11. The Only Cure For Grief

When Londo started to wake up he tried to prolong the moment infinitely. The dream he had was just too precious to give up yet. Why, removing bombs, killing the blasted Drakh, getting rid of the Keeper, it didn't happen every night. So he didn't give a damn about any imperial duties he had to perform, he was going to enjoy this as long as he could.

'Mollari?' he heard annoyingly familiar voice. Good. The dream was returning. And the voice repeated his name. Great Maker, but he was more and more awake with every second, he felt the soft covers, the laced pillows, the silky material of his nightshirt. He could not get back to sleep.

'Oh, but I'm still asleep' he announced in utter disbelief when he opened his eyes and saw G'Kar sitting next to his bed. Or perhaps this was some elaborate plot involving an impostor? Or, of course, he could finally just had snapped and get mad, which was only fitting for an Emperor.

'Oh, no, you're not' huffed G'Kar, clearly irritated. 'And you're going to pay me for everything I went through when your guards found me with you unconscious and covered with blood.'

'Oh?' managed Londo, no longer knowing what was going on.

'Don't you remember anything?' asked G'Kar after few second of silence.

'Well, I'm not sure. What of it was in the dream?'

'For me, nothing, I haven't slept for almost three days, unlike you. You fainted when the Drakh and the Keeper died. And you thanked Lyta Alexander but not me. After all things I did for you and who is an ingrate now?'

'So it's true?...' whispered Londo disbelievingly.

'Yes.'

'But... the bombs, how many...'

'None' G'Kar cut in. 'You may relax. No bomb was detonated.'

'Ah, that seals it, I'm still dreaming.'

'No, you're not. You are in for many years of hard work on rebuilding both Centauri Prime and its relations with other races including Narn. Though now when Sheridan called back the retribution and bounded Drazi, Brakiri and Narn to help rebuild your cities it will be a bit easier perhaps. With cities, not relations. Also I would imagine a nice reward for Lyta Alexander would be in order. We wouldn't manage anything without her. I'm already paying her astronomical sums, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. She lived long enough on satisfaction only and it is not good for health.'

'Could you perhaps start from the beginning, G'Kar? Surely your overwhelming joy at having conversation with me didn't robe you of your usual eloquence and clarity, no?'

G'Kar sighed.

'As you wish, Mollari. And if doctor Franklin kills me for not telling him you're awake, it will be only your fault. Just don't fall asleep, alright, Mollari?'

The tale wasn't very long. Londo didn't interrupt, in fact he absorbed it with his eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape, doing very accurate impersonation of a fascinated four years old child listening about battles and heroes.

'Oh, Great Maker, G'Kar. I... thank you.'

At a loss as to what say next, he simply reached to G'Kar with his hand. The Narn took it, and the feel of the warm, rough leather helped to convince him further that this is really happening. After a month with the Drakh nothing seemed believable.

'I simply saw fit to give you back some choices' said G'Kar lightly as if it wasn't anything too hard or special.

'I still find it hard to believe, you know? I dreamt... I knew that...'

'Well, maybe you knew, but I knew something different. If you believe in nonsense then it's really not my fault that you're disappointed by a happy reality, Mollari.'

'Bah! It's not nonsense! We, Centauri, have an ability of precognition and...'

'Stop, Mollari' G'Kar put an arm on his good shoulder and pushed him back onto pillow. 'Don't shout or I'll get thrown out. By the way, doctor Franklin said that you are one hundred percent Keeper-free. He was also very excited at the prospect of having the dead thing to dissect, it was kind of unsettling, and the greedy glow in his eyes... But to the point, what exactly did you know? The death dream? You said yourself it's changing.'

'It really didn't as much change as became completely fuzzy and unclear. I dreamt it a few times since... since becoming the Emperor, and it was never the same one. Sometimes it was the old dream and we were killing each other. Sometimes not. As if it couldn't make its mind.'

'So you see. So much for death dreams. Though I must admit they are somewhat like a terrible curse. Anything else?'

'Of course, I...' Londo trailed, uncertain, because he didn't really want to say aloud what he just thought. Even to G'Kar. 'It just... wasn't supposed to be like that' he finished, a bit lamely. 'I wanted...' He sighed. I wanted to atone for what I did and the Drakh were my punishment, do not take that away! Bah, and what else! No way he was going to say that to anyone. It was nonsense anyway, he was obviously shocked and not thinking clearly. He would have to do it the other way, then, and that's all. 'Well, it's just like a miracle.'

'Accept the miracle, then, and move on, Mollari' advised G'Kar. 'There are things to do.'

And indeed there were. Londo spent the next few days in a sort of a haze, doing things automatically and postponing what he knew deep down he needed to do. Great Maker, he had his choices back! He truly forgot how hard it was to choose!

He set the date at fifth day after he awoke. The news leaked from the palace much earlier, confirmed by high officials, by Vir Cotto, by Sheridan and others. The Drakh's head, on a high, iron pike, was decorating the main place in the capital - G'Kar's idea, aimed at showing everybody that it really was Shadow's allies' doing. But the Centauri, as well as the Alliance, were waiting for him to speak. Five days was what he gave himself to muster up all the courage he had.

Now, the evening before The Day, as Londo has taken to call the dreaded date, he was hosting a quiet dinner, with G'Kar, Vir, Lyta, Sheridan, Delenn, Garibaldi and Franklin.

'I want to propose the first toast to Lyta Alexander' said G'Kar, raising a glass (fancy, Centauri thing, too fragile to hold in hand, as he commented earlier). 'For her help in bringing down the Drakh. We would not be able to do it without you, Lyta.'

Lyta actually blushed slightly. She didn't comment at the fact that for all her help, no one ever thanked her as G'Kar did. And that didn't concern her bank account.

'Yeeees, they were nasty, atrocious creatures!' Londo, after drinking sufficient amount of brivari, felt more like himself. 'I remember having a disgusting bugs in my quarters once. This... this is somewhat alike, only impossibly much worse.'

G'Kar shuddered.

'By G'Quan, Drakh in one's kitchen? It's enough to render someone nauseous for the rest of his life.'

'But now, now finally the cat is out of the bag, as Mr Garibaldi would say!' Londo bowed slightly toward Garibaldi. 'Out and quacking loudly enough for EVERYbody to hear!'

Lyta blinked.

'Quacking?'

Sheridan and Garibaldi exchanged amused looks, but no one actually had the heart to correct Londo on this.

The next morning Timov showed up, complaining loudly at everything and getting more and more irritated as Londo answered to everything with happy 'Yes, love', genuinely pleased beyond measure that it's his wife and not the Drakh who is telling him what to do. She seemed to have more respect toward G'Kar and pure sympathy toward Lyta.

An hour before the ceremony G'Kar found Londo on a balcony behind the throne room, almost visibly trembling with fear and nauseous to the point of being green. In Londo's eyes was utter terror, even greater than before taking a Keeper.

Londo grited his teeth. G'Kar looked at him and actually dared to smile, insolent creature!

'I see you are getting ready to fulfill the last of the prophecies.'

He made it sound as if he were looking at naughty yet sweet child who again forgot what toilet training is for.

'What last of the prophecies?' huffed Londo in not exactly un-childish voice.

'The three chances Lady Morella gave you of course. Did you worked out what they really were?'

'And you did?'

'Yes' smiled G'Kar, very pleased with himself.

'Yeees, well, surprise me.'

'The first was rescuing me from Cartagia's prison. The second was not to kill yourself while under Keeper influence. You wanted to do that, right? A hanged man. And the third... it is happening just now. It will destroy the old you. There will be no coming back from what you will say today. You have also no guarantee that it will work, that you won't be condemned and shunned aside as you say what you have to say. To hope is to risk after all. And that is why you are so afraid now. Your greatest fear was always to lost what you love, just like of most of us. Am I right?'

Londo gripped metal railing of balcony and stared at the city before him.

'Yes' he replied in quiet voice.

'Don't worry. I will be there with you.'

And they just looked at each other and smiled.

Then Londo was standing before the whole capital city and many guests from other parts of planet. Beside him was newly appointed cabinet of ministers and Alliance representatives - Sheridan, Delenn, Garibaldi and G'Kar as well as Lyta Alexander. His speech was holographically transmitted to even more people and it was going to make the news in all Alliance homeworlds and colonies. He took deep breath and began to talk.

'I... want to apologize. Not only for recent events, but what is more important, I want to apologize for previous wars we were fighting. I want to apologize to Narn and to every other race we, Centauri, attacked. I want to apologize to Centauri people for my involvement with Shadows before the great war broke out. I misunderstood what glory of our Republic should be. But now I know better. As much as it is possible I want to retrieve...'

When he finished, after twenty minutes of bare agony, he looked anxiously at his friends, at his people. To his immense relief G'Kar smiled, as well as did others. But it was what was said later, when they were alone, that was most important to Londo.

'Mollari... understand that I could never forgive your people for invading my world. My people could never forgive your people. But I can forgive you.'

Londo didn't trust his voice, so he only reached forth and squeezed G'Kar's hand.

'You will always feel the guilt, Mollari, but it is because you care. Some human wrote once that the only cure for grief is action. So just get to work as best as you can.'

The End