No Copyright infringement intended on Stephenie Meyer's work!
Corrine
After yet another restless night in bed, I woke up with a mission: I was going to defy my father and go to La Push. I had to babysit for Mrs. Fowler for a few hours while she went to get her hair and nails done, but she was back by two o'clock, giving me enough time to go and get back before Dad came home at five. I wasn't so worried about Mom, as I told her I was stopping by to see Val. Somehow lying didn't even bother me now, I just couldn't fight the feeling to go back.
I passed the sign welcoming me to La Push and my heart picked up speed. It then occurred to me that I had no idea where I was going. But I decided to go to Grammie's. When I pulled up, she was walking around to the front of the house from the backyard where her shed was.
"Corrine! Does Clark know you're paying me another visit?" Grammie looked at me with her old wise eyes and a playful grin. She wore one of her old woven house frocks and knitted sweaters with brown rubber boots.
I blushed and shook my head. "I just wanted to stop by and say hello again Gram."
"Well as happy as I am to see you, I don't want you getting into trouble with your parents."
"I know, but they won't find out."
As I hugged my grandmother tightly she clucked her tongue at my defiance. I welcomed her scent of sage and lavenderand ran my hand over the thick braid that hung down her back. She was wearing gardening gloves that smelled of fresh soil.
"Gardening?"
"Well, the Sun has been generous these past few days, I need some flowers." She chuckled and led the way back to her current preoccupation. I found myself helping her of course. I potted some peppermint, sage, rosemary and lavender seeds while Grammie continued tending to her flower pots.
"I'll give you some of those when they're ready," she pointed to my seeds. "It's important to have your protection."
I nodded, knowing what she meant. My grandmother had always been somewhat of a medicine woman, a cleanser of spirits and that kind of thing. Her room was always filled with candles, packets of dried herbs and smudge sticks ; while the greenhouse slash shed in the back overflowed with herbs and also doubled as her candle-making room. Not to mention, she'd go into the forest for wild herbs and flowers during spring and summer. I used to go with her as a child, me and my brothers and Leanne. We used to love our nature treks with her and Grampie.
People came to her to buy these things too. I knew that Grammie helped Quileute women have babies both herbally and physically. She'd brought Leanne into the world. I hadn't been so lucky, I was born at Forks General like the rest of my brothers. It was yet another thing I envied my cousin for. To be born on this woman's lap was in my opinion, a great honor.
"You know one day I'd love for you to learn these things again. It's been so long since you've spent a summer here with me, trailing my skirt. I couldn't make a move without my Corrine at my heels, observing everything with those bright green eyes. You were always my Little Shadow."
I beamed at the nickname I hadn't heard in years. "I wish I could be here now Grammie. I want to stay here so badly. I just feel this weight on my chest since Dad told me no. It's just not right and I don't understand it. Why can't I be here just because he can't financially support you?"
"Is that what he said?" she stood up straight with shock on her face. I told her what Aunt Jody told me the last time I visited, and that Dad told me I couldn't come to La Push beyond the beach.
Grammie clucked her tongue and shook her head, disappointment clouding her eyes. "Ah, my children," she sighed. She stared up at the sky for a moment, just gazing. I knew that she was having a silent conversation with the Spirits. This was what my Grammie did, things that people found strange. But I just knew her as a mystical being, someone filled with the strength and wisdom of our tribe. I yearned to live here with her suddenly, the feeling of belonging overpowering me. I sighed and finished up potting the clay vessels.
"You remember all the pots you used to paint for me?"
A smile broke onto my face and I nodded eagerly. Grammie led me back into the shed and showed me that she still had them on some shelves toward the back. "You and Leanne used to love doing this," she simpered at her memories.
"Yeah, I wish I could go back," I murmured.
"Ah, but why? Your future holds such wonderful things Corrine Redbird. Don't you want to experience them?" she patted my shoulder and I couldn't shake the feeling that Grammie knew exactly what those wonderful things would be.
"What things?" I asked, dying to know.
"Ah, love and all that comes with it, of course!" she gave me that croaky old lady laugh and went back out to the table we were working at.
I stood there, wrapping my arms around myself.
Love and all that comes with it.
She came back to stand in front of me and placed her hands on her hips. "It's nothing to be afraid of Corrine. Love is the most wonderful force in this entire universe and all others that exist. It's so powerful that it can do good and do bad at the same time. You just have to keep your heart open and your hands strong and all will be well."
"Why do I have to keep my hands strong?" It was such a weird thing for her to say.
"So you can hold on to it when you find it." Grammie laughed again and shook her head like it should have been obvious.
"Oh...okay." I mumbled.
"Don't worry," she sang. "Soon you'll know what I mean," she winked and removed her gloves and put them inside the shed. "Now you get on before it gets too late. It was good having you for these stolen moments though, Little Shadow." She smiled affectionately, mirth dancing in her eyes.
I nodded and smiled back but my attention elsewhere as her words swirled around on repeat in my mind. We exchanged a warm embrace and I started up my bike again and rode off.
But instead of heading home I headed to Jake's. I quietly pulled into his yard, relieved when I saw him run out of his garage to greet me.
"Hey Corr!" he smiled and pulled me into a bear hug, picking me up off the ground. "Where you been girl?"
"Babysitting gigs. And my Dad banned me from coming to La Push."
"What? Why?"
"I dunno Jake, honestly. My aunt says he wouldn't help out with my Grammie's home, but something seems off, that can't be the reason my family hasn't come to the Res to visit in a year."
"Strange."
"I know. I wanted to come spend some time here, a couple weeks or something, but he's ruining everything. He doesn't even know I'm here. I just came from my Grammie's."
"Badass," Jake nodded at me with approval and a goofy grin.
I giggled and punched his arm playfully, hurting myself a little.
"So what do you wanna do?"
I bit the inside of my lip, and my face grew warm with a deep blush. I didn't know how to say the words. After I spoke to Gram, it was like an unshakable urge came over me. I needed to do something which I knew was wrong, but hopelessly necessary.
"Umm, okay, when I say the words… promise you won't laugh."
Jacob laughed anyway.
"Oh come on Jake! Please don't laugh."
"Just spit it out Corrie."
"I want…" I inhaled deeply. "I want to see Paul." I rushed the words out quickly and avoided his eyes so I could say them without choking.
Jacob stopped giggling and simply flashed his signature toothy grin at me. "Well Corr, it's about time you two made up!" He laughed again and pulled me into another hug and I hid my blush in his shoulder. I hadn't expected that response but I was relieved.
"I'll give him a call okay?"
I nodded and watched as Jake ran over to his house, leaving me to sit on the couch in his garage.
Like ten minutes later Paul walked into the garage, much to my surprise. Jake never came back which I found strange. I felt the warmth immediately rush to my face as I drank in his beautiful muscular body. He looked even better than the last time I saw him. A sudden burst of heat entered my body and my chest thumped in anticipation.
He was dressed in a white vest and khaki shorts, a pair of Adidas slippers on his feet. His fresh scent reached my nose as he came to stand before me, his hands buried in his front pockets. His hair was glossy, as if wet from the shower. I gulped and twined my fingers together nervously. Now that he was here I had no idea what I would say. I had only just admitted to myself that I came to La Push to see him.
"Hi," he said hoarsely.
I looked into his tired, curious eyes and responded in kind.
"So, Jake said you wanted to talk?"
I nodded.
"You wanna take a walk on the beach?" he rubbed the back of his neck, apparently nervous too. I smiled and nodded again, rising to my feet.
"I need to take my bike, I don't have much time, I kinda snuck over here."
Paul raised his eyebrow at me, surprised. I pulled on my helmet and hopped on, looking at him.
"You want me to get on the back?" he looked at me as though I was crazy. I nodded and tried not to giggle. "You gotta be kidding me," he mumbled, but he hopped on none the less.
My bike wasn't made for two people and he was huge, so it was an uncomfortable fit, but Paul wrapped his large warm hands around me and firmly pulled me back against his body so that I wouldn't fall off. I was sitting on his lap, his chest firmly pressed against me. It wasn't safe or comfortable, but somehow I believed that we wouldn't fall. I just had to take the roads slow and steady.
We made it to the beach in one piece. It was torture because I could barely focus on the path while being so close to Paul. Everything about him screamed sex and masculinity. He wasn't even trying to be seductive and yet I had been seduced just by the contact and closeness. His hands were extra warm and they seemed to fit perfectly around my waist. I'd never experienced anything like that before and it was terrifying, especially when it came from someone with whom I didn't even get along.
We walked down to the beach close to the large rocks that pushed out from the sand, and I stopped when Paul did. He looked at me expectantly, leaning against the rock behind us, where we sought some form of privacy.
"Paul, I wanted to apologize for being a b-word to you before."
Surprise flashed in his eyes for a moment and then he sighed and shook his head. "Don't apologize; you had every right to be upset, and I should never have called you a bitch. It wasn't cool."
"Still, it's been on my mind and I just needed to get the words out."
"I certainly know how to press your buttons, don't I?" he asked quietly. He seemed to be ashamed of that.
"Yeah you do. And I press yours. Honestly, I've never argued with anyone like that before!" I slapped my thighs in frustration.
"I'm sorry, Corrine." His eyes were so sincere that my shoulders immediately slumped and I sighed.
"I'm sorry too," I mumbled again.
Paul took another deep breath and turned to the sea, gazing at the birds that flew over the water just before us. I was surprised, that we were actually getting along. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.
"I know you don't want me around, but I wish you'd change your mind. Now…it's just not that simple," he said, miserably.
"What's not that simple?"
"Me staying away from you?"
I was astonished, to say the least. We looked at each other and I felt a shiver all over my body as his eyes melted into mine as they tended to do whenever we dared to connect them. My heart started that tugging thing and I grasped my chest and rubbed it hard as if that would make it stop.
"What's wrong?" he asked, with genuine concern in his eyes and voice. It unsettled me. This was a different side to Paul that I didn't want to know – that it was safer not to know.
"I just, I dunno, my chest gets this weird feeling when I look at you." My eyes widened with shock and I felt embarrassment flood through me. Had I really just said that ALOUD! I almost smacked myself on the forehead for being so honest.
Fudge Fudge Fudge! Paul cannot think I am flirting with him!
"Mine too," he said in a whisper, so softly that I barely caught his words in the wind. I looked at him again, unsure that I'd heard him correctly and then he smiled.
Paul actually, really, smiled at me. My insides turned to jelly as I drank in his perfect white teeth and thick lips. He was even more magnificent when he smiled. I shook my head to clear it. I would not allow this obsession to grow.
"I never said it was a good thing Paul," I sighed, a playful smile now on my lips. He chuckled and nodded politely.
We started walking again, nervously trying to avoid looking at each other at the same time.
"Corrine, please say something, anything." He finally managed to turn his wounded puppy eyes on me and my heart sped up. I took a moment, gathering my thoughts together. What was the right thing to say now?
"What do you want, Paul?" I exhaled loudly and brushed my hair back nervously. Apparently I was just jumping right into the thick of things.
He seemed taken aback by my question and thought for a moment. We stopped and faced each other.
"Honestly, I just wanna get to know you better." He held his arms out in a pleading way, in surrender.
"But why? And don't you think this would be awkward?"
"Why? Because I'm drawn to you and I think it would be best if I stopped fighting it. It won't be awkward if we just keep it simple and casual, we can at least be friends, right?" His face was so hopeful I felt myself caving instantly. But I caught my words this time before they escaped and ratted me out.
"What about Leanne? I don't think she would like us to become friends, with your reputation and all, she wouldn't trust us to just be friends… and honestly Paul, neither can I." My chest constricted as I thought about my cousin and the girl at the cinema.
"So you think I'm incapable of being just friends with a female?" he seemed both offended and amused.
"I…I just think it would be a lot of drama, I don't think that you would keep this in the friend-zone for very long." Did he understand how confusing this was for me to talk about? I wanted to be friends, but I also didn't because of my cousin. I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I liked him in a way that was not strictly friendly. I didn't want him to play me like he did her. I didn't want to be vulnerable. It was all jacked up in my feelings.
His lips tightened and he stepped away from me. "Look, I'm not trying to get in your pants Corrine. I have nothing to hide, when I want a girl, she knows it and she has the right to take it or leave it. If you want to be friends, I can give you that, I'm not totally without morals you know?" he snapped irritably, but I could see in his eyes that I had hurt him.
"I'm sorry I'm not trying to hurt you, it's just how I feel." I looked down at the sand, internally kicking myself because I was developing feelings for a guy that couldn't be mine, who was all wrong for me, who was dating my cousin.
"And just so you know, Leanne and I aren't dating. It's not an on-going thing. It's over."
His admission startled me for a moment before I could respond. "Does she know that?"
"I guess."
"Is she okay with that?"
Paul sighed and I could see his reluctance to answer. "I don't think so – I haven't spoken to her in a while."
"Well then what else can I say other than NO? She's like my sister, we're cousins, I can't do something that would hurt her. She really likes you and so it's not okay for us to become friends - not without her around I mean."
Agony flashed in Paul's eyes, and the tugging in my chest started again before it turned into a dull ache.
"Us being friends or not being friends is not going to make things different between me and your cousin. I never felt anything for her. She liked me and I took her out twice. It was never going to be anything more Corrine."
"Still, it doesn't change the fact that she would get hurt if she saw us together, even if we're just friends, because you and her aren't friends. Don't you think you're being cruel to her?" I was working hard to keep my defenses up and around me.
"No I'm not cause I can't force something with someone I don't have feelings for!"
His words stung me. They were raw and honest. I admired him in that moment for being so strong. It struck home for me…and my "situation" with Marlon.
"I understand what you're saying and I don't want you to do something you don't feel good about Corrine. But…but please…be truthful…is that what you really want? Do you really want to stay away from me and not have any type of relationship with me?" His words were forceful yet tinged with hope. I trembled, biting my lip. He stepped closer to me and I could feel waves of heat rolling over his skin, pulling me in. Every cell in my body was on alert, awoken by his presence. There was that feeling again in my chest, spreading all over me, weakening my integrity again. I found myself staring straight ahead at his hard, muscular chest, longing to bury my nose in it and breathe his scent. I barely remembered the question as I stumbled backwards, welcoming the cool air once again so my head would remain clear. My resistance was dropping from being so close to Paul.
"Corrine please, don't walk away from me, don't do this." The agony was in his voice chipped away at my fortress. He was saying all the right things to worm his way into my heart. I was already in too deep.
"God Paul! Why are you doing this!" I shouted in frustration, but I was frustrated with myself for being so stupid, for caring in spite of Leanne. "This isn't right! You can't - you can't just come and sweep me off my feet! I'm dating someone, and I can't be friends and I can't get hurt! I can't hurt Leanne! It will all be ONE. BIG. MESS!" I buried my face in my hands and groaned loudly.
Get yourself together! I cried in my head. The last thing I needed was for Paul to see just how tormented I was inside. I didn't want anyone to get hurt just because I couldn't resist the beauty of one extremely rude Quileute guy.
"We can work this out! It doesn't have to be messy at all!'" he begged. I'd never seen a guy so desperate to be with me before. Why was he acting this way when he didn't even know me? Why did I wish I could give in when I didn't really know him either?
"It's not something we can avoid Paul, you need to think more logically about this situation. You need to listen to me!" Why did the right words taste so bitter sometimes?
"I can't accept that. And I promise I won't hurt you, that's the last thing I wanna do, I swear! I won't treat you like some random chick, I promise. I'll be whatever you want me to be."
I stiffened at his words.
I couldn't deny how honest he sounded. It was what I wanted to hear more than anything. It was what I wanted to believe in. But I couldn't. I just couldn't hurt Leanne or even Marlon… I couldn't risk hurting myself. We were going in circles with this conversation. The answer could only be no.
"But why! We don't even get along!" I whined. "Why are you suddenly so interested in me Paul?" His eyes were so beautifully haunting as they stared down on me. Did he know of his superpower to make girls weak in the knees with them?
"You asked me that already, and I told you, there's something pulling me to you and I can't ignore it anymore. From the first time I saw you I felt it, and I knew it wasn't good timing, but now, I don't care."
I shook my head slowly. I remembered how he looked at me that night on the beach, before he said the F word and made me feel like crap.
I couldn't do this, as much as I wanted to, it spelled disaster. I was too scared of so many things that could go wrong. "I'm sorry, I just can't, I can't…please. Just…forget we ever met."
"Stop saying that! I can't forget you, I don't want to forget you Corrine! Look, I made a mistake, don't shut me out because of that!" He started shaking again but his voice was panicked, not angry.
"My cousin isn't a mistake, she was with you first, so we can't be friends or anything else," I told him coldly. I blocked the holes he had made in my wall. I wouldn't allow his face to change my mind.
"You're making a mistake, you don't understand what this is between us," he growled at me sending another shiver up my spine.
"There is nothing between us, get it through your thick head!"
I turned and walked quickly up the beach, relieved that he didn't follow me.
Relieved that he wouldn't see the tears falling on my face.
I had the information I needed now.
I had feelings for Paul that were dangerously strong. And if his face was any indication of the truth, I believed that he had them too. But it was his intentions that I was unsure about.
If I gave in to them, it would be a sure destruction.
Paul just wasn't the kind of guy that I should fall for because he'd make me into the kinda girl I didn't want to be.
Paul
I think I was setting some kind of record for failed conversations where Corrine and I were concerned. When Jake told me she wanted to talk to me I had stupidly gotten my hopes up, thinking that she was finally ready for that truce, for us to start building a friendship. I hadn't expected her to push me away YET AGAIN. She wanted to apologize and then shut me out of her life.
I couldn't seem to get anything right. I had extended an olive branch and all she could think about was her stupid cousin Leanne and everybody else rather than just me and her. Corrine is my imprint, that means that we should feel the same things. She admitted to the tug, the pull in her chest, yet she had been strong to stand against it. Jake was right, she was tough, maybe too tough. She was immune to me.
The first girl ever to be immune to me had to be my soulmate of all people.
I was pissed at her, but I was more pissed at myself. I was starting to feel more than I wanted to.
All I could think about was how it felt to have her in my arms when we rode on the bike together to First Beach. I never felt so at peace before. The heat that passed between us was like a celestial phenomenon. It was heaven sent. The way she fit against my body so perfectly, the scent of her blowing in my face, the way her hair caressed her face in the sea breeze, the little glances she'd throw me when she thought I wasn't looking. She was so beautiful, and so skilled at pushing me away.
All my life I had done that to girls, keeping them at arms' length, never letting them get close to me or my heart. And now I'd met my match. I was overdosing on my own medication and dying a slow death.
This is the conversation that starts the ball rolling. Corrie and Paul will have no choice but to face their growing feelings for each other. Corrie will have to make the decision to choose love or loyalty. Thanks to everyone who is reading, following and favoriting this story.
In my writing - I'm at chapter 41 now - I'm at the point where I'm trying to decide if to finish it after they go through a pretty rough period and make up, or if I should extend and add one more problem. I don't want to overkill the angst but at the same time I wanted to add in a vampire threat to the imprint. What do you think?