A/N: Hello everyone! Me again! :P

Before we get started with this, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!

I hoep you all enjoy!

Dak: Did I finally catch you on a day you're free? Or are we gonna play text tag for another week?

I grinned at my phone, and it felt like the first time I'd cracked a smile in days.

I typed a message back. I couldn't sit around my house and wallow forever. If Kendall and I were done, there was nothing I could do about it. Maybe my life was in shambles, but it wasn't a permanent state. I had the power to change my circumstances, even if I didn't have the power to make Kendall love me the way I wanted him to.

The first step was figuring out what the fuck I wanted to do with my life, and there was a good chance Dak could help me with that.

I felt bad that it had taken me so long to get back to him. He'd texted me a few days after I'd gotten home from the cabin, but we'd yet to actually make solid plans. I'd been busy, but more than that, I hadn't been up to socializing.

Me: Yeah. Today works. What'd you have in mind?

Dak: I just finished up a meeting with my prof. If you're not busy, you wanna meet me on campus? Agua Fresco has great tacos.

Me: Well, I'm always down for tacos.

Dak: Awesome. See ya there.

I shoved my phone into my pocket and headed out toward the school, letting the sun bake into my skin as I did. The rainy season-rainier, anway-would be on us soon, and the sun would be missing for months.

I loved the fall in Seattle, but not as much as I loved the summer, so even though my heart was turning to dust in my chest, I was determined to enjoy the last few weeks of warmer weather.

It was only a short walk from the house to the campus, and while the University of Washington was no longer my school, the grounds still felt like home. I'd spent so many hours here, in class or studying, that it was more familiar to me than almost anywhere in Seattle, and so it was the perfect place to spend the day.

"Hey, stranger."

Dak's voice came from behind me, and I turned to see him walking down the sidewalk, the bridge in the distance behind him.

"Hey. How'd your meeting go?"

"Not bad. My stomach kept growling, though, so much so that it got awkward. It knew the tacos were coming before my brain did."

I laughed. "Well, lett's not keep you waiting too much longer, then, huh?"

"Let's go."

I followed Dak inside, where we were seated on the patio overlooking the marina.

"I didn't even know this place was here." I said, gazing out over the boats, the sun glittering off the water. It was almost hard to believe we were still on campus. I realized then I should have spent more time exploring.

"My boyfriend brought me here freshman year for the first time. I started coming here as part of my post-exam ritual. Tacos and Mexican beer seem to have this magical way of erasing stress. Now I come here because the food is fucking good and I'm stressed all the time."

"Is grad school that bad?"

"Yes and no. It's a lot more concentrated than undergrad was. More intense. But I'm studying something I'm passionate about, without having to take a lot of required courses that never seemed to matter to my major. So, I guess the short answer is that it's more work, but it's work that I'm actually interested in."

I nodded, considering his answer. I wasn't afraid of hard work.

"You're still thinking of going back?"

I nodded again. "I'm leaning that way, yeah. It's hard to explain, but I don't feel like I'm done with academia."

"I understand that feeling completely."

The conversation took a brief pause when the waiter brought over the tortilla chips and chipotle salsa we'd ordered when we sat down.

"So then what now?" Dak asked once the waiter had gone.

"I'm still not sure what I want to do when I'm done. I graduated from high school and applied to college because that's what you do after high school. I had no idea what I wanted to study, so I took a shit mix of classes my first year and picked my major based on the lectures I didn't fall asleep in."

Dak chuckled. "Seems like a logical enough approach to me."

"I guess it is. It's just that most people I know had an idea of what they wanted to do, what career they wanted to have when they were done, and so they took classes based on that. I took classes to try to figure out who hell I was."

"I think you'd be surprised how many people are in the same boat you are. Not everyone has a clear picture of what their life is going to be five or ten years down the road. I don't. I'm still undecided if I want to go the academic route and continue with research and maybe teach, or if I want to enter the private sector. I've got some time to think about it, but not too much. That's what my meeting was about."

"What does your professor think?"

"She told me she has no opinion, but I know she's hoping I stick to the academic side of things."

"It's nice that you have someone to bounce ideas off of."

"So do you." Dak grinned, gesturing to himself.

"You're right. And I think I'm going to look into applying."

"You might as well. You might have missed the deadline for this year, but send in your application anyway. You never know. Plus, UW isn't the only university to offer graduate programs. You could apply anywhere you want."

It was so obvious, and yet I didn't know why I'd never considered that option.

Scratch that, I knew exactly why. The thought of leaving Seattle, of everything I'd ever known, the people I'd grown up with, my family, friends, and most importantly, Kendall, had never seemed worth it.

Anything I'd ever needed or wanted was here, but now, everything has changed. My family would always be my family, but Stephanie and I were barely speaking, and I had no fucking idea where things stood with Kendall and me.

"What?" Dak stared at me, looking a little worried. "Did I say something offensive?"

I leaned back in my chair. "No, it's not you. I was off in my own world. It's just...until now, leaving Seattle had never seemed like a possibility, but I don't know. Things in my life have suddenly become a lot more flexible."

"Does this have anything to do with that other guy? Kendall? Are you guys not together anymore?"

"How did you…"

"I saw you guys on the beach that day, plus the way he got all alpha macho man on me when I got your number made it pretty obvious."

I leaned forward again and lowered my voice. I don't know why, but the conversation seemed too private to be having out in the open. No one here knew Kendall, but it didn't keep me from feeling like I was betraying his confidence. I needed someone to talk to. Stephanie was out of the question, and Lucy, though she meant well, wasn't the most level-headed when it came to relationship advice.

"This is all new for him. Before we went to the cabin… we'd never… I mean, he never even considered being with another guy."

"And he's freaking out now?"

"I think he's got it in his head that I'm going to resent him for wanted to keep things quiet for a while. I get why he'd want to. I don't want to pressure him, but at the same time, I don't want him to be afraid to be with me either. I don't know. It's all very confusing."

I shoved a chip in my mouth and chewed slowly, waiting for Dak to say something, but he just looked me, waiting for me to continue.

"God knows I have no right to guilt him into coming out. I'd figured out my sexuality out a long fucking time ago, and it took me this long to summon the courage to tell the people I love. He's still trying to work out where he fits, and yeah, I'll admit that there's a part of me that's tapping my foot, anxious for him to shout from the rooftops that I'm his. But still, I can keep that part in check."

Dak smiled gently. "You're right. There's a need to be patient here. You need to give him time to sort through his feelings, and his hang-ups. I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert, not even close, but he's probably got some deep-seated stuff going on if it's taken him this long to admit he's also attracted to guys."

I shrugged, conflicting emotions stirring through me. "I don't know. I'm not sure what to do about all of this. I love him. I'd wait an eternity for him to be ready to love me back the same way. Christ, I already have in a way… But I hate how it makes me feel to be the undercover boyfriend, masquerading myself as just his friend." I took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"I spent so long convincing myself that I was okay with only being his friend for the rest of my life… and then the cabin happened, and I got this taste of what it would be like to be with him. To really be with him. It's hard to go back."

"You're not going back. You're just on pause in public. But I do think you need to talk to him about this stuff because it's not going to magically resolve itself on its own, and he needs to hear how you feel. Outright and blatantly."

"I'm not convinced that'll make much of a difference."

"He's gotta know how this makes you feel. How his actions are affecting you. I get that you want to be patient with him, and you should be. But there are two people in this relationship, and his feelings aren't the only ones that matter. That being said, though, neither are yours."

I nodded. Dak was right.

"No wonder you study psychology. You'd make a great therapist."

He chuckled. "Thanks. I'll send you my bill."

"Can you please watch what the fuck you're doing?" Jett snapped, and I looked behind me to see him standing there, anger contorting his features. "You almost took me out with the barbell."

"Sorry. I zoned out."

"Yeah, well, don't."

"Jesus Christ. I said I was sorry." Anger flared in my chest. "Now back the fuck off."

"Boys, do I need to send you to opposite corners?" Logan asked, stepping between us.

"I'm fine." I grumbled, walking away from Jett, my hands balled into fists.

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you." Logan said, walking after me. "You've been a jerk all week, and honestly, it's getting a little old."

"I'm fine." I repeated.

"No, you're not. I don't know what's going on with you. First, you take off for a week with no notice, and then when you get back, you're this cranky asshole who can't seem to concentrate on anything. You look like you haven't shaved all week, you've got dark circles under your eyes, and you uniform looks like you picked it up out of a dumpster. So, no, you're not fine." He said. He sounded angry, but the more he looked at me, the more his features softened. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked softly.

"No." I said, more anger in my voice than I intended.

"Fine." He said, shaking his head. "Just...can you please check the attitude? You're gonna scare all the kids."

The kids. I'd almost forgotten we were going on a community run at the end of shift.

"Okay. Yeah, I got it." I snapped before walking away.

I was too angry to think straight. All I wanted to do was go home, but home was somehow worse. Home was the place I had the time and space to let everything that had happened haunt me.

I was fucking miserable, suffering harder than I ever had before over any breakup I'd had with Jo. Because that's what this was, wasn't it? A breakup.

I missed James.

I wanted to call him, to tell him I was an idiot, to beg him to give me another chance, but what right did I have to do that? I still felt conflicted about what our future looked like. I was still anxious thinking about telling the guys I worked with, my parents, our friends, that I was in a relationship with him.

It wasn't fair to ask him to hide who he was anymore. He'd come out. He'd made the decision to tell the truth, and who was I to force him to take that all back?

He was braver than I was, that's all there was to it.

I shoved aside my thoughts of James for the time being, though, because with three hours left in my shift, we were set to visit Parkcrest Elementary, who was having their annual carnival night as a fundraiser. Jett's little brother was in the sixth grade there, so we'd been showing up with the pumper truck every year for a while now. The kids always got a kick out of it, and it helped raise money for a good cause.

"Get in the rig, dick bag." Jett called from across the bay. We talked shit to each other every day, but hearing the insult fly from his mouth hit me hard, spiking my anger once again.

I grabbed my bunker gear and stepped up onto the truck, my temper boiling beneath my skin.

XxX

By the time we pulled into the parking lot at Parkcrest, I'd managed to mostly calm myself down. Three hours until I could go home and go a few rounds with the punching bag that hung in the corner of my room, but for now, I'd plaster a smile on my face and hang out with a bunch of little kids who looked at us like we were goddamn superheroes.

Before we could even step off the truck, there were kids swarming, their teachers and parents hanging back with big smiles on their faces. My mood was lifting already.

We spent the next two hours demonstrating the sirens and lights, manning a fire safety-themed ring toss, and ensuring the kids didn't trample each other to death in a stampede to climb up and get their picture taken 'driving' the fire truck.

One of the guys from the other platoon was dressed in the dalmation costume we kept for events like this, and I thanked my lucky stars I wasn't the one stuck in the foam-and-fur outfit. Despite the fact that fall was approaching, summer was still in full swing, and even as the sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky, the temperature was still way too high to be prancing around in that getup.

"Kendall." I turned away from the dalmation doing the macarena with such enthusiasm that his tail almost knocked a third grader over to see Jett approaching me, a woman walking next to him. "Kendall, this is Amelia. Amelia, Kendall."

"Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." She said, a light blush staining her cheeks.

"Amelia is a teacher here." Jett said.

"What grade?" I asked, for lack of anything else to say. We'd been doing this for the last few years, and this was the first time Jett had bothered to introduce me to anyone.

"Kindergarten." She supplied, her hands clasped neatly in front of her skirt. I could imagine her teaching a kindergarten class. Her soft voice and softer curls seemed to exude an air of quiet patience, as though she'd been born for reading fairy tales and finger painting with pastels.

"That sounds like it would be… rewarding."

"It is. I love my job."

"That's great."

From the other side of the playground came a high-pitched shriek, followed by equally high-pitched crying.

"That's one of mine. Excuse me." She dashed off in the direction of the distraught little girl as another woman scooped her up off the ground and cradled her close.

"What was that, dude?" Jett said, staring at me like I was the dumbest guy on the planet.

"What was what?"

"Sounds rewarding." He mimicked with heavy mocking in his voice. "Aren't you supposed to have at least some game? I know you've been out of the scene dating Jo for way too long, but she's not the only woman you've been with, right?"

"What?"

"Amelia. She likes you."

"I met her thirty-six seconds ago."

"Yeah, but what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you see her? She's hot. She's great with kids. Plus, she's very single."

"Maybe you should date her, then?"

Jett scoffed. "My wife would have my testicles."

"I'm not interested."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I'm just not."

"You're an idiot." Jett shook his head. "At least talk to her a minute. I don't think you should write her off so quickly."

"I'm not-"

"Sorry about that." Amelia said, showing up just as I'd been planning to make an escape. "One of the hazards of the job, unfortunately."

"Kendall knows all about hazards of the job." Jett winked at me before Amelia could notice. "I need to find my wife. I'll let you two get to know each other better."

And just like that, he wandered off, leaving me alone with Amelia, who looked at me with those doe eyes that, two months ago, would have probably had me hard in seconds. Now, all I could think about was that her eyes weren't as enticing as James'.

"I can imagine your job is very dangerous."

I shrugged. "Rarely. Most of the time the calls are false alarms or picking up someone up off the floor."

"Oh. Well… that's an important job, too."

"I'm sorry." I said, lowering my voice. "I don't mean to rude. I know Jett probably told you I was available and looking to date, but that's not entirely true."

"You're not single?"

"I am, but I'm not exactly available. I just broke up with someone, and I'm not dealing with it all that well."

"Oh. Okay." She sounded confused. "I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's okay. It's not you. I'm…in a weird place right now."

She laughed half-heartedly. "I understand. I was there recently myself. Not exactly a fun place to visit."

I had the sudden urge to pour my heart out to this stranger. There was something about her, the calm way she spoke or the unassuming way she moved… It was inviting.

Instead, I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I get it. But if you change your mind…"

"I don't think that's possible." I said, shaking my head. "I love him too much."

The words were out of my mouth before I could process I'd even said them, and to be honest, I wasn't sure what I was more surprised about. The fact that I hadn't realized I'd gone and fallen in love with my best friend, or that I'd come out to a perfect stranger, surrounded by co-workers, any of whom could have overheard my declaration.

But the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that what I'd said to Amelia, who was still standing there looking somewhat stunned, was the complete truth.

I loved James.

I loved him more than anything.

And ultimately, that was the only thing that mattered.

I apologized to Amelia one more time, then excused myself to find Logan.

"Are we done here?" I asked once I'd found him. I was itching to get going.

"What's your hurry?" He asked.

"I've got somewhere to be."

"Is everything okay?" He asked, concern clouding his features.

"Not really, but they will be."

XxX

The ride back to the station was a clarifying one. I listened to the guys bullshitting with each other as Beau drove the truck, but all I could think about was what I'd said to Amelia.

I loved James.

Of course I did. I always had, but that's not what I'd meant when I said it. Not even close.

I was head over heels, heart pounding, completely in fucking love with him.

The only question now was what the fuck was I going to do about it?

My fear of the fallout hadn't changed. It was a living, breathing monster that would consume me if I let it. But maybe that was the key.

Only if I let it.

Was I going to let the fear of other people's opinions of me dictate my happiness? I'd never considered myself to be someone whose self-worth rested on the judgements of others, but maybe I did need that validation.

The voice inside my head sounded like a fucking shrink, but fuck, it was right. James' opinion was the only one that mattered.

I still had no idea how to do this, but there was one thing that was startlingly clear. I loved James. I wanted to be with him. And nothing else mattered as much as that.

Now I just needed to tell him.

Done! So, it looks like James and Kendall have both come to their own realizations this chapter.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!

The next chapter should be up sometime this week, so there hopefully won't be too long of a wait for that. :P

Until next time!

-Epically Obsessed