Disclaimer; I do not own the characters I use but I do enjoy giving them the lives I believe they deserve.
Any bad spelling is due to me being Danish.
I've had to merge chapters to make room for new chapters… so please be patient.
This chapter is a merge of chapters 31-33.
I love feedback, it makes me want to keep on writing.
Chap. 31.
Nyota recovered quickly and was allowed to go back to her room after having spent two nights in the medical center. Gaila brought some fresh clothes to Nyota on the day she was released. Gaila had visited Nyota any time she had more than five minutes to spare and every time she had visited Nyota she told Spock. She wanted Spock to know.
Nyota was sore and swallowing was hard but she had had enough of the medical center and just wanted to be back in her own room. The only comfort she felt was that she had not been thinking about him while she was in the medical center. Doctor McCoy had visited her daily and Kirk had sent her pillow shaped like a starship. Back in her room she found a vase filled with roses and a card that simply said 'I'm sorry for your pain. Spock' It was the first time in two days she thought about him and the pain of what he had done welled up in her again. Why had he sent roses? Nyota didn't want the roses but she somehow couldn't bring herself to throw them away. Gaila took one look at the note and said; "That's sweet of him."
Rumors were all over campus about the attack on Nyota. Once back in her room a security officer came to her room and asked her questions about the attack. He wanted to know if she knew why cadet Malmros had attacked her. Nyota told the truth, she had no idea, she had thought that cadet Malmros was a friend. Nyota told the security officer about every encounters she had had with cadet Malmros and that she could think of nothing that would make him attack her. The security officer said that he hoped that see would feel better soon and then he left.
Gaila had heard the conversation, she knew why cadet Malmros had attacked Nyota. "Nyota?" "Yes?" "I think I know why malmros attacked you." "Why?" "Rumors say that he hacked an archive at the Vulcan embassy." "And what was in this archive?" "I don't know, probably a lot of sensitive information." Gaila was not sure if she should tell Nyota that Spock was the one who had reported Malmros for hacking but she chose not to tell. "I've bumped into Spock a few times while you were in the medical center." "Gaila….." "He has been very worried about you." "Gaila don't…." "He asked me if I thought that you would like flowers. I said yes." "Why did you do that?" "You do like them I can see it in your eyes." "I have to study, I've lost two days and I don't want to get any further behind." 'Nice change of subject' Gaila thought and left Nyota to her studies. Gaila started her homework but as she one point looked at Nyota she saw that she was sitting staring at the roses.
Spock had found it hard to concentrate while Nyota was in the medical center. And he was pleased when Gaila had informed him when she was released. Gaila had suggested to him that sending flowers was an act that would show Nyota that he cared about her. Spock had sent roses, he knew that roses to humans signaled love. He had not been sure as to what he should write on the card so he wrote the first thing that came to his mind. That he was sorry for her pain. Spock had no idea if she would receive or accept the roses he sent her but he hoped that she would.
Nyota went back to class the next day, her fellow cadets all seemed to want to talk to her. They asked questions she had no answer to, but she tried to answer them as best she could. Having her fellow cadets asking her questions took her mind of him, she tried so hard to not even think his name it was just too painful.
Spock heard from a professor that Nyota was back in class. He was pleased to hear that the professor said that she appeared to be doing better. He knew they were talking about the attack she had survived but still he was pleased that she seemed to be doing better. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to tell her that he had made plans to server the bond between himself and T'Pring. He missed hearing her voice.
The pain of having lost Spock still followed Nyota everywhere she went. She started to fear her classes with him. Since her attack she had not yet been to one of the classes he taught but she feared them none the less.
The day came, Spock had looked forward to his class of beginners Vulcan. He hoped that she would come and sit in the front row as he had grown accustomed too. When the bell rang and he entered the classroom his eyes drifted to the front row expecting her to sit there. She was not there. Had she chosen to leave his class? Spock walked to his desk and turned around. He tried to locate her in the crowd of cadets. He could not see her.
Nyota was in class she had chosen to go, she had to go, she could not allow her pain to dictate her life. She picked a different seat almost in the back of the classroom close to the door. She heard the bell ring and started to feel nervous. She saw his back as he walked to his desk. Just seeing his back caused her to start to shake a little. She could see that he turned his head a little, she knew that he was looking for her in her usual seat. She felt a little happy that she was not sitting in the front row. She somehow knew that if she had been sitting in her usual seat that he would have looked her straight in the eyes and she knew that there was no way she would be able to handle that.
Spock started his namecalling, he hoped that she would be there somewhere he could not see. He rushed through the names barely leaving time for the cadets in his class to answer. "Cadet Uhura." He called out. "Present." He heard her voice, his keen hearing helped him locate her. She was sitting almost at the back of the classroom. As he continued to call names his eyes scanned the area where he had heard her voice coming from. There! He looked at her and his heart skipped a beat.
It seemed to become kind of a strange game, in all his classes Nyota tried not be noticed by him, she changed seat between classes. And he would look for her, and find her immediately when he did name calling.
Spock knew why she changed seats, but he needed to see her. He knew he should not look for her that he should accept when she said present, but he could not help himself.
Chap. 32.
Days turned into weeks. Nyota felt that she was being watched by Gaila. Gaila would make sure she ate. Nyota didn't feel hungry, she felt no passion for her classes. Life that had felt so good now felt like she was walking in a dark heavy fog that just wouldn't lift. Doing homework and reading ahead used to be something that she had enjoyed now it was a chore.
Whenever Spock saw Nyota she seemed to be thinner. He was sure that she was losing weight. Spock knew that he was not losing weight himself, he was forcing himself to eat. Everything was different, the light, the darkness, the way food tasted. Everything was different, it was all wrong. The only good thing was that time passed, bringing the day that he would sever his bond with T'Pring closer.
Gaila was worried about Nyota, she was trying to get her to eat more, but it seemed as if Nyota didn't want to eat. Gaila could see that Nyota had lost weight. Gaila knew that people reacted differently when they got their heart broken, but Nyota was destroying herself. In the weeks that had passed she had continued to meet with Spock, he too seemed different, he seemed to grow paler each time she saw him. Gaila was wondering if she should tell Spock that Nyota was losing weight, she had not done so far and she wondered if he had noticed. Spock had informed her of the date when his bond with T'Pring. She knew that Spock was counting down for the day and so was she. She was trying to get him to approach Nyota as soon as his bond was severed. Gaila was not sure if he would do it right when his bond was severed but she hoped he would. They needed to get back together, the sooner the better. Being apart was obviously not good for either of them. With each passing day it would be more difficult and Gaila tried to explain this to Spock. Telling it to Nyota was far more difficult. It was as if Nyota tried to block out everything that had to do with Spock, but when Gaila had asked her why she had not transferred out of Spock's classes if she was trying to block everything out concerning Spock, Nyota had looked at her with foggy eyes and said that he was the best professor and she wanted to learn from the best. Gaila had a feeling that it was not the truth but that the truth was that Nyota needed to see Spock even if it caused her pain.
Spock had asked the leaders of the Starfleet Academy for two days of, he told them it was for personal reasons and told them that he would be taking parts in a ritual at the temple. He was pleased that they did not inquire as to what his personal reasons were. He was granted the two days off and promised to leave instructions to the professors who would take over his classes during those two days. He had in fact already made the preparations and he asked for the names of the professors who would take over his classes. Spock needed the two days off to prepare for the severing of his bond with T'Pring. He found that he was looking forward to having the bond severed. He knew that there would be pain but he was not afraid of the pain, he just wanted to the bond to be severed. With all preparations completed Spock readied himself with meditation, it was the first times in weeks he had meditated. He had tried on several occasions but had been unsuccessful every time. On this day he was successful, peace came to him and he lost himself in an unseen world of peace that only existed in his mind. Tomorrow he would sever his bond with T'Pring and he needed to meditate to prepare his mind so the pain would not overpower him.
Spock arrived at the temple on time. He was led to a small chamber and was presented with a robe that he was to change into. He did so slowly while calming his mind. He was happy, he would be free. Free to go to Nyota. Free from a bond he had never wanted, never needed, never allowed himself to fully explore. A priest came to get him and he was escorted to a chamber he had not previously visited in the temple. The light in the chamber was dimmed, on the floor there was a mat much like the one Spock had in his meditation room. A priest gestured for Spock to sit on the mat, Spock sat down in a meditation position. Spock knew that the process would be easier if he was in a meditative state. Spock closed his eyes and sank into deep meditation. Spock felt a presence in his mind, a male presence it had to be a priest. Spock wanted to protect his mind from the invasion, but he allowed the access knowing if he did not the sever of the bond would not be possible. Spock felt the priest search his mind for the bond to T'Pring, the priest found it quickly and started speaking silently it almost sounded like he was singing. Spock focused on his meditation and paid little attention to the words the priest used.
A sharp pain filled every cell in Spock's body, he collapsed on the mat. The pain seemed to go on and on, running through his body causing his muscles to contract and release rapidly. Spock cried out in pain and then it all went black.
When light returned Spock found himself on a low bed covered by a thin sheet. His body ached. He searched his mind and found no trace of the bond he had shared with T'Pring. The bond had been severed successfully. Spock tried to get up but he had no energy. He only managed to roll to his side. Next to the bed was a small table. On the table was placed a plate with fresh fruit and tall clear glass filled with water. Spock reached out for a piece of fruit, his entire arm was shaking. His muscles burned when his fingers were able to grasp a pear. Spock prayed that his fingers would not drop the pear as he slowly brought his hand to his mouth. Spock sank his teeth into the pear and for the first time in weeks he enjoyed eating. Slowly mouthful by mouthful Spock ate the pear. Spock hoped that T'Pring had not felt the same pain he had felt. It had been his idea, his wish to sever the bond, she did not deserve any pain because of his choise. Spock stayed on the bed and ate fruit, after two hours he found the strength to sit up, he reached for the glass, he greedily drank the water. Sitting up Spock began to look around, he was in a small chamber the light was dimmed. The chamber had dark walls and it somehow comforted Spock. There was a door facing the head of the bed. Spock looked at the door and wondered how long he had been in the chamber. The door opened and a priest entered the chamber. "Spock son of Sarek. How are you doing?" Spock looked at the priest. "My body is aching and I feel drained of all energy." "That was to be expected." Spock reached for an apple. "The aching will subside and your energy will return as you eat." Spock nodded. "I was the one appointed to sever the bond between you and T'Pring. As I severed the bond I discovered that you seem to have a bond to a human." Spock was about to take a bite of the apple but arrested the apple in front of his mouth. He was shocked, had he formed a bond with Nyota? When had he formed this bond and why had he not felt it? "I can see from your reaction that you were not aware of your bond with this human." "I did not know it was possible to have more than one bond." "The bond you have with the human is weak and onesided, I do not believe that the human is aware of the bond." Spock was still shocked by the information. How was this possible? Was this why he felt the absence of her so painfully? On rare occasions a bond can be formed without the awareness of those bonded. It is believed a destined bond." Spock was trying to comprehend what he was being told. He had a bond with Nyota because he was meant to have a bond with her.
Chap. 33.
The priest left Spock alone with his thoughts in the small chamber. He did not know what to do. Spock spent several more hours in the chamber eating fruit. A young Vulcan came in and refilled the glass and brought along Spock clothes and informed him that he could use the chamber as long as he needed. Spock did not want to spend the night in the chamber so he kept eating to regain his energy.
Nyota had been surprised to see that Spock had not been teaching his classes for two days, but it had been a pleasant surprise. She did not have to worry about being seen by him. But somehow it felt wrong that he was not there. Nyota would not admit to herself that she missed him. The classroom felt wrong without Spock.
Back in his apartment Spock prepared a quick dinner and ate it while standing in front of the window looking out on the park. He illogically hoped that Nyota would walk through the park so he would get to see her.
'This is so not fair.' Nyota thought to herself. She was sitting in the mess hall pushing food around her plate. When she saw him she was in pain and when she didn't see him she also felt pain. Gaila was sitting in front of her and she knew that she had to eat something to make her roommate happy. She put some food on her fork and ate it seeing a smile on Gaila's face as she did. Why did he have this effect on her? Nyota ate one more bite to please Gaila.
Spock went to bed early, he felt tired in a way he had never been tired befor. He dreamt of Nyota that night. When he woke the next morning the only thing he could remember was that Nyota had been in his dreams. He was free now and yet bound. But he was bound to the person he wanted. He had a bond with her, she was his even if she didn't know it. He loved her, he wanted her, he needed her. But what could he do to get her back? She was so close and yet so far away.
Nyota had slept badly, she had dreamt that she had been alone in the world, that she had looked everywhere but she was alone. It scared her so much. She did not want to be alone. Gaila had brought breakfast to their room as she had begun several weeks ago, Nyota thought that Gaila did this to watch how much she ate. Nyota did not want to be watched, she just wanted… she just…. Nyota did not know what she wanted anymore. She felt so alone, so filled with pain that she had to concentrate not to scream.
An assembly had been called. Nyota and Gaila went early and got a seat in the back. Several admirals were sitting in a halfmoon waiting for all the cadets to enter and sit down. It took a while to get all the cadets in and seated. "You have been called to this assembly today to inform you that cadet Malmros has been expelled from the Academy. He has been expelled because he has committed two crimes. Firstly he has been charged and found guilty to the crime of hacking an off campus archive. Secondly he has been charged and found guilty of attacking a fellow cadet with the intention of killing his fellow cadet." Chatter erupted at this information. "Cadet Malmros has faced trial and has been sent to prison. This assembly is hereby over."
Nyota had held the hand of Gaila almost crushing her hand when she heard the Malmros's name. She still did not know why he had attacked her but now that he was in prison.
Spock had been standing in the back, just as many other professors had, he was happy that Malmros had received punishment but he wished that Nyota had not been hurt in the process.
As the cadets left the assembly Spock caught a glimpse of Nyota, he wished that she would turn her head and see him but she didn't.
Spock went back to his office, still not a place he liked to be, but he did not want to waste time going back and forth to his apartment. The door buzzer sounded. "Enter" Gaila came in and without being asked she sat down in front of him. "When are you gonna do something?" Spock looked at Gaila. "I am unsure of what to do and how to do it." "At this point I don't care what you do as long as you do something. She is falling apart bit by bit." Spock felt guilty. "Your bond is broken now, right?" "The bond is broken." "Then what are you waiting for? Get moving you lazy Vulcan." Spock had never been called lazy before. Gaila got out of the chair and went to the door and turned around. "If you don't do something soon she'll be so lost that there will be no coming back. If that happens I'm blaming you!" Then she left.