Greetings! There is no excuse for the lapse in updates. All I can say is that life got a little out of control, and it downright sucks right about now, but I think I'm where I want to be with the story. The next few chapters should come somewhat regularly.

Thank you for your patience. Hopefully there is still an audience for the story out there.

Enjoy!

Chapter 11: Expectations

The next morning, Hitsugaya dragged himself out of bed after a fitful night of sleep. Even with one of Unohana's sedatives, he hadn't managed more than an hour or two of continuous sleep. His brain felt fuzzy and his body ached all over. His knee stubbornly refused to bend, and Hitsugaya had to hobble into the living area, using the walls as support. He was glad that no one was around to see him struggle with something as simple as walking.

The sun was barely peeking out from behind the horizon, but there was enough light to reflect off the broken pieces of glass that littered the floor. His tantrum from the night before came to mind and Hitsugaya felt ashamed of how childish he'd been. He shouldn't have let his anger manifest in that way and he vowed to keep a tighter lid on it from now on.

He found his cane next to the bookcase where he'd left it the night before and, after picking it up, went to the kitchen area and got a broom. It took him an hour to pick up all of the glass, and he was sweating heavily with the effort despite the breeze coming in through the broken door. He picked up the items he'd hurled at the door, most having survived with only a few dents and scratches, and put them back on the bookcase. He took the photograph of the division out of the dented frame and shook the remaining pieces of glass off of it. The glass had damaged the photograph itself, leaving several cuts through the face of the Hitsugaya in the picture. He through briefly of throwing the photograph away, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do so. He set it on the bookcase instead.

The knock on his door startled him and, before Hitsugaya could decide whether to answer it or not, his visitor spoke up.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, I have your breakfast," the man said.

Hitsugaya released a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. "Leave it outside."

"Yes, sir."

There was a thud as the tray was set on the floor and then silence. Hitsugaya wasn't hungry, so he left the tray outside. He went back to his task, putting the glass in a bucket and setting it outside. At least now Matsumoto wouldn't ask why he destroyed the door. At least he hoped that she wouldn't notice.

When he was finished, Hitsugaya was sweaty and had gotten dirt all over his yukata. He looked down at himself, disgusted that the task had been so tedious and had taken so long. He was tired already but he knew that if he saw down he likely wouldn't be able to get up again for a while. He made his way into the bedroom instead where he picked up what he needed and headed to the bath. It took him three times longer than it normally did, but he felt cleaner and a little more like himself than he had the previous night.

When he went to get his clothing, Hitsugaya paused when he noticed what his hand had been reaching for. He hadn't worn his uniform since the incident with Aizen and he didn't want to wear it now. He didn't feel like he deserved to wear it, not after what Aizen had taken from him. He was supposed to speak with his troops, however, so he couldn't afford to wear anything else. He was weak, but that didn't mean that the rest of the troops had to know that, at least not yet. He took the shihakusho out and put it on, but decided to leave the haori behind. He was in the process of brushing his hair when a knock on the door jolted him out of his thoughts.

He debated whether he wanted to answer the door this time. It was too early for Matsumoto to show up at his door and there were very few people who were bold enough to come to his private quarters without an invitation. The knock came again, this time followed by a soft voice.

"Hitsugaya-kun?"

Hitsugaya sighed. Why was he not surprised that this particular person would be the first one to come visit him? He made his way to the door and opened it a little more roughly than he'd intended.

"It's rude to come unannounced," he said.

Ukitake shrugged. "You didn't exactly announce that you would be released from the 4th division, either," the older man said as he entered the room. He set the tray of untouched food on the table in Hitsugaya's kitchen.

"There was a reason for that," Hitsugaya said, failing to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"The food is already cold," Ukitake said as he took the lid off the tray. "Do you want me to have them bring something else?"

"No," Hitsugaya said. "I'm not hungry."

He motioned for Ukitake to join him in the living area and they both settled on the couches.

"What can I do for you?" Hitsugaya asked. He felt guilty that he didn't offer Ukitake tea, but he didn't think he'd be able to make it. He'd barely been able to walk to the door and back.

"I didn't expect you to be back in uniform," Ukitake said. "I'd have thought that Unohana would have strict conditions for releasing you this soon."

Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow, not about to get into the conditions of his release. He didn't owe Ukitake, or anyone else, any explanations.

For a moment, Ukitake's face reflected his disappointment at Hitsugaya's unwillingness to talk, but he quickly hid it with a smile. "How are you feeling?" Ukitake finally asked. "Your injuries were pretty severe."

"I'm alive," Hitsugaya said. "I suppose I should be grateful for that."

They fell into uncomfortable silence after that. Hitsugaya really wasn't up for conversation, especially not the one Ukitake wanted to have. He was having a hard enough time dealing with the whole situation himself without being made to talk about it. He couldn't, not right now. Ukitake must have sensed his reluctance and, for once, decided not to push the matter.

"Well, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing," Ukitake said as he got up. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you?"

"No, thank you," Hitsugaya said. "I'm fine." He started to get up, but Ukitake motioned for him to stay seated.

"I'll let myself out. If you need anything, please let me know."

With that, Ukitake left, closing the door behind him. Hitsugaya sighed and laid his head on the back of the couch. If talking to Ukitake, a man he considered a mentor and a friend, had been this hard, how was he supposed to be able to talk to anyone else?

Ukitake headed back to his division after seeing Hitsugaya, his gut churning with guilt at what he'd seen, what he hadn't been fast enough to stop. Hitsugaya, always the proud prodigy, quick to anger and last to give up, looked as dejected and defeated as Ukitake had ever seen him. When Aizen had attacked Hitsugaya and Hinamori, back when the man had first defected, Hitsugaya had looked beaten, but also angry and determined to never let that happen to him again. This time, there was very little fire left in those eyes. Ukitake had no doubt that Hitsugaya's injuries had left him in a lot of pain; the kid was lucky to have survived at all, but the physical injuries couldn't have been enough to put Hitsugaya in this state. Something else had to be going on, and they had to find out what it was quickly.

"You're out a little early, aren't you?"

Ukitake looked up to see Shunsui walking up to him. "I could say the same about you."

Shunsui shrugged. "Every now and then I like to walk around the city and enjoy the peace that comes before sunset," he said, which Ukitake took to mean that he'd spent the night at someone else's house and he was just now headed back to his own. "You look grim, Juushirou," Shunsui said. "Did something happen?"

"Hitsugaya is out of the 4th, I just went to see him," Ukitake said. "He's…" Ukitake trailed off, not sure how to describe their youngest captain.

"His injuries were rather severe," Shunsui said as they both resumed their walk. "It's not going to be an easy road back."

Ukitake didn't immediately reply. Instead, the image of Hitsugaya, the first time Ukitake had seen him, popped into his head. Hitsugaya had been so young, so world-weary already, even at that young of an age. There had been no doubt in Ukitake's mind that the kid had already experienced some horrible things in his life, but there was still something very innocent about him, something Ukitake had sworn to himself to protect. Ukitake had succeeded for the most part, until Aizen had turned traitor.

"What's on your mind, Juushirou?" Shunsui asked.

"Hitsugaya has never been the best conversationalist, preferring to keep his pain buried deep inside where only he can see it. That's not going to work this time. There's too much to keep inside."

"All you can do, all any of us can do, is help as much as we can," Shunsui replied. "The rest is going to be up to our young friend."

Hitsugaya was prepared for the knock on his door this time, because Matsumoto had made sure that he heard her coming. He appreciated the effort, because he wasn't up for any more unexpected visitors.

"Come in," he said and Matsumoto let herself, and the therapist, inside his quarters.

"This is Yoshida Kyoko," Matsumoto said, pointing to the woman she was with. "Unohana-taichou sent her to administer your physical therapy."

The therapist bowed to Hitsugaya, who returned the bow a bit stiffly. She was young, a little older than Hinamori, but much taller. She was a head shorter than Matsumoto, and her bright, red hair stood out against her black shihakusho.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Hitsugaya-taichou," she said. "Where would you like me to set up?"

He was about to reply when Matsumoto's voice startled him.

"What the hell happened here?" she asked, pointing to the glassless door and bucket of glass shards. "What broke the door?"

"We'll talk about it later, Matsumoto."

She looked like she wanted to argue, but decided to keep it to herself. She gave Hitsugaya a look that made it clear that they would talk about it later.

"I'll come pick you up in an hour, Yoshida-san," Matsumoto said and let herself out of Hitsugaya's quarters.

"You can set up over here, Yoshida-san," Hitsugaya said, pointing to the area beside the windows to the private garden.

The woman brought her padded table and set it up where Hitsugaya had specified. She pulled a sheet and several pillows out of a purple bag, which made the table look a lot more appealing.

"Do you have something a bit more comfortable to wear than your uniform?" she asked. "It'll be easier for me if I have easy access to the injured joints and muscles that require the most work."

"Yes, I think I do," Hitsugaya replied and went into the bedroom to change into some shorts and a t-shirt that he'd acquired in the living world during his last mission. "Will this do?" he asked after he changed.

"That's perfect," Yoshida said. "Please come and lie down on the table."

Hitsugaya did, with some difficulty. Once he was on his back, he looked up at the therapist, unsure of where all of this was going. He was somewhat comforted when he noticed the warm smile on her face.

"If you haven't had physical therapy before, this is probably a bit strange for you," she said. "First, I just need to do an evaluation of your injured limbs. I've read your medical records and I have an idea of where I want to start, but I want to also give you a chance to tell me how you're feeling. How does that sound?"

"Fine," Hitsugaya replied, not sure of what else to say. He didn't want her seeing the scars that now adorned most of his body and he didn't want her to see the crooked joints that wouldn't move correctly anymore. He didn't want her to touch him and he certainly didn't want her here, in his private quarters. Unohana-taichou had made it absolutely clear, however, that he had to go through this physical therapy and Hitsugaya wasn't going to risk having to go back to the 4th division and doing this there. He felt a bit safer in his quarters, at least.

"Relax, please," she said. "This examination might hurt, but I promise I won't push more than I need to."

Hitsugaya took a deep breath and let it out, willing his body to relax as much as it was able to. Yoshida started with his feet and ankles, bending them a little at a time to see their range of motion. She moved up to his knees and he had to stifle several gasps of pain as she bent the joints a little too much. She bent his left knee all the way, and he was happy to see that it still had the full range of motion. When she tried the same exercise on the right, the joint only marginally moved.

"This one is going to need some work, but it's not hopeless just yet," she said, her eyes serious, but her demeanor light and hopeful.

She continued with the examination, focusing a bit on his wrists and shoulders, and somehow managed to make the experience somewhat less invasive.

"We're going to concentrate on your right leg and left arm for the most part," Yoshida said when she was done and Hitsugaya was sitting up on the bed. "The joints may seem like they're hopelessly locked up, but I can guarantee you that they're not."

Hitsugaya was a bit heartened at the news, but he didn't dare hope.

"If you were to leave the joints as they are now, they would get progressively worse over time," she explained. "However, if we force them to move, a little at a time, they will eventually begin to regain some of the motion they once had."

"How are they going to do that?" Hitsugaya asked. "They barely move now."

"That's where exercise comes in," Yoshida replied. "Controlled, repetitive movements, over time, will re-train your body and will help your mind remember what it was like to move the joint to its full extent."

"I can't exercise," Hitsugaya said. "I can barely walk across the room."

"Ah, but we're not going to be exercising in the way you remember. Here, let me show you."

They spent the next half hour going over some very simple, and very painful, strengthening and stretching exercises for his joints. She used various bands and small weights to provide the resistance that Hitsugaya himself was no longer able to, and he was exhausted by the time she had finished.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked and Hitsugaya kept his mouth shut for fear of telling her how he really felt about her exercises right at that moment. "Don't worry, it'll get easier."

Hitsugaya got off the table and settled on the couch, his body aching like it hadn't since he'd first woken up after the incident.

"Unohana-taichou prescribed some painkillers for you, Hitsugaya-taichou," Yoshida said as she folded the table and picked up her things. "I suggest you take some right now and get some rest. You're going to be very sore at the beginning, but it will get better."

Hitsugaya had no intention of taking pain medication that was going to knock him out, but he wasn't about to tell her that. Matsumoto knocked on the door and then let herself in.

"How did it go?" she asked.

"Fine," Hitsugaya said immediately.

"You did great, Hitsugaya-taichou," Yoshida said. "I will see you again the day after tomorrow. Do your exercises like we talked about."

"I will, thank you," he replied as the two women walked out of the room.

Matsumoto returned to Hitsugaya's quarters an hour later to find her captain back in uniform. He was sitting at the table in the kitchen, the tray of food the kitchen had sent him for lunch untouched in front of him.

"It's not going to jump up and attack you," she said as she walked towards him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're looking at that tray like it's done something to anger you," she said, trying for a little humor. The mirth disappeared, however, when Hitsugaya stared blankly at her. "Why didn't you eat?"

"I'm not hungry," he said.

"You didn't eat breakfast, either."

One of Hitsugaya's eyebrows rose. "I wasn't hungry then, either."

Hitsugaya's tone was angry, almost belligerent, and Matsumoto wondered if maybe the therapist had pushed him a little too hard. The lines around Hitsugaya's eyes were more pronounced, which had always been a clear indication that he was in pain and was trying to hide it. She walked over to the door that was now missing the glass and raised her own eyebrow.

"Do you want to tell me what this is about?" she said.

"The door needs some repairs," he replied.

"I can see that," Matsumoto replied as she peeked into the bucket that held the glass shards.

Her eyes then travelled around the room until they landed on his bookcase, which was now missing one of the picture frames. Several of the other items had been moved around and she could see dents on a couple of them. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened, and it broke her heart that he felt that he had to deal with all of this on his own. She went over to the table and sat across from him.

"I'm here if you want to talk," she said. She reached out to take one of his hands but he pulled them away. "You don't have to deal with it by yourself."

"There is nothing to talk about," Hitsugaya said. "It's not going to happen again," he added, his head slightly tilted to indicate the door.

Hitsugaya's jaw clenched, and his face became completely closed off. It made the young man look so much older than his actual age. Men three times Hitsugaya's age hadn't had to go through what he was going through, and Matsumoto wished that he would share what was going on behind the weary, green eyes.

"We should get going," he said as he stood. "The soldiers are waiting".

They left his quarters, and Matsumoto took her customary place beside him as they slowly made their way to the division courtyard where she'd instructed the soldiers to gather. He radiated anxiousness, and Matsumoto had to admit that she felt a bit anxious herself. The nightmare that had been Hitsugaya's transition into captaincy popped into her head; the young man's sheer power had been enough to silence quite a few of his critics both inside and outside the division. Two decades of serving as captain of their squad had silenced the rest, but Matsumoto knew that the naysayers were always looking for an excuse to criticize. Aizen had certainly given them that.

A few gasps from the assembled soldiers could be heard as they came out into the courtyard and Hitsugaya flinched as if he'd been physically hit. She tried to catch his eye so that she could give him a reassuring smile, but he was staring straight ahead. He looked over the assembled soldiers and then cleared his throat.

"I'm sure all of you have heard the rumors going around about the incident with Aizen Sousuke," Hitsugaya began. "I also have no doubt that there are rumors surrounding my condition. I've heard a few of them myself, and I can assure you that I am, indeed, still around."

This got a few chuckles from the crowd, even though Matsumoto was sure Hitsugaya hadn't intended for it to be a joke.

"There was a confrontation with Aizen in my quarters," Hitsugaya continued. "Aizen's reasoning behind targeting me is irrelevant; all you need to know was that there was a confrontation and that we were both injured as a result of it. I don't know the extent of the traitor's injuries, because he was immediately taken back to Hueco Mundo by one of his men, but he didn't look much better than I did at the time."

Matsumoto could see Hitsugaya withdrawing into himself with each passing word. His voice was steady, matter-of-fact, and devoid of emotion, but his eyes never lied. Walls he hadn't had up since he'd first come to the 10th division were going back up again. He was protecting himself, and the only way he knew how to do that was to shut everyone else out.

"I was severely injured as well," Hitsugaya said. "My reiatsu went out of control and it damaged my body. The damage was severe enough that it left me without any reiryoku. As a result, the physical injuries I received in the incident were not completely healed. Unohana-taichou is still monitoring my condition and I am undergoing physical therapy to heal the physical injuries." Hitsugaya paused and cleared his throat. "I am still your captain and I will still carry out the day to day duties of the office. I expect all of you to continue to do your duties as you always have. I also ask that you not engage in gossip. If you have any questions or concerns, follow protocol to have them addressed. Dismissed."

They stood where they were until the soldiers dispersed, as they always did. She could hear whispers and quiet conversations as they went and was sure that Hitsugaya heard them as well. The soldiers were concerned, rightfully so. Matsumoto was again reminded of a meeting very similar to this one when Hitsugaya had first shown up wearing the captain's haori. That meeting hadn't gone as well as this one, and had involved half of the division walking out of the meeting, but it had a similar feel to the one they'd just had. This division had been through a lot in the past twenty years, and change usually brought about very bad things for them.

Once the last soldier had left the courtyard, Hitsugaya headed towards their shared office. Matsumoto followed quietly behind, closing the door behind her as they entered their private space.

"That went well," she said.

"Yes, it did," was all Hitsugaya said.

He settled behind his desk and proceeded to go through the stacks of paperwork that had accumulated over the past few weeks. Matsumoto had tried to do what she could, but a lot of it required the captain's signature before it could be finished and delivered to the right place.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Matsumoto asked. She stood in front of his desk but he wouldn't look up at her.

"Considering how much work there is to be done, yes, this is a good idea."

"That's not what I meant," Matsumoto said, frustration creeping into her voice. "You just got out of the 4th division and you haven't eaten anything all day. Shouldn't you be resting?"

"My body may be crippled, but I can assure you that my mind is just fine," Hitsugaya replied and went back to his paperwork.

Matsumoto went to her own desk, silently seething. He was being deliberately mean, hoping she'd back off and leave him alone. She had half a mind to do exactly what he wanted her to, but two could play this game. She gave him an hour to sort out what needed to be done immediately, before she got up, went to his desk and grabbed the pile of paperwork he was tackling.

"It's time to go," she said.

"What?" He looked up at her, confused.

"You've had enough time to sort through all of these," she said, shaking the papers in her hand. "You can read and sign them in your quarters, after you've had dinner."

"I'm –" he started to say, but she cut him off.

"You're not hungry, I know, but I am. Humor me and let's get back to your quarters to have dinner. Then you can get as cozy with the paperwork as you'd like."

He wasn't happy, but she was betting on him being too tired to formulate much of an argument. Reluctantly, he got up and they left the office. Matsumoto hid her smile from him as they made their way through his quarters. She would take care of him, whether he wanted her to or not.

This was a sort of transition chapter, so it's not one of my best. A lot of important stuff is coming up, so see you next time!