This is my fastest update yet, I believe. It's not as long as my usual chapters, but I was too excited to get this posted. So enjoy (:
I don't own Glee.
"Hello?"
"Can we meet up?" It was early Christmas morning. Really early. 5 AM. And Nick was calling Blaine, desperate to get out of his house. Desperate to see someone who understood.
"Mm, yeah. Yeah, I'll come over?" Blaine sounded as if he was still asleep, and he probably was. But Nick was too wrapped up in this right now to feel bad he'd woken him.
"No. Not here." Nick said quickly.
Blaine was silent on the other end, and for a minute Nick thought he'd fallen asleep. But then, "You came out."
Nick swallowed hard. "I need to get out of here."
He heard rustling as Blaine got up. "I'll come get you. Be there in ten. Need me to stay on the phone?"
"No." Nick shook his head, rubbing his tired eyes. He hadn't slept at all. "No, I'll see you then. Thank you."
"Don't thank me." Blaine hung up, and Nick rested his head back against his headboard. He was still processing last night. He felt he didn't have a family anymore. Bitterly, he thought he never had one to start with.
He got himself out of bed, going to the bathroom and sighing at his reflection. He had purple bags under his eyes, which were still red from crying. His hair was messy and sticking up a bit in the back. His clothes were wrinkled, he'd gotten into bed still dressed in his dress shirt and pants. He changed into jeans and a clean shirt, splashing water on his face, but that was the most he could be bothered to do in terms of fixing his appearance. He went downstairs and waited by the door, so Blaine wouldn't knock and wake his parents.
In less than ten minutes, Blaine's car appeared in the driveway, and Nick was grateful that Blaine had probably broken a few speed limits to get there fast. He went outside, getting into the car quickly to get away from the cold.
Blaine didn't say anything, backing out of the driveway and driving through Nick's neighborhood silently. Nick closed his eyes and angled the heating vent towards him. He realized he didn't really know what he wanted to talk about, or how to. He just couldn't be in that house anymore. "Merry Christmas." Blaine finally broke the silence.
Nick glanced over. He'd never seen Blaine looking less than perfectly put together, even when they'd shared a room. His curls were messy, and Nick had only seen him without gel maybe a handful of times. He was in a green henley and flannel pajama pants, and finally Nick felt a twinge of guilt for making him get up. "I'm sorry to wake you."
Blaine shook his head. "Please, don't worry about it. I should've been awake an hour ago, I've got something planned for Kurt." He smiled to himself, and Nick smiled a little too.
"What's the plan?"
"Well, he was upset that Burt didn't really have the time to decorate the house for Christmas, being a single dad and all. And he was too busy with school and the Warblers to do it either. So Wes and David and I are going to put up a tree before he wakes up."
Nick raised his eyebrows. "Wow."
"Yeah." Blaine smiled. "I mean, it's not amazing. It's a fake tree, there's no good real ones left this late. And we have to set it up outside, because it would be too noisy in the house. It's really kind of dumb, I have another present for him too, I just thought he might like it." Blaine rambled, and Nick stopped him.
"I think it's amazing." He said, smiling slightly. "He's gonna love that."
Blaine looked relieved. "You think so?"
"Of course." Nick nodded. "He's lucky to have you."
Blaine blushed, laughing. "I'm lucky to have him." Nick couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. He wanted someone to talk about him the way Blaine talked about Kurt. Jeff, specifically. His mind went back to their kiss. He still didn't know what to think of it. His heart raced just picturing it. "I'm sorry, I'm making this all about me. Tell me about what happened." Blaine added.
Nick shook his head. "No, I like to hear about it." He breathed in, shrugging. "There's… not much to tell. I came out to them at dinner last night. And my dad said it wasn't true, basically. And then they went upstairs. And now we're here."
Blaine shook his head slowly. "That's so… they just don't understand. My parents were the same way. Acting like I was doing it for attention or something."
Nick sighed. "I don't get it. Why would we choose this, you know? To be hated by our own parents, to be discriminated against our whole lives because of people like them."
"I'll never understand it." Blaine said softly, and they drove in silence for a while. Blaine wasn't trying to fill him with fake optimism, Nick appreciated it.
"What do your parents think now?" He asked, though he knew the answer.
Blaine smiled a little tightly. "They think Kurt's a good friend to me. And that I'll get past this, they'll try to support my choices."
Nick's stomach turned. "Choices." He repeated.
"I know." Blaine laughed sadly, an empty sound. "I know." Nick looked out the window, slumping in his seat. There was nothing to be said to comfort Blaine, or himself. It's just how things were. "Does Jeff know?"
"No. I haven't told anyone." Nick rubbed his forehead. "I don't know how to explain it. It's embarrassing, to say your parents don't love you."
"It's not your fault." Blaine said firmly. The sadness that had passed over him was gone. "Okay? You didn't do anything wrong. They're the ones that should feel ashamed."
Nick bit his lip. "They won't."
"They should." Blaine repeated, and Nick realized they were pulling into Blaine's driveway.
"I can walk back. You've got to work on Kurt's surprise."
"No, you should stay. Get your mind off of it." Blaine got out of the car, going into the garage, looking back to see if Nick would follow. And he did. He didn't really feel in the Christmas spirit. But he definitely did not want to go home. He followed Blaine up to his room, where he changed out of his pajamas and offered Nick warmer clothes. His house was similar to Nick's, looking fairly untouched, and feeling sort of drafty and cold. Nick took the offered coat and hat and put them on before they even left the house.
"How come I wasn't invited to this surprise in the first place?" Nick asked, helping Blaine load the parts of the fake tree in his trunk.
"Well… I knew you had your own stuff going on."
Nick raised his eyebrows. "I just came out last night."
"No, not that." Blaine bit his lip. "That night at the restaurant. I saw you and Jeff."
Nick blushed. "Oh, that."
"I didn't tell anyone." Blaine said quickly.
"It wouldn't have mattered if you did. I don't really know what he's thinking about it." Nick fit a box of lights in the car, trying not to sound whiny.
"He hasn't said anything?"
Nick shrugged. "He- might love me. As more than a friend. But we haven't talked about the kiss."
Blaine considered it as he finished loading the trunk with decorations. "Maybe he's scared."
"No way."
"Think about it. He's probably worried about messing up the friendship." Blaine shrugged. "It makes sense. You two really depend on eachother."
"I love him too, though. Nothing would be messed up."
"He just got out of a toxic relationship. He's gonna be wary about dating again." Blaine pointed out.
He could see Blaine's point. But still. "Yeah."
Blaine patted his back. "Let's get to Kurt's."
They got back in the car, driving to Kurt's, where Wes and David were already parked out front. They greeted eachother, exchanging Merry Christmases, then got to work, setting up the tree and decorating it with a million ornaments. Blaine didn't do anything just halfway. They wrapped Kurt's porch railings with red ribbon, and hung a wreath on his door. Nick lined the windowsills with lights, and hung candy canes off the shutters. Blaine passed out bags of artificial snow, and the group sprinkled it over the lawn, as it still hadn't snowed yet. After almost an hour, Blaine decided their work was good enough, and Nick was sort of in awe at what they'd managed to do. Blaine started his car and opened the doors, turning the radio to the Christmas station and turning up the volume all the way. It was blasting.
Enough to wake up Kurt and his father, and Kurt opened the door just a minute later, expression going from sleepy and confused to complete surprise. "Merry Christmas, beautiful." Blaine called over the music. The neighbors were opening their doors as well. Kurt was still stunned on the porch, looking around. He came down the steps, walking towards Blaine, then running, grabbing him in a hug that almost toppled them into the fake snow.
"Blaine!" Kurt was laughing breathlessly, squeezing him tight, while still looking around at their handiwork. "Oh my God-"
"I knew you wanted real Christmas decorations. And I wanted to do them inside but I hope this is still good-"
Kurt laughed, shaking his head. "This is perfect. You're perfect."
Wes took the opportunity to dangle mistletoe over their heads, and Kurt didn't waste time in kissing him, keeping him as close as possible and smiling against his mouth. Nick cheered and clapped with Wes and David, though his mind was occupied, as always, with Jeff. And he had an idea. "I need to borrow this." Nick took the mistletoe from Wes, heading up the street.
"Where are you going?" David called.
"Jeff's!" He shouted back, breaking into a run. His friends cheered behind him, Blaine loudest of all. Luckily, Jeff wasn't too far from Kurt's house, and Nick didn't slow down until he reached the little yellow house, ringing the doorbell over and over.
Amy finally opened it, laughing. "Nick? What are you doing here so early-"
"I need to see Jeff." He said breathlessly, and Amy didn't even need to call him down, Jeff was already in the doorway.
"Did you run here?"
"Yes." Nick panted.
Amy left them with a smile, and Jeff laughed. "Is it because you really want your Christmas present? Because it's actually not ready yet-"
"No." He stepped closer. "I didn't get to tell you everything I wanted to say the other night." He was still short of breath, and he continued before Jeff could interrupt. "Jeff, I'm in love with you. I have been for so long. I love everything about you. I love that you hate ties, and that your mom is your best friend. I love how well you can dance, and how you never give up on anything or anyone. I love that you always know what to say and that you can cheer me up just by looking at me. I love that you are still a beautiful person even after the shit you've been through. I love that you work so hard and are so humble, and that your family comes first to you, and that you share your love so easily." He couldn't stop it all from pouring out now. "I love when you play guitar and make me laugh and don't care what anyone thinks and do the thing where you flick your hair out of your eyes and I love that you love me back. I don't think I've stopped thinking about you since middle school." Jeff's mouth was open, but smiling, eyes alight with some spark. Nick swallowed, lifting up the mistletoe he'd been clutching, now sort of crushed. "So… after all that-"
Jeff took his face in both hands, kissing him. It was completely different than the first time they'd done it. They were both sure now, the mistletoe falling to the ground as he wrapped his arms around Jeff's neck, leaning into him and his warmth, into his kiss, into everything he was that was grounding him in the moment. When they finally pulled apart, Nick was just as out of breath as when he'd gotten there and twice as flushed, for completely different reasons than the fact he'd ran a mile. "Duval, you have such a flair for dramatics."
They both dissolved into laughter, still keeping eachother close, Jeff in a faded T-shirt against Nick's borrowed coat. It was perfect. And then Amy's voice from inside, "It's snowing!"
They looked up, and indeed it was, falling feather-light and staying in perfect snowflake shapes on Nick's jacket sleeves. He pulled the hat he was wearing off and on to Jeff's head so he wouldn't be as cold, though he hardly felt cold at all. Right here, Jeff's arms around him, he was warm.
To: Nick 9:37 AM
miss u
Nick looked down at his phone, smiling a little to himself. He'd just left Jeff's house after their kiss. His family was awake now, but not addressing him, aside from giving him his Christmas presents: a shiny watch, and a stock. He'd said thank you and returned to his room.
To: Jeff 9:39 AM
I just left.
To: Nick 10:07 AM
yeah i know, come back
He wished with everything that he could. He didn't want to be around his family. And he especially didn't want to be around his relatives. But he didn't really have a choice in it.
To: Jeff 10:09 AM
Get any cool presents?
To: Nick 10:10 AM
a bunch of guitar picks, these cool retro ones and some handmade ones. and snow boots that aren't falling apart at the soles haha
To: Jeff 10:14 AM
I want to see them, and give you your present.
To: Nick 10:16 AM
can i have a hint?
To: Jeff 10:17 AM
Your hint is you'll never guess it. (:
To: Nick 10:23 AM
a box of chocolates? a brand new car? a lapdance to xtina aguliera's dirrty?
To: Jeff 10:26 AM
No, no, you wish.
To: Nick 10:32 AM
i do. come over tonight?
To: Jeff 10:34 AM
Can't wait.
Nick heard his mom call him downstairs, and he fixed his tie and hair. He could get through today. Just a few hours with family. And then he could see Jeff. And maybe they'd kiss again. He got distracted by the thought, fiddling with his tie until he heard his mom call him again, and he went downstairs. "Sorry, had to fix my hair."
She nodded a little, looking anxious. Nick didn't normally see her showing any emotion. "Nicholas, please don't bring up what you told us last night to the family. Okay? For your father's sake. He's right, it will only cause a scene."
Nick shook his head a little, pulling on his coat. "I'm not gonna tell them." He muttered. It wasn't because his father told him not to. He just couldn't handle more negative responses right now.
"Okay. Good, the party will run smoothly." She adjusted her pearls and took a deep breath, and whatever emotion had been there was gone now, her mask had returned.
Nick went outside, walking to the car. The snow had gathered since the early morning, piling at about an inch now. Nick kicked some of it. It was dusty snow, not good for making snowmen or forts. He got into the car and slipped headphones in. It was going to be a long day.
He'd been right. The day was painfully long. He'd told his relatives in detail about Dalton. He'd told them about the Warblers. He'd described his plans for college, because it was never too early to start planning, even as a sophomore, his father had insisted.
When the questions came to girls, his father commented that the food was delicious, letting Nick's aunt go off on a tangent about the recipes. Nick kept his mouth shut like he was supposed to. He counted the hours, the minutes, the seconds. And finally, after many impersonal hugs (yes, those exist) and more small talk, they were back in the car. "Can you drop me off at Jeff's?" Nick asked.
He saw his parents exchange a look. "We should spend the night as a family. Michael isn't here very often."
The excuse was so see-through. He felt himself get angry. "It's Christmas. I need to give him his present."
"Nick, we want you here tonight." His father said, in that authoritative tone he did so well.
He felt like stomping his foot like an angry toddler. "Why? You never care if I'm there or not. I'm at Jeff's house more than I'm here."
Michael shook his head. "I'd love to spend time with you tonight before I have to fly out again-"
"Bullshit." Nick almost laughed. "You don't have any interest in me."
"Nicholas, please watch your language." His mother gave him a look, and Nick unbuckled his seatbelt.
"I'll just get out here." He was a couple miles from Jeff's house still. He didn't care.
"Don't be ridiculous. Get in the car." His dad said loudly. Nick shut his car door, starting to walk down the street. "Nicholas Duval. I am not kidding." He said through his rolled down window.
"Neither am I."
His dad looked at him with venom. Nick almost stepped back. "I don't know who you think you are now."
"You've never known me at all!" Nick raised his voice.
His father muttered something under his breath, his mother trying to calm him down. "I don't know where I went wrong. I really don't."
The window was rolled up. The car drove away. Nick looked after it until the taillights were tiny specks in the distance, then started walking again. Fuck this. Fuck them. The snow had amounted to half a foot, and only some of the sidewalk was plowed. He was so cold his knees were knocking together like a cartoon. And he'd only walked maybe a half mile. With no other option, he called Jeff.
"Finally, I've been missing you all day." Jeff answered the phone with an audible smile.
Somehow, just hearing his voice made him a little warmer. "Same here."
"Are you home now? Are the roads good for you to come over?"
Nick looked around himself. He could really only see as far ahead as the streetlights lit. "I'm not home yet. I'm coming over now."
"Are your car windows open? The wind sound is making it hard to hear you." Jeff said.
He laughed a little. "No." He trudged on. Only a little more to walk, and the promise of Jeff when he made it there.
"It sounds like you're outside."
"Huh." Nick said, trying to walk on the road where the snow was thinner, so his footsteps couldn't be heard.
"How long 'til you're here? I finished your present." He could hear Jeff's smile again.
"Ten minutes. You just finished? Slacker." He teased him.
Jeff laughed. "I had to make some adjustments."
"How mysterious."
He heard Amy in the background, and the sound of Jeff's hand muffling the phone's mic as he responded. Nick's heart ached. Jeff was so lucky he had Amy. He knew his parents didn't love him anymore. "Sorry, she asked me about your present and nearly spoiled it. Now get over here." Jeff laughed, and Nick nodded.
"I'm on my way." He hung up, lengthening his strides. He'd be there soon. And for a while, he'd forget about his parents, because Jeff could fill up his whole mind.
By the time he got there, he wasn't paying attention to his numb hands or feet, just knocked on the door, Jeff opening it before he could knock more than once. "Hi- what happened to you?"
Nick faltered. "What?"
"You /were/ outside." Jeff frowned, pulling him in. "Jesus, your hands feel like ice. What were you doing outside?"
"Walking." He muttered. Jeff unzipped Nick's coat and hung it, taking his hands in his own again, enveloping them in his sweater sleeves.
"You walked here? Why?"
Nick looked at him miserably. It took a second for Jeff to catch on, and then his expression changed. "Did your parents make you leave?"
He shook his head. "No, no, I got out of the car on the way home from my grandma's-"
"Merry Christmas." Amy came in then, her expression morphing like Jeff's had. "Oh, your nose is nearly purple, Nick."
Jeff pulled him into the kitchen, shaking his head. "Why did you do that?"
Nick followed, tripping a little bit. His feet ached the way they did when they started to defrost. "They don't like that I'm gay. Actually, they don't even believe that I am." He was doing his best not to cry. But bitter tears surfaced anyways.
Jeff sat him down on the kitchen chair. "That's bullshit. They've always been in the dark. They don't know the first thing about this."
Nick watched him fill a basin with warm water in the sink. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"Keep living as you always have." Jeff looked at him like he was staring into his soul. "Don't let them make you be ashamed of this."
He carried the basin over and set it on the floor. "You don't have to fuss over me." Nick said softly.
"Make me do everything myself." Jeff muttered, nudging him teasingly as he unlaced Nick's boots. Nick laughed a little, tiredly, leaning his head back against the chair and letting Jeff take care of him. It felt nice to have someone care. Especially after today. Once his feet were in the warm water, he started feeling less chilled, his hands returning to their normal color.
"Change into these after." Amy came up from the laundry room, carrying some of Jeff's pajamas she'd just put into the dryer for a few minutes.
"You guys don't have to do all this for me." Nick tried, but knew it was useless. Amy and Jeff were the same, they wanted to help. And they loved him. He wished fiercely he could stay here forever.
"Come on, let's go to my room." Jeff murmured, holding Nick's hand as he stepped out of the bucket, taking the clothes from his mom and bringing him to his room.
"I'm so sorry."
Jeff looked at him like he was crazy. "For?"
Nick sat on the bed. "For being a bother on your family Christmas."
Jeff pulled him to his feet again. "Take that back." He said warningly, undoing Nick's tie and buttons, the fabric damp from the snow that had seeped through his coat. "We want you here. We want you happy."
Nick sighed. "But it's not your responsibility-"
"Nick." Jeff did that soul-seeing stare again. "For one second. Let someone be there for you."
He had nothing to say to that. So he undressed, Jeff turning his back when he got to his boxers, pulling on the warm clothes from the dryer. "You're too good to me."
Jeff turned again, looking Nick up and down. "And I really, really like you in my clothes."
Nick blushed, pulling at the strings on Jeff's Dalton hoodie. "They're just sweats."
Jeff laughed, coming over and taking Nick's waist, resting his hands on his hips. "I like that they're mine."
Nick's heart fluttered like it usually did when Jeff got this close. He didn't think he'd ever stop having that reaction. "Well, I'll keep them."
Jeff smiled, kissing his cheek. "That's your Christmas present." He teased. Nick wanted him to kiss him for real.
"I don't have your present with me." He realized. He'd been proud of it this year.
"Lucky for you, I have yours." Jeff's smile turned a little bit nervous. "You can sit again."
Nick raised his eyebrows, sitting on the bed. "A lapdance to Christina Aguliera's Dirrty?" He mocked, and Jeff laughed.
"In your dreams. No, this is something- well, it's nothing amazing. It's just- I was playing around with my guitar." Jeff got his guitar from his closet, sitting on the bed with him. "And I figured, since you bought me this guitar, it's only fitting I play something for you. But you've already seen me do covers. So I had to get creative." Jeff cleared his throat, pulling his pick over the strings experimentally.
"Jeff-" Nick started, his heart already feeling like it would burst.
"So this is a Sterling original." Jeff teased, unable to keep it serious too long. "And a private exclusive." Nick just shook his head, his smile slowly growing. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve this boy.
He started playing. It was a pretty melody, something chill, but memorable and sweet. Jeff looked focused on the notes, like he wanted to get it all right. It was enough to make Nick want to stop him and kiss him right then. But then he started singing. And Nick could do nothing but listen to the lyrics, his heart swelling in his chest.
I've never been one to write a song
Always blasting the radio, singing along
But I see you, and no song quite aligns
Realized I needed to write some words that were mine.
'Cause no song out there can describe your eyes,
Sort of green like the ocean, kinda blue like the sky
And theres no song playing that matches your laugh
Gets me laughing too, like you're my other half
And now, as I try to sing you the praises you're due,
I know I'll never sum you up, but I'm in love with you.
After the first chorus finished, Jeff played a bit of an instrumental part, keeping his eyes down at the guitar. Lucky for Nick, because he was on the verge of tears.
And I can't believe it took me so long to see
That someone I've been waiting for is in front of me
And I can't fit your essence into just one song,
But fuck it, I'm trying it, in hopes that you sing along
He laughed softly, Nick too, before going into the chorus again.
'Cause no song out there can describe your eyes,
Sort of green like the ocean, kinda blue like the sky
And theres no song playing that matches your laugh
Gets me laughing too, like you're my other half
And now, as I try to sing you the praises you're due,
I know I'll never sum you up, but I'm in love with you.
Jeff finally looked at him, coming to the final notes.
Yeah, I'll never write the words that do you justice
But despite my lame attempt, you can trust this:
I see all that you are and all that you do,
And I'm in love with you.
Nick shook his head slowly, staring at him. He had no idea what to say. "Jeff." He repeated.
"I know it's fast. I know that we only kissed the first time a couple days ago." Jeff hurried to fill the silence. "But if you said everything you've been feeling this morning before you kissed me, I have some things to say now. I've always loved you. I never thought we had a chance. You'd seen me at my worst too many times, I thought there was no chance of us dating. And then I tried to hint that I didn't want Sebastian, I wanted you. I asked you if I should go to Sebastian's room, do you remember that? And I wanted so badly for you to say no, that you wanted me to stay. But you didn't, and I thought it was because you didn't want to be with me. But I wish I said all this before I met him, because- it's true. The song. I don't know anyone else like you, and nothing can really describe- how special you are."
Nick was still silent, trying to take this all in. "Jeff…"
Jeff laughed. "I was expecting to leave you speechless, but please say something more."
Nick laughed softly, moving Jeff's guitar and leaning in. "I wish I'd realized how you felt back then. Because now we have a lot of lost time to make up for."
Jeff had initiated their first kisses, but Nick felt brave enough to kiss him now. After hearing a song like that, Nick had no doubts. He kissed him, Jeff's hands going to his shoulders, and he ended up smiling after a second, pulling away so he could laugh. "What's so funny?" Jeff smiled, raising his eyebrows.
"Nothing. It's just- did you take any conceptual ideas from Taylor Swift's 'Our Song'?"
Jeff laughed his genuine laugh, pulling Nick back against the pillows. "Fuck off."
Nick laughed, falling into him, tangling his fingers with Jeff's and squeezing his hand. His parents and his brother and his museum house were long forgotten in the moment, as Jeff kissed his knuckles and kept their joined hands close to his heart. "You've set the bar pretty high for my present."
Jeff smiled. "I'm gonna love whatever it is. Whether you're dancing to Dirrty or Toxic." He teased, and Nick pushed him playfully.
"I don't know why I'm with you."
Jeff perked up, his smile growing. "You're my boyfriend."
He laughed, nodding slowly. "That's right."
"Nick is my boyfriend." Jeff said. "I like the way it sounds."
"You're my boyfriend." Nick said aloud, and Jeff was right. Just saying the words made him happy. He'd been waiting to say them so long.
Jeff smiled softly, moving to lay a little closer. "Stay over?"
There was no way in the world he could say no. Not after that song. Not after that kiss. Not after the way Jeff looked at him like he'd hung the moon and stars. "Of course."
He didn't think it was too late, but Jeff dozed off with their hands still intertwined, and Nick eventually fell asleep as well. This was probably the best Christmas present he'd ever gotten. That he'd ever get. He squeezed Jeff's hand, and studied his peaceful expression, and he didn't know how anything could top this.
For once, the chapter didn't end on a sad note. (But don't think you're off the hook. The next chapter promises a few things these two are going to have to deal with). I referenced Dirrty by Christina Aguiliera, and Toxic by Britney Spears. And then I tried my hand at songwriting, but it came out as a mediocre poem. Just pretend it's better than that!
I hope this was good for y'all, and if it was, let me know by favoriting, following, or leaving a review. I'd love to hear feedback. See you soon (: