Chapter Eleven

My stomach is in knots again. My cell phone is in my hand and all I have to do is press send, so why can't I do it?

I take a deep breath and swallow. Okay, here we go. I press the SEND button.

"Hello?"

I almost want to hang up. But no. I can't. "Hey Logan, it's me."

"Mary Anne?"

Suddenly my mind goes blank. What on earth do I say to him when only yesterday I scolded him for calling me? Here I am, calling him because I need a favor to spend the night with Stacey and someone who he doesn't even probably trust. I feel like such a hypocrite. "Hey Logan," I repeat. Great start.

"What's up, Mary Anne? Is something wrong? I thought you didn't have anything to say to me."

Ouch. But he had a point. I had said that. I cringed at the memory. How could I be so cruel? I guess if I'm going to tell Logan he needs to communicate more and listen, I should do the same. Practice what I preach. "I know I said that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so rude to you. I, uh, wanted to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. And I wanted to talk about whatever it was you wanted to talk about."

Logan doesn't respond right away. "What brought about this sudden change of heart?" he finally asks.

"I realized that I was wrong. I should have let you tell me what you needed to say. Instead, I took my bad day out on you and I shouldn't have done that. I understand if you're upset with me. You have every right to be."

"What happened that made you have a bad day?" He sounds so concerned. It makes me feel even guiltier.

"Just work stuff. I got this huge project to do for Dan and it was stressing me out. But my point is, my bad day wasn't your fault and you shouldn't have had to be on the receiving end of my frustration. So I just want you to know that I truly am sorry for that." I take another deep breath.

"Well, it's okay. I think we all inadvertently take our anger out on others at one time or another. I'm glad you called, though. I really wanted to talk."

"Of course. I'm here to listen this time."

"Well, despite what you might think, I have thought a lot about what you said. It's all I could really think about these past couple days. And I can see why you were mad. I know my mom calls a lot and I realize only I can put a stop to that. I know that I have to have a talk with her and I plan on doing that. I just want to tell her what needs to be said without hurting her feelings. I don't want her to think that I hate her calling, because I like being able to be there for her."

"I understand Logan. And I don't want you to think that I'm telling you I never want her around. I just want you to tell her that you're grown and she needs to respect that. She needs to respect us and our relationship, and when we get married she needs to realize that there will be certain boundaries."

"Okay," Logan agrees. "I will try and talk to her later tonight then. I really miss you, Mary Anne. I want us to be together."

"I miss you too Logan," I tell him sincerely.

We talk for awhile more about what we've been up to since we last saw each other. I tell him about Kristy and he's happy we've rekindled our friendship. He's not surprised about her coming out to me. "She was a tomboy when we were younger, so I guess it's not a total shock," he reasons.

"Well, in any case, I think we'll try to keep in touch even after she goes back to Arizona. She said something at lunch about not wasting time being angry with people you care about. It made me think of you and how I acted."

"It's water under the bridge now, Mary Anne. We all say things we don't mean, don't be too hard on yourself over it."

"Okay." I pause, wondering if now is a good time to bring up the double date. "So that new guy in sales asked Stacey out today. She said they were going to the movies and they'll probably grab some dinner afterward. She wanted to know if we would double date with them."

"Oh. Right. You had mentioned that before...I guess if you really want to go."

"It honestly doesn't matter to me. I would do it more for Stacey if anything. She seemed pretty excited about it."

"For Stacey, huh? Well, I guess we have to then."

"Cool. I'll let her know tomorrow at work," I reply, trying to sound casual. I don't want him to get the wrong idea. We're starting fresh, and I intend to keep things strong. We both need to build up the trust in each other that might have been lacking before.

"So what day is this double date?"

"Saturday."

"All right, that's fine I don't think I have to work then. I'll eat anywhere but Chez Maurice."

I giggle. "I think we can manage to find somewhere else." My thoughts drift to our horrible night at Casa Grande and I cringe. I don't think that would be the best idea for a choice of restaurant either. Hopefully Logan won't bring it up.

Logan is quiet for a moment, and I get the sense he's thinking the same thing. "Well, I guess I should go," he says, breaking the silence. "Have a good night, Mary Anne. I'm glad you called. I love you."

"I love you too, Logan. Have a good night." We hang up and I let out a sigh of relief. I'm glad things are on the mend between us. Maybe this is a turning point in our relationship.

Well. I guess I'm going on that double date after all. I groan when I realize it's only Tuesday. Saturday seems like such a long way off. I almost want to get this date over and done with. I make a silent wish that things don't go terribly wrong. It's going to be a long week.

First thing Friday morning Lorenzo is waiting by my desk. "Ready?" he asks.

I put my purse on my desk. "Yeah, let me just get my computer started." Today is the day we turn in our brochure to Dan. We spent a good part of the week working on it, and luckily it didn't require any more lunch dates. I finished the wording yesterday and Lorenzo and I put the final touches on together. Lorenzo said he would take it to a printing shop that night. He reaches into his briefcase and shows me the final product. I have to admit it looks great. I just hope Dan likes it.

"You look very nice today," Lorenzo comments. I can feel myself blush. I never mentioned the note to Lorenzo, and he made no motions to show he wrote it. I don't know who else could have written it, since I don't really talk to anyone else here other than Stacey, Kate, and Becky. I would certainly hope it didn't come from one of them. That would be somewhat awkward.

"Thanks," I reply. I grab a notepad and pen and follow Lorenzo into Dan's office.

He looks up from his computer when we walk in. "Ah, Mary Anne and Lorenzo. Good morning. I take it you have the brochure?"

Lorenzo clears his throat. "Yes, Dan. It's right here." He places it in front of Dan and he and I take a seat. I begin to fidget. What if he hates it? I shoot Lorenzo a worried glance and he gives me a reassuring smile. I feel myself relax.

Dan picks up the brochure and looks at it carefully. I can hear him mutter things to himself, and strain to catch what he's saying. He looks up at us after what seems like an eternity but was probably no more than a few minutes. "Well, I've got to say I'm impressed." Lorenzo and I look at each other again and smile. "I think we've got a great brochure here. To be honest I don't even think we need any changes made to it." He stands up and shakes both of our hands. "Well done. Mary Anne, you did a fabulous job with the wording. I think you captured what this company is about and what we want to represent. I love the layout Lorenzo, and I think I may just have you design all of our marketing tools in the future."

I feel flustered by the compliment, and I can tell Lorenzo feels the same way. "Thanks Dan," I finally say. "I'm glad you like it."

Lorenzo finds his voice. "Yeah, thanks. I would be honored to do any other marketing brochure in the future."

Dan nods at us both, and we turn and walk out of his office. Lorenzo breathes a sigh of relief as soon as we exit. He puts his hand on my shoulder, causing my stomach to flutter. "Well, we did it! I'm so relieved that's done with." He drops his hand and pauses. "Hey…I'm sorry I didn't mention this before, I was afraid you might not know what I was talking about, but I have to ask: did you get my note?"

My heart nearly stops. He did write it! "Yeah, I got it. It was very nice. You, um, have nice handwriting." I feel completely moronic. Is that all I could think to say?

"Well, I was afraid you didn't get it. You never said anything."

"Well, I didn't know who wrote it."

Lorenzo looks solemn. "Sorry," he replies. "I thought it'd be obvious. You just looked really stunning that day. I saw you downstairs when I came in to work. You were by the marketing stuff. You almost took my breath away." He blushes and smiles at me.

I reach out and grab my desk to steady myself. This cannot be happening. I can't keep letting this go on. Not if Logan and I want to make things work. Not if he's going out tomorrow with my best friend. I have to find a way to put a stop to this. But a tiny part of me doesn't want to put a stop to it. I can't deny my attraction to Lorenzo. I can't deny that I'm completely flattered he seems to be attracted to me too, especially when I think Stacey is far more attractive than I am. I don't get why he would want to waste his time with someone who's practically taken when there is a perfectly gorgeous single girl who clearly is interested in him. "Thank you, Lorenzo. I'm flattered, that's quite a compliment. But, um, aren't you going out with Stacey tomorrow?"

Lorenzo's smile fades. "Yeah," he replies. "Don't get me wrong. I think she's a great girl. She's really pretty and nice, and she seems to be interested in me. I just feel like she comes on too strong sometimes. I mean, she asked me out on Tuesday and she tells me that you're going so I figure I'd go. I just don't know if there's anything between us. I guess I'll find out on Saturday though. I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable. I know your ex-fiance is going, and I don't want to seem disrespectful. I just think you're a really sweet, beautiful girl that's all."

"Well, I think you're a nice guy, too. I just think that since we're both going on this date with other people, we shouldn't mention the note. Or any of this other stuff. It would just make things awkward. I think you should give Stacey a chance tomorrow."

Lorenzo nods thoughtfully. "I will. Well, I should get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Of course. See you then." I sink into my seat. My mind is racing. I don't know what to think. I love Logan more than anything, but I'm still uncertain about the strength of our relationship. I want to make things right, but I know we still have a lot of issues we need to work through and it will take time. I need to wait and see how things go with his mother. Telling me he's going to talk to her is one thing, but hopefully he'll carry out his promise. I still can't fully say whether or not things are different between us, just that we're both taking steps in that direction.

I also feel a devotion to Stacey of sorts. She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose her over a guy. That's how she and Claudia stopped being friends and I don't want the same thing to happen to us. I don't even know Lorenzo that well. I've been with Logan for eight years. So why can't I get Lorenzo out of my mind? I hear him tell me I'm beautiful again in my mind and my heart flutters. Besides, I'm not forcing him to feel what he feels. Maybe Stacey really isn't the girl for him. Maybe I am. Maybe in this crazy mess it was fate that we met. I certainly feel a connection with him. But then I feel like I'm being disloyal to Logan. I realize I haven't done anything wrong. We've talked, innocently flirted, and gone to one lunch. Nothing I should really feel terribly guilty about.

I turn to my computer and sigh. It just seems like no matter how this ends, someone is going to get hurt.