I do not own Degrassi. I really wanted to get a chapter up today. That's why it's so short.

Chapter 11

Clare's POV

"Mom, what's wrong?" I ask wearily.

She shakes her head "Randall, you tell her!"

My dad clears his throat "Your mother and I are getting a divorce"

I want to scream at them. I want to punch something but I can't so I remain calm. Acting out will only make my dad angry.

"If you'll both be happier then I'm happy for you" I say with fake niceness that they can't see through.

"Thank you for understanding baby" my mom says and lightly pats my hair.

"Clare, you and I are going to stay here and your mother has found a new place to live"

I don't know what to say. I want to argue with him but I can't. So I act okay.

My mother finally speaks "You're going to live here, with your father". She takes a deep breath. "It's better if you stay here because this house is near Degrassi."

I don't say anything because I know there's more. My mother is struggling to say something more.

"Oh, just fucking tell her Helen!" My dad yells and my mother and I both jump. Well, there goes the good mood. His eyes are flat. There is no depth to them. He's out of control and he's beginning to shake. His face is red and twisted. It's terrifying.

I stay quiet. "I'm moving to Ottawa" my mother finally says. She gives a nervous glance at my dad. We're both hoping he can calm himself down and not freak at us.

"Tell her why Helen" My dad says angrily but somewhat calmer. His eyes are back. They aren't wild or out of control anymore. Now he's just angry, not out of control.

"I had an affair with another man. He lives in Ottawa and I am going there to live with him. Clare you can't come. He doesn't know I have a child but you and your dad will have a great time here, together" She lies to my face blatantly. She knows we won't. She knows I won't be safe here. She just get's the easy way out. Moving 5 hours away where my father can't touch her.

All I want to do right now is run to my bathroom and cut. I want to release this. I want to release this anger and this hopelessness that's building inside of my right now. I need to forget and focus on a bigger pain then what's happening to me. I need to focus on physical pain because I like that type. Physical pain makes sense. It disconnects me from the confusion of life and just brings me into another world. A world of pain but the pain makes sense and I love that feeling.

"I'm sorry Clare" My mother says and reaches out to touch my shoulder. I let her. I don't cry and I don't speak. I stay silent, as always.

"I have some homework to do. Can I go upstairs?" I ask my Dad.

"Get out of here!" My dad says with anger.

He's mad at me again. Why? I have no idea. I'm the punching bag. I'm the one he takes his frustrations out on when he gets in a bad mood. I take the stairs at a normal pace trying to make everything look normal. I open the bathroom door and close it quietly.

Now I'm crazy. Now I'm not the cool, calm, collected person I was 5 minutes ago. Now I'm crazy and I'm a crazy bitch who needs to cut. I tear the razor out of it's spot and tear it through my wrist.

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