Anime Jeopardy
Here's the eleventh game. Oh, and you know I only own Charles Tolle. Personally, this is my favorite game so far. I think it's my funniest.
Episode 11
Charles- And welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. I apologize for what happened during the break and I'd like to assure everyone that all three contestants have put their underwear back on. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Asakura Yoh is in second place with -600.
Yoh- It's okay, Charles. Second place isn't that bad, and things will always work out.
Charles- I hope they do. In third place with -45 000 is Captain Falcon.
Falcon- Hrrghrrr! I'm cool!
Charles- For the last time, Doug, no, you're not.
Falcon- We're not on a first name basis, Charles. You call me Captain, Captain Falcon, Falcon, or Douglas. Got it? Hrrrrrghrrrr! Hrraagh!
Charles- I think he might be constipated as well as retarded. And finally in first place in a commanding lead with 7, back for a third time, which is four times too many, Ash Ketchum.
Ash- Hey, Charles, look at my podium. (laughs wildly)
Charles- I really don't see what's so funny about changing your name to Captain McDoodyface.
Ash (laughing hysterically)- You just said "doody", Charles.
Charles- What are you, five years old? It's time for Double Jeopardy. The categories are: MADNESS, POTENT POTABLES, THE NUMBER AFTER 7 AND BEFORE 9, F-ZERO, AFRICAN COUNTRIES THAT START WITH "G" AND RHYME WITH "HANA" which is pronounced "ana", so the answer to every question in that category is "Ghana", and finally, MEN NAMED RAY ROMANO. Okay, Ash, you're in, no, wait, I should be fair. Douglas, you're in third place, so we'll start with you.
Falcon- Show me the board. I'll take The Number for 1 600.
Charles- This is the only whole number between 7 and 9. Ash.
Ash- 7 and a half. ()
Charles- I said whole number.
Ash- Phonetically, you can get a whore's number out of that.
Charles- You'd have to write it down for that gag to work.
Ash- I know. (holds up a piece of paper with "whore's number" on it)
Charles- That's far from clever. Douglas.
Falcon- 5. () Horseshit!
Charles- Yes, the three of you have the collective IQ of a pile of it. Does Yoh have an answer?
Yoh- …
Charles- Is the answer perhaps…8? Perhaps it is. Yes, it is. 8 is the number that comes after 7 and before 9.
Ash- So does 7 and a half.
Charles- It does, but it's not a whole number.
Ash- How many whores do you know? Besides your sister, I mean.
Charles- Moving on, I'll let Yoh pick a category.
Yoh- I'll take…oh…how about Ray Romano for 2 000.
Charles- This man was the star of Everybody Loves Raymond. Yoh.
Yoh-…The music is so…soothing.
Charles- That's nice. Do you have an answer to the question?
Yoh- Question? What question? ()
Charles- That answers mine. Douglas.
Falcon- Drew Carey. ()
Charles- No.
Falcon- Oh, yeah. Who is Drew Carey? ()
Charles- No. He's not the answer.
Falcon- Awww, COME ON! Drew Carey was the star of the show, Charles, and you know it!
Charles- No, he wasn't. The star of Everybody Loves Raymond was Ray Romano.
Falcon- Romano was the star of The Drew Carey Show.
Charles- If only you could hear how stupid you're being right now. Okay, there's no sexual categories on the board, indicating that Ash must have forgotten his spray paint, so he'll pick the next question.
Ash- I hate when you're right, you fruitcake.
Charles- You're an ass-fuck.
Ash- And you're an ass-fucker. I'll take The Number for 400.
Charles- 4+4? Ash.
Ash- Sixty-nine. ()
Charles- No.
Ash- Well, that's your sister's favorite position.
Charles- And you're gonna have to call 911 when I'm through with you.
Ash- No, I already got enough STDs from Stevie.
Charles- Thank you, Yoh. What's the answer?
Yoh- What's the question?
Charles- 4+4
Yoh- Forty-four. ()
Charles- No. Oh, boy, Douglas will be entertaining.
Falcon- I am not an entertainer, Charles. I play fair. I'm a cop, after all.
Charles- You're the one who buzzed in six times on the Daily Double in the previous round.
Falcon- I picked it, so it was all mine. And four plus four equals nine. ()
Charles- No. Oh, goody. Ash-hole wants to try again.
Ash- The answer, Charlie, is fourteen.
Charles- The answer, Ash-hole, is eight. Okay, I'll just pick the next question, which will be…
Falcon- F-Zero for 1 000! Huurrrragh!
Charles- Conveniently, I was planning to go there, too.
Falcon- See? I'm psychic. And cool.
Charles- No, Douglas, you're neither. For 1 000: This "silent" city is the starting point for all F-Zero cups. Douglas, I'd buzz in now if I were you. Okay, Yoh.
Yoh- What is Casino Palace? ()
Charles- No.
Falcon- I like to gamble at Casino Palace before I race there.
Charles- Yes, but do you know the answer?
Falcon- Aeropolis. () Damn!
Charles- Go ahead, try again. You did that for the previous Daily Double.
Falcon- No, it wouldn't be fair.
Charles- Your loss. Ash, do you have a legit answer?
Ash- Yes. What is Port Town? ()
Charles- No. But that is one of the few real answers you've given all game.
Falcon- I was born in Port Town. My parents were Lee and Catherine Falcon. They named me Douglas after their friend.
Charles- That's very nice, but the answer is Mute City. Okay, this last question will determine all.
Ash (whispering)- Hey, Cap. I'll bet you five hundred that I can get Tolle to lose his temper.
Falcon (whispering)- That's too easy a bet. No one can piss him off.
Charles- What are you two on about?
Ash- Mind your business, homo.
Falcon- You're on now, Ash.
Charles- On what?
Ash- I told you. Mind your own goddamn business.
Charles- Ash, you're really starting to piss me off.
Ash- Oh, go fuck a mud puddle like you do every night.
Charles- What does that mean?
Ash- I'm telling you to fuck a puddle of mud, which is like fucking an ass, because mud is like shit. Semisolid and brown.
Charles (puzzled)- Why are you trying to make me angry? We're going to go to Countries for 200.
Falcon- Pay up, Ketchum.
Ash- Give it to the game's end.
Charles- Oh, Ash made a bet that he can piss me off. Try it, Ash-fuck. The answer is: This West African country has a name that starts with "G" and rhymes with "hana". The country is called Ghana, so will one of you just say Ghana. You don't have to buzz in or phrase it as a question, just say it. Ash.
Ash- Whoa, I just remembered something. That's not what's on the podium, so it's not my name. You have to call me by my name for me to answer this one.
Charles- Answer the fucking question, Ash-hole.
Ash- Still not it.
Charles- I can't believe I'm saying this. Captain McDoodyface.
Ash- Wahahahahahaha! Oh, oh, hahahahahaHA! It. ()
Charles- That's just asinine.
Ash- That's what I said about your sister, but her face got a three.
Charles- That is enraging. To me. But I know better than to flip out. Douglas.
Falcon- Namibia. ()
Charles- Do you hear yourself?
Falcon- Of course I hear myself, Charles. I'm not deef.
Charles- It's deaf.
Falcon- Shut up!
Charles- Ash, what the hell are you doing now?
Ash- I'm taking off my underwear for comfort. Ah, that's better. (puts underwear on podium) Since this feels good, I might as well leave my pants off. And since we're on the topic, my shirt (starts taking it off) can go, too. (singing) Freeballin'!
Charles- Ash, I'm doing my best not to get pissed off here. Put your motherfuckin' clothes on before I kill you. How'd you get your pants off without removing your shoes, anyway?
Ash- C'mon, Charles, it's not like you've never seen a penis that isn't yours.
Charles- I've seen a lot of nudity on ACDM.
Ash- And to answer the question about my pants, that's a secret. But shouldn't you be paying attention to the game?
Charles- Stay calm, Charles. Stay calm. (injects himself, snorts some coke, drinks a bottle of wine, and smokes a joint) Does anyone else know the answer? I guess Yoh is left. All he has to do is say Ghana to win 200. Okay, it appears that Anime Jeopardy has found a way once again to sink even deeper. Okay, Yoh has spaced out, Douglas is trying to look cool by posing, and Ash is naked except for hat, socks, and shoes. I'm going to use this as a sign to go to Final Jeopardy. The category is ASTRONOMY, which is way too difficult for the three of you, so your new category is ANYTHING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME OR MY SISTER. That's basically anything in the world. But if your answer has to do directly with me or Stevie, it's wrong. ( ) Just write something down. Scribble if you want. There's no way you can fail this. ( ) Time's up. Let's see how you failed this. We'll start with Yoh, who fell asleep with his eyes OPEN!
Yoh (surprised)- What, what?
Charles- Did you write something that I missed? I missed…nothing. And you wagered…nothing.
Yoh- Oh, well, it's okay. Things will always work out.
Charles- No, they won't. This clearly did not work out for you.
Yoh- Soul Bob's so cool…
Charles- You finish with -4 000. We'll move to Captain Douglas Falcon, who…also wrote down nothing. Wow. And I noticed that you were awake, unlike Yoh. The question was write down anything, even scribble, and you still fucked up. I'm impressed. You wagered…I'm going to assume that means you're adding forty and seventeen to get fifty-seven.
Falcon- No, I'm wagering forty-seventeen dollars. Forty plus seventeen is forty-seventeen.
Charles- Douglas, forty plus seventeen is…
Falcon- Shut up!
Charles- Okay, forty-seventeen dollars. That leaves you with negative fifty-two thousand forty-seventeen dollars. Ash, we come to you. You wrote down…"brutt". Don't know what that means, but you did write something that has no connection to the Tolle family. You wagered…"cack." Brutt cack. (Ash starts laughing) Wow. That's hilarious. A fucking riot.
Ash- C'mon, Charles. Where's your sense of humor.
Charles- This isn't funny.
Ash- We all know you like brutt cacks on men. You call over the male plumber to fix your pipes, and you stand behind him while he squats. Or is that one of your…(Charles responds by punching Ash in the face)
Charles- I had to do that. Well, Ash finishes in first with -3 593. That's all the time we have for tonight. This was Anime Jeopardy, I'm Charles Tolle…
Ash- Brutt cack! (Charles stomps him)
Charles- …and I'm convinced that the three of you have suffered brain damage.Hope you laughed at this one! It will be a while before I make another one this good. But that's just my opinion.