Chapter 11 Mixed Feelings

It had been one month since Diamond's funeral and I've been in my room since. Darien tried to get me out of my room but I just couldn't do it. I just sit in my room and paint something that I couldn't have. I was stuck in a sad little world that I couldn't get out from. I heard loud banging on the door.

"Open up Serena," someone said, that awfully sounded like Andrews.

"I don't want to," I said lightly.

"If you don't I'm going to break this door and come in," he said threatening.

I slowly put my paintbrush on the notebook and went to open the door. I opened the door slightly and I saw a frustrated Andrew pacing in front of my door way.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"What do I want?" he repeated my question and looked baffled.

"Yea," I said waiting for his reply.

"Look at yourself Serena, you need to get out and get some fresh air," he said warmly.

"No, I'm just fine," I said stubbornly.

"Listen to yourself Serena saying: no I'm just fine," he said mockingly.

"What do you want me to do huh?" I said and sounded defeated.

"I want you to go out and have some fun do you know fun," he said to me like I was a little kid didn't know what to do.

"I can't, I have a deadline to meet," I said plainly lying to him.

"No you don't you haven't even picked up the phone how do you know there was a deadline," he said.

"Yeah Serena, you seriously need to go out rather than cramped in this little room," Darien said coming behind from Andrew. I knew there was a no way out so I started to give in.

"What do you want me to do?" I said.

"It's two weeks before my wedding weren't you supposed to pick a bridesmaid dress," Andrew said. He was happy that I started to give in.

"Oh I totally forgot about that I should call Rita right now," I said.

"That won't be necessary you just get ready and Rita would be here to pick you up and then you could meet up with the girls,"

"Okay BOSS!" I joked and saluted him.

"Now that's the Serena I know," he grinned, said final good byes and left.

I looked at Darien; he was staring at me intently.

"What?" I asked.

"I was just thinking," he said and smiling at me.

"About what?" I asked.

"That I asked you so many times to go out and you never listened but when Andrew told you, you gladly accepted," he said musing.

"Oh that I had to go anyways because if I didn't Andrew would've ripped me into pieces," I said smiling. "I have been a pain in the ass haven't I," I said guiltily.

"If you want to put it that way its fine with me," he said teasingly.

"Hey I didn't want you to agree with me," I said grinning and playfully punching him on the arm. We both started laughing. I don't know but I hugged him.

"I'm sorry for everything and thanks for helping me get through rough time," I said and started feel tears again on my cheeks.

"It's okay Serena, I'll always be for you," he said and returning the hug. He smelled like roses, sweet wild roses. We finally broke apart but I realized I missed his warmth when his arms were around me but I didn't dare say anything.

"Well I should get ready Rita would be here soon," I said quickly.

"Yea you should," he said.

I went to my room and shut the door behind me. I was in the shower when I started thinking about Darien again. Was it too soon to like someone right after Diamond's death? He said he wanted me to be happy but I don't know what I wanted right now. I quickly took a shower and got ready, dismissing all thoughts about Darien.

Rita came to pick me up. She was tall, beautiful with brown hair but the best quality I liked about her was that she knew how to make Andrew happy and everyone around her.

"Hey ready to go?" she asked.

"Yup," I said. "Just let me get my purse okay".

"Okay," she said.

I went into my apartment and got my purse. I saw Darien sitting on the couch working. He looked so cute.

"Hey Darien," I said.

"Yeah," he looked up.

"I'll probably come late tonight so don't worry about me," I said.

"Okay I won't," he said staring at me.

I quickly left my apartment if I stayed there any longer I would've gotten lost in his mysterious midnight blue eyes.

Rita and I went to her dress maker that made the finest weeding dresses in New York. I tried one after another but at the end we settled for the strapless dress that fitted me everywhere. It was one of a kind. Later on we met the girls. They were happy to see me, also that I was alright. We gossiped about everything not leaving any detail out. It was just like the old days. It was ten o' clock when we parted. I felt better inside after talking to the girls. I guess that was just I needed.

I opened my apartment door and I see the cutest sight ever. Darien sleeping on the couch. He seemed to be smiling in his sleep like a little baby. All of sudden he shivered like he was cold and he wasn't smiling no more, I went into my room and got him an extra blanket.

I gently covered him and he was smiling again the same selfless smile that he had when I first cam in. I straightened his hair that fell on his eyelids. He opened his eyes slowly now realizing that my face was mere inches away from his. I wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

"Serena, your back," he said slowly but still sounded sleepy. I finally came to reality and wondered how I could think such a thought.

"Oops sorry I came in and you looked cold so I covered you with a blanket and then you woke up," I said blushingly and moving away from him as far as possible.

"Oh thanks," he said looking up and smiling. It was hard to resist that sexy smile. I seriously need to get some sleep.

"Well I'm going to sleep now, good night Darien," I said not even waiting for his reply I swiftly went into my room. As I closed my door I heard him say lightly.

"Good night Serena"

I couldn't believe I was having those kinds of thoughts about Darien. Suddenly I felt guilty; I felt somehow I betrayed Diamond. But he wanted to see me happy. Is it possible that I could love again? Am I starting to like Darien more than a friend? So many questions were swarming in my head. I wanted answers to the questions I didn't even know myself. Well I guess time is the best healer but like they say time heals everything but leaves scars behind that you have to face for the rest of your lives.

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