Outside, on the beautiful -if slightly sleazy- planet, the suns were shining, the cows were singing, there was a refreshing breeze that smelt only slightly of beer. It was, by all accounts, a lovely day.

I'm sure our heroes would disagree, as they woke to find themselves at the bottom of a flight of stairs in the Diner, in what can only be described as a heap.

Jack lay at the bottom, one startlingly red hooker heel still in place, while the other was God knows where. Me came next, her leg curled under Jack, her body draped across the top, and inexplicably, her thumb in his mouth. On top of the pile was Clara, curled up right on top of both of them, snoring slightly wearing a feather boa and using Jack's coat as a warm, albeit slightly scratchy blanket.

And of course, as they drifted out of the bliss that is sleep, remembering an eventful night of cutting about the universe looking for the long lost Ianto, the death grip of a hangover clutched them by the temples and the stomach and left their mouths feeling about as dry as a Sontaran's ballsack, and taste about the same too (Jack attested to that one). As they lay in the pile they had yet to open their eyes. Photosensitivity is a huge factor of a hangover you know.

What finally caused them to shoot their eyes open, before wincing and blinking profusely, was a small cough. A clearing of the throat, you might say, followed by a slightly indignant 'you know I'm still on board can one of you please wake up?'

However this was not emo Frank, as they had sort of dropped him out of the diner while they were landed on a planet they don't remember visiting. Hopefully whatever life forms live there don't mind semi-nude men tied to chairs in the middle of the street.

Oh no. The cough belonged to none other than the hot Welsh coffee boy.

"yumpo?" Jack said blearily, Me's thumb still in his mouth. "IANTO!" He spat the thumb out, threw the girls off him and leapt to his feet. Or at least tried to. He got precisely two steps before he stumbled, banged into the bannister and promptly vomited over the side.

Pre-vomiting, Ianto had wanted nothing more than to run into his lover's arms and start kissing him passionately like something out of a silver screen romance. He'd had it all planned out. With further evaluation he decided that the kissing could wait until.

The girls just groaned, curling up and going back to sleep. Endearing reunions could wait three days or so. They were not going to repeat Jack's mistake.

Over the course of the day, their hangovers subsided thanks to copious quantities of Ianto's coffee, which Me and Clara had agreed was literally the nectar of the gods, and they were able to have an actual conversation without wanting to hydro pump various alcohols and stomach acid onto the closest available surface. Once they got to this point, the girls started asking Ianto about himself. They asked him everything from why he was dating the immortal buffoon that was Jack Harkness to where he learned how to make such good coffee. Ianto happily answered every question they hit him with.

Some things weren't surprising, such as how Ianto got a job at Torchwood after catching a Pterodactyl with Jack, and some things shocked both Me and Clara, like the fact that his favourite band was Motionless In White.

As soon as Ianto mentioned them, Jack let out a massive sigh, 'You fancy that guy in that band more than you fancy me,' he huffed, 'and I'm your boyfriend.'

'Sweetheart I don't fancy anyone more than you don't worry. And anyway Devin Sola is one of the most attractive people on planet earth and lets be serious everyone would shag him regardless of gender or sexual orientation don't even try to deny it.'

'Nah I prefer the singer,' he paused for a moment scrunching up his face in frustration, 'whatshisface'

'Would you perhaps be referring to Chris Motionless?'

'Yeah him!' Jack yelled excitedly, 'Chris Motionless is daddy as fuck!'
Out of the corner of his eye Ianto noticed Me whisper something to Clara and both of them start laughing to themselves.
'Care to share with the group?' He asked raising his eyebrow.
'Oh nothing really just saying that this has been a real eye opener into the power dynamic of your relationship.' Me replied sounding smug.
'And how exactly has it been eye opening?'
'Well you know, Jack is in love, or lust, with the pure dom and you'd love to get the submissive one.' Me said very matter of factly.
'You're just jealous that he isn't topping you' Jack said petulantly, sticking his tongue out at the girls, 'speaking of which, who out of you two tops? One of you is in the same boat as me and needs to stop with the judgey judgey'

In response Clara pulled a coin out of her pocket and flipped it. 'Heads. Me's topping today.' She exclaimed happily, thankful that she wouldn't really have to do too much work tonight.

'Wait are you actually serious?' Ianto asked bemused, 'that's how you decide whose topping?'

'Well yeah we just flip a coin, or a conveniently placed dvd, or there was one time we flipped a shoe, which doesn't really work too well, but yep that's how we do it' Me explained.

'That's fucking genius! Why haven't we ever tried this?' Ianto asked Jack before walking over to him and dragging him by the elbow to the closest bedroom, finally they could have the reunion they were both most excited about.

'Welp looks like they're busy just now' Clara said turning to Me, 'what do you say we also get busy?'

'I thought you'd never ask' Me replied before following her girlfriend to another room in the diner, 'and remember darling I'm on top tonight'

AN: The first (and good part) of this chapter was written by my lovely friend Georgia and I'll leave a link to her at the end of this so you can check her out and the second part was written by yours truly which is why it sort of sucks. I have a vague idea of where this is going and how it will end but as usual I am a crappy writer and I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. Hope you all enjoyed this and what not. Please like comment and share cause that would be fab.

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