A/N: Okay guys, I'm deeply sorry. I know it's been quite a while, and this chapter isn't really exciting or long. However, I'm uploading what i have, partly un-beta'd because I want you to have it now...I'd say stuff about how busy I was (because it's definitely true) but I figure you don't care.

I will complain about uploading this, though: Fanfiction is NOT very Mac-friendly, have you noticed? I had to upload this as a notepad. JANK. Anyway, enjoy this, hopefully...

Special thanks to my beta, Nichi Nara. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Jeep, Ethan Frome, Sharpie, or Speak.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

School is terrible. Whoever came up with the idea of forcing immature teenagers together in an attempt to get them to learn was very foolish; it is nearly impossible to learn anything here.

I groan as I pull into the lot. Jasper is at the usual table, with Alice sitting next to him. Their heads are close together as they talk about...something.

I scowl. Screw them.

I find Emmett and Rose sitting in Emmett's Jeep, and without knocking, I climb into the back.

"Hey there, Clumsy," Emmett says cheerfully. "How ya doin'?"

"I've been better, but I could be worse," I reply honestly.

"That's good," Rose says. "Did you sleep well?"

"I was fine." I pause, wondering if I should mention Edward. I decide to tell them; they are my best friends after all. "Edward came over."

Emmett's eyes rose to meet mine in the rear view mirror. "So I heard." He smirks suddenly. "When do I get to try your amazing pasta sauce?"

I shrug. "Just come over sometime when I'm in a bad mood. Making pasta is very relaxing."

"Gawsh, Bella," Rose complains. "You're the epitome of the woman stereotype. You're probably the single reason Emmett keeps telling me to go make him a 'sammich'."

I scowl and smack the back of Emmett's head. "Don't order your girlfriend around."

"Yes, ma'am," Emmett agrees quickly.

"What happened?" Rose demands, twisting around to face me.

"Not much. He came over. We made a sort of truce, and I guess we're...friends now. And then I invited him to stay for dinner. Dad was okay with it."

"Hmmph. That's weird. Charlie never seemed the trusting type," Emmett says, poking his cheek.

"I know. He hardly batted an eye," I muse. "And he knew I was dating Jasper."

"You didn't tell him?" Emmett asks curiously, eyeing me in his rear-view mirror.

"No...it never came up," I say simply. The truth is, I figured Dad would freak if I ever dated someone. I guess he's okay with idea. Still...something seems off. He should have grounded me for lying to him last night.

The door of the Jeep opens, and Edward slides in next to me. "Hey," he says softly. "Do you mind?"

I offer him a soft smile. "Of course not."

I can't be angry with Edward. Despite the fact that he was so rude to me only a few days ago, he's in the same boat as me, and I think he might not hate me any more.

He returns my smile and settles slowly into the car. He slides his backpack off and places it between his feet. He slumps back into the seat. "They disgust me," he says. His voice is quiet but full of anger.

My eyes flicker to Jasper and Alice. They're visible, but only just.

"Shameless," I offer. I take his hand and squeeze it gently.

His eyes flicker to mine and hold my gaze for a moment. There's very intense, conflicting emotion raging behind Edward's eyes, and very briefly, I think he'll turn than anger on me. Abruptly he shuts his eyes and pulls his hand from mine. He turns toward the window, clearly uncomfortable.

I grimace. Touch comes naturally to me, but clearly not to Edward. I must have overstepped a line. I feel like I should apologize, but I don't know how to say it, so I just look away awkwardly.

Rose breaks the silence. "He...at home, he doesn't understand why I won't talk to him. I guess he just assumed, since I was his twin that I'd be on his side. But he's the one who did the wrong thing..."

Emmett rolls his eyes. "He did the same thing to me."

"Idiot," I hiss, and my mouth pulls downward.

Now, Edward pats my hand, albeit awkwardly.

I glance at him, eyes wide. He's not watching me, but is looking out of the window. As though feeling my gaze, he turns to look at me, and once again, I can see the emotions shifting behind his eyes.

I smile hesitantly, and he awkwardly smiles back.

I don't think I've ever been in a more awkward situation.

"Well," Rose says primly, eyeing the two of us, "I don't know what you two were doing with the pair of them in the first place. You both deserve better."

I sigh and don't respond. Rose's words are cute and sweet, but they don't help me to stop feeling like chopped liver in comparison to Alice. There is still a huge part of me questioning why Jasper sought female companionship from someone other than myself. Why wasn't I enough for him?

The bell rings.

I groan. "I have first period with him."

"Sorry, Bells," Emmett says.

I shake my head. "It's not your fault."

"I'll walk you to class, Bella," Edward says softly, but his voice has an odd inflection that lets me know he's offering it out of obligation, not because he actually wants to.

"Um, no, it's okay," I mutter. No need to put Edward in a more uncomfortable situation.

Edward shrugs and says "Okay."

I jump from the Jeep, feeling suddenly stifled in the small space with Edward. "See you guys later," I say.

Emmett calls out to me, "Hey, Bella! I'll walk you to your next class, okay?"

I turn back and offer a smile and nod. "Thank you." Too late, I realize this might make Edward feel like I didn't want him to walk me to class. But, I realized suddenly, I don't want him to walk me to class. I mean, yes, we're friends now. But just last week, he couldn't stand the sight of me. I'm not holding it against him, but it's just awkward.

I can feel the people watching me as I walk down the halls. I can hear the whispers. I can smell their curiosity, taste their interest, see their fingers pointing.

I blush and drop my gaze. I catch a glance of Edward, walking tall, unashamed. Edward, inexplicably, is much stronger than I am, even though his wounds are fresher. I don't mind; something tells me that he's very good at ignoring his own pain.

I swallow and lift my head. I'll be strong for him. We'll pretend it doesn't bother us, that we're better than that, and Jasper and Alice can suck it.

I can pretend.

It is a very good thing that I've already studied Ethan Frome. It is completely impossible to focus with Jasper glaring holes into my head.

I manage to look like I'm ignoring him, but it's probably obvious to him, at least, that I can't.

I sigh, and pretend to listen to Mr. Mason drone on about Ethan and his crazy wife.

Good. Ness! My chest felt really uncomfortable, especially with Jasper staring at me that way. My heart started pounding, and I felt a headache begin. There was ibuprofen in my purse-since I'd found out about Jasper and Alice, I'd been prone to headaches-but I had no way to take it.

I raised my hand and asked to go to the restroom. Mr. Mason agreed. He knew I didn't really need to hear the lecture anyway.

In the bathroom, I lean over the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. I look awful, but I guess that's to be expected.

I sigh and rub my forehead. Everything hurts so bad.

With a groan, I leave the bathroom, put the ibuprofen on the back of my tongue, and gulp down some water at the fountain. Wincing, I slide to sit down next to the fountain. The security guard passed me on my way to the bathroom, so I know he won't be back around the high school for another ten minutes at the least.

I sit there an trace designs in the brick with my eyes. Rain falls gently on the awning above me, and I listen to that for a moment, too. It's a gentle rain, for which I am grateful. Any harder, and it would still be hitting me, bouncing upward from the spot of impact in order to reach me.

I slide my hand into my pocket and grasp a sharpie. It's blue, fine point, brand new. Well, not new, but unused. I'd picked it up from Dad's coffee table. He never used it, but he kept it around just in case.

In case of what? I'm not sure. Probably not for what I'm considering.

I slide my eyes sideways, and then stand and slide back into the bathroom. I enter the second stall and shut the door behind me. I stare up at the door, covered in random insults and song lyrics. Someone has written a poem on the top corner.

I remember a scene from one of my favorite books, Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, where the main character writes on the bathroom stalls. Certainly seemed to help her...I take a breath, lift the pen, and write:

Boys to avoid: Jasper Hale

I step back and cap the sharpie. I smile slightly, and leave the stall, tucking the sharpie into my pocket.

I return to class with a smug smirk on my face. I feel better after vandalising, which is probably a bad thing. As long as the administration, and in turn my father, don't find out, it's no big deal.

In Speak, the main character returns to the bathroom to find several responses to her comment, all in her favor. I have no idea if the same will be true for me, but it doesn't matter. Having a visual representation of what I feel right now is the best thing that could happen.

I can tell that Jasper is confused by my suddenly pleased appearance, which makes me only more smug. That's right. I can be happy without you.

With some sadness, I realize that he'll never see what I'm pleased about. But then I realize that Alice will. Doubtless, word will get back to him. Problem solved.

The bell rings, and I begin to gather my things. Jasper doesn't bother to wait for me today, for which I'm grateful. I swing my bag over my shoulder and head out of the room. I meet Emmett on my way to government, link my arm through his, and smile at him for the first time since Thursday.

He smiles in return. "What got into you?"

"I vandalised the bathroom stalls."

"Awesome." Emmett says, laughing.

My day is uneventful until lunchtime, when Edward walks over to our table and asks if he can sit with us.

"Of course, bro," Emmett answers automatically.

"Yep," Rose says.

I just nod and offer a smile.

Edward hesitantly smiles back, and I detect a bit of guilt in the smile. It makes me wonder for a second, but I brush it off. Everyone feels guilty at some point. Edward's guilt is probably just about how rude he had originally been.

I smile wider to show it doesn't bother me any more. I hope he catches my meaning, but I can't be sure.

Then I realize everything is getting awkward again, so I turn my attention to Rose and Emmet's conversation.

"...which reminds me, Bella, I need you to help me plan my birthday party."

I blink, and vaguely recall that Rose's birthday is coming up. "April 28, right?" I hedge.

Truthfully, parties have never been my thing. I don't like large crowds and have a slight aversion to wrapping paper, as I manage to get at least five paper cuts for every present I open. Of course, that's not a good reason to avoid Rose's party. And considering Rose's introversion, it wouldn't surprise me if her idea of a party was going to Port Angeles with Emmett and me.

"Yes. And Esme is not to know, or else I'll end up with a cake taller than me, the presence of the entire senior class, and lots of pink," Rose mutters, staring mutinously at her orange. She peels it carefully, collecting all of the peels in a pile.

"Rose," Emmett sighs, "She's not going to forget your birthday. If you don't want her to plan a party, just tell her."

Rose sighs, too. "What I'm planning on doing, is planning the party, telling her about it, and then no one's feelings get hurt. Probably."

"She'll still bake you a cake," Edward says quietly.

"But maybe it won't be as tall," Emmett says hopefully.

"And maybe she'll let you control the guest list," I add.

"But there will be pink, won't there?" Rose groans.

The three of us exchange glances, and then nod regretfully.

"There's a solution, then," Rose says suddenly. "I won't have it at home, obviously. But I won't have it at your house, either. Or Bella's. Let's go somewhere. Port Angeles? Seattle? No, I know. Let's go to Portland."

"Portland is four and a half hours away. Could you really stand to drive for that long?" I ask.

"Seattle is three hours away, if you take the ferry. Closer to four and a half if you drive the whole way. It's not that much of a difference."

"Let me rephrase that. Could you stand to be in a car with Emmett for that long?"

"Hey!" Emmett says. "I resent that." He reached across the table and pushed my shoulder gently.

"Oh," I cry dramatically. "I'm injured. Broken! You've damaged me, you hooligan!"

Rose stands and puts her hands on her hips. "Emmett! How dare you? Apologize right this instant!"

Emmett and Edward just look at us in disbelief. Emmett slowly shakes his head. "When you're done being dramatic, I'll make my suggestion."

"Duly noted. Now, apologize."

"Nope." Emmett stuck his tongue out at me.

I curled my hand into an o, and mimed shooting a dart at him. "You're frozen." (1)

Emmett groaned.

I beamed and turned back to Rose. "Please, don't pull the dart out of his neck."

"No prob. Of course, we don't have to go so far. Maybe Port Angeles would be better. Boring, but possibly better. And cheaper," she mutters.

"Yep," I say thoughtfully. "Or we could just hit La Push beach."

Emmett makes a noise of irritation.

"A picnic! Or a bonfire!" Rose says, clapping her hands excitedly.

"For three people?" Edward asks doubtfully.

Rose shakes her head. "Five, at the very least. We'll have to include yourself and Angie. And I guess Ben. So six?"

"So," I say hesitantly, "Maybe not a bonfire, but a normal fire?"

Rose huffs. "Okay. But we have to make s'mores."

I nod. "Good plan."

The bell rang, then, and we all started to leave. About halfway across the cafeteria, I notice Emmett isn't with us. "Oops," I say, and turn around to see him, still frozen, sitting at our table. I run back and pull the dart out of his neck, and muss his hair. "Come on, slowpoke!"

He grabs me and starts tickling me. "Don't do that again!"

"Stop!" I gasp between laughs. I'm notoriously ticklish.

"Promise, Belly. Promise you won't do it again."

"I prom...ise...Emmy!"

"What?"

"I promise!"

Emmett groans, but stops tickling me. I'm still letting out little hiccups of laughter as we exit the cafeteria.

Outside of my classroom, I turn to him call him a rude name. "But I love you!"

He pokes me. "Love you, too, Bella boo."

A/N: (1) Dart game: I don't know if this is played elsewhere, but where I'm from, we shoot "darts" at each other. If you make eye contact with someone, and they "dart" you, you generally freeze. In more relaxed game play, you just freeze, but if you play the more extreme version (frowned upon in school situations) you actually fall over, still frozen. You're frozen until someone pulls the "dart" out of your neck. And basically, that means they can poke you, hit you, etc. until you're unfrozen. Or, they can just leave you there. It's ridiculously fun.