Hm... Tarva has requested more Schro x Seras. No problem! And... er.. well, I'll think of something to fill out the rest of that request. Perhaps I can mix that and a few other ideas together...

Tresspasser

"Your orders are clear, Warrant Officer Schrodinger. Infiltrate the Hellsing base, acquire any information that we may find useful, and return here at once," the Major explained the mission to the young Nazi, who stood at attention and listened intently to his orders. "Avoid confrontation. Do not, under any circumstances, engage in combat with any of their operatives. You should focus on finding files, documents, information on weapons and tactics, and information on their members. Tactical, personal, or anything else. Just find something. "

"Yes, sir!" Schrodinger clicked his heels together and saluted.

"Excellent. Good luck. And do not fail us," the Major returned the salute and smiled.

----

"Hmmm-hm-hmm-hmmmm," Schrodinger hummed to himself as he crept through the dark corridors of the Hellsing manor. He had a decent idea of where he was going, but in reality, he was flying blind. He soon found himself outside the office of Hellsing's leader, Integra Hellsing. He placed his ear against the door and listened to the people talking inside.

"You can't deny it forever. Eventually, you will realize the truth..." said a genuinly creepy voice.

"Alucard, drop the subject," came a woman's reply, most likely Integra. Schrodinger scowled. Alucard was the vampire with the freakishly huge gun. The same vampire with the same freakishly huge gun which had blown his head off.

"Master, telling me to stop only gives me more reason to continue," Alucard informed her. The sudden sound of a gun's safety being switched off caused Schrodinger to duck. Several gunshots boomed from inside the office. Schrodinger nervously looked around, hoping that no guards came to check on the noise. None came, so Schrodinger assumed that this was common occurance. "Master..." Alucard's voice was now somber and humble.

"Yes, Alucard?" the head of Hellsing answered politely.

"That was uncalled for," the vampire complained. Another gunshot was heard. "So was that."

'Okay, this is getting wierd,' Schrodinger thought to himself as he headed off to search for more items of interest. He soon found his way to the Hellsing lounge. There was a large tv, a soda machine, and several couches strewn about the room. On top of one of the couches was something that caught Shrodinger's attention. It was a man laying on his back, a cowboy hat over his face, a long braid of hair dangling over his shoulder, and a bottle of beer in his hand. Schodinger raised an eyebrow at the sight. The sound of peaceful, if you could call it that, snoring was coming from under the hat. 'Yeah, it just got wierder...' the Nazi thought.

"Who are you?" a sleepy voice caused him to jump. Schrodinger spun around and saw a man in Hellsing uniform with short brown hair and yellow eyes. He had a plate of French toast in one hand, a can of soda in the other, and a confused look on his face. His name tag said "Fenrir", and the glazed look over his eyes showed that he had obviously stayed up late and was dead tired.

"Er..." Schodinger realized the man was barely awake. "I'm... a figment of your imagination, Fenrir! You stayed up too late, and now you're seeing things!"

"Oh..." he nodded slowly. "So why am I imagining a Nazi with cat ears?"

"Um... seen any war movies lately? Know somebody who owns a cat? Or maybe you hate Nazis? And cats, too?" Schrodinger tried to lead him on.

"I do have some major dislike for the both of them..." Fenrir yawned. It worked, obviously. "And how did you know my name?"

"I'm a part of your imagination! I know these things!" Schrodinger shrugged. "Now get some sleep!"

"Alright..." he yawned again. Without warning, he fell flat on his back, spilling soda on the floor and flinging the toast across the room.

"Hm... didn't expect THAT result..." Schrodinger scratched the back of his head.

-----

'Okay, lets see what I got...' the Nazi thought to himself as he dug through the bag of items he had taken. Several files on top secret Hellsing things, a few pictures and papers detailing the members of Hellsing, a couple of journals, and a few bullets from Alucard's pistol. He shuddered at how close he had come to a second time without a head trying to get those. As he walked through the basement, he noticed a door that he had missed. He turned the handle, and found it to be locked. He smiled at this discovery. A locked door to a room in the basement screamed "I'M FULL OF SECRET STUFF!" at him. And the fact that it was locked was no problem. He could simply teleport himself in there. (A/N: Or whatever the heck he does. I'm going with teleportation, so if I'm wrong, sorry.)

Quick as a flash, he was in the room. It was not full of secret files or hidden items. It was, instead, a bedroom. There was a dresser, a table, some chairs, and a coffin. And the owner of the room was in there, as well. Unfortunately for Schrodinger, it was the female vampire he had met during his first visit to Hellsing. Even more unfortunate was the fact that she had been changing her uniform, and only had on her under clothes. "WHAT THE BLOODY #$&?" she screamed as she dove behind her coffin.

"Oops..." Schrodinger blushed. "My mistake!" he covered his eyes. But Seras was not in a forgiving mood. She quickly grabbed her Halconner rifle from under her coffin and took aim.

It wasn't the fact that he was part of Millenium. It wasn't the fact that he was spying on Hellsing. It was because of the fact that he was a peeping tom that Seras blasted the well-trained Nazi operative into an oblivion.

-----

"Warrant Officer Schrodinger, what occured over the course of your mission?" the Major asked the young Nazi who stood before him.

"It went great. I overheard a disturbing conversation, found a drunk soldier, convinced another soldier that he was only imagining me because he hates Nazis and cats, and then had my head blown off with a freakishly huge gun again for the second time in my life," he replied with a straight face and an even tone. The Major stared at him with a perplexed expression on his face.

"And... did you find out anything important? Perhaps from those events?" the Major raised an eyebrow.

"Integra Hellsing is a psycho. Alucard doesn't know when to stop pressing a subject. Their soldiers wear cowboy hats and sleep around all day drunk out of their minds. One soldier is named named Fenrir, and he is a total idiot. I also came across these..." Schrodinger held up the bag of items he had found. The bag was now sporting several bloodstains.

"Excellent. Excellent. You have done well. Anything else?" the Major gestured for the Captain to take the bag.

"Yes..." Schrodinger handed the bag to the bodyguard. "I made the mistake of walking into a room without knocking. Apparently, the female vampire who works for Hellsing enjoys her privacy. So, once again, I had my head blown off. Only his time, it was with an even more freakishly huge gun!" Schrodinger made the shape of a gun with his hand. His tone showed a slight feeling of frustration at repeated decapitation. "And it was worth it..." he muttered under his breath with sly grin.

Moral of the Story: Big guns do not mix well with Schrodinger.

Phew... that took awhile to write out, actually. I hope you all found it to be funny and entertaining. If you have any ideas or suggestions, please let me know. It should now be obvious that I will use them, of course.