Well, why didn't you just say that?" he asked in annoyance. "And excuse me for not bloody understanding the secret code you apparently hoped I would magically understand in your…eyes or whatever."
Skye snorted as she turned around and headed for the exit. "Men," he heard her mutter.
Jemma avoided Ellie's gaze. Why had Skye and Fitz abandoned her? She knew she had to talk to Ellie, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for that conversation quite yet. But her sister was alive, standing right in front of her. She had thought for a while there that she would never see Ellie again, so she scolded herself for not immediately taking the opportunity she'd been given.
"Ellie…" she began.
"Jemma, can I show you something?" Ellie asked, cutting her off. Jemma looked up in surprise to see that Ellie had an apprehensive expression on her face.
Jemma didn't quite know what to say. "Um…sure?"
Ellie nodded and tentatively stepped forward to grab her hand. "Okay. Come on, then."
They didn't talk as Ellie led her through the Hub. Jemma wanted to ask where they were going, but she was still nervous about what she was going to say to her. She was actually mildly surprised that Ellie hadn't simply ignored her because of the way she'd treated her the last time they'd seen each other. As they rode up one of the lifts, Jemma tried to rehearse her apology in her head.
The lift doors opened, and Jemma followed Ellie down a small corridor, where she opened the door at the end. They stepped out into the cool night air, and even though the sky was dark, the lights from the landing decks thirteen stories below gave them enough illumination to see by. Ellie placed her hands in the pockets of the jumper that was much too big for her and made her way closer to the edge of the roof. Jemma cautiously walked over to her so that they were standing side by side, looking out at the blackened sea.
She waited a few moments before taking a shaky breath. Before she could say anything, though, she heard Ellie's voice, thick with tears.
"I broke it," she whispered.
Jemma didn't know what she had been expecting, but it definitely wasn't the statement that had come out of Ellie's mouth. "What?" she asked in bewilderment, sure she had misheard her.
"The pearl necklace Mum gave you for Christmas when you were fourteen. I took it from your room when you were gone one day, I just wanted to wear it once, but when I tried to get it off, it broke apart." There were tears rolling down Ellie's cheeks. "You always thought you just misplaced it, but I hid the broken bits in the bottom of one of my trunks and never told you."
Jemma was speechless. "Ellie, I don't-"
"When you were fifteen, I wrote a fake rejection letter from Oxford and tore apart the real one because I didn't want you to leave home. I mean, Cambridge was a better choice anyways, but you should know that you'd been accepted. I mean, why wouldn't Oxford accept you? You're bloody brilliant."
Jemma had no idea where this was all coming from. She didn't even feel irritated or angry at what Ellie was telling her. Didn't she know that none of those things mattered? She was about to open her mouth, but Ellie wasn't finished.
"My favorite book is Jane Eyre. I know I always say it's Wuthering Heights, but to be quite honest with you, I can't stand Heathcliff anymore. He's not romantic at all, really." She took a breath. "When you and Leo were at the Academy, I was at a secret S.H.I.E.L.D. facility in the Rocky Mountains called the Guest House. Even though I was given minimal information, I was able to develop a drug with regenerative capabilities. You know this drug as the GH-325."
Seeing Ellie so distressed brought tears to Jemma's eyes. "Ellie…" she tried again.
"When I disappear at home or on holiday or at work, I usually try to find the nearest rooftop. It's not that I get a thrill from heights or want to jump or anything like that, but when I'm up here, everything down below, all the people who don't understand and all the problems I'm facing, are just tiny specks. When I'm up here…I'm as big as I'd like to be."
There was a long pause as Ellie appeared to have finished, and Jemma cautiously ventured forward. "Those people who don't understand…" Jemma said quietly. "Am I one of them?"
For the first time since they'd reached the rooftop, Ellie looked over at her. "Sometimes."
Jemma nodded, trying not to let Ellie's words hurt her too much. She'd been given a second chance, but that didn't mean that her past behavior was just going to be automatically erased. She took a deep breath.
"Jemma, I'm so sorry."
Jemma looked at Ellie incredulously. "What?" she exclaimed. "What the hell are you talking about, Ellie?"
"I absolutely hate myself for the way I acted before I left. I should never have said those things to you, and I hope you know that I didn't mean any of it."
"Ellie, are you out of your mind? I…I treated you terribly! Everything you said before you left, everything, Ellie, was spot on." Jemma was fully crying now as the words tumbled out of her mouth in no particular order. "I should never have let you leave without apologizing, and then Sitwell got to you and I didn't know you were gone and when we found out you were in trouble I nearly lost it because it was happening all over again and it was all my fault. God, Ellie, I don't even know what they did to you in there but you…you're so small now, and they hurt you, and I could've stopped it, I could've stopped you from leaving but I was too bloody stubborn and you almost died again and Ellie, I'm so sorry." She stopped, unable to speak anymore, and she felt Ellie's hand on her arm as she stepped closer to her.
"Jemma, no, no, please don't. You can't blame yourself for anything that happened to me, all right? I got myself into that whole mess with HYDRA. If I had been smarter, I probably would have been able to read the signs." Jemma was about to object, but Ellie changed the subject. "But Jemma…what did you mean when you said it was happening all over again?"
Jemma wasn't sure if she should tell her. It had happened so long ago.
"It wouldn't have anything to do with what happened at the Cove, would it?" Ellie asked quietly. Jemma's mouth hung open in shock, and Ellie's eyes widened. "Oh, bloody hell, it is, isn't it? Jemma, that was nearly twenty years ago. God, please don't tell me you've been beating yourself up over that after all this time."
"You-you remember?" Jemma stammered.
Ellie looked astonished. "I wasn't a baby, Jemma. Of course I remember!"
"Then why didn't you-"
"Because you never wanted to talk about it!" Ellie laughed in disbelief. "I thought you just wanted to forget it and move on, so I went along with it. Besides, the whole disaster was my fault anyways."
"Ellie, you have got to be joking. There is no way in hell that what happened was your fault."
"I wanted to go to the Cove, Jemma. You kept saying that we shouldn't go by ourselves, but I dragged you out there anyways."
"But I could have stopped you. Or at least-"
"As if you would have been able to stop me, Jemma. Look, let's face it," she chuckled. "I was a stubborn, cheeky little brat. I dragged us out onto that ice, and it's my own fault that I fell through."
"Ellie, you were four years old!"
"You were eight! I mean, how many eight-year-olds can say that they saved their little sister's life?"
"Well, I wasn't just going to sit there and watch you die. I had to-"
"Jemma, no one should have to carry around that kind of weight." She willed Jemma to look at her. "You saved my life then and you saved my life today."
"But-"
"And that's the end of it."
Jemma found herself speechless again. After all this time, Ellie had known about Redmires Cove? She had gone through the majority of her life haunted by the images of Ellie's motionless body, thinking that it was her fault she had almost died. She thought that if Ellie ever found out, she would look at her with hurt and betrayal, not the endless compassion and love she saw in her eyes right now. So Ellie really didn't blame her for getting hurt? Jemma found it almost too good to be true.
After a few seconds, she found her voice again, but she looked down at her hands. "Regardless, I shouldn't have acted the way I did earlier."
"Well, it's not like you didn't have a reason to be upset with me, Jemma. I shouldn't have lied to you about the Guest House."
Jemma shook her head. "You were under orders-"
"To hell with orders, Jemma," Ellie said fiercely. "You're my sister."
She met Ellie's gaze. "Not a very good one, I'm afraid."
"Did you miss the part when I said you saved my life?" Ellie asked with tears in her eyes. "Twice?"
Despite herself, Jemma laughed. "That doesn't really change the fact that I'm not-"
"Look, Jemma," Ellie sighed. "Maybe we can…start over, yeah? I mean, I know we can't completely erase the past twenty years, but…" She breathed in shakily. "I honestly thought I was going to die in there. I thought…I thought I'd never see you again. And I just…I don't want to lose you, Jemma. I love you too much."
Before she knew what she was doing, Jemma stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Ellie. It'd been a long time since she'd hugged her sister, really hugged her, but Ellie didn't seem to mind as she rested her head on Jemma's shoulder. Jemma held on tightly, aware in that moment just how close Ellie had come to dying again. And as Ellie began to gently stroke her back, Jemma felt a huge weight lift off of her shoulders. She realized that even though Ellie had been the one to fall through the ice, Jemma was the one that had remained trapped beneath the water. She had spent the greater part of her life back at that Cove, haunted by the memory of looking for her sister. But during that entire time, her sister had been right there next to her, always forgiving and always loving. She didn't think she would ever be able to forget what had happened at Redmires Cove, but she owed it to Ellie to finally get out of the water. Ellie wasn't there anymore. She was here.
Jemma didn't know how to be a good sister. She hadn't exactly had a lot of practice. But she hoped that with this second chance Ellie was giving her, she would be able to get better at it.
She waited until they'd both stopped crying before she pulled away. "I love you, too, Ellie. I know I'm not very good at showing it, but…I would never want to lose you, either."
Ellie smiled, but there was a little darkness in her eyes. "Well, hopefully, neither of us will ever have to deal with that. That is, if HYDRA can learn to keep its bloody hands off of things that don't belong to it."
Jemma felt nervous about broaching the subject, especially since Ellie didn't seem particularly inclined to talking about what had actually happened to her with HYDRA. It was obvious from her appearance that she hadn't received adequate food or water, but if she had refused to help them and they hadn't killed her, then they must have enacted some other form of torture to try to get her to cooperate. Jemma wasn't sure she wanted to know the details, and she wasn't the best at giving comfort or advice, but Ellie had actually gone through something horrific. She would probably have to talk about it eventually.
"Um…listen, Ellie. I don't want to pry, but…if you want to talk about what happened…I'd listen." Ellie looked away from her, the uncertainty on her face telling Jemma that she probably didn't even know how to begin. Jemma grasped at something Ellie had said to help her out. "You mentioned someone earlier…back on the plane. You said someone saved you. That he…um…died…to protect you?"
When Ellie looked at her again, Jemma was startled to see an alarming level of pain in her brown eyes. She seemed a lot older than the young girl that had graduated from SciTech not so long ago. She was still the same Ellie, but there was something different about her. She seemed a little more subdued, almost as if she'd experienced all of life's greatest disappointments in just a couple of weeks. And she probably had. HYDRA had forced Ellie to grow up too fast, and Jemma would never forgive them for that. "Thank you, Jemma," she said sincerely. "But I don't think I'm ready to talk about it just yet. Perhaps another time." She smiled. "Rain check?"
Jemma nodded. "Yes, of course, Ellie."
Just then, the door to the rooftop slammed open. "There you guys are," Skye panted. "I've been looking all over for you."
"What is it, Skye?" Jemma asked, her heart pounding with worry.
"Oh, it's…" she paused, resting one hand on her hip and looking like she was trying to catch her breath. She pointed her thumb behind her. "Food's here."
Jemma nearly sighed in exasperation. Skye had nearly given her a heart attack. "All right, we're coming."
Skye gave her a thumbs up, turning back around to head back inside. After a second, her head popped through the doorway again. "Oh! We're back on the Party Bus. Not that lame excuse of a S.H.I.E.L.D. plane we were on earlier."
Jemma laughed as she and Ellie slowly made their way towards the door.
"Now, Jemma," Ellie said in a serious tone. "I do actually have a few questions of my own about what's been going on here."
"What, Ellie?" Jemma was nervous. She didn't exactly want to think about everything had happened recently, and wasn't looking forward to talking about it. But when she glanced over at Ellie, she saw that despite her seriousness, she had a smirk on her face.
"Have you told him yet?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Jemma exercised all of her self-control to keep her pace steady and her face neutral.
"Ellie, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," she replied solemnly.
Out of the corner of her eye, Jemma saw Ellie lift her arms up and let them fall to her sides. "Honestly, you two!" she exclaimed. "This is just getting ridiculous."