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6. Confessions of a werewolf

Jacob's POV

I couldn't live without her. I knew that very well. I knew that way before my feelings had turned more romantic. I knew it from the moment I saw her angelic face. But now nothing at all could replace the constant picture of Nessie in my mind. It was tattooed to my brain and not just a henna. It was amazingly clear to me that she was what I wanted and what I deep inside had always wanted. I wanted to hold her all the time, and tell her how much I care about her. So especially because of my new realization it was hard for me to pretend like we were just friends, even harder to not think about her - to not fantasize about her. Stop it, Jacob!

I lay thinking – waiting for time to pass – in my bed. I was waiting for time to pass, because I had a date with Nessie tonight, and it had apparently turned out to be this day's highlight. In a way I wasn't really up for it. I was still major scared of what Edward would say. Though, I had never had it this hard controlling my thoughts, I hadn't slipped and he didn't know a thing. But I wasn't sure if Nessie had kept her thoughts to herself. And Alice too, if not the whole Cullen family apart from Edward. I was sure they all knew about it. It surprised me that Edward as the only one hadn't found out any of this yet – but of course it was only a day since our relationship changed drastically.

It was Nessie who had invited me, and she had promised me we wouldn't tell Edward that it was a date. She would tell him it was just a friend thing, and before either of us started falling in love with each other, we ate out together – just the two of us - all the time. Before that we spent all our time with each other, and in the past month, we hadn't been together really at all. So it would be weird if we suddenly began hanging out every hour.

God, I was becoming such an emo bitch!

I shouldn't even care about this shit! Back in the days I would be glad to cause Edward some pain or complications, but this was just something entirely else. This was debating whether or not it was now I could take his daughter away from him – to sleep with her every night, to kiss her when I wanted to, to love her when I wanted to.

Yeah, this was definitely something entirely else.

But knowing that didn't help me coming up with an answer to my stupid worries.

My phone buzzed, and I probbed myself up on my elbow to grab it on my night desk.

"Hi Jake… what're you doing?" It was Nessie. I could tell even if I hadn't saved her as "Nessie" on my phone. She never used abbreviations or wrote "u" instead of "you" and all that.

"Staring at my ceiling. What 'bout u?"

"I'm being tortured - Alice insisted to do my hair. Are you picking me up?"

"For sure. Be ready six pm – or apparently it's Alice to be ready."

"Haha. Yeah, guess so. I miss you."

"Me too, but I'll see u in an hour."

A little time passed before she answered.

"Sure." Was all she wrote, and made me curious. It wasn't likely for her to write a one-word text-message.

I sighed, yanked my old cut-off jeans off – the only piece of clothing Alice had allowed me to keep – and found myself looking superficially at myself in the mirror.

I couldn't keep my feelings held back much longer.

Nessie's POV

He picked me up a few minutes after six. It probably meant nothing to him – girls cared about minor details rather than boys – but it made me more concerned – more suspicious of the possibility that he had imprinted, that he had fallen in love with someone unworthy. No matter who was his imprint – even if it was myself – she wouldn't be worthy enough for Jacob. He's so perfect that no one is worthy enough to have him. Priceless.

Yesterday Jacob had said that we better keep a low profile, so we weren't together at all. That day had been the longest day of my life. He had texted me though, to make sure I was safe, and wasn't committing suicide out of plain impatience.

So today I had insisted to spend at least the evening with him, though I could feel his lack of enthusiasm. What was with him? Did it bring him so much down that my dad didn't want us to get married and have kids right now? Dad wasn't going to keep us from each other forever, and he would never hurt Jacob, because he knows how much he means to me.

Jacob was going to tell me everything – explain every single weird behaviour – which also meant that I was going to explain my own actions. He was going to speak up, even if I had to hold a knife to his throat if necessary. Okay, that would be a little extreme.

He looked charmingly cool in black jeans, a white t-shirt and his black leather jacket along with Nike sneakers. I suddenly felt like trash beside him. I had spent a lot of time myself in front of the mirror. If I knew Jacob right, he had looked in the mirror for less than ten seconds.

I myself had spent hours in front of that stupid mirror. I changed outfit at least five times and had come up with this: black peep toe lace up ankle boots, a dark cyan knee-length silk cocktail dress, which swayed loosely around me. It was sewn in at the waist so my shape was more defined. I had brought a little black jacket and my sparkly silver clutch with me.

I almost threw myself into his arms as I opened the door to see the love of my indefinite life. He smiled and kissed my hair, and spun me around to walk to the car. He didn't even say hello to the others. Maybe he was as desperate as I to be near each other in a more intense way.

I would wait to hold him under inquiry till we were settled down with our food. Men especially attended to soften up when they were fed with good-tasting food, and that was exactly why I had picked out a little more expensive restaurant than we usually visited. That ought to mean something, I decided.

"So, you survived, huh?" Jacob said with a smile.

"What?" I mumbled absently.

"Survived the absence of me, and Alice doing your hair. By the way, I thought you liked that stuff,"

I snorted playfully. "Of course I survived. I hung out with Matthew. Remember he invited me for lunch?"

He gritted his teeth, and breathed out in gust.

"Geez, Jake, I'm kidding."

His look calmed, but was tenser than before. I wished I hadn't said anything. He obviously was in a touchy mood – which was rare for him – but now that I thought of it, he had been in a sentimental mood for a good hand of time. Maybe I should drop joking from now, till everything was cleared up between us, and his worries were gone, because he was obviously worried. He never acted like this if it was minor worries, so it must be big. That worried me a little.

I started to plan out what I would do to ease the tension a bit, so it startled me when he spoke.

"Have you talked to Elodie lately?" He mumbled uncaringly.

"Uh… yesterday."

"How was she?"

Now that he mentioned it, she had been strangely rueful. She was always bubbly, but there was an edge to it. "She was… weird," I muttered and stared out the window in to the empty night.

"Yeah, Seth told me."

"Told you what?" I asked and turned my head with curiosity.

His eyes widened a little at first. "Didn't she tell you?"

I blinked twice. "I don't… understand."

"Her Mom is at the hospital,"

"Why? It's not something serious, is it?" I could feel panic build up in me, though I didn't really know her that well yet.

"She fell down the stairs some time ago, and got a plaster, then yesterday she was on the hospital to get it off, but when they took it off, she was still feeling pain, so they ran some test, and found out she had a blood clot in her leg. She's… bad."

I gasped, and felt tears rush into my eyes. So sensitive I was.

"Why didn't Ellie tell me?"

"Because she knows as well as I how compassionate you are about that kind of stuff, so you would just be all panicky and sad the rest of the day."

"So you thought this was a good time to tell me?" I asked with a shaky voice.

He gazed down and bit his lower lip in the sexiest way ever, so I received an electric wave to flow from my chest and through my stomach, to between my thighs. I breathed out slowly.

"I thought you wanted to know," He muttered. This was so annoying! I could never stay angry with him for more than a few seconds. Not because I wanted to stay angry at him, but sometimes he just brought it on himself.

"I want to know, I'm just a little irritated Elodie didn't tell me." True, but I wasn't mad at all.

He didn't say anything began to look very concentrated on the main road. I didn't say anything till we were in our seats. I noticed our waitress – a young girl in her mid twenties, with golden walnut coloured hair, short curvy body, and natural beige skin spotted with freckles across her nose and under her deep green sparkly eyes – who gave Jacob a long appraised glance as he pulled out the chair for me.

"Hello, I'm Danielle. I'll be your waitress for tonight. What can I get you?" She asked smiling widely at Jake.

"I'll have tequila," He muttered. I knew that Jake liked drinking strong stuff – and the rest of the wolf boys as well – because his overheated body temperature burned the alcohol off easily. "And um... a medium rose steak, with baked potatoes, salad and red-wine sauce. You babe?" He gazed up at me from his menu card. A thrill went through me as he called me that. Babe.

"I'll have the red-wine of the house, and the Caesar salad, please."

The girl noted quickly, to smile up at Jacob again, and disappear. I saw her whisper to one of her colleges, and she quickly looked in our direction, eyes widening as she took in Jacob.

"People think you're hot." I murmured, picking at the very nicely clean and white cloth, which covered the little two-man table.

He snorted. "People think you're hot too."

"Sure, sure."

"Don't look right away, but do you see those guys over there? The one with the sloppy greasy ponytail, and the younger guy in front of him?"

I smiled at him, letting all the bitterness, which had built up in me, disappear. I glanced around looking like I was orientating myself. When my eyes darted over their table, two staring eyes locked with mine for a split second. I glanced quickly away, being a little shocked by the aura of creepiness they had around themselves. I kept seeing those eyes in my mind. The one with the ponytail had weird yellow eyes – it was like his eyes were replaced by two suns. The other one had silver grey eyes, also a weird colour. There wasn't just a spark to his eyes like there was to Ellie's, they literally looked silver. How weird. But maybe they were just using coloured contacts.

"Maybe they're gay. Maybe they're looking at you," I teased trying to ease the tension even more.

"Harh, harh. Very funny." He grimaced sarcastically.

Our waitress rounded the corner and placed the wine, Jacob's tequila and a little basket of bread on our table. She smiled again – only at Jacob – not even noticing me, and walked away.

"No, I'm serious. They look like they could rip your clothes off and eat you anytime."

"Ew, Jake! C'mon. This is a nice place. What if someone heard you?" It surprised me he was the one saying that – he usually didn't like the thought of me with someone else. No, I had seen him wince, when someone even mentioned Matthew.

"Like you care,"

A slight pause of consideration filled time. "Ugh, well, guess I don't. But I don't like that image in my mind." But you are allowed to rip my clothes off anytime. I wanted to say that, but was afraid of his reaction. The sexual tension between us became only stronger as our fingers touched briefly when I reached for my glass of wine and he reached for the bread.

I couldn't wait for the food any longer as we had small-talked for ten minutes. Take a deep breath, and let your guards down, I told myself.

"Jacob,"

How will "the talk" work out ? Will they ever be truly together, no drama?