He keeps me close in his embrace as I cling to him refusing to let go. He very carefully picks me up carrying me into my sanctuary. I bury my head in his chest feeling tears burning my eyes. He moves quickly rushing into a room placing on a bed kneeling down putting his hands on my knees. I wrap my arms over each other looking at his hands refusing to look at him.
"Hey, we don't have to talk about it. Just breathe... I'm right here… Unless, you don't want me to be. I can leave if you want." He stutters awkwardly trying to find the words.
I take his hand in a death grip.
"Please. Don't leave. Please?" A whimper escaped my lips while I sink to the floor with him feeling the deep sinking sensation rise in my chest and my nails found my arms carving into the skin over and over. I felt my breathing becoming short and choppy. The sound of a door opening and I felt someone rush to our side and very gently place something over my mouth causing me to panic.
"It's okay. We're here sweetie. Let's get you calmed down." The voices muffled as I drift into darkness.
The darkness consumed my mind and your eyes were on my body trapping me in their gaze as your hands kept me still. I couldn't fight, couldn't make a sound. You were inside making everything ache. I could feel it like a knife entering my womb over and over.
My head throbs when I'm awaken by a wet tongue on my cheek. Jas. looks at me with concern his nose rest mere inches from my own. Rubbing his head, I look up. I'm on a bed in a room with forest green walls and a few book shelves with artwork littering the exposed space. A coolness on my head distracts me. I reach up removing a damp rag covering my forehead. My stomach felt hollow and my throat raw beyond compare. I curl into a small ball still unwilling to fully think of what I had done.
What was thinking? Was I just planning on living here? Why did I come here? What is this going to fix?
My chest begins to rise and fall at an unnatural pace. Jas. jumped on the bed barking. I feel my nails dragging into already damaged flesh. He comes in with a concerned face sitting beside me taking my hands, struggling as I fight to massacre my arms.
"Come back... You're safe." He whispered squeezing my hands.
I open my eyes looking up at him still hyperventilating. My throat burning as the air enters and leaves my lungs in a rapid fashion. He hands me a paper bag.
"Try breathing into it. You're having a panic attack." He reasons encouraging me to breath into the bag.
I nod, sensing my body calming. He smiles and takes the rag wiping stray tears from my face.
"Do you need to go to the hospital? I can take you to a station?"
Shaking my head, I cut him off.
"No... I... No..." My voice breaks.
I couldn't. I didn't want to tell people about you. Everyone knew what you were. I was yet another faceless victim you claimed. You would get off free and in the end that would just cause me more pain.
He gave me a perplexed face, but nodded.
"Fair enough. Do you want to be alone or do you want me to stay?" He stands and Jas. looks up expectantly wagging his tail.
"I don't know." I whisper holding onto my knees feeling exhausted, but too afraid to sleep.
With a small smile he came close stroking my hair making goose bumps travel down my spine; however, these ones were pleasant and I craved his touch.
"That's okay too. I can stay as long as you like and when you want me gone I'll leave." He pulls up a chair beside me offering me his hand.
I take it keeping a tight grip taking deep breaths. I was safe. For this moment I could relax and be safe. My heart slowed as I covered my face rubbing my temples. The constant stress had made my muscles taunt and knotted. I apply pressure to my sore shoulder and feel him stand very cautiously placing his large hands over my own and onto my shoulders. He paused pressing with such care as if I was a fragile object that could break within a second. I gasp when he begins kneading my skin taking in the sensation. Despite my best efforts I couldn't get my body to relax. It remained tense, yet he didn't comment. He just kept a light weight, an anchor keeping me grounded.
The thought to recoil from him didn't occur to me. It never did with him. It was alway as if my mind and body could sense his aura. He was safe. An angel sent to me.
"Thank you."
He looks down at me and shrugs kissing my forehead. Warm surged through my body thawing the walls I was forced to put around myself. He pulls away staring into my eyes. His a deep brown with green branching out. Flicks of gold peaked through like the sun through trees. He studied my face biting his bottom lip, I could see it becoming red from his teeth. The freckles and stubble on his face all mine to witness. We move to were our noses are near touching. He makes to say something.
"You're back!"
We both turn to the door seeing the little ones all rushing to the bed scrambling onto it, the littlest boy plopping himself in my lap taking my hands and tracing bruises on my wrist.
"Are you living with us now?" The young girl peaks her head into the door smiling.
He chuckles scratching the back of his neck as he gives a nervous chuckle. I look to my hands. The boy looked up at me with a grin putting his very small hand over the imprint of your own you left behind. His hand barely making the size of your palm. The girl waited for my answer. It was an answer I was unsure how to give.
Was that the idea? Run away from my problem? Change locations and magically fix everything. That is stupid, it's no better than sweeping dust bunnies under the rug. They may not be visible, but they're still there. Eventually you have to lift the rug.
He healed me like no other. They all did. They didn't question or demand. I was allowed to be free. He let me talk. I haven't talked with anyone in so long. We didn't talk about things too hard, we talked about movies, books, running. Oh, the running. We ran all the time. Not the same path. He took me to trails I was too afraid to venture there alone. We played with the children and I felt normal again.
I let him touch me, not at much at first. I was too scared to fully embrace his embraces. His hand would brush over my own, our skin meeting and I couldn't tell what was nerves or sparks igniting in my core.
Jack chuckled with knowing smirks seeing us ease into each other's lives. He knew we were falling. He could see me finally allowing those walls to fall.
"You know it is okay. You're allowed to love him. It's not like you're not worthy of someone truly loving you and darling, my brother is head over heels for you."
The comment terrified me as Jack rubbed my arm encouraging me. The tears fell and he caught my face looking concerned.
"He can't love me. I'm... Nothing." I choked back sobs when he hugged me close.
"No, you are so much more than whatever false words that boy fed you. You're still here aren't you? Still fighting? You are far from nothing. You are everything." He kisses my forehead trying to ensure I knew myself worth. His kiss wasn't sexually based or filled with perversions; it was just warm and caring.
"Promise me one thing though?"
I look up to him nodding.
"Don't break his heart."
When he kissed me, I saw galaxies.
More than fireworks and more than stars. I went to the moon then farther still. His hands took my cheeks catching my glance and kissed me full on the mouth. The sparks flew. I didn't flinch, I didn't draw away. In fact, I kissed him back. My hands took his shoulders scooting him closer. He took my waist, hand traveling to my ribs rubbing his thumb over each bone ever so gently.
"I love you."
I moved away giving him a wary look.
"Is that okay?" His eyes filled with worry. Those eyes which were on a constant watch. Concerned that their owner had stepped too hard, moved too quick. Ruined the perfect shields we had created in order to avoid any social blunders. His fear was so touching. I felt a smile creep onto my face and I didn't let a single dark thought enter my mine as my mouth found his.
He tasted like the mint tea he drank. I couldn't get enough. I didn't want to stop kissing him. Never wanted the simplistic joy of this moment to end. So, I didn't stop it.
When you read this next part I want your heart to be filled with envy because he had me. He touched me and I let him love me. Read it and weep...
He smiled a sweet slightly suggestive smirk which caused butterflies to flutter in my stomach. His warm hand clasped my own leading me towards the bed. With great concentration I began unbuttoning my dress letting the fabric pool at my feet. He came close trailing his fingers down my arm pulling me close and kissing me hard, hands tangling in my hair as he yanked off his own shirt. Without hesitation my hands found his exposed skin, feeling the coarse fuzz of his chest hair in between my fingers. The dark hair growing thicker the further my fingertips explored until they were stopped by the waist band of his trousers. My hands fumbled with his button not missing a beat. His mouth lands on my neck, warm and determined. The stubble on his cheek scratching my bare shoulder. I tugged down the fabric as he steps out of the garment, hands still keeping me flushed against his chest. My bra goes slack as he undoes the clasp. Gasping, I allowed it to fall from my body biting my lip at my sudden lack of clothing. My hands reached to cover the bruises and scars, but he takes them looking into my eyes.
"Let me kiss it better?" He goes to his knees encouraging me to sit on the bed. I settled watching as his hands begin to knead my skin. The kisses started on my bruised knees where you had tossed me down countless times forcing me on all fours while you ravaged me with such brutality the skin on my knees and elbows blackened. His mouth traveled to my thighs, each mark receiving soft scruffy kisses. I lay back in bliss as he continued the actions. He moved up his chapped lips tickling the line right where my panties start. His hands took my hips while he hovered above my body. Looking down at him I see the pain in his eyes as he took in the hand prints you left behind. I sit up reaching for his face kissing him and pulling him back to my torso. His kisses become less of the healing kind and more of the passionate kind. His tongue glided up my navel in between my breast, I shuddered recalling all the times you had done the same; yet, he noticed and immediately pulled away putting his forehead on my own. I stroked his cheek trailing down his chest hesitating when I reached the destination I longed for. I raised my hips grinding them against the front of his boxers.
He let out a groan pushing back. I don't hesitate as my hands slipped into the fabric running my hand over him. He bit his lip glancing at me nervously.
"We should stop." He warned only to have me tighten my grasp. A suppressed moan "You don't... We don't.."
"Shh, please." My voice quiet, as I began stroking him lightly feeling him buck against my hand. I slid the rest of his boxers down. A strained sigh escapes while he moved with my hand. I could tell without looking he was bigger and much thicker. It both excited and terrified me.
"Can I?" He has his fingers twisted in the hem of my panties. I raised my hips nodding in need. I released him reluctantly as he slid them down my legs, he returned to my pelvis pausing before kissing my legs apart. I gripped the blanket feeling my stomach flutter. He kisses me and very carefully spreads my legs further in order to kiss deeper. It was nothing like you. He sucked lightly, I gasped sitting up quickly. He moved to meet me taking my face in his palms.
"Shh, do you want me to stop?"
I shook my head taking a breath, lying back down. You weren't going to ruin this for me. He took a breath and returned starting painfully slow causing me to roll my hips against him. His fingers explored, stroking over me. I whimpered in need, he slipped a finger which force me to curl my fingers in his hair. Another then more. Oh god, it wasn't enough. My body begged for more.
"Please."
The one word is all he needs. His mouth found that spot again causing me to cry out. He kept at it until the warmth exploded inside me and I'm thrusting against him frantic for more. When it faded, he pulled away leaving me a mess on his bed. Sweaty and delirious. I peaked up at him seeing him move to his dresser opening a drawer and pulling out a small square. He tore it open with his teeth and I couldn't help, but to smile.
A condom.
Strange thing to smile about, but you never once used one. The action made my heart burst.
"Thank you." The words a mere whisper. He lifted a brow and smiled.
I stood on weak legs positioning him on the bed so I could straddle his legs. He chuckled as I push him down waiting a moment before I lowered myself onto him. He took my waist until I'm filled. I remained still for a moment. I opened my eyes seeing him focusing. I began moving feeling him tighten his hold thrusting into me slow at first as if not to break me. I hold his shoulders bouncing in his lap. He knew I needed to be in control and respected it.
He sputtered out words, holding me as he lifts me up with my legs around his hips. He settled above me brushing my hair from my face nuzzling my breast. Our movements? Blurring… And our hands? Groping, refusing to break contact. He quickened, giving me long hard strokes leaving me squirming underneath his perfect body. My lips found his neck nibbling on his skin and let my hands feel the lean muscle in his back. My face flushed as he groaned into my shoulder placing my leg higher on his hip letting him get deeper. I squeaked when he pinches my nipple rolling it between his fingers before kissing it sucking softly. My hands reached lower gripping his bottom forcing him deeper still.
"Fuck... You're perfect." He grunted out causing me to blush.
"Harder?" I managed needing so much more knowing I was close again. He turned pink, but nodded crashed into me angling my hips higher.
"Better?"
I can't talk, I cried out calling his name when he went faster, hips faltering as he reached his peak.
"Yes... I'm going to... Fuck." He sputtered body shuddering in my arms as he found his release. I kept moving letting him ride it out until he's limp in my arms. His muscles ripple under my hands. I kissed his chest holding him to my chest as he collapsed in bliss. He looked over with a lazy grin.
"I think I love you too."
The days were bliss. I might have been sweeping my problems under a massive rug, but the lumps were flattening and I didn't dwell every second of every waking moment. You weren't the center of my world. I hope it drove you crazy. I hope when you realized I was gone it caused fury to light in your eyes. I would enjoy if not having me to your disposal made you twitch. You claimed I'm replaceable, but tell dear boy, if I was so replaceable why was it I was your reliable fuck? You never strayed far because even if you won't proclaim it you cared for me. I mean more than an easy fuck to you. If that's all I was you would have left after the first night.
Is that why you came? You missed your 'little lamb'?
The littlest girl was sitting on the floor with me coloring pictures. She was humming while I watched her. She had tiny hands which seemed too small for the markers she was using. I glance over her shoulder smiling at the picture of him and me. She drew me his arms as he and I flew to Neverland. Another picture caught my attention. My stomach dropped.
"Sweetie? Who is that?" My voice caught in my throat.
"The nice boy who came by yesterday." She smiled continuing her drawing.
You went too far.
"What did the nice boy say?" I take the picture seeing your purple coat and black cane. She gave you bright indigo eyes framed by six little black lines and a bowler hat on top of your curls.
"He wanted to see my pictures and asked lots of questions." She hummed adding some more green to her picture.
What have you done?
"What type of questions?"
She furrowed her brows biting her lip.
"Um... Lots?"
I laughed straining to stay calm.
"Was he scary or nice?"
"Oh! Nice! He gave me a chocolate bar and said I was pretty!" Her voice was full of innocence and wonder. You charmed her, gained her trust.
"Sweetie, if he comes by again come inside and tell me. No matter what I'm doing, come find me. He is a friend of mine." I took her hand determined to get my words through.
She looked perplexed and then whispered,
"Is he the nasty pirate?"
Tears burned as I pulled her to my chest holding her close.
"Yes, I think he might just be."
HI! So I thought I had already uploaded this chapter. It was edited and everything. I only just now realized after I went to edit the next chapter I hadn't done anything with this. Oops?
Anywho, I hope you enjoy my dears
Hazel