Tuesday 29th April
Dad stood by me the whole time. His hand firmly gripping onto my shoulder for support. My only friend, Charlotte stood the other side of me. We were standing behind of the curtains of the stage. After agreeing to do another gig with my band that day, Mr Smallcombe had booked us to perform in the garden of one of the hotels on the sea-front. The stage was put up for us and a crowd arrived and waited to see Broken Wings, yet they were to be met with disappointment. The band no longer existed and there would be no longer any gigs from them.
I had to break the news to the eagerly awaited crowd. I had to be the one to tell everyone that Broken Wings were over for good. Lisa, Angie nor Sam would do it. They would stay far away from the memory as much as possible.
I heard the crowd chatting amongst one another in excitement. I drew in a deep breath. It was my last day in Eastbourne before I would move to live with my father in Brighton, and performing for the final time was a perfect ending. And I was going to do exactly what Charlotte had wanted me to do since I was ten.
It was a warm spring day. The sun shone brightly in the blue sky and was every so often covered by the white, fluffy clouds. There was a light, constant breeze in the air.
"Are you ready?" Charlotte asked, squeezing my hand.
I nodded and turned to my dad. He hesitated before smiling weakly.
"I'll be here when you've finished." He whispered before letting go of my shoulder.
I turned to the stairs and started to walk up them, not looking back. There was applause from the audience as I walked across the stage, with no guitar in hand, towards the microphone stand at the front. Charlotte walked behind me and took her place on the black stool behind a grand piano.
The applause died down once the audience noticed that it was just me. Kayleigh Slovenia without her purple electric guitar.
I stood behind the microphone, holding onto it and breathed.
"Hi," I said. "I know you've all come here to see Broken Wings perform this afternoon and you're probably wondering as to why my other band members have not turned up," The audience were sat on wooden chairs brought out from the hotel's restaurant and sat in the middle I saw my mother and Uncle Robbie. "Well to tell you the truth, I'm afraid to say that Broken Wings no longer exists. The other three members left. They left because of me. Because I had messed everything up and I can't do anything to re-think my past actions," I thought I had seen Harry Judd in the audience but it was just a fragment of my imagination. "We all make mistakes in our lives and we all wish that we can turn back to clocks to revaluate what we've done. But we can't. We only have the ability to control our future," The wind started to blow as the sun was hidden behind a cloud. "I apologise to those who I've hurt in my life and I apologise to all of you for coming here expecting to see Broken Wings. I can only let you down and I'm sorry." I sighed and turned to Charlotte. It was hard for me not to cry. "I." There was a pebble caught in my throat and I found it difficult to get my words out. That pebble had remained there in my throat since Sunday. "So in replacement of this gig, if you don't mind, I'm going to sing you a song. A song written by my closest friend. She wrote it from my point of view saying that no matter what happens, you're willing to be there to catch people who you love when needed and to help them get back on their own two feet," I pursed my lips. "So I'm dedicating this to everyone and Charlotte."
The audience cheered and clapped for me and I gave Charlotte a reassuring nod. She started to play the piano and I sang the lyrics she wrote in the song for me: Falling Back. The first part of the song was slow, allowing me to sing every line with true meaning, and then the beat kicked up a little. I started to enjoy the song more as it went on and the audience stood on their feet, dancing along.
By the end of the song, there was applause again. Everyone was cheering, whistling and clapping. I turned to look at Charlotte who was smiling at me with tears in her eyes. I had done what she wanted me to do for six years.
I watched my audience as they applauded me. I met mum's gaze who was crying. Once everyone had stopped clapping, I turned to the microphone.
"Thank you for letting me live this moment." I croaked before turning and walking off stage to join my dad. The audience were left in silence.
It was later that evening and I took a walk around Eastbourne in the dark on my own. It was close to eleven that night and I just wanted to leave the house to clear my mind. Hands dug deep in my hoodie pockets; I kept to a slow pace, taking in Eastbourne for the last time. I walked along the sea front, through the town, past my school and around neighbours. I walked towards north of the town where there was a large skateboard park. It was empty so I took advantage of the opportunity to walk through it where I would usually avoid it when there were people about.
I kept my mind on starting anew. I would be living in Brighton with my dad to start my life all over again. If my GCSE exam results turned out well, I would go onto college to study music where I'd meet new people who would know nothing of my past. What happened in Eastbourne would stay in Eastbourne.
I also had the chance to go to London and find Danny again. Although it was clear that he would never want to be with me again, I still loved him dearly and I couldn't let go of him. I had to find him. I had to let him know that what I wrote in my letter to Panya about him was because I was angry. Angry that he had hit James. But I loved him. I had to be with him and I had to tell him so. At least try to make him believe it.
I thought I felt a vibration in my jean pocket but I ignored it, knowing that I was just being too hopeful on someone calling my mobile. I thought about visiting Lisa and Angie but I couldn't bear to hurt them anymore. Lisa had been my friend for as long as I could remember and I felt that she would be happier without me.
The second time I knew that I wasn't imagining the vibration. I pulled my mobile out my jean pocket and held it to my ear.
"Kayleigh Slovenia."
His northern accent was too good to be true. It rang through my ears like church bells.
I froze on the spot not knowing what I was supposed to say. My legs were trembling. Why had Danny called me? Was he going to break my heart further? Did he find out something that I had done wrong and decided to shout at me?
I managed to get my act together. Swallowing hard, I spoke.
"I'm wondering why you're calling." My voice was clear and prominent. It didn't crack although on the inside, I thought it would.
Danny hesitated for a moment. "I hear you did your last gig this afternoon." His voice was weak which made me want to cry. I wanted him to be there with me.
"Yeah without my band. Just me and Charlotte," I then frowned. "How did you know?"
"Harry was watching you."
I was right. Harry in the audience wasn't a fragment of my imagination. But why had Harry gone to see me perform Falling Back when he knew that Angie wouldn't be there? And why was Harry in Eastbourne and not in London with the guys? There was only one answer to that.
"Danny where are you?" I asked sternly.
"Turn around." He replied.
Instantly, I turned round and there he was. My Danny. He was sat high on a concrete wall, his legs dangling down beside a sign saying NO BALL GAMES. I don't think that either of us knew how to react. I hadn't seen Danny since he left that Sunday and I weren't expecting he would ever want to see me again.
A broad smile grew on my face from the sight of him but it felt like I couldn't get my legs to move. I wasn't too sure whether I should go to him or remain stationary. But I heard Danny's soft voice speak down the phone.
"Come up."
With that, I managed to unstick my feet from the ground and run to the wall, climbing up the stone staircase to reach him. Danny was sat on the grass, watching me as I slowly approached him. The wind blew at my face as I took my place on the grass next to Danny, allowing my legs to dangle down the wall just like his were. I saw that Danny was still watching me from the corner of my eye but I didn't dare to look at him. Because I was so close to him again, I was afraid to look at him in the eye. I wanted to rid the hurt I gave him over the weekend and I was terrified to see it in his eyes. I took in a deep breath.
"Why are you still here, Danny?" I asked. I wasn't condescending him, nor was I trying to push him away, I just wanted to know that after what we had been through, why had he come back to me.
"Do you remember that night at the disco where you, Lisa and Angie got overly drunk?" He asked. "I said that I refused to go back to London while you're mad at me."
"But I'm not mad at you."
"And we made a deal, didn't we?"
Tears started to prickle my eyes.
Danny sighed as he reached for my face, gently pulling back a strand of hair. "A deal where you wouldn't hate me for doing wrong."
"But you punched my heart. You've punched it, allowing it to break." I cried. Danny wiped the tears off my face.
"That was because you made me angry. Everything that you had written on that one piece of paper made me feel worthless and it felt like our love was all for show, just a trick for you to find yourself again."
I chewed on my lip, trying to stop myself crying and avoiding Danny' gaze.
"But when I look back at everything we've been through together, there were two big obstacles that stood between us: James Daniels and Jess Wells," The sound of Jess' name made me squirm. "But we pulled through it together, Kayleigh. When I reread your letter to Panya, I started to think more about these past weeks. You left me after Katy's party because you cared and didn't want me to get into trouble. You did everything you could to be with me and be in a band. You disobeyed your parents, losing your mothers trust all out of love for me. That's quite a big thing to do."
I sniffed before finally looking at Danny. "What do you want us to do?"
Danny shifted on the spot, letting out a loud sigh. "How about we forget that this weekend ever happened and start again."
"I'm moving to Brighton tomorrow," I said. "I've already packed all my things."
"I don't care. I love you, Kayleigh, and I want to be with you," He lifted my chin with his gentle fingers. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too." I whispered.
We looked at each other for a moment before he kissed me softly on the lips. As he was about to pull away, I leaned in to kiss him firmer. I felt him smirk in the kiss.
I pulled away from him the second time and he wrapped his arm round my waist. I pulled my feet up under me, kicked off my shoes and rested my head into his chest, breathing in his scent. We entwined our fingers together.
Somehow it felt a little wrong. I didn't feel right. I had hurt him and he forgave me quickly. I felt that I really had to prove to Danny that I really loved him and nothing like that would ever come between us in the future.
We remained silent, enjoying each other's company.
"Danny," I started. "You said that we're going to forget everything that happened at the weekend. What about Saturday night?"
Pause. I said nothing else.
"Maybe we could re-live it." Danny said softly. I giggled as he stood up and pulled me up with him.
For the first time in what felt like forever, Danny and I stood face-to-face, holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. A smile grew on Danny's face as he led me by the hand down the stone stairs. We were both laughing as we walked down but as soon as we reached the bottom of the steps, back into the skate park, our happiness vanished as quickly as it had arrived. Danny gripped hold of my arm securely as he pushed me behind him.
"Fancy seeing you here."
The sound of his voice sent shivers down my spine. Images from that night at the pier flashed in my mind. The look in his hungry eyes as he forced himself upon me terrified me but there was no way I was going to show James that I was frightened. I had to stand up to him and get him to leave me alone. As soon as I left Eastbourne to live in Brighton, I would never see him ever again.
"What are you doing here, James?" Danny hissed, walking backwards and still holding onto me.
"What am I not doing here?" James slurred. With a half empty bottle of beer in one hand, James staggered towards us. He was drunk. Jordan, Craig and Chris walked behind him, looking rather cautious and wary of him.
"James, mate, just leave them alone." Jordan warned but James just waved him off with a clumsy flick of the wrist.
"Have you recovered yet, Kayleigh?" James called, straining his neck to look over Danny's shoulder. "Have you recovered from that-"
"Oh just piss off!" I snapped.
James laughed and took a step forward as if he was going to run to me but Craig had grabbed hold of him and pulled him back.
"YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?" James roared as he tried to free himself.
"You are the lowest of the low, James," Danny said. "Just accept the fact that Kayleigh is better off without you. If you never wanted to let her go then you shouldn't have dumped her in the first place."
"How's Chloe these days?" I spluttered. James glared at me. "How did she act when she dumped you?"
"Don't be pathetic; I was the one who dumped her."
I raised an eyebrow. "Like I was the one who dumped you?" There was a long pause of silence. Jordan, Craig and Chris all exchanged glances. I pulled away from Danny and took a step beside him. Danny tried pulling me back but I snatched my arm away. I didn't need to be protected. "Tell me this, James. What makes you think that lying to everyone you know would be the best way to get out of your own faults? Is it because you were Mr Popular at school you believed that it would be okay to lie to everyone about everything because we're all so stupid and will believe anything you say? And look at you now, James. You've already started to screw up your life and your only friends seem to look at you like you may kill them." I nodded towards Craig who had let go of James. Straightening the collar of his jacket, James started to walk towards me. I stepped backwards, sensing that the concrete wall was close behind me.
"Kayleigh!" Danny warned, his voice quivering.
"Don't worry, Danny," I said, not leaving eye contact with James. "I've wanted to sort this out for a while." I held my breath as we stood face-to-face. "Just tell me," I whispered. "What's going on in your mind right now, James? What happened to the James Daniels I used to know? Why have you made yourself like this? If you left me for Chloe, why isn't it okay for me to be with Danny?" I was asking him all the questions I had been burning to ask him but even then I knew that I wouldn't get the answers.
James leaned in and whispered in my ear. "Open your legs sweetheart."
I frowned. Only my boss, Gerald, called me 'sweetheart' and hearing James whisper it made me feel physically sick.
"You're disgusting." I hissed through gritted teeth.
"I know you want to." James reached for my breast but I smacked his hand away and shoved him hard.
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT!" I screamed. "I'M NEVER LETTING YOU TOUCH ME AGAIN!"
Both of our anger was taking over us.
"Dude, bloody leave her alone!" Chris shouted as he ran towards us. But then it happened before he could reach us.
James shoved me.
CRACK.
The next thing I knew I was sitting on the concrete ground, my back up against the wall. I didn't know how I fell. I couldn't even feel any pain.
My vision seemed blurry and I could just about see Danny's image beside me. He was calling my name, shaking my shoulder to say something back but I just blankly looked at him my mouth hanging open. In the distance, I heard people shouting and fighting. Jordan and Chris had James to the ground.
Craig had run to my side and said something to Danny which I didn't understand.
Taking all my strength, I lifted my hand and shakily touched the back of my head feeling the large gash where I had smacked my head on the corner of the concrete wall. I looked at my bloodied hand. Blood dribbled all down my arm and onto my clothes. I felt warm blood pouring down my back.
"CALL THE AMBULANCE!" Was all I heard before I blacked out.