Act 1 Scene 11

The children all yawned, they were supposed to have stopped watching things a few videos ago. With that, Dumbledore paused the videos and made the kids go to bed. Snape and Dumbledore stayed up a bit, watching as they all slept soundly.

"Albus, you're still thinking about the Horcruxes and such, aren't you?"

"Of course Severus, because now that we know some of everything, I'm trying to see how I can help Harry. I'm going to die Severus, the curse ensures that and I know how much that'll hurt them." Severus couldn't say anything and soon both men fell asleep to restless sleep.

Everyone was woken up by the smell of bacon and toast. Ron jumped up immediately and ran in to see Harry making bacon sandwiches.

"Dude, after Hogwarts we are so rooming together for a couple years." Harry laughed and just pointed Ron to a separate plate from the one he was filling.

"That's just for you so take your time." Soon the others were trickling in and eating. Going back to school was going to ruin this easy routine they had adapted. Hermione did dishes quickly before running out to watch the videos. Snape noticed with a sneer that the teens were all in their pajamas and with a bit of astonishment noticed that the brats had probably planned this out as they were all in varying designs of footie pajamas.

Seamus: So, you guys ever here the one about Sirius Black and Flitwick's Little brother? So Flitwick's Little Bother is walking down the streets of London and Sirius Black, he's in this storm drain, dressed as a clown and he's like, "Yo, hey Flitwick's Little Brother, down here in this storm drain, it's me; a clown." And Flitwick's little brother is like, "Yeah chap, what you want?" And Sirius Black is like, "Oh, Flitwick's little brother, you've gotta get down here in this storm drain with me cause you're missing out! We've got a carnival down here. We've got loads of cotton candy and balloons and a kid that can do flips." And he goes, "I gotta get down there. That sounds like a right treat, that does!" So, he reaches down his arm there right, but Sirius Black, he grows these mad teeth and he bites the kid's head off! (Asian cries)

"We have got to get Seamus to watch that movie now."

"What movie?" Hermione looked to Harry but he didn't know what it was.

"It's a horror film, called It. It's about an alien that disguises itself as a clown and then goes about killing children and tormenting them because they still believe. What happens though is these friends remember when they grow up and eventually kill the creature after losing family and friends."

"Ew, that's disgusting."

And two days later, that kid died.

"He would have died immediately moron."

"Hermione, it's a musical parody."

Dean: Man, that is the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever heard.

Cho: I think that's pretty scary. Have y'all ever heard of the Shrieking Shack?

Ron: Shrieking Shack, my brother Fred says it's (gulp) haunted.

"Fred would say that wouldn't he? Him and George have probably been there loads of times."

"Not a bad place if we cleaned it up a bit honestly."

"Maybe a school hideout or something?"

"Ron, Harry, you two shut it now…no more ideas!"

Cho: That's right. It's the most haunted place in all of Great Britain and it's right over yonder.

Dean: Nah yah, they've got monsters all up in there.

Seamus: Yeah, I've heard that Wood lost a Quaffle in there once. He went in to get it and he never came out!

Cho: Why don't we go check it out?

Seamus: Are you nuts! No!

Cho: Come on, y'all are Gryffindors. Where's your sense of Halloween adventure?

"Bad things happen on Halloween, every year too."

"Troll in first year, petrified cat and message in second, Sirius breaks into Hogwarts in third, Triwizard Tournament in fourth, Umbridge in fifth year…"

"Okay, even I'll admit that wretched woman had life hell all last year." Ron actually high-fived Draco.

"We'll corrupt you to our ways yet."

Ron: I got a right mind to stay out of that place on Halloween.

Cho: Okay, how's about this? I will give a big fat kiss to who's ever brave enough to go up there and ring the doorbell. Anyone?

Hermione: I'll do it.

"Hermione, did not know you swung that way occasionally."

"Don't even think about it Ronald Bilius Weasley, I don't and never will."

Ron: Herman?

Hermione: I'm not afraid of the Shrieking Shack. Everything I've ever read tells me those urban legends are just old wives' tales.

Cho: Yeah but see here's the thing, I'm not kissing you Herman.

Hermione: I don't want a kiss from you Cho. I want something better.

"Go Hermione."

"I would have said I didn't want herpes or something."

"That's so low and mean, I think I have a newfound appreciation for your girlfriend Potter." Ginny stuck her tongue out at the Slytherin.

Seamus: Better than a kiss from Cho Chang?

Hermione: I want you to carry my books for the rest of the semester.

Students: Oooo.

"Nice, make the perky little bitch do actual work."

Cho: Okay, well, if we are raising the stakes, then ringing the bell just won't do. You have to go in there and draw us a picture of the monster.

Hermione: What, but you know that I can't draw without a pad of paper.

Neville: It just so happens I have a sketch pad right here.

Hermione: Well, this is useless without a pencil.

Neville: Well you're lucky I came so prepared.

Hermione: Do I get a flashlight or something?

Cho: Lumos.

"I hated that place with Harry protecting me let alone by myself on the night Lupin is known to actually be using it."

Seamus: I know, she can shine it up through the back of the paper and trace him.

Cho: No tracing Herman, I'll be able to tell.

Hermione: Alright! Well, here I go.

Ron: Oh Hermanin, Hermanino, Hermaninino, wait-wait um, you don't have to do this. What's it gonna prove?

Hermione: That maybe somebody in this school cares about whether I live or die!

Cho: (singing) I wouldn't count on it.

"She is so dead."

"We care Hermione."

"I don't care right now, she's mine."

"I'll help…have some gloating to do anyways."

(Howl)

Seamus: Bloody shit! What is that?

Dean: Let's get out of here. (all but Ron run away)

Harry: Whoa! Wait, what whoa, what's going on?

Ron: Whoa, Herman went into the Shrieking Shack and the monster that lives in there is pissed.

Harry: Well, Ron, we've gotta go save her.

Ron: But, Harry, she's-she's not even our friend.

Harry: Ron, come on man.

"Thank you Harry for caring."

"No problem, at least we do get to be friends through saving each other."

Harry: Uh, Herman-o-ine.

Together: Hermanione.

Harry: Hermanana.

Together: Herman a boingo oingo.

Ron: Hey you and I are bad ass.

Ron: Em a nema banana

Harry: Ah mononucleosis.

Ron: Hermana…

"Really? Mononucleosis?"

"I like bananas."

"We know Weasley."

Both: AH!

Hermione: AH!

Ron: Oh it's just Herman. Herman, you're the monster?

Harry: (growl) Ah, oh quick! We've gotta get out of here. There's another monster in here and it's probably not as friendly.

Hermione: Oh good idea, let's go. Hey, what's this?

Ron: What's that?

Hermione: It's Lupin's broach. But, why is it in the Shrieking Shack?

Harry: Yeah, especially when he told me to stay out of here.

Hermione: Yeah. (they hear growls)

Ron: Harry…it's a…it's a…

All three: A VAMPIRE!

"Ah hell we ruined it."

"Yup, so totally ruined this."

"What is wrong with us?"

Hermione: Harry, what do we do?

Harry: I have my wand in my bag.

Ron: Let's get it out.

Harry: Damn it! Ah! (cat is on Harry's hand)

Hermione: Crookshanks!

Harry: You like this? You want this? (waves cat in front of werewolf) Go get it!

Hermione Ah! No, no Crookshanks!

Ron: Hurry, let's go while it's distracted.

"My cat saved the day!"

"It also almost ate my hand!"

"He would never really do that."

"He seems to love my underwear though Hermione."

"I can't help it if you appeal to his pheromones."

"Gross."