VOLUMEN XI
Nemo me impune lacessit.
I was sitting in a comfortable chair by my favorite window of the villa as the slaves removed my sandals at the end of the day. Everything was peaceful until Pater dragged Publius into the room by the wrist.
"Tell your mother what you've done!" he demanded brusquely.
Publius trembled slightly, but his voice was even when he answered, "Pater has found out that I no longer worship the gods of Rome."
"I caught him praying like that new group of heretics!" He slapped my brother's face so hard that Publius fell to the floor. "How could you have done this to us?! Your mother and I have sacrificed everything to give you and your brothers a better life, and you disgrace us! Is this our thanks for all we have done for you?!" Pater glared at him. "You know the penalty for treason!"
"Drusus!" Mater scolded. "Publius is barely old enough to wear his first toga! The boy is too young to understand what he is doing. It is our duty as his parents to instruct him gently and lead him on the right path. We all make mistakes in our youth."
"Hold your tongue and mind your place as a woman!"
Although she was submissive in all other ways, Mater argued against her husband's orders whenever they concerned her children. "It is not our place to take this matter into our own hands. If he has sinned against the gods, then they will surely punish him."
"He has also sinned against Rome, and Rome shall punish him! He must stand trial!"
"Would you have him slaughtered?! Killing our daughter wasn't enough for you! Now you would have our son murdered as well!"
"Satis!" Pater exclaimed.
Publius stood. "Pater, I did not choose to practice this belief to rebel against you or Mater. I never meant to hurt you, and I am still a loyal, obedient subject of our emperor. I mean no harm to our valiant empire, nor do I have any desire to commit crimes against its people."
Mater put her hands on my brother's shoulders. "There. You see, Drusus? This is harmless enough. Give him a few months, and he will no doubt realize his folly and beg the gods to forgive him, and we can put this unpleasantness behind us."
"He will stand trial!" Pater insisted. "The emperor is greatly displeased with me. If he finds out I'm allowing a heretic to stay under my roof, he will not be so merciful the next time he wishes for my death!"
"You would sacrifice your son to save your own life?! Limaces viri! You spoke of the sacrifices we've gone through for the sake of our children, but what have you ever done for them?! I endured the agony of childbirth five times. No matter how busy I was, I made time to spend with our children rather than simply giving the slaves all the responsibility of raising our family. I set aside my own personal opinions and submitted to you innumerable times so our children wouldn't grow up seeing their parents argue. Even when I was feeling ill, I attempted to smile, that our children might grow up in a happy home. What in Jupiter's name have you ever done for them?! The only sacrifice you ever made was to sacrifice a few animals to the gods, and I doubt you've even done that!"
"Oblatratix! He must be punished, and that is final!" Pater retorted.
"If you're going to sentence him to death, at least let him die as a gladiator. It will be more honorable than being beheaded as a traitor, and his blood will no longer be on our hands. If he has dishonored the gods, then the gods will punish him, but if any part of this heretic religion is right, perhaps this new god will save him."
After a long pause, Pater finally replied, "Very well. Tomorrow I will summon the lanista."
Mater hugged Publius close, whispering to him how sorry she was, but this was the only way she could be sure there would be a chance for his survival. Although she was trying to be strong for his sake, Mater was unable to hide her tears.
I was unable to sleep that night. I wondered how much longer Publius would live. He would be the third child that mother had lost. I had to form a plan. How could I save my brother's life?
When Pater returned with the lanista a fortnight later, he was in high spirits, as if it didn't matter at all that his own son might be killed. Mater was crying, clinging to Publius as if she had no hope that they would ever meet again. Numerius looked guilty, as if he were a failure for being powerless to save his own brother from the arena after having helped so many slaves escape the same fate. My eyes stung dreadfully, and I nearly choked from the knot that tightened my throat.
Strangely enough, Publius maintained his composure better than any of us. Although he was unable to hide the sorrow in his eyes, his actions were already those of a gladiator, for he bravely fought against his own emotions, determined to prove victorious. He calmly reminded us that only one of every five duels in the arena ended in death, and that a skillful gladiator had a high chance of survival, not to mention the possibility to become wealthy.
I was more worried by what he didn't say. How could someone like Publius thrust a sword through another person's throat? If the lanista found out that my brother was a heretic, would he have Publius brought before the authorities and executed or sent into exile? My brother made no mention of these possibilities as he bade us farewell, knowing how unlikely it was that we would ever meet again in this lifetime. Remembering how frightened he had been when we had journeyed to the temple on the day Publius became an official citizen, I wondered how he had suddenly become so courageous.
"My son, please be reasonable!" Mater begged. "By the laws of Rome, you may practice any religion you wish, as long as you still honor our gods. Will you not simply offer a pinch of incense sprinkled over a fire to show your loyalty? Then there will be no need for you to be condemned as a traitor."
"I am sorry, Mater, but I cannot offer the incense."
Pater glared at him. "You'll face Tartarus after you die in the arena!"
As soon as Publius was taken away, my father announced that he had wonderful news.
Mater crossed her arms. "You would dare to boast of such news when our son is on his way to train for the arena?! Senex nequissime!Why should complete strangers decide whether my son lives or dies?! Does my opinion count for nothing when I carried him within my own body, suffered to give him life, and spent sixteen years placing his needs above my own?!"
"This news should distract us all from such horrible events," Pater answered. "I have found a husband for Iovita!"
Even though it was the last thing I had wanted to hear, my curiosity got the better of me, and I asked, "Quis?"
He grinned. "Regulus!"
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Regulus was even older than my father, and he had already been widowed twice. There were rumors about what had happened to his first two wives, and judging from the few times I had met the man, I believed every word.
"Oh, Juno, help me!" I prayed under my breath. "Save me, Diana!"
Minerva granted me enough wisdom to escape my fate and prevent my brother's demise. After my family had fallen asleep, I managed to sneak outside.
"What are you doing out here at this hour, domina?"
The unexpected voice startled me, but I smiled when I realized who it was.
"Vercingetorix." There was so much I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't find the words.
He was unable to hide the concern in his eyes, but he seemed to guess my purpose for being outdoors. I leaned into his hand as he began stroking my hair. When I felt his arm encircle my waist, I placed my head on his shoulder. Although I was unsure how long we stood there together, it wasn't nearly long enough. Feeling his hand lightly resting under my chin, I tilted my head to face him.
"If Pater finds out," I whispered, "he's going to have you crucified."
"A fitting demise," he replied. "It is a slave's death, ultimately killing the victim when the heart bursts. My heart has always been enslaved to yours, so is it not fitting that I should die of a broken heart for you?"
Leaning in closer, Vercingetorix placed his lips against mine. I was startled at first, but when we kissed again, I shivered, feeling as if my muscles were no longer able to support the weight of my body. Time seemed to stop, as if the rest of the world had ceased to exist, and all that remained was the two of us wrapped in each other's arms, safe from Pater's wrath and society's repulsion.
Hearing a noise in the distance, I gasped and turned toward the sound. Vercingetorix tightened his grip around me protectively.
"My father's dogs," I explained. "They'll think you tried to run away. You should go. They won't harm me."
He hurried back inside, albeit as silently as possible, and I remained where I stood. When the dogs saw me, they sniffed at my hands before hurrying past without even barking. I had to leave before they found a reason to alert my father that anything was out of the ordinary.
Although the light of the stars was enough for me to see the wagon tracks leading away from our villa, I was frightened. I didn't know what creatures lurked in the shadows. I knew wolves sometimes came from the forests and attacked our lambs, calves, and foals, but I didn't fear the wolves nearly as much as I feared robbers. It had always been my opinion that human beings were the most vicious and brutal of all beasts.
I knew I had no chance of catching up with a wagon if I remained on foot. However, if I took one of Pater's horses, I would soon overtake the lanista and the new gladiatores. When I entered the stable, I was surprised to see Numerius already there.
"What are you doing here?!" I demanded.
"Please don't say anything," he begged.
"Not a word," I promised, "but what brings you to the stable at this time of night?"
Looking around anxiously, Numerius lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. "I think you know."
It took several moments before I was able to respond. "After what Pater did to you, you're still…?!"
"It's for the greater good. Ask no more about it. I will not have my sister placing herself at risk."
Stroking Pater's fastest horse, I explained, "I'm already risking my life. What harm can anyone do me now?"
Numerius said nothing as he watched me lead the horse from the stable and take my place on the saddle. He never once questioned where I was going or why I had decided to leave in the middle of the night. However, I could bear my secret no longer, so I told him what I had in mind.
"I ought to be the one to take his place," Numerius stated.
I shook my head. "If I remain here, Pater will force me to marry Regulus, and the slaves need you. I must be the one to go."
He sighed, but he didn't try to argue. His eyes showed even more pain than they had on the day of his flogging; it was a sorrow I had not seen since the day we learned that Tiberius had been killed.
"Vercingetorix?" I whispered.
"As soon as Pater's back is turned," my brother promised. "He watches him too closely now, but as soon as his attention turns to his other slaves…"
I nodded, blinking away the sting that was beginning to dim my vision. Would I ever see Vercingetorix or Numerius again? I was afraid to die, but what would happen to me if I lived? I had nowhere to go.
"Vale," I managed to whisper, despite the knot that grew ever tighter in my throat.
Numerius took my hand. "I'll pray every night that you see the sunrise of the following day, and each day I will pray that you see the stars that shine that night. I will ask the same for our brother."
"May Mercury grant me a safe journey, and may Felicitas smile upon our lives."
Touching my heels to the horse's sides, I rode away quickly, afraid that if I tarried any longer, I would find an excuse not to leave. As the horse ran, the wind tangled my hair, whipping it across my face.
"Nox protect me," I prayed. "Fauna, let the wild animals of the forest remain there. Hippona, keep my horse from stumbling!" Trying unsuccessfully to take a deep breath, which was nothing more than a sharp gasp that turned into a sob, I pleaded, "Luctus, grant me relief!"
The ebony sky was beginning to lighten, but the first colors of dawn had not yet danced across the horizon when I saw the wagon. I nearly shuddered as I wondered how many years of my life would be spent surrounded by burly men. Tightening the muscles of my hand so they would not be seen trembling, I rode up to the group. Some of the men who were awake, presumably to keep watch, elbowed each other and leered, nodding their approval.
"Iovita!" a familiar voice whispered.
I smiled as my lips formed my brother's name. Seeing that he had not been bound with ropes or chains, I silently offered a prayer of thanks.
Publius walked over to where I sat on Pater's horse. "What brings you here?"
"I can no longer stay at the villa," I explained. "Pater has chosen a husband for me. I would dutifully accept this husband and be a good wife, but I have heard rumors that this man is a murderer."
My brother nodded. "Where will you go?"
"No matter where I go, Pater will be looking for me." I took a deep breath before stating, "The only place he will not think to look is the arena."
"Absolutely not!" Publius answered. "I won't hear of my sister…"
"He won't think to look for you anywhere except the arena. He'll be looking in the wrong places for us both, and as a result, he won't find either of us."
"I can't allow this."
"I don't need your permission."
He sighed. "Iovita, be reasonable. Gladiatrices were either slaves or patrician women who only competed in the arena with the consent of their husbands or fathers. Furthermore, there hasn't been a gladiatrix since…"
"Then let us duel!" I interrupted. "The better fighter is more likely to prove victorious in the arena."
"What if you're killed?!" he demanded.
"After what happened to Paula and Tiberius, would you make me grieve your loss as well?! If I return to the villa and marry the husband that Pater has chosen for me, I will certainly die, for the man's first two wives are said to have been murdered by his own hand. At least in the arena, I have a good chance of survival if only I remain strong enough and keep my wits about me. Besides, you are a heretic. Do you think they will allow you to have a fair fight in the arena, or will they set you against an opponent who is clearly far more skilled than yourself?"
I could see the pain in my brother's eyes as he took the horse's reins from my hands. He was willing to give his life rather than renounce his beliefs, but he could hardly bear the thought of me dying in his place.
"I brought some provisions," I told him, motioning toward the saddlebag. "I wish it could have been more." I handed him a few coins. "This will be enough to last until you can find work."
"When the time is right, we must return to the villa," he remarked. "We'll face Pater together."
I nodded as I threw my arms around Publius for what I knew could be the last time. As I watched him ride into the distance, I silently prayed that this new god he served would protect him.
The lanista hurried over to where I stood. "Why is he riding away?!"
"My father has changed his mind," I lied. "I am to train in my brother's place."
He frowned, greatly displeased at the change in circumstances.
"A woman fighting in the arena is hardly as common as a male gladiator," I continued. "This will bring you more money."
After several moments, the lanista smiled. He even began laughing. However, just as quickly, he became serious once more.
"I won't have you thinking you deserve an easier life than the men," he stated.
"I had three brothers," I answered.
He nodded thoughtfully. "Definitely the daughter of Duilius." After a pause, he added, "You're certain your father gave you permission?"
"Would I be here if he hadn't commanded me to come? A woman's place is tending the home, bearing sons to her husband."
"Then get into the wagon. We have a long journey ahead of us."
I took my place among the other gladiators.
One of them whistled. "Salve, mellita!" He took my hand. "You men make sure to arrive on time for the first day of training. We're going to be a little late."
I smiled, batting my eyes sweetly for a few brief moments before gripping his hand as tightly as I could while twisting it suddenly at an angle, causing him to cry out.
"Does anyone else have anything to say about my gender?!" I demanded.
The men stared at me in stunned silence, so I released the hand I had bent. Some of the other men began laughing, no doubt amused that their companion had been bested by a woman.
No one provokes me with impunity.