Hey! Thanks for all the reviews! Always appreciated! In this chapter, Jackie tries to sort out what she really wants. Enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own That '70s Show or Gilmore Girls. I would, however, like to own Jess. *winks*
Dr. Louvee's Office- Hartford, Connecticut- August 20, 1990
"So, Jackie, what's new?" the aging therapist asked causally. He had given up any kind of formalities with the tiny brunette long ago. She had been his patient for about ten years now. Dr. Louvee remembered the first session they'd ever had. Jackie had arrived ten minutes late, her hair sloppily pulled in a ponytail and dirt and grime on her clothes. She had apologized, stating that she had lost track of time working. When he asked what she did, the loud midget excitedly started to describe her inn and the work she was planning on doing to it. Even then, he could sense a fire in her. It was the fire that kept her working on her inn, the fire that he later discovered pushed her to leave her small town for something better. Jackie was one of his favorite patients simply because she was the most challenging. When you first met her, she seemed bubbly and carefree, never revealing too much depth. The further you went, he discovered, the more damage you found.
Jackie shrugged. "Not much," she lied. He raised his eyebrows at her. "Well, there is something," she corrected. Dr. Louvee motioned for her to continue. The dark-haired beauty took a deep breath. This was the reason she had scheduled this emergency session. She felt that if she didn't talk about it she would scream. Jackie had been going to therapy regularly for ten years, but there was still a little voice taunting her about being "too weak". Though Dr. Louvee always assured her this voice would go away with time, she wasn't as sure.
"Yesterday started like any other day. I got up and got ready to go to the Inn. Rory came with me because I promised her she, Jess, and Lane could have bell-hop races. My morning was pretty average. The only major problem was the linen delivery. Manny was notoriously late, and it took forever to get him on the phone. I left Michel in charge of the desk while I dealt with something. After a couple minutes, one of our car parkers tells me I'm needed at the front desk. I went back inside, and Michel told me Manny was on the phone. After I managed to get the linens before anyone else, I turned around to see the past literally staring me in the face."
"Meaning?" the therapist questioned for clarification.
Jackie sighed. "Meaning that all of my old friends and ex-boyfriends are in my town, staying in my inn, and trying to nose into my life," she emphasized.
"And how do you feel about that?"
"I don't know," Jackie confessed. "On one hand, I'm pissed beyond belief. I mean, what right do they have to know about my life? None of them gave a crap when I lived in their town! When I was constantly put down and treated like crap! When my boyfriend ran off and married a stripper after stating he couldn't see a future with me!" Jackie was practically fuming at that point. "But I always gave a crap! I cared! I still tried to be a good friend to Donna when she pushed me away! I still tried to be civil to Steven after that skank showed up! I tried!"
"And they didn't," Dr. Louvee finished.
Jackie nodded. "Exactly," she stated. "They never tried. They never cared. Every one of them was willing to let me wallow in my misery, willing to let me drown. And it hurt because I thought I could count on them. I thought I had found the family no one had ever bothered to give me. It took me so long to realize that I had been wrong."
"Wrong how?" Dr. Louvee prodded, wanting Jackie to get everything out there.
"Wrong in thinking I could make a group of people my world and thinking that a group of teenagers hanging out in a ratty old basement equaled a family. Steven had it right along. The only person I can truly count on is myself," Jackie explained.
"And what about love?" he asked calmly. Jackie seemed to ponder his question.
"Well," she began, "I still believe in love. I believe there is love present in my life. I love Lorelei and Rory and Luke and Jess and Lane and my entire town and my job. I love waking up with a purpose. I love having a stable life, one that's entirely in my own hands."
"And do you still love Steven or any of your old friends?"
This was the golden question. "Yes," she mumbled. It was hard to admit, but she did. Jackie didn't think she could ever stop loving that group of misfits she had met in the basement. They had played a huge part in shaping her.
"And can you forgive them?"
"I don't know." And this was true. Jackie didn't know if she could forgive any of them. She didn't know if she could open her heart again like she had as a young naïve girl. She wasn't the same person anymore. Jackie Burkhart wasn't a hopeless romantic waiting for a fairytale ending. She was a strong, assertive woman who didn't need a man to save her from a tower. She had saved herself.
Dr. Louvee sighed. "Well, you made some excellent progress today. Same time next week?" Jackie nodded.
"Thank you," she said before exiting.
The old man smiled. "No problem." Jackie walked out of the office, a myriad of thoughts swirling around in her head. What did her future with Hyde hold? She had no clue. Would she forgive her old friends? She didn't know. The only thing certain is that she would have to figure it out soon.