A/N: Trigger warning: Attempted Suicide.
***
In a blue bedroom, the young eighteen year old tossed and turned in the queen sized bed, he whimpered, as his hands gripped onto the soft blue blanket till his knuckles turned white. His breathing worsen, "Please...Stop, I don't-!"
A scream tore from his throat, his chestnut eyes shot open as his grip tightened on the covers. Tears leaked from his eyes as he glanced around the room, expecting the many shades of yellow from the dream demon's room, only to see the blues from the room he had been before he was moved.
On shaky arms, he held up his body, his eyes darting around the room for any signs of the blond demon. However, all he found was his beloved hat and journal on the bedside table. His hands shook as he reached over and picked up his items, pulling them close like a security blanket. His mind in a light blur.
He took shaky breaths as he tried to sort his thoughts. "I-I'm back here...and Bill-"
He cut himself off as an image of Bill looming over him flashed in his mind, his breathing hitched as more images flashed in his mind, he shook as he felt the sensations all over again, Bill's tongue forcing itself down his throat, his hot breath on his skin, his body being weighed down by the other. Tears pooled in Dipper's eyes and his breathing became erratic, he held his things closer as his shaking worsen, his mind began to swim, his thoughts blurring, 'That's all he...and... purpose...he...I...why?'
He felt bile build in the back of his throat, leaping out of the bed, he made it to the bathroom just in time as he released what little contents in his stomach into the porcelain toilet. He sobbed as he tried to regain his breath, he folded his arms and rested his head on them on the edge of the seat, tears dripping down his face and onto the tiled floor.
He chose this path, and that path was hell. He chose this path for his sister, friends, and the rest of the world. He wanted to protect them, that's why he chose this, for all of them, and yet, they don't even know the sacrifice that took place for them to remain ignorant and safe. Shakily, the teen reached up for the small pendent around his neck, ignoring the second chain that brushed against the back of his hand.
He leaned away from the toilet, bringing the pendent up to his eye level, with a shaky breath he thought of his sister, causing the room to change around him. He was home, his home in Piedmont, California. He was stationed in the middle of the living room floor, a bitter taste of nostalgia squeezed his heart as he lowered his hand. Dipper watched the scene before him, his mother and father were by the door, standing close with a small pile of luggage next to the door. "Mable dear are you ready?"
"Coming!"
Dipper looked up at the top of the stairs, and there Mable was; decked out in her classic pink sweater and purple skirt, she came barreling down the stairs with an over stuffed backpack, and huge smile plastered on her face. Dipper watched as their mother and father got teary eyed, "My baby's all grown up, going to a big collage on the coast."
"We're so proud of you, our little star."
Mable smiled as she pulled the adults closer in a tight hug, "Hey it's all going to be fine, I promise to call everyday, and send you letters, and tell you guys everything!"
The brunet woman chucked, "We know you will dear."
"Besides," She pulled away from her parents as she made her way towards where Dipper sat, his chestnut eyes widen as she came closer, his heart skipped a beat. Did she see him? He reached out, like a child does to their mother when wanting to be held, Did she really-!
He watched as she walked right through him. He whipped his head around saw where his sister was going, on the couch sat her pet pig. "You'll have Waddles to keep you company!"
Dipper's teary eyes began to spill as he turned to look forward at his parents, they looked right past him and at their daughter with her pet pig. His shoulders and head fell, he knew, he knew that the necklace would only allow him to see them, and not the other way around, like a one-way window, but a small part had hoped, just hoped that they would see him, even if they didn't know who he was. After all Bill had to've altered his parent's memories in order for his plans on keeping him and changing the residence of Gravity Falls memories to work.
His free hand reached for his chest, over his heart, he curled his fingers into the fabric of his shirt. It hurt. It hurt so much! Why? Why did it hurt? He knew what he was doing, he knew exactly everything he gave up, but the pain was still there.
He wanted it to stop.
His family laughed together, but went back to hugging one another.
It was like they were mocking him, mocking him at the fact that he would never be able to hug them again, never be able to talk, to eat, or to do anything with his family, not even tell them he loves them. He will never be able to go to collage, never have friends again, have a career, anything!
His grip tightened on the pendent, his hand shook as tears continued to stream down his face. He gave up everything for them!
He ripped the necklace from his neck and chucked it, as soon as it hit the wall the room faded back into the bathroom setting, Dipper tried to control his breathing, but he just gave up. He let out loud sobs as he pushed himself back into the cabinet, he pulled his legs up to his chest and buried his face in his knees.
He gave it all up for the world, and now here he was, trapped in this hell as a prisoner to an unstable dream demon. And to think he thought that Bill wasn't as awful as he made himself out to be, but now...
All he wanted was it to go away, all his pain, he wanted it all to just stop!
'End it.'
Chestnut eyes snapped open at the voice.
'No one's going to miss you.'
Another one.
'It's not that hard.'
And another voice.
'They've all forgotten about you.'
Why were they saying these thing?
'Do it.'
Why was he listening to their words as it just intensified the pain in his heart?
'There are blades behind you, just behind those doors.'
'It's easy.'
'Slit your wrists.'
'Everything will be alright.'
More tears fell, the voices, they were right. He was nothing but a forgotten nobody, only Bill knew him, and yet, he took so much from him. Maybe...
Shakily he opened the door next to his person, his hand rummaged through the small cabinet till he found it, a razor blade. Slowly his fingers wrapped around the handle as he pulled it out. He wiped his eyes with his free hand as he held the blade over his wrist.
...It was for the best
He placed the blade against his bare pale skin, the cool metal causing a shiver to go down his spine, but he proceeded, he applied pressure to the blade, causing it to bite into his skin, he bit his lip at the pain, but he didn't waver. He made the first cut, it was shallow, but a bright red bubbled up from the wound.
'You have to go deeper then that.'
Shakily, he repeated the same motion, but made the blade bite deeper, causing more red to spill. Chestnut eyes watched as the red dripped onto the floor, he shook as his breathing remained uneven, but he continued. Making the cuts deeper in his wrist, blood spilling out and dripping onto the floor, a small puddle already forming.
'You're never going to end it like that.'
Biting his lip, he dug even further, slicing a vein, causing blood to gush out, the voices now sounding like they were talking at the same time, trying to yell over the others, so in an attempt to hurry, he quickly swapped hands and dug the blade into his unscathed arm, hitting the vein.
The brunet dropped the razor as he felt blood leave his pumping veins, his breathing, still uneven, became heavy as he slumped to the floor, in the growing pool of his blood. His eyes felt heavy, in his blurry gaze he thought he saw a shimmery pale figure in front of him, he couldn't make out their features, but he just assumed it was an angel, here to take him away from this hell. His eyes could barely remain open as the angel hastily squatted down and held the teen's limp wrists.
Only for them to vanish when a pair of black dress shoes popped into existence, but his mind couldn't comprehend as his eyes completely closed, and he lost consciousness.
The being who appeared, Bill, eye widen at the sight before him, Pine Tree was laying in a pool of his own blood, his wrist sliced open with blood gushing out, but the flow was starting to slow. He rushed forward and gathered the bleeding teen in his arms, his golden blue speckled eye searched sporadically for something to stop the bleeding, luckily the open cabinet door had a towel spilling out of it , so snatching it, he placed heavy pressure on the gashes, his figure shook as he tried to keep himself together. He lost Stardust again, he didn't want to lose the one he latched his heart too...not again.
He watched as blood soaked through the towel, his breathing hitched, how much blood could a mortal loose until they die again?
Shaking his head, Bill applied more pressure on the wrist with the single cut, one arm cradling the smaller youth, he used his free hand he wrapped his hand around the wrist with the most damage, "Please don't leave me Dipper." The blonde whispered as he rested his eye.
He applied pressure to the still bleeding wound, blood drip from his hand as his face contorted into that of concentration; soon steam rose from the hand wrapped around Dipper's wrist. Bill's face twisted into that of discomfort as the steam continued to rise, then the bleeding seemingly stopped as he continued to grip the other's wrist.
Dipper's face also shifted into that of discomfort as the steam continued, only for it to stop.
Bill panted as he opened his uncovered eye, slowly his fingers unwrapped themselves from the brunet's slender wrist, revealing the once cut open gashes to have healed and scared over, sighing he removed the towel from the other wrist, which had slowed profusely, and just swiped his finger over it in a stitching like motion, much like when the brunet's back was whipped.
The blonde checked the brunet's vitals, his breathing was a bit labored, and his heart had slow, but was picking back up, but his skin was deathly pale. Sighing with relief, the blond discarded the towel and held Dipper closer, his from still shaking over the events that had just transpired.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Bill was muttering the mantra over and over as he began to rock himself with Dipper in his arms.
They remain like that for hours, Bill's eye watched the unconscious male, the brunet's breathing and pulse was back to normal, and Bill himself had calmed down, but he continued to rock.
"I'm sorry, I never wanted this to happen..."
Bill placed his head down against the sleeping teen, "...I just hope I can make things right."
The blond then heard a quite groan, straightening up, he watched as Dipper's face twitched before his eyes fluttered open, revealing blurry chestnut eyes. "Pine Tree."
Dipper's eyes widen as his vision cleared, shakily, he looked up and saw Bill, he noticed the blue that now took up a majority of his hair, along with his eye, but didn't let it fully register, as he began to shake and squirm in the demon's hold.
His breathing had become erratic, and it didn't help when Bill's hold on him tightened, making him unable to move, "Dipper."
The brunet froze, he-he just said his real name, slowly he looked back up at the dream demon, his mind finally registering the blue in his hair and eye. His eye held so much sadness, guilt, and remorse, and they looked a bit misted. "I'm so sorry, I-I know that saying it won't make up for what I've done to you, but I want you to know that I hate what I did to you."
Dipper's eyes watched as Bill continued to pour his out heart, "I don't know how to make it up to you, but I want try. I don't care if you hate me for all the things I did, but I just want you to be happy...and I don't want you to hurt like how I hurt you. I'm sorry..."
The teen remained speechless as a tear escaped from Bill's visible eye, the dream demon sniffled as he lifted himself up and held Dipper bridal style as he carried him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He set Dipper down onto the bed and fixed the covers over the still teen, he then bent to down and picked up two things, Dipper's hat and journal.
He sat them on the teen's lap, then turned on his heel and walked back into the bathroom. Dipper sat still and quite on the bed, not really knowing how to respond, he bit his lip and held his two things close as waited for Bill to return to the room.
His head turned to the door when he heard footsteps, he watched as Bill returned to the room with a solemn look, as he walked over to the smaller youth, causing him to flinch.
Seeing this, Bill stopped a good distance away from the bed, but spoke "I removed any and all things that you could use to hurt yourself with, and I made it to where if you need me so you don't have to leave the room, so I'll be here..." His tone was lifeless as he tried to keep his eye off the teen, "Again, I'm sorry Dipper... I won't bother you unless you need me..."
Dipper watched as Bill turned towards the door, he saw as another streak of blue fade into his blond hair, almost all of the yellow had turned blue, only a few streaks of blond were left. His posture was now slightly slouched, his clothes weren't as crisps as what Dipper was used to, and the way he spoke, he sounded the same, but he spoke soft and reserved. So unlike the loud and calculating dream demon.
"And one more thing." The magical being said as he turned and snapped his fingers, the teen's eyes caught the flash of magic on his person, he saw that he was no longer wearing his clothes from before, what was he wearing again, he was in so much distraught before that he didn't even bother, he now wore a light blue loose long sleeve shirt, and a pair of loose black sleep pants, but he missed the necklace around his neck. "I hope you'll be comfortable, sleep well."
Chestnut eyes watched as the door closed, leaving him alone in the room, just like the first few days he was there. He released a shaky breath as he pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his head on his knees, his form shook as his thoughts ran amuck, unfocused and chaotic.
Soon his tired eyes rested shut as he remained curled up in the bed, his mind going numb from the muddled thoughts. From Bill, to his life, family, and choices, his mind was just a wreck.
What was with that damn demon? He's bipolar yes, but he rapes him then breaks down and apologizes and claims to love and care about him? He-he has to be playing at an angle, he's just trying to screw with him, like he did before. Bill only saved him because he wants to use him for something, whatever the hell that is, he was sure of it...maybe.
So if it's true, then what was Bill doing when he was apologizing over and over, him saying he was going to leave him alone unless he wanted to see. He just didn't know what to make of this, and then there is the fact that Bill's hair and eye was turning blue. Sure he's seen Bill's hair turn into a loud red when he was upset from time to time, and he's seen him have red highlights in his golden mop when he was getting frustrated, but blue...that was new.
The color blue tends to be associated with sky, or the ocean, or gloom, and...sadness.
Was Bill really sad? Was Bill Cipher, the great dream demon of the Nightmare Realm, really upset with what he did to him? That didn't make any sense! Why would he-?
Dipper's thoughts froze when he heard a sound at the door. He heard three gentle knocks against the wooden door. His eyes went wide with fear as his body stiffened, he waited for a moment, only to hear footsteps leave.
He tried to calm his breathing till he could no longer hear the fading footfalls, he sat there for a few minutes till he heard something else. It sounded like a tiny whimper and a scratching noise, the teen tilted his head a bit as his eyes narrowed a bit.
What was out there? He glanced around the room as he thought about going to have a look. Damn his curiosity!
He continued to hear tiny whines as the scratches continued outside the room. Biting his lip, he slowly placed his feet on the ground, and stood up from the bed. Taking a breath, he slowly walked over to the door, the sounds getting louder as he came closer. Swallowing, he reach for the knob, wrapping his pale hands on the cool metal, and turned it; carefully he opened the door just a sliver and peeked his eye out, seeing no one opened the door a bit more to let his head have access out of the room. He looked down both sides of the hallway only to hear the sound again. Looking down he saw a good sized, neatly wrapped light blue box with a dark blue ribbon and bow, glancing around again and seeing no one, he opened the door more, still glancing at his surroundings, he picked up the box and found a tag in the shape of a pine tree on the bow. Biting his lip again, he quickly brought the box into the room and closed the door behind him with his back.
Letting out a sigh, Dipper allowed himself to slide to the floor with the box still in hand, he pulled his legs into a crisscross position as his pale hand reached for the tag, only to feel the box move. Causing him to yelp in surprise and drop the box on to the floor, only for the box to let also let out a yelp of its own.
Dipper's eyes were wide as he started at the blue box, a small whimpering sound escaping the box, slowly the brunet crawled over to the package and looked at the tag, it reading, 'To Pine Tree.'
Frowning at the fact that was Bill that sent the package, he decided to open the box to see what was making the noise. Slowly he pulled the blue ribbon loose, releasing it from its bow, he was about to open the flaps when something came barreling out, tackling him to the floor, causing him to yelp in surprise.
Dipper thrashed under what was on top of him with his eyes shut tightly, but stopped when he felt a wet tongue lick his face. Slowly opening his eyes, he came face to face with a small animal with bright pink eyes. "What the..."
He slowly forced himself up onto his elbows to get a better look at the creature that was now sitting on his chest. It was small like a puppy, it had the head and tail of a fox, but the body and feet of a deer; its coat was pitch black, but had light golden spots on its back, spots that you'd see on a fawn, its feet and the tip of its tail looked to have been dipped in dark blue paint, it also had tiny numbs on the top of its head, the start of antlers, and bright pink eyes.
Dipper stared wide eyed at the creature as it stared back at him. "What are you?"
The small creature gave a small bark as it hopped off his chest and back to the box, it ducked its head in the blue package and pulled out a piece of paper with its mouth. Dipper sat up as the small animal trotted back to him, only for it to drop it in his lap.
Furrowing his brow, the brunet picked up the sheet and read the words on the page, 'Hey Pine Tree, I know you don't want to hear from me, but I wanted to give you something. This is a deerfox, I didn't want you to be alone so I wanted to give you something. He's trained, so you don't have to worry about that, and he's really sweet, and if you want, you can also write down what you learn in your journal. But most importantly, I just don't want you to be alone...hope you like him, also you can name him whatever you want. ~Bill'
Dipper's eyes narrowed at the note, he sighed as he dropped the paper and stood, only to walk pass the mythical creature and lay himself back on his bed, his back facing the creature.
The small deerfox let out a whine as he tilted his head. His bright pink eyes watched the human with confusion, he could smell the swirling emotions circling the human. He sat down and watched the brunet for what seemed like hours, it wasn't until he noticed a steady breathing pattern on the human, now calm and restful, that he curled up an fell asleep himself.
It soon became a pattern in a span of days, Dipper would wake up and stay on his bed, only to occasionally get up and use the bathroom. Anytime the brunet stood, the small mishmash animal would follow, hopping around and giving tiny 'yips' as it tried to gain the brunets attention. Only to be ignored, causing the little creature to whine.
He'd watch the human from his spot on the floor next to the bed, sometimes he'd tried to jump on the bed, only to come up short by two inches and receive a glance from Dipper, and he'd tried to get him to play with him; However it didn't seem to work as the brunet avoided looking at the creature, and tried to block him out.
By the third day the creature began to worry, the human never went over to the desk to eat the food that was presented to him, instead he just laid on the bed and slept, ignoring the constant growl of his stomach, his restroom visits became far and few as he refused to eat or drink. The brunet laid on his side, with his arms wrapped around his midsection, and his eyes closed. His face looked slightly pained as he curled up on himself when a loud growl left his thinning abdomen, causing the teen to groan.
The dark furred creature then stood from his place, his eyes narrowed at the teen, as his pink eyes went ablaze. He was created by Bill to protect and help the teen during his time of need, to be a support animal, to be a friend, and yet the teen had decided to ignore him as if he didn't exist, and now here he was starving himself. He was given all the information about Dipper that Bill could offer, so he knew that the teen had tried to kill himself after he woke up, and that he's hurting. His creator gave him a purpose, and he was not going to fail just because the brunet wanted to die!
He grabbed ahold with some of the access blanket that was on the floor with his mouth, he began to tug on the cover, growling as he pulled harder when the blanket didn't budge, he dug his hooved feet in the hardwood floor, soon the blanket began to slide, dragging the human with it.
This went on till the human reached the edge of the bed, which resulted in him falling off and onto the hardwood floor, causing the teen to curse.
A groan left the brunet as he tried to untangle himself from the covers, sitting up he looked around and saw the mishmashed animal near him with the cover in its mouth. Dipper gave a small glare at the deerfox, he forced himself onto his shaky legs and was about to crawl back onto the bed, only for him to feel a snag on his leg. Looking down he saw the dark creature biting into his pant leg, he noticed that it had sharp fangs, as it tugged on his pant leg. "What do you want?" He asked, his voice horse and as he spoke.
The deerfox didn't answer as it continued to tug on his leg. His eyes narrowed at the creature, he knew Bill made this animal to watch him, which is why he didn't want to deal with it, after all it could just be another one of his sick schemes to get him to trust him. He thought about kicking the animal away, but he remembered that Mable would've kicked his ass for harming an animal, and despite the fact that she didn't remember him, he still thinks about his actions and how his sister would've felt.
He was then pulled away from his thoughts as he felt a stronger tug on his pant leg, causing him to fall. "Hey!"
The puppy sized creature was stronger then it looked as it drug a struggling Dipper across the room all the way to the desk, where a fresh plate of food sat. The deerfox finally let go, when Dipper sat up he felt a tiny head with numbs push into his back, causing him to wince. "What do you want?"
The animal barked from behind him and continued to push into his back, "Agh! Okay, okay!" The brunet forced himself up only for his legs to collapse on him, luckily he landed on the plush chair by the desk. Grunting he pulled himself up into the chair, and leaned back once he was fully on. His chestnut eyes stared down at the deerfox, its pink eyes stared back, "Okay, now what did you want?"
The creature barked again as it motioned its head towards the steaming food on the desk. Dipper's eyes followed to the food, the sight made his stomach growl, causing him to tear his eyes away. The creature's pink eyes narrowed at the human, he's a tough one.
He began to growl and bark at the brunet, Dipper's chestnut eyes looked back at the dark furred creature. "I don't really know what you want."
Growling in frustration, the creature jumped onto the teen's lap, then hopped on to the desk, he stood next to the plate of food and motioned his head towards it. Dippers eyes narrowed as he turned his head away, "I'm not hungry."
His stomach then gave another growl, causing the male to wince, he glanced over at the creature, who was giving him what seemed to be the face of a scolding parent figure. "Why do you even care?"
The creature said nothing as it continued to stare at the human. "What does it matter if I starve to death? I'm nothing but toy for people to break, my family doesn't remember and seem better off without me ever existing, and Bill's just been pulling me around like a damn puppet, then he r-rapes me and-!"
Dipper cut himself off when he felt moister gather in his eyes, he tried to wipe it away, but it wouldn't stop, a sob escaped him as he tried to stop, it came out like hiccups as he tried to stop, pulled his legs to his chest as he tried to calm himself down as his mind went to that day, only to freeze when he felt something wet against his cheek. Looking over, he saw the deerfox licking his cheek in a comforting way. He sniffled a bit as he shakily raised his hand up and ran it through the creatures dark fur, its pink eyes stared up into chestnut orbs as pale fingers ran through its fur.
A shaky smile made its way onto Dipper's face, "Thanks..."
The deerfox closed his eyes and let out a purr, it felt nice to actually have physical contact with the human he was made for, he let out a tiny whine when Dipper's hand retracted, he opened his eyes to see his person with a tiny smile. Only for it to be interrupted yet again when Dipper's stomach let out another loud rumble.
Dipper winced as he glanced at his stomach, then back at the deerfox who was giving him big doe eyes with a whine. The brunet sighed, "Alright."
Shakily his arm reached over and picked up the utensil and picked at the food, once again looking like the food back home, and slowly he ate, much to the deerfox's delight.
Later that night, The deerfox laid curled up in the corner of the bed, far from the human, believing that he needed his space before he tried anything else to get closer to the teen, as the saying goes 'Baby steps'.
His eyes were watching the human as they slowly began to drop close, only for them to snap back open at a sound. Raising up he noticed that his human's hands were clenching onto the blankets, and his head was tossing back and forth as whimpers left him. The deerfox let out a whine as it went over by to the teen's side, he pressed his nose into Dipper's cheek, hoping to both wake and comfort the distressed teen.
A whine left the teen as his hands shakily clenched and unclenched the blankets, his body curled up on itself as he continued to whimper. The deerfox then butted his head against the teen's cheek, with no avail. The small creature tried licking the brunet's face, and continued to try and headbutt into the teen in hopes of waking him in his time of need. Soon the teen's thrashing worsen, his legs were kicking and his hands were clawing at the blankets as cries of pain escaped the teen. His nightmare had gotten worst.
Looking around frantically, the puppy sized hybrid whined again as none of is attempts met with any success. All he could do was try and be there, he was forced to watch as Dipper's face was contorted in pain, as screams tore from his throat, and as he clawed the blanket. The creature continued to whine, "Stop! Enough! I-!"
A gasp tore from the teen's throat as he shot up awake, tears dripping down his cheeks as his shoulders shook, his shaky hands traveling up to his face, only to burry it in them. Shaky sobs broke from the teen's sore throat as he cried, he curled up on himself again. The small creature frowned, but stepped forward, gently bumping his head on the teen's side.
The brunet's head whipped over to see what had just touched him, but only saw the dark furred creature looking up at him with its pink doe eyes. Sniffling a bit, and disregarding his previous feelings for the creature, he scooped the creature in his arms and held him close, snuggling his face into its back, soft sobs leaving the brunet.
The deerfox did nothing but stay in the crying teen's hold, he was going to be there for him no matter what. So the dark furred hybrid stayed in the teen's hold, eventually Dipper's sobs slowed as his body slowly fell back down onto the bed, the deerfox still in his grip, as he slowly started to lose consciousness, the creature following suit.
The pink eyed creature could feel a hint a smile forming on the teen's face as his eyes began to droop shut, "Thank you."
The hybrid was pulled to the teen's chest in a loving embrace as the teen's breathing feel into a steady pattern. A hint of a purr could be heard from the dark creature's chest as he too fell into a deep slumber with his person.
Both beings were in a deep sleep when a figure shimmered into existence, a sad and worried frown adorning their features, "I'm so sorry that this happened, it's all my fault."
The figure knelt down next to the bed and brushed the teen's bangs away from his forehead, the Big Dipper consolation birthmark giving a soft light blue glow. "I'll make it up to all of you, I promise."
The figure pressed their lips to the teens forehead before fading out, they had a lot of work that had to be down.
A/N: And there you have it, one of my longest chapters so far.
Now I know I may not be portraying some of the subject matter I accurately, so I hope you can forgive me on that. Now the little creature I have introduced is basically from the Netflix show Hilda, (Good show, I'd recommend) so there's that bit of inspiration there. I hope you guys liked what I got, and I'd like to hear from you on anyways to improve. So until next time.